What’s Wrong With Love? (Bucky Barnes x reader)
pairing: Bucky Barnes and (disabled) reader
Prompt: Reader is having a hard time with self-loathing thoughts and can’t understand why Bucky loves them. So he shows them why.
Warnings: self-hatred, lil angsty, a small bit of smut if you tried to look.
A/N: Hi everyone! This is my first insert reader fic, so please consider that! I’m really new to writing fics, but not new to reading them. So that’s why I finally thought I should try to write some and make the reader a little more like me cause I like to see myself in the stuff I read. I hope you enjoy this!
You were dating Bucky Barnes. You didn’t know how this came to be, to tell the truth. You guys meant when one of The Avengers had a mission near your college and had a day off when you ran into The Winter Soldier himself at a farmers market. You were near the berries when you spot a man with long black hair and a metal arm looking at the plums. He looked homeless, you thought to yourself. Was he homeless? Why did he have a metal arm? You had so many questions running around your head. Should you go up to him? You didn’t know the answer to that.
So you went up to him. You mostly had questions about his arm. You’ve never seen anyone else around here who wasn’t normal like you. You’ve had scars on your chest and back from surgeries you had when you were younger. You always hated them. And your hair is short like a boy, and you always get questions about that too. Nothing about you says “normal”. It would only make sense you would go up to Bucky, right? You hoped so anyway. You moved your way from the barries to the stand that had the plums, trying to look interested in the plums and not the guy standing right next to you on your left.
You put your hand a plum to see if it was good enough to bring back for a quick lunch when you go back home when his hand covers yours. Crap. It’s his metal arm. Which to you isn’t a bad thing at all.
“Oh, um, sorry. I didn’t mind to…” He said, quite enough where only you can hear him.
“Oh, no! It’s okay, I should be the one that is should be saying sorry. I only came over here cause you look like you didn’t fit in here like me, and I was just interested in you I guess.” You replied back, hoping you didn’t say the wrong thing to him.
“Really? In a bad way or in a good way?” He asked you. He’s used for having people having questions, but mostly in a bad light.
“in a good way, trust me. I noticed your arm and just thought finally someone here who’s like me, not normal. That sounds really teenagery of me, but it’s the truth.” You really shouldn’t have said it in that way, but how would you say it otherwise?
“oh, okay then. What’s your name by the way? Mine is… Bucky.” It took him a minute for him to say his. Maybe he just had a lot of nicknames you thought? Who knows.
“Mine’s Y/N.” You answered him. Finally really stupid with just saying your name.
“That’s really pretty actually. I’ve never met anyone who has it.” He replied.
“That’s cool I guess. I’ve never met a Bucky either to tell you the truth.”
“Yeah, my little sister couldn’t say my middle name growing up so she just said Bucky, and that become my first name and not my middle name.”
“That’s cute actually. My parents just named me this because they didn’t want to name my sister with my name.”
“Oh, cool. So, I’m about to go back to my work, but if you could give me your number we could try to keep up with each other.” He pulled his phone up at this. He gave it to you and you typed in your phone number. “There you go. So, since it sounds like you aren’t from here, where are you from?”
“I’m from Brooklyn. I’m here with my team to look at some stuff. Sorry to keep things vague, but I can’t really tell you what I’m really doing.” “No, that’s fine! I’m just a college student so don’t worry. You probably won’t remember me anyway.” “I’m not sure about that…” He was about to say something about this when a man who strangely looks a lot like Iron Man came up to him telling him he needs to go, that some monster started attacking the main police building and they need to go fast. So much for a day off, Bucky thought.
That happened almost a year ago now. Currently, you and Bucky were in your guys’ room, cuddling. You wouldn’t think that that meeting would lead to something like this, but it did. And it was one of the best things that could happen to you. After that first meeting, you and Bucky started talking a lot and you found out who he really was, You never judged him for anything he did. How could you? Instead of you hating him like he thought you would you started to developing feelings for him. You were scared though. How could he like you back? Yeah he was just as messed up as you, but still, you felt that if you told him you liked him he would still run away from you, but he stayed. Which is why you are in his arms right now, your face hidden in his chest and his fingers running up and down your back. His arms holding you like you’re the most important thing in the room. You didn’t feel important though. How could you be? You felt like a burden most of the time. With your health issues and everything else that comes with you.
A couple of days ago you went to your yearly heart appointment, and after it, you would always get these self-loathing thoughts in your mind. Reminding you how messed up you are. Now you’re hiding your face so Bucky couldn’t see the tears forming in your eyes. But he still ends up noticing that you look upset.
“I can feel you thinking, love. Y/N, what’s wrong?” He asks you, clearly worried.
“Everything. Everything is wrong.” You said, could barely be heard since your face is masked in Bucky’s shirt.
“Really? Everything?” Bucky asked, not sure if he was being serious or joking.
“Yes, everything about me. I don’t know why you love me.” Tears are threatening to come out.
“Dear, there are more to you then what’s wrong with you. You tell me that all the time. You should start listening to your own advice.” Bucky tells you. “Yeah, but still. I have so much baggage with me, no one should deal with it.”
"And I think the same way with what I’ve been through and yet you put up with it.“ He says.
There’s a moment of silence when he flips you two, He’s on top of you now and puts you down on your back and his hands are now on your hips. Why does he think now is the time to try to get anything started, you thought.
"Bucky, what are you…” You started to talk, but he quiets you with his lips on yours. Is he trying to make you feel better? You don’t want to break the kiss since he’s moving his lips downward, first your neck and going down your chest. Ah, you know where this is going now.
“If you are still wondering what I’m doing, I’m trying to show you that I love all the bad things about you, cause to me they’re just as beautiful to me as the things that everyone knows are good about you,” Bucky says, and then continues kissing down your chest, his lips are now where your scar starts on your chest. Your shirt is now off, his clothes are still on cause this is all about you, not him. His lips keep going down until they’re near the waistband of your sweats. He stops.
He’s thinking about what he should do next. Should he continue down? He shouldn’t he thinks since he knows you won’t be up for that right now. So his fingers move from your hips to your chest, moving up and down your scar. Trying to calm you. His face is hidden in your neck, nuzzling it. Humming now.
“I love you, Y/N. I love you for everything that’s good about you, and for everything that is wrong with you, I love you because you’re you. You’re not like everyone else, and that’s what makes you special.” Bucky finally speaks. And your heart leaps.
“And you know, I used to be like this Steve all the time you know? He wouldn’t get why he was with me either so I would have to show him.” He says. Kissing you behind your ear. “Oh, really?” “Hmmm, yes. I’m sorry for bringing this up, But I love how even though you are skinnier than him before the war, it doesn’t bother you as much. That was his main thing.” He says He moves his face out of your neck to give you a nice look. He has an adoring look on his face.
“Oh? Yeah, that just never bothers me I guess… just the heart thing. Since you know…” “Yeah, I get it, doll. But I hope one day you get to a point where it doesn’t bother you as much like it does now.” He says and kisses you right under your heart. “Like that will ever happen.” You laugh. “No, I promise you, It won’t be like this forever, you’ll learn it won’t always be a bad thing.” “If you say so… I trust you.” You say finally. You kiss him on the mouth, his hands are on your waist now, holding you so tightly. Bucky gets control and bites your bottom lip, making you give him access to your mouth before he attacks it. Your hands are moving all around his chest, trying to touch him anywhere. He breaks the kiss.
“Do you want this? We can stop if you don’t.” You think, and truly you don’t. Which feels weird, but you just want to be near Bucky as close as you can.
“I, uh, don’t want to. Sorry. I just want to be near you, is that okay?” “Of course it is. You know I love you for other reasons besides that.” Bucky flips you two back to where you were before, You in his arms and your face hidden in his chest. Calming down from everything.
“I love you so much Bucky, thank you for not running off when I get this way sometimes.”
“No problem, doll, and I should say the same thing when I get the way I do sometimes. I think that’s why we’re together you know?” “Really?” You say sleepy now, trying not to let the sleep win. But you couldn’t fight it.
“Yeah, we have enough things messed up between us that it actually fits for us. It’s not weird for us, which is why we work so well.” He says before he looks down at your face and sees that you’re asleep, so you probably didn’t hear him. He smiles at himself and laughs. How could he get so lucky to get a girl like you? He might find out that answer someday when you have a ring on your finger and a promise between the two of you, but right now, he’s just happy that he’s the one that gets to love you for everything, even the bad things that keep you from thinking you should be loved.