lone child

single mother nature.
bad ass kids,
overgrown cribs– 
the cities eat with bibs
pain plus love equals live.
in the gray metropolis
whenever something come from nothing
nothing comes from something;
money talks
and like all things that do,
it lies.
brilliant, furious, tenacious lies.
the recipe never ends up on the menu;
the leaves can’t fall back on the tree–
hear that mama?
the lessons learned from me!
the lessons learned from me!
said the lonely black child:
outer calm, inner wild–
with the grey juice 
from the predator’s placenta
still present behind its ear.
—  single mother nature
The Wounded Moon

Moon in Aries: Feels ill equipped for the world. A temperamental, abandoned child. There is often a fight for survival, a fanatic charge by a screaming inner child who has been lacerated and left here. Suffers migraines. Coping mechanisms may not be developed, the individual may constantly lapse into the framework of the abandoned or bruised child during times of stress or
heavy emotions. 

Moon in Taurus: Strongly fears being abandoned, and despite giving an aura of calm, the insides resemble quicksand. Can privately binge, over indulge, and self destruct. Feels easily rundown or catches colds easily. Struggles letting go of anything with their emotional investment. Can be haunted by memories.

Moon in Gemini: Emotions are too confusing and complex to be made sense of. The emotional nature can feel like a personality of its own. It’s hard because the individual just wants somebody to teach them how to feel and what to do. Inner needs change rapidly. The individual neglects their own emotional needs, often invalidating their authenticity 

Moon in Cancer: Fears of being left are consuming. The emotional reactivity, fears, and demands of the inner child express the individual’s deep feelings of inadequacy regarding their own sensitivity. The individual leaves claw marks on anybody who tries to leave 

Moon in Leo: The devouring needs of the inner child charter relationships. The individual is drawn to the comfort of unconditional love, safety, and validation that was denied as a child. Severely wounded by invalidation, they search for a mother figure everywhere they go. Reacts dramatically, but fails at explaining themselves leaving people unsure of how to help 

Moon in Virgo: The temperament is a battlefield and the nervous system is in overdrive. During times of distress, the reflex is to withdraw and martyr themselves. Their agitation can be unpredictable. Emotional distress manifests through physical and digestive changes and lack of wellbeing. 

Moon in Libra: Emotional needs are disregarded and ignored. Often the individual feels that their own traumas and experiences are less valid than others. The hollowness inside could swallow the universe. Requires a very close relationship with the mother and becomes severely wounded if this is not actualised. 

Moon in Scorpio: Emotional experiences are intense and lonely. The inner child is screaming, self destructing, and demanding answers for its isolated existence. Pelvic cramps with no organic causation. Early betrayals and traumas run into deep ledges of the psyche and can rule the individual’s whole emotional life and responsiveness as an adult. 

Moon in Sagittarius: The feeling of being lost can become consuming. This can generate a powerful need to control, or be in control. Feelings of escapism infuse with rage and cause severe reactivity. The individual can struggle managing substance misuse. The moon is sentimental and fixed, the moon wants safety and security and time away to be held and nurtured. Sagittarius desires the opposite. Two conflicting needs collide. There is no safe place. 

Moon in Capricorn: Afraid to ask, the individual secretly longs for comfort and guidance. There is a frightened child in the body of a full grown adult. The individual is wounded by their lost childhood. The world feels hostile and unwelcoming, cold and unforgiving. 

Moon in Aquarius: Feelings are intense and unforgiving, the individual feels compelled to distance themselves from emotions to restrict them from becoming ultimately consuming. The condition of human existence is devastating. During severe emotional torment, the Lunar Aquarius can experience complete numbness and the sense of exit from their own bodies. 

Moon in Pisces: Loneliness is exaggerated here. An emotional compass without any direction, feelings take on a life of their own. All life, love, and suffering is born and dies here. Spiritually insatiable, can devote themselves to any guide, creed, or guru that seems to offer salvation. 

-C.

10

Loneliness

I realised that most of the stories I’ve written have always dealt with the concept of being alone; never as a bad thing, though the worst it can be is melancholic, but as a trait that somehow belongs to the main characters which they have accepted as part of their being. I could then easily how it echoed the experience of most of my entire life, being a very lonely child who kept to herself. I’m still the same person essentially, I still have mental conversations with myself (I think I’m a very funny conversationalist; too bad my social anxiety prevents most people other than my friends from enjoying it), but I’ve accepted this constant trait of being alone and managed to turn it into something that opens doors for me to experience the world in ways I wouldn’t have noticed (try being in a field looking at the clouds passing by! That’s my positive association with being alone).

Being in an age where everyone is connected everywhere and talking to everyone every time (Facebook, anyone?), it can make us more afraid of being alone than we already naturally are. We all have a need to belong to each other. At the same time though we need to learn how to belong to ourselves, and personally I find that it’s a very important especially with so many things going on we could very easily lose ourselves. Having a rich inner life is just as important as having a rich outer life, and they both inform each other.

*I may have jumbled up loneliness and being alone as being the same thing. Yeah I know!! It’s just how I experienced it; sometimes I really hate how I’m unable to easily make friends, which often makes me feel negatively isolated especially in a new environment (I was ALONE in college for a year until I found my clique). It’s terrible. But still things worked out in the end. Until it does though, make a friend out of yourself in the meantime.

Fourth House: Your Aversion

Your 4th house ruler shows what you received excessive exposure to during childhood. As a result, you might develop an aversion to the traits of the sign on the 4th house cusp. 

The following is organized by your 4th house ruler.

Aries 4th House: emotion/thoughtless impulse; you might to be a hard, cold cap rising who is averse to loud, brash personalities

Taurus 4th House: tradition/materialism/slow movement; you might be be an aqua rising who craves freedom and revolution

Cancer 4th House: sympathy/emotional manipulation; you might be a tough, independent aries rising who refuses to be told what to do

Gemini 4th House: talking/meaningless chatter/excessive communication; you might be a pisces rising who values meaningful communication, solitude, and silence

Leo 4th House: attention/narcissism; you might be a taurus rising who prefers to blend into the background and despises bragging/braggarts [analysis of psychology below]

Virgo 4th House: criticism/judgement/boredom; gemini rising who prefers to be entertained and open-minded

Libra 4th House: compromise/emotional neglect; cancer rising who desperately tries to control environment/other people to avoid compromise

Scorpio 4th House: scrutinity/paranoia/invasion of privacy; you might be a leo rising who self-aggrandizes, prefers to keep thigns light, and hide their flaws

Sagittarius 4th House: irresponsibility; virgo rising, self-explanatory

Capricorn 4th House: expectations/isolation; libra rising, self-explanatory [analysis 2]

Aquarius 4th House: eccentric/erratic behavior; scorpio rising, prefers to adopt a stoic, mysterious persona

Pisces 4th House: delusion/self-sacrifice; sagittarius rising who tries to learn about the world at large, stay grounded in reality, and has selfiish tendencies [analysis 3]

[1] Taurus risings often have parents who smother them with attention, to the point where they feel like they’re controlled and constantly watched. Parents may also have narcistic tendencies and seek approval/fish for compliments from their children while witholding praise. Parents may be act entitled to the child’s time and attention, leaving little room for peace, solitude, and self-care. This causes the adult Taurus rising to shy away from attention-seeking (leo-like) personalities and enjoy solitude, silence, and peace. 

[2] Libra risings can have parents with harsh capricorn qualities; parents who don’t hesitate to demean their own children in the name of “pusing them further,” who withold approval and affection, who may prevent the child from spending time wirh friends, who make the child feel lonely and unworthy. As a result, Libra risings almost pathologically seek approval and acceptance to compensate for what the parents deprived them of.

[3] Sagittarius risings likely have parents who expect the child to be pliant, obedient, and self-sacrificing. The parents may ask the child to give, give, and give, until there’s nothing left. The parents themselves may be weak, selfish, and delusional, pretending to be martyrs while taking advantage of their own children. The parents might act helpless as a manipulation  tactic. As a defense, the Sagittarius detaches themselves from needy people and (”selfishly”) puts themselves first, to compensate for years of being forced to put themselves last. 

The human personality is almost entirely a cluster of defense mechanisms to cope with different types pain and toxic people.  Once you know the traits each rising sign expresses, and the sign on the 4th house cusp, it is easy to trace the behavior to the roots.

INFJ's Scoring System

INFJ: “I used to have a notebook that I would use to write down points when my crush interacted with me.”

INTP: *laughing* “Yeah?”

INFJ: “One day my crush said hi to me first.”

INTP: “Wow, that must’ve been like 5 points, right?”

INFJ: “Actually, it was like fifty…”

10

under appreciated films challenge - favourite song
when you believe (the prince of egypt)

there can be miracles when you believe
though hope is frail it’s hard to kill
who knows what miracles you can achieve?
you will when you believe