lone child

Fic Prompts: Strange Magic Monday

He sees them sometimes, out of the corner of his eye. Just shapes at times, like spotting faces in clouds. Or sometimes it’s the scent of flowers – primroses, he thinks, and he’s not sure why he knows what primroses smell like – drifting on the breeze when there is no wind.

“Am I haunted?” he’d once asked his mother, when the wisps and the scents had given way to whispers.

She’d smiled in a wistful, faraway manner and said something about his father.

“Bog” King doesn’t remember his father. Not really. Sometimes he thinks of fiery blue eyes and a laugh that somehow reminds him of tree bark, but he knows those could just as easily have been the imagination of a lonely child.

He goes about his life quietly, avoiding the other children in town, who have always made it obvious that he didn’t fit among them. Instead, he spends his time among the trees, the animals. He’s saved a handful of toads, lizards, and insects of indeterminate origin while growing up.

As he gets older, sometimes his amphibian friends seem to change shape in the corner of his vision, taking more humanoid forms. They watch him with a strange mixture of reverence and confusion. His mother has complained about his “goblin army” infesting the backyard and tormenting the neighbors, but he swears he never set them on anybody. They just…do things when he’s upset.

Bog ignores it, goes about the business of growing up. He graduates high school, he begins college, and helps his mother plant a row of flowers – primroses – along the forest border. The sense that there’s somewhere he needs to be, that he and his mother aren’t supposed to be living in a charming little house in the suburbs, washes over him almost daily. It has since he was ten, and he figures it’ll fade in time. It doesn’t.

He falls in love. He makes mistakes. For once the whispers don’t help him, and Bog begins to retreat into the increasingly overgrown yard behind his mother’s house with only his absurdly long-lived animal companions.

He doesn’t begin to understand the true weight of his predicament until the day a winged girl with cat-like eyes stumbles into his yard, and the “amphibians” take vaguely goblinish shapes to chase her off.

That was the day Griselda King had to explain to Bog their…complicated…family.

The Wounded Moon

Moon in Aries: Feels ill equipped for the world. A temperamental, abandoned child. There is often a fight for survival, a fanatic charge by a screaming inner child who has been lacerated and left here. Suffers migraines. Coping mechanisms may not be developed, the individual may constantly lapse into the framework of the abandoned or bruised child during times of stress or
heavy emotions. 

Moon in Taurus: Strongly fears being abandoned, and despite giving an aura of calm, the insides resemble quicksand. Can privately binge, over indulge, and self destruct. Feels easily rundown or catches colds easily. Struggles letting go of anything with their emotional investment. Can be haunted by memories.

Moon in Gemini: Emotions are too confusing and complex to be made sense of. The emotional nature can feel like a personality of its own. It’s hard because the individual just wants somebody to teach them how to feel and what to do. Inner needs change rapidly. The individual neglects their own emotional needs, often invalidating their authenticity 

Moon in Cancer: Fears of being left are consuming. The emotional reactivity, fears, and demands of the inner child express the individual’s deep feelings of inadequacy regarding their own sensitivity. The individual leaves claw marks on anybody who tries to leave 

Moon in Leo: The devouring needs of the inner child charter relationships. The individual is drawn to the comfort of unconditional love, safety, and validation that was denied as a child. Severely wounded by invalidation, they search for a mother figure everywhere they go. Reacts dramatically, but fails at explaining themselves leaving people unsure of how to help 

Moon in Virgo: The temperament is a battlefield and the nervous system is in overdrive. During times of distress, the reflex is to withdraw and martyr themselves. Their agitation can be unpredictable. Emotional distress manifests through physical and digestive changes and lack of wellbeing. 

Moon in Libra: Emotional needs are disregarded and ignored. Often the individual feels that their own traumas and experiences are less valid than others. The hollowness inside could swallow the universe. Requires a very close relationship with the mother and becomes severely wounded if this is not actualised. 

Moon in Scorpio: Emotional experiences are intense and lonely. The inner child is screaming, self destructing, and demanding answers for its isolated existence. Pelvic cramps with no organic causation. Early betrayals and traumas run into deep ledges of the psyche and can rule the individual’s whole emotional life and responsiveness as an adult. 

Moon in Sagittarius: The feeling of being lost can become consuming. This can generate a powerful need to control, or be in control. Feelings of escapism infuse with rage and cause severe reactivity. The individual can struggle managing substance misuse. The moon is sentimental and fixed, the moon wants safety and security and time away to be held and nurtured. Sagittarius desires the opposite. Two conflicting needs collide. There is no safe place. 

Moon in Capricorn: Afraid to ask, the individual secretly longs for comfort and guidance. There is a frightened child in the body of a full grown adult. The individual is wounded by their lost childhood. The world feels hostile and unwelcoming, cold and unforgiving. 

Moon in Aquarius: Feelings are intense and unforgiving, the individual feels compelled to distance themselves from emotions to restrict them from becoming ultimately consuming. The condition of human existence is devastating. During severe emotional torment, the Lunar Aquarius can experience complete numbness and the sense of exit from their own bodies. 

Moon in Pisces: Loneliness is exaggerated here. An emotional compass without any direction, feelings take on a life of their own. All life, love, and suffering is born and dies here. Spiritually insatiable, can devote themselves to any guide, creed, or guru that seems to offer salvation. 

-C.

4

isak: *gets pissy*
even: *has never been more delighted in his life*

8

rwby meme - favourite female beacon student: pyrrha nikos

“i’ve been blessed with incredible talents and opportunities; i’m constantly surrounded by love and praise; but when you’re placed on a pedestal like that for so long, you become separated from the people that put you there in the first place.”

10

Loneliness

I realised that most of the stories I’ve written have always dealt with the concept of being alone; never as a bad thing, though the worst it can be is melancholic, but as a trait that somehow belongs to the main characters which they have accepted as part of their being. I could then easily how it echoed the experience of most of my entire life, being a very lonely child who kept to herself. I’m still the same person essentially, I still have mental conversations with myself (I think I’m a very funny conversationalist; too bad my social anxiety prevents most people other than my friends from enjoying it), but I’ve accepted this constant trait of being alone and managed to turn it into something that opens doors for me to experience the world in ways I wouldn’t have noticed (try being in a field looking at the clouds passing by! That’s my positive association with being alone).

Being in an age where everyone is connected everywhere and talking to everyone every time (Facebook, anyone?), it can make us more afraid of being alone than we already naturally are. We all have a need to belong to each other. At the same time though we need to learn how to belong to ourselves, and personally I find that it’s a very important especially with so many things going on we could very easily lose ourselves. Having a rich inner life is just as important as having a rich outer life, and they both inform each other.

*I may have jumbled up loneliness and being alone as being the same thing. Yeah I know!! It’s just how I experienced it; sometimes I really hate how I’m unable to easily make friends, which often makes me feel negatively isolated especially in a new environment (I was ALONE in college for a year until I found my clique). It’s terrible. But still things worked out in the end. Until it does though, make a friend out of yourself in the meantime.

8

My father thought he was protecting me. Most of the time. I think you have to make a choice, at a certain point, of the man you want to be. And I tell you that at a time you need a parent or a friend. And if you’ve learnt to hate your parent by then and you have no friends … then you’re all alone. And being alone - that’s so hard. I was alone. And it sent me to a truly dark place. For a long time. Tom Riddle was also a lonely child. You may not understand that, Harry, but I do, and I think Ginny does too.

Neptune Loneliness 

Neptune makes us feel something immaterial and out of this world. 
It’s where we can feel, see, hear, and sense what other people cannot. Our vulnerability also means we are subject to exploitation, our concept of reality is severely interfered with. It can be where we have feelings of exile, loneliness, or secret longings 

Neptune in the 1st: Feels lonely in life and separated from the human experience, it may seem like it’s difficult to ever fit in 

Neptune in the 2nd: Feels strangely uncomfortable and exiled in places/homes/buildings with unusual or striking vibes, rooms have a mood they can feel and it can be hostile

Neptune in the 3rd: Can feel lonely in a crowd of conversation, may have felt lonely or separated from peers at school or different from siblings

Neptune in the 4th: Can feel disconnected from the feeling of being real and human, everywhere they go can seem like a strange and deja vu place 

Neptune in the 5th: Can feel lonely in the pursuit of romance like they are looking for someone or something they don’t know exists, as if they will never be truly loved 

Neptune in the 6th: Can feel lonely participating in the daily grind, separate from colleagues and business people, separate from the traffic, the noise, the suits

Neptune in the 7th: Feels exceedingly lonely when single, but feels even more lonely with incompatible partners

Neptune in the 8th: Feel lonely in their unreal conscious experiences where they are exposed to spirits, demons, callings of death and psychic activity

Neptune in the 9th: Feels lonely in their spiritual hunger, as if their urges for redemption and guidance from a higher source could never be understood 

Neptune in the 10th: Feels separated and lonely in public spaces, sensing stares and intrigue, like they can never be who people want 

Neptune in the 11th: Feels a sense of loneliness within friendship circles, longing for their company but feeling like they don’t truly fit in

Neptune in the 12th: Senses exile from the world as a child, feels lonely in their depth, psychic vulnerability, and the painful traumas of other people they are forced to experience and feel

-C.

art: kukula art 

Draco Malfoy Headcanons
  • At five, he named every single peacock. Every. Single. Peacock. Lucius called him foolish. Narcissa smiled. Both choked on their tea when during a light lunch in the garden, one peacock pecked another aggressively, and five-year-old Draco sprung up on his chair and shouted, “Bad Severus! Bad! Time-out!” 
  • He grew up a lonely child - doted on and loved, but lonely. There was the occasional visit from his father’s associates and their children, mostly Crabbe and Goyle, but they were more pawns than friends, bigger, dumber children to boss around. 
  • Later (too late), he’ll realize this and will learn regret for what could’ve been, if he had actually treated them like friends
  • He played pretend often as a child. Usually, he was the prince, the hero. But sometimes he was the dragon, wrecking everything in his path.
  • He can’t function without coffee in the morning. 
  • He cries when Minister for Magic Kingsley Shacklebolt declares him not-guilty and freed of all charges. 
  • The manor becomes a thing of fear and horror to Draco after the war, his memories of home forever tarnished by Voldemort’s presence, by the monstrosities that happened there. He can’t show his face in the Wizarding World without fear of being ambushed, or, at the very least, looked upon with hatred and disgust. He starts visiting a muggle village near the manor, where nobody knows him or his past and he can be anyone. 
  • The more time he spends around muggles the more he realizes his parents were wrong - how could anyone who could create all of this without magic be useless or unintelligent? And the nice girl at the coffee shop who smiles at him every day and asks him how he is when she doesn’t have to, could just hand him his coffee and move on, can’t be a waste of space, she just can’t
  • Lucius finds out where he’s spending his time. They get into a huge fight - their only real fight because Draco had always been a good son, he prided himself on being a good son. It’s the first time he ever raises his voice to his father. It’s the first time his father strikes - truly strikes - him, open palm, across the face, and something that had already been frayed between them breaks in two. 
  • Draco leaves home. 
  • He returns to Hogwarts to get his NEWTs because he’s already starting off on the bottom rung with Death Eater stamped on his back - uneducated will be the death of him. 
  • He learns to hate the name Malfoy and repels everything to do with it. 
  • He joins healer training after Hogwarts, with so many ‘Outstanding’ N.E.W.Ts behind him, St. Mungo’s can’t turn down his application. 
  • But that doesn’t stop his trainers and co-workers from making his life an absolute hell, doing everything they can to make him quit. That doesn’t stop the looks they and the patients alike give him, distrust and disgust. He does not quit. He works harder than he’s ever worked at anything in his life because he’s finally found a purpose, a real purpose - to make others feel a little less broken than he does on a daily basis, to fix them because he doesn’t know how to fix himself. 
  • It’s not redemption. It’s not an apology. He just wants to help, be a better him, for once in his life. 
  • And yes, the first time a patient pukes on him, he almost quits, because puke in his shoes, but he doesn’t. 
  • And he’s brilliant at it. He destroys at healer training. Becomes the greatest healer St. Mungo’s has. And suddenly, people aren’t avoiding him any longer, but asking for him, requesting him. 
  • He earns the title of Potions Master - a very prestigious, difficult title only awarded to the best. 
  • He creates potions not only for St. Mungo’s, but also for smaller, free clinics, for people who can’t afford St. Mungo’s. 
  • He single-handedly revolutionizes healing potions as the wizarding world knows them. 
  • He carries lollipops in the pocket of his healer robes for children patients. 
  • He has a son - Scorpius Hyperion - who takes the last name Malfoy, just like he had when he came into this world. 
  • He stops hating the name Malfoy and instead decides to change what it stands for, make it more than it ever was. Make it a name his son can be proud to own. 

Send me a character/pairing for headcanons

Fourth House: Your Aversion

Your 4th house ruler shows what you received excessive exposure to during childhood. As a result, you might develop an aversion to the traits of the sign on the 4th house cusp. 

The following is organized by your 4th house ruler.

Aries 4th House: emotion/thoughtless impulse; you might to be a hard, cold cap rising who is averse to loud, brash personalities

Taurus 4th House: tradition/materialism/slow movement; you might be be an aqua rising who craves freedom and revolution

Cancer 4th House: sympathy/emotional manipulation; you might be a tough, independent aries rising who refuses to be told what to do

Gemini 4th House: talking/meaningless chatter/excessive communication; you might be a pisces rising who values meaningful communication, solitude, and silence

Leo 4th House: attention/narcissism; you might be a taurus rising who prefers to blend into the background and despises bragging/braggarts [analysis of psychology below]

Virgo 4th House: criticism/judgement/boredom; gemini rising who prefers to be entertained and open-minded

Libra 4th House: compromise/emotional neglect; cancer rising who desperately tries to control environment/other people to avoid compromise

Scorpio 4th House: scrutinity/paranoia/invasion of privacy; you might be a leo rising who self-aggrandizes, prefers to keep thigns light, and hide their flaws

Sagittarius 4th House: irresponsibility; virgo rising, self-explanatory

Capricorn 4th House: expectations/isolation; libra rising, self-explanatory [analysis 2]

Aquarius 4th House: eccentric/erratic behavior; scorpio rising, prefers to adopt a stoic, mysterious persona

Pisces 4th House: delusion/self-sacrifice; sagittarius rising who tries to learn about the world at large, stay grounded in reality, and has selfiish tendencies [analysis 3]

[1] Taurus risings often have parents who smother them with attention, to the point where they feel like they’re controlled and constantly watched. Parents may also have narcistic tendencies and seek approval/fish for compliments from their children while witholding praise. Parents may be act entitled to the child’s time and attention, leaving little room for peace, solitude, and self-care. This causes the adult Taurus rising to shy away from attention-seeking (leo-like) personalities and enjoy solitude, silence, and peace. 

[2] Libra risings can have parents with harsh capricorn qualities; parents who don’t hesitate to demean their own children in the name of “pusing them further,” who withold approval and affection, who may prevent the child from spending time wirh friends, who make the child feel lonely and unworthy. As a result, Libra risings almost pathologically seek approval and acceptance to compensate for what the parents deprived them of.

[3] Sagittarius risings likely have parents who expect the child to be pliant, obedient, and self-sacrificing. The parents may ask the child to give, give, and give, until there’s nothing left. The parents themselves may be weak, selfish, and delusional, pretending to be martyrs while taking advantage of their own children. The parents might act helpless as a manipulation  tactic. As a defense, the Sagittarius detaches themselves from needy people and (”selfishly”) puts themselves first, to compensate for years of being forced to put themselves last. 

The human personality is almost entirely a cluster of defense mechanisms to cope with different types pain and toxic people.  Once you know the traits each rising sign expresses, and the sign on the 4th house cusp, it is easy to trace the behavior to the roots.

just leaving this here

Well we got this pannel on the last chapter of kuroshitsuji (133). We see how happy Real!Ciel and Elizabeth are while playing around and stuff, and then we see Our!Ciel on the back, just looking at them.


And then I remembered I saw this before.


Hell yes, I knew I saw it before.

Kuroshitsuji chapter 120. Just a short flashback Our!Ciel had while celebrating Hallowen.


I must be honest, stuff like this just broke my heart. My poor lonely child wanted to be with them at all costs, but he felt they were leaving him behind, I think, almost all the time.