look at all the idiot

4

all the times he surprised her and the one time he didn’t…

2

Sense8 | You Want a War?

Have you ever been to Paris? Good! Because I want it to be just for us.

If AO3 had an “if you liked this story, you’ll probably like this one” recommend feature, I would probably never leave my house again.

You’re an angel dressed in armor
You’re the fair in every fight
You’re my life and my safe harbor
Where the sun sets every night (x)

can we please let them slow dance in their pyjamas or something?
lil’ thingy for @sarawh, love u buddy

rowana-renee  asked:

How many cookies would it take to bribe you into telling me a story, Bucky? They're homemade, and any story will do.

all of them. i will tell you the story while i wait for all of the cookies.

once upon a time, a little shit decided to go fight nazis. 

usually when i start a story that way, its a steve story. but this time its a me story.

i too fought nazis, my friend, and it was not fun at all.  it turns out nazis dont like being fought, and will fight back. this caused us a great deal of stress and trenchfoot. 

as you may or may not know, my nazi fighting buddies were called the howling commandoes. we had a reputation as being ‘howling mad’ which most people assumed is where our name came from. 

it is not.

so shortly after we’d signed up as steves unit, we got sent out on a sort of breaking-in mission. it was supposed to be a pretty routine just-behind-enemy-lines gig, mostly to see how we’d do as a team. at that point, we were the first ‘integrated’ squad under american command, so they wanted to be sure we were up to snuff. basically they sent us a few miles into a relatively lightly-fortified occupied area to blow up a few supply trucks. it went pretty smoothly. we were still getting to know each other, a bit. we’d met in the hydra camp in austria and bonded pretty well there but it wasnt like we were sitting around doing icebreaker questions. so on that first mission we spent a lot of time chatting, getting a better feel for each other as people. like summer camp, but with more potential for death, and shooting of nazis, explosions, and overgrown science experiments in spangly pants. 

so maybe not like summer camp at all.  i wouldnt know, i never went to summer camp. 

anyways, we blew up the supply trucks and we were headed back towards base when we came across a nice little stream. most of us were pretty dirty, so we agreed to take a few minutes, strip down and wash up. the area we were in was supposed to be secure; it was a slightly disputed border area, but it had been safely in allied hands for months. probably it wasn’t the smartest call, but sometimes you get dirt places you never wanted dirt and are willing to literally risk death to get rid of that dirt. 

we left our gear in a little stand of trees on the far side of the stream and washed up. 

at this point, dumdum dougan was establishing his reputation as the Toughest Guy Ever, which was a rough gig when one of your squadmates is captain america, who literally walks off bullet wounds like a moron. nevertheless, dumdum had the mustache and was determined to be the manliest man around, so when the rest of us got in, clean, and back out as fast as we could manage, because the water was freezing, dumdum decided to prove how macho he was by pretending he wasnt cold at all, and the rest of us were wimps. 

naturally, the rest of us thought he was ridiculous. we were all pretty much dressed and good to go, and dumdum was still sitting in an ice-cold stream in april, bragging about how tough he was. i, being a little shit, covertly suggested we play a little prank. 

so the rest of us finished gearing up, then grabbed his things and started running. his pack, his gun, his boots…all his clothes except his hat, which was hanging off the handle of a knife he’d stuck in the tree. we knew he’d stop to get the hat, and that gave us a head start.

as soon as we started running, dumdum came out of the stream after us, and as expected, stopped to get his hat and knife. we had a decent head start, and he was yelling at the top of his lungs after us. we were all laughing our heads off, because he looked like a complete idiot, running after us brandishing a knife, in nothing but a bowler hat. 

unbeknownst to us, a nazi squad had been sneaking through the woods ahead of us, and were setting up an ambush on one of our transport trucks. they were all tucked away in the underbrush, waiting for the transport to get close enough, and had just popped out of the shrubbery and fired their first couple shots.

which was approximately when a ragtag-looking, still-wet group of cackling maniacs led by the bastard child of paul bunyan and lady liberty burst out of the treeline, being chased by an angry naked man in a bowler hat with a knife. 

there was a very long moment when everyone stopped shooting at everyone else and stared at us. 

and then everyone went back to shooting at everyone else.  but the ambush was angled to ensnare the transport coming up the road. we came from behind them, and they had pretty much no cover from our angle. as soon as we realized we’d run into a combat zone, we dropped the gear and started shooting. steve used the dinner platter of justice and cleared out about four nazis at once, and dumdum got the worlds unluckiest nazi with his knife. poor guy. there’s not a whole lot worse than your last sight on earth being a naked dumdum dougan.

 we’d unintentionally provided a perfect distraction, and the transport had time to regroup and return fire. between us, the ambush was taken care of in a few minutes. 

but the thing was, we’d broken protocol by stopping to wash up, and as a shiny new unit still on probation, the last thing we wanted was to tell anyone what had actually happened. 

so instead we told them that we’d known about the ambush and had decided to provide a distraction, and were just crazy enough that we thought the best way to do that was run howling straight into it. dumdum’s nudity was explained as a personal preference: the man just likes fighting nazis naked, sir, and you cant say it wasnt effective??

naturally, the story went everywhere and got bigger each time it was told. probably we should have gotten in tons of trouble but the story was such a morale booster that they let it slide. 

and thats why we were called the howling commandoes. 

Unknown Number: [text] Greetings, my friend! Allow me to express my sincere interest in developing a business relationship with you. My name is CROWN PRINCE WUMI and I am from an Outer Rim system very far away. After my father the King’s untimely death, I inherited Fifteen million five hundred thousand Galactic credits (15.5m GC). Shortly thereafter our government was overthrown. I am in desperate need of your assistance in helping me transfer this sum of Fifteen million five hundred thousand credits (15.5m) offworld. I am willing to offer you 15% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designated account. 
Obi-Wan: I see. So I would get a cut of this money, then, for helping you? Is that right?
Unknown: Yes of course! I am a trustworthy person and you can put your faith in me, my friend. 
Obi-Wan: Let me guess: I need to wire you credits first, right? In order for me to collect on this vast fortune you are offering?
Unknown: We must truly be meant to work together on this venture, for that is precisely what I was just about to inform you of! It will require a small Galactic Western Union payment of ten thousand credits to be made to a business associate of mine, one H. OHNAKA. He is a very trustworthy businessman and he will ensure that the rest of these proceedings go forward smoothly. I will send you his bank account details posthaste!
Obi-Wan: Oh my God. Hondo, is that you? 
Unknown: You are familiar with this associate of mine? How is that?
Obi-Wan: Hondo, it’s me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. 
[pause] 
Hondo: General KENOBI!!!! !!!!!! How about that! How are you, my good friend? It has been so long! I presumed you were dead what with the Empire and the killing and all. 
Obi-Wan: Yes, well, I am alive. And I’m not about to wire you money for whatever scheme this is. 
Hondo: I’m wounded that you think I was attempting to run some sort of scam on my old friend General Kenobi! 
Obi-Wan: Well the fact that you identified yourself as some sort of crown prince at the beginning sort of gave it away. 
Obi-Wan: Someone would have to be spectacularly gullible to fall for something like this, Hondo. 
Hondo: All right, all right! Perhaps you have a point. 
Obi-Wan: Actually come to think of it, why don’t you try this number instead? You might have more luck. [sends him Vader’s cell number] 

[later]

Unknown Number: [text] Greetings, my friend! Allow me to express my sincere interest in developing a business relationship with you. My name is CROWN PRINCE WUMI and I am from an Outer Rim system very far away. After my father the King’s untimely death, I inherited Fifteen million five hundred thousand Galactic credits (15.5m GC). Shortly thereafter our government was overthrown. I am in desperate need of your assistance in helping me transfer this sum of Fifteen million five hundred thousand credits (15.5m) offworld. I am willing to offer you 15% of the sum as compensation for effort input after the successful transfer of this fund to your designated account.
Vader: whoa sure im totally in !!!! 
Unknown: Wonderful! It will require a small Galactic Western Union payment of ten thousand credits to be made to a business associate of mine, one H. OHNAKA, before we can proceed. He is a very trustworthy businessman and he will ensure that the rest of these proceedings go forward smoothly. I will send you his bank account details posthaste!
Vader: ok cool 
Vader: lol its weird i actually used to know a guy named h. ohnaka but he was a pirate so obvs not ur friend 
Unknown: Ah, yes, a coincidence indeed! 
Vader: im on my way to the bank right now 

@lurkingcrow

It scares me; what words can do to people. They can tear people apart, yet with others build them up. They can condemn. And they can make people look idiotic all at the same time.

They’ve made me look idiotic; well I made myself look idiotic; and I don’t know what to do about it.

—  booknerd107 

literally the gay in Carry On is so soft,, so pure… we need more books like that where there’s just kissing until their mouths go sore,,,,, and kindness,,, Simon Snow who never kissed a boy in his life is now Simon “I Solve Problems With My Mouth” Snow kissing the BF whenever he needs to calm Baz down……………its great it’s a great time I may have cried a little

6
6

There’s a great mammal in the ocean known as the 52-hertz whale. All year, he practices his love song for the female. Travels thousands of miles to find her. But when he finally gets the chance to serenade her, she doesn’t give him a call back. Why? His love ballad is sung at 52 hertz, a sonic signature one note higher than the lowest sound of a tuba. The average female hears at 10 to 15 hertz. So she never hears his song.

scarletnightwalker  asked:

Hello, I was wondering if you could help me. Lately I've come across the healthy/unhealthy personality types. Though I know, that I'm an ENTP, I would like to learn, how you can tell whether they are healthy or not. Would be great if you would explain this. Thanks in advance PS.: I'm not sure, if this is the right place to ask my questions, so correct me if the 'question' section isn't the right one.

It’s the right place. All the mods are pretty chill coz we’re awesome. :)

Unhealthy NTP: never finishes anything or focuses on the details (zero follow through), uses their Fe to manipulate people (you’re soft, and a pansy, and making you fall for my BS is so fun, maybe I can even get you to cry by pointing out how stupid your ideas are!) or intentionally hurt them rather than forge genuine connections or take into consideration people’s feelings.

Healthy NTP: knows which ideas are better than others, in order to focus on bringing them into fruition and either commits to them long-term by selecting a creative partner (Ne/Fe) or giving their ideas away to others who can nail down the details. Is logical but gentle in correcting others, mindful that people’s feelings matter and it’s important for others to genuinely like you in life, in order to get things done (and because it’s the nice thing to do). Realizes they’re prone to hyperbole, short term interests, and exaggeration, and learns to laugh about it, but also acknowledge it and work on fixing it. Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy NFP: never finishes anything or focuses on details (zero follow through), follows their heart without regard for the consequences, using that to justify hurtful behavior (I don’t care what you think, I fell out of love with you, so I can cheat on you all I want, I’ve done nothing wrong, this is who I am, just deal with it or get out), refuses to take blame for their part of the problem, may intentionally offend others, and doesn’t care about anyone but themselves.

Healthy NFP: knows which ideas are better than others and seeks to bring the best ones into the world through healthy engagement of goals, deadlines, and process of elimination (Te). Sets personal deadlines for self, and beats them, in order to stay motivated. Understands what drives them most, slows them down, or angers them, and commits to doing something about it. Learns such things as “tact,” when dealing with others, but also when and where to defy social norms and stand up for oneself (does that really matter? is it worth a fight?). Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy NTJ: becomes obnoxious in pushing their “vision” on others or asserting they know everything (including your motives) while devaluing your feelings or beliefs, often sneers at people who make emotional decisions, and sometimes passive-aggressively attacks people’s ego or intelligence that they do not like (okay, stupid, I’m just going to make you look like an idiot, while correcting every damn thing you say, all day long, until you run away and cry).

Healthy NTJ: has a fair, balanced, and open-minded approach to life, is willing to listen to others’ ideas and offer practical thoughts on them, but is neither arrogant nor pushy about their knowledge, expertise, and logical detachment. Chooses when to correct others with care, and never does so to humiliate, only to educate. Respects others’ feelings even if they personally feel that the other person is making a mistake. Focuses on taking their ideas and goals and making them real. Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy NFJ: total detachment from reality, while stubbornly clinging to the belief that their irrational interpretation is “the truth” (and the ONLY truth) (It DOES make sense, you’re just too stupid to understand it!), and resorting to a “you’re either with us or against us” mentality, which manifests in creating a single universal (sometimes abstract) enemy and trying to recruit others to join their cause against them / you (bad Ni and Fe).

Healthy NFJ: has a fair, balanced, and open-minded approach to life, accepts their interpretation may be unrealistic, but is committed to bringing their ideas and visualizations to life, often by recruiting others to a positive common cause. Uses their understanding of others’ motives to uplift rather than tear down, and becomes a source of compassionate and guiding “wisdom” for friends (I worry about you choosing this path, and here’s why…). Never recruits others in any negative ways against someone who disagrees with them. Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy STP: irresponsible, reckless, and hedonistic, engaging in short-term behaviors that leave a wake of destruction behind (broken marriages, families, and violated responsibilities), often using Fe to manipulate people to get what they want (hey, I’m super hot and I’ve seen you ogling my backside, so I’m going to wear something that accentuates it so you’ll give me what I want in return one of these days; I don’t care how wrong it is) and then dumping them like hotcakes.

Healthy STP: knows life has much to offer and not only enjoys it but helps others loosen up and try new things, but commits to the people, beliefs, and jobs that are most important to them, for the long term. Understands and respects others’ feelings and seeks to connect to them through that, as well as develop their own ability to communicate. Learns the art of tact and when to use it (is it worth correcting this person or does it matter?). Tries to think about the long-term consequences of impulse, before engaging in it. Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy SFP: irresponsible, reckless, and hedonistic, going through jobs and romantic relationships like wildfire, abandoning people every time they get “bored” or feel unattached; justifies this behavior with selfish reasoning (I just don’t love you anymore, so I don’t have to treat you with respect); unable to be counted upon by other people, since they never show up or follow through; refuses to take responsibility through their actions and doesn’t mind offending others for no reason at all.

Healthy SFP: is good at self-entertaining and eager to try new things, and infects others with a similar excitement; is good at pushing people out of their comfort zones and encouraging them to aim high for their dreams. Has a strong sense of personal beliefs, and is willing to commit to other people, and prioritize them in relationships. Knows when it’s appropriate to defy social convention, and when it’s better to dial back the “but this is just who I am!” and chill. Sets personal goals, deadlines, and achievements, and sticks with things, so they have something tangible to show for their time (Te). Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy STJ: refuses to adapt or change even when their world implodes; may try and “force” or “strong-arm” others into their point of view. Has little interest or respect for people’s feelings and doesn’t mind crushing them on their way to success, but may also play the role of a martyr in the process (since NO ONE ELSE IS RESPONSIBLE AROUND HERE, I HAVE TO DO IT). May become irrational or paranoid with lower Ne, and turn into a pessimist.

Healthy STJ: uses their extensive past experience to figure out what will and won’t work when dealing with life and problems, but is also open to new ideas, trying out new things, and experiencing what “lies beneath the surface” (Ne). Tries not to shut down ideas until they have considered them. Is practical, efficient, and logical, but also respects people’s feelings and doesn’t intentionally try to hurt, shame, or control them. Becomes able to share what they need emotionally with others, rather than playing a martyr (I would like it if you would take the trash out; since I’m doing this other thing, it seems fair, and it would make me happy). Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes.

Unhealthy SFJ: refuses to change or adapt, while clinging stubbornly to their idea of “how things were,” while struggling to control their emotions; may resort to being “fake” in order to manipulate others, to “us vs them” thinking and overt moralizing (if you don’t agree with us, you’d better change your mind or face the consequences, because we can’t let you hold such a wrong point of view and will punish you for it).

Healthy SFJ: uses the past to form impressions about people and situations, but changes those perceptions based on new experience; is open to new ideas and beliefs, and willing to look beneath the surface (Ne), with the aim of making those things “useful and tangible” in the real world (how can this idea apply to life and improve our situation?). Learns the art of “polite affirming correction,” which helps others become better, while not shaming, humiliating, or insulting them for their behavior. Aware not everyone needs to agree, and comfortable with those who don’t; never recruits anyone against anyone else, or adopts a mentality of “let’s get that person, together.” Takes personal responsibility for their mistakes. 

- ENFP Mod

6

Kenshin: But Kanetsugu’s cooking is a bit salty. I wonder if the flavor of a person’s cooking is similar to his personality? If so, I can understand why Kanetsugu’s is salty. If he was a little kinder, and flavored his dishes a little more sweetly, then… 

Kanetsugu: *appears out of nowhere* Then from now on I am going to make everything extremely sweet. AKA Kenshin thinks Kanetsugu is salty af.