I’m All Yours
WARNING: A panic attack occurs during this one shot. Please don’t read if this may be a trigger for you.
The silence and glimmering light in my room doesn’t offer me any solace. It’s been months since she died, but it doesn’t hurt any less than it did the night I watched her die in my brother’s arms. My psychiatrist said it would get better—and it has—but I know the ache in my heart will never actually go away. Like the rest of the pack, I’ve learned to live with the dull throbbing in my chest. It’s not as noticeable any more, but it’s hasn’t lessened. Maybe that’s because my attention has been deterred.
Not long after Allison’s death, the school year ended, so we all started focusing on our rapidly approaching senior year and our post-graduation plans. Since we were born, Scott and I have been attached at the hip. Being twins you’d expect as much, I guess. When we’ve managed to catch some time alone over the past few months, Scott and I have been confided in each other about our worries for the future: what class we’re going to take senior, where we plan to go to college, how the supernatural will affect us in our final year and beyond, and so on.
One night Scott and I both confessed we want to go to the same college. It felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulder that night. I won’t be alone, I had thought happily. Scott had hugged me tightly, cheering about how we were going to take on UC Davis together. After growing so close to the pack over the past few years, I can’t imagine my life without them either—even Liam and Malia. Stiles and I are as close as Scott and I, so it’s no wonder he also wants to go to UC Davis with us.
As I daydream, my eyes land on the photo of Scott, Stiles, and I from the time we went to the beach when were seven. We all had missing teeth, matching shirts, scraped knees and baby faces. My hair was in braided pig tails. I had one arm thrown around my brother and the other was wrapped around Stiles. We were sitting on a park bench that still had room left on it because we were so small. We were so young, making it hard to believe that we weren’t so young and innocent anymore. A smile breaks across my face at the sight of the photo. I’ve been so lucky to grow up with the two of them.
I’m still in pain over Allison’s death, but it’s the little things—like this photo—that remind me that things can get better. I have the greatest friends a girl can ask for, and I’m not so sure what I’d ever do without them. In many ways, not much has changed since Allison died; the supernatural hasn’t bothered us (yet). Even though it’s different without Allison, Lydia and I still have our monthly girl nights. Kira and Malia join us on these nights too. Although Malia can be very blunt, we’ve gotten along very well since she joined the pack. Perhaps that’s because I’m a werewolf, and Scott paired me up with her from the get-go in order to teach her the ways of the supernatural.
When she first moved to Beacon Hills, Kira and I became fast friends. We happened to have all of our classes together this past school year. Our lockers were next to one another too. I was actually the one who introduced her to the pack her first week here. Liam joined our pack next after Scott gave him the bite. While the others, especially Stiles, were (and still are at times) very weary of Liam because of his anger issues, I didn’t hesitate to make him feel welcome in the pack. I know what it’s like to fight my own inner demons so I wasn’t going to let his anger issues get in the way of our friendship and him joining the pack. The pack has always joked that I’m like Liam’s long lost older sister because I’m so protective of him.
Without all of them, I’m sure that the past few months would have been even darker and more difficult for me. I didn’t just lose Allison that night. Danny and Ethan were my best friends so when they both left at the end of the school year, I was completely broken. They might not have been a part of our pack, but they were brothers to me nonetheless. I’ve clung to the pack in order to move on, and Isaac is probably the one that I’ve depended on the most.
Before Allison’s death, Isaac and I were close, but not as close as we are now. When he first joined the pack, I looked out for him a lot because I knew about his past. He’s credited me for not going insane, especially since Allison died. I owe it to him for not letting my own demons get the best of me too. Isaac and I have been inseparable since that terrible night.
From going to the movie theater to bowling to taking road trips for no reason at all, Isaac has become an extremely important person in my life over the last six months. I’m not sure when exactly, but I started seeing him as more than a friend and I developed feelings for him. I haven’t dated anyone since I broke up with a soccer player a month or so before Allison’s death. As for Isaac, he hasn’t show any interest in dating since Allison died—or at least he hasn’t discussed it with me. In all honesty, I’m not sure if I’ll ever tell him about how I feel because I’m so terrified the feelings won’t be mutual.
There’s a soft tap on my open door. I sit up on my bed and notice that Isaac is standing in the doorway. He smiles at me softly. A few seconds have passed, and that’s when I realize we’re all supposed to be at the high school soon for senior activities.
“Fuck!” I gasp, looking at the clock on my bedside table that reads seven o’clock.
“It’s okay, Y/N,” Isaac says. “We’re not late. I just wanted to see if you wanted to go soon.”
“Sure,” I say. “Just let me change real fast.”
I get off my bed and glance back towards my door. Isaac is still standing in the doorway, watching me. With a wave of my hand, I gesture for him to come in.
“You don’t have to stay there, ya know,” I say giggling. “Come in and sit down.”
Isaac chuckles and takes a seat on the foot of my bed. I go to my closet in order to pick out a different outfit. I showered earlier after I got off work from Deaton’s, but I put comfy clothes to lounge around in. Tonight’s events aren’t fancy, but I want to look decent. I pull out a loose black v-neck t-shirt and a pair of dark, holey jeans. As I move to my dresser, I sit the outfit next to Isaac on my bed. Next, I take out a royal blue skirt (that hits just above me knee) from my dresser and sit that next to Isaac too. I approach my closet again and remove a red and blue plaid flannel.
I stop in front of Isaac who’s staring up at me. Placing my hands on my hips, I gaze at the two outfits I’ve chosen.
“Isaac,” I ask, “would you wear the t-shirt and jeans or would you wear the skirt with the t-shirt?”
Isaac smirks, “Well, I probably wouldn’t wear either, but I think that skirt looks nice on you. If I were you, I’d go with the skirt and t-shirt.”
I roll my eyes at him and pick up the skirt. My gaze rests on him again.
“Can you look the other way?” I ask him softly.
Isaac covers his eyes as he stands up and walks toward my desk on the opposite side of the room. I’ve known Isaac for a year, and I’m so comfortable around him that I don’t mind if stays in the room (as long as he doesn’t look). As I change, I watch him closely, hoping he doesn’t notice. He’s so tall yet lean and fit at the same time. I notice that he picks up a picture frame to get a better look; his hands are so much larger than mine. I wonder how it’d feel to hold his hand, I think, and intertwine our fingers. I switch t-shirts and tuck my shirt into my skirt.
“You can look now,” I inform him.
When he turns around, he’s holding a different picture frame in his hand. I tie the flannel around my waist and watch Isaac as he approaches me. Isaac turns it around to show me once he’s standing about a foot or so away. A soft giggle escapes my lips when I see the photo. The picture is of Isaac and I two months ago. We were at the lacrosse field with Stiles and Scott. Isaac was wearing his home jersey while I was wearing a Beacon Hills t-shirt of his. It was so long on me that it nearly covered my shorts entirely. I had found it on the hallway floor outside our rooms that morning; he had dropped it when he took his clean laundry to his room. I picked it up and decided to wear it because the boys were in such a rush to leave to go to the field.
In the photo, Isaac has one arm around my shoulder and the other around my lower back, tugging me close to him. We’re facing each other with our arms wrapped tightly around one another. I’ve always loved his hugs; his hugs make me feel safe. I’m so short standing next to him. My head is just below his shoulders and my arms are hugging him just above his hips. I can’t remember why we had taken the picture, but I’m glad we did because I have so few of us together. Since I was a kid, I’ve been crazy about taking photos and printing them out so that I can have them scattered around my room.
“I never knew you got this one printed,” Isaac says after a moment.
I smile and say, “It’s the only one I have printed of the two of us. I wanted to have one of us to put with all the other pictures I have in here.”
Isaac goes to say something, but he’s interrupted before he can even get a word out.
“C’mon, let’s go!” Scott cheers. “I want to get there before Kira.”
I look towards the door and see a smiling Scott standing in the doorway. We tell him we’re coming. Isaac sets the photo back, and we follow Scott downstairs. The three of us pile into my car and head towards the high school. Joking and laughing, the three of us enjoy the short car ride together. When we get to the school, we find Stiles and Malia immediately. Malia and I start chatting like it’s been weeks since we last saw each other, even though it’s only been a day. Isaac stands quietly by my side as Scott takes off to go after Kira.
More and more people arrive each minute. After a few minutes, I realize that Isaac hasn’t spoken that much. I sneak a glance at him to find him already staring at me. Isaac smiles at me, making me blush slightly. I look back towards Malia, hoping that Isaac doesn’t notice my rapidly beating heart. Malia grins at me because she notices it. I shove her playfully in the arm. Finally, Scott and Kira return so the six of us head towards the school’s entrance. I’m excited for tonight, but it just doesn’t feel right without Allison.
The two couples enter the building hand-in-hand. I wish Isaac and I could do that too. I shake the sad thought away and gaze up at Isaac. There’s a huge smile on his face, and it’s obvious that he’s ecstatic about tonight too. We find Lydia and start to wander through the school’s halls. I’m silent, trying to take in everything. I don’t want to miss anything; I want to remember every moment because there’s only so many of these moments left with my friends.
We take a turn and walk down a familiar hallway. I always try to avoid this hall as much as possible. During sophomore and junior year, Allison and I had lockers next to each other on this hall. Isaac and the other boys had lockers directly across the hall from us. I try not to let my eyes fall on her locker that’s near the end of the hall. To my left, I hear Isaac inhale sharply. I look up at him to make sure he’s okay. There’s fear in his eyes. His breathing is jagged and his hands are shaking.
“Isaac,” I say and reach out to touch his arm.
“I can’t—my lungs—I can’t breathe,” Isaac pants. His hands are gripping his chest.
I stop him and put my hands on his shoulders. Isaac looks everywhere but in my direction.
“Look at me,” I say calmly. Isaac eyes dart around nervously. “Isaac, look at me.”
He keeps looking around so I cup his face between my hands. Isaac’s eyes finally rest on mine. His breathing is very irregular. He’s wheezing loudly, trying to gasp for air. I keep my expression and body language calm in hopes that it will calm him down. I’m aware of how the pack has stopped too, but I don’t dare take my focus off Isaac.
I push down softly on his shoulders. “Sit down, Isaac.”
Isaac sits down with his back against the lockers. I kneel in front of him. I rub circles with my thumb on the back of one his hands. Isaac is still looking me in the eye, and his eyes are wide with terror.
“Take a deep breath in,” I say, not peeling my eyes away from his.
Isaac tries too, but it’s not enough. I tell him to breathe out, continuing with this process a few times. With each breathe, Isaac starts to appear better, but he’s still not breathing well. I take his other hand and place it over my heart. His hand is trembling on my chest so I place mine over it to keep it from shaking so much. Surprisingly, my heart is calm. Thank God, I think.
“You feel that?” I ask him evenly. Isaac nods frantically. “Can you match your breathing to my heart rate? You’ve just got to take long, deep breaths. Let’s count again.”
I start counting, and Isaac starts breathing in and out again. A couple minutes later his breathing has returned to normal. Neither of us speaks at first; the pack is silent too. Other seniors keep walking around us, not realizing what’s happened. I let go of Isaac’s hand (the hand that’s not covering my heart) and ruffle his hair. Isaac grins widely. My heart skips a beat when I see his beautiful smile.
“Thank you,” Isaac whispers.
“Any time, Lahey,” I smirk.
A faint blush rises on his cheeks when I call him by his last name.
“I might not be a werewolf,” Stiles says, “but it doesn’t take much to notice that both of your hearts are probably fluttering a mile a minute.”
I don’t turn around to face Stiles as I roll my eyes. Instead, I simply flip him off, making everyone, including Isaac, laugh loudly. Isaac is staring at me. He’s searching my eyes to see what I actually think of Stiles’ comment. I don’t break eye contact with him and I hope that he realizes how I feel about him.
“I really like you, you know,” Isaac says. “I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while, and I was hoping to tell you in a very different setting. You might think I’m crazy. Well, I know you think I’m kind of strange. It’s just that I’m crazy about you. It’s kind of terrifying because I like you so much, and I’ve never felt this head over heels before. I love spending time with you, Y/N. I don’t want to lose you. And I hope you feel the same.”
Isaac takes a deep breath and continues, “I guess I’ll never know if I don’t shut up.”
“Isaac, believe it or not,” I begin, “I really, really like you too. You’re weird, but so am I. We’re kind of the same weird if you haven’t noticed it over the last year or so. But as long as you’re willing to put up with me, I’ll always be yours.”
Isaac smiles happily. He removes his hand from my chest and places it on my cheek. He closes the short distance between us and kisses me gently on the lips. Lydia squeals with excitement and Stiles pretends to choke. I pull away after a moment. When I open my eyes, Isaac is already looking at me with a big grin on his face. I glance at the others in time to see my brother fist bump the air enthusiastically. Kira claps and smiles at me. Malia winks at me, knowing that this would happen eventually.
Isaac tugs at my hands and asks if I’m ready to stand. He wraps an arm around my shoulder once we’re standing up; his hand is dangling over my right shoulder in front of me so I hold it with my right hand. For a little bit, we all chat. Not a single one of us wants to rush because then that means another moment is over.
“We better go if we want to sign the bookshelf,” I say to the others.
They all agree so we head towards the library. We get in line to sign the bookshelf when we arrive in the library. I look up and down the line, trying to remember all of the faces of my classmates as they are now. This is one of our last moments together as a class. When did we grow up so quickly? My heart sinks when I think about those of us who didn’t make it this far. Some kids moved and some fell victim to the supernatural. Either way it’s still sad to think about. My mind trails to thoughts of Danny and Ethan. They would’ve been standing right next to me, I’m certain of it. I desperately wish they were here.
Isaac squeezes my hand, letting me know it’s okay. He must have noticed a change in my heartbeat, I conclude. Chatting and joking with the pack makes the time fly by fast. Before I know it, we’re all signing the bookshelf. Scott and I are the last two of the pack to sign it. I already know that my initials aren’t the only ones I’ll be writing. I’m behind Scott so I see him sign Allison’s initials. Scott turns to hand me the pen with a bittersweet expression. I see that Isaac signed Erica and Boyd’s initials as well as his own. I sign Danny, Ethan, and even Aiden’s initials by mine. Then, I hand the pen to the person behind me.
I take my place back next to Isaac. Isaac kisses my temple, making me blush.
“It was nice of you to sign Aiden’s initials,” Isaac mumbles. “Ethan and Danny would have been right behind you in line, you know. You guys were like the Three Musketeers.”
“I miss them,” I reply. I rest my head on his chest. “I miss them—and her—a whole fucking lot.”
Isaac nods to let him me know he understands.
“They would’ve been here,” Scott says, hugging Kira.
We all share looks and try not to fill the gaps between us with their faces.
“They still are,” Lydia corrects him.
With that, we all agree to go to the lacrosse field. You’d think we’d grow tired of the lacrosse field, but it’s always been our place. Since freshman year, Scott, Stiles, and I have always hung out there. Whenever we’re lost, confused, upset, angry, or whatever, we come here. If anything good ever happens, we celebrate on the field. Because of this, it only makes sense to go out there now. I tug Isaac towards the field when we exit the building. Isaac laughs at me excitement.
We all race towards the field. We push and shove each other to be the first ones there. As we step on the field, I hop on my brother’s back. Scott spins in circles with me laughing loudly on his back. He sets me back down after a bit and he chases Kira around the field.
“We’re probably going to get rained on,” Isaac says casually.
The others cheer at the thought. We’re all like children, excited to have the chance to play in the rain.
“What?” I ask. “Are you afraid of a little rain, Lahey?”
Isaac smirks and puts his hands on either side of my waist. He pulls me closer to him. Isaac puts a loose strand of hair behind my hair. My braid is slowly falling out. I wrap my arms around his neck and smile widely up at him.
“I’m not afraid of anything as long as I have you by my side,” Isaac responds seriously.
I stand on my tiptoes, but I’m still not able to reach his lips on my own. Isaac leans forward so I can kiss him on the lips. This kiss is much more passionate than our first, but not too much since we’re in public. Right here, right now I forget about my demons and my heartache. Isaac rests his forehead against mine when we pull apart. A simple look from him is enough to knock the wind out of me. At the moment, nothing else matters. Despite my demons and insecurities, I’ve never been this happy in months. I don’t want to lose Isaac either so I hold him tighter.
Isaac picks me up and lifts me over his shoulder. I squeal and laugh as he runs around the field with the rest of the pack. Right here, right now this moment is all that matters. Laughing with my best friends and boyfriend is all that will ever truly matter.