Which Rivers of London characters you should fight
Peter Grant: On the one hand, he can do magic. On the other, if you distract him with an interesting scientific question you can probably get the drop on him. On the third, he’s pretty good at not losing fights, and he has a lot of friends who are good at winning them. The key here is to be very fast and very sneaky.
Lesley May: Small, but cunning and well-trained. Try not to give her an excuse to Taser you. Will not be sorry for any damage she inflicts, but will probably arrest you afterwards.
Beverley Brook: Doable, but only if you can get her away from large bodies of water. And major water lines. And - look, if you’re ever trapped with her in the Sahara, go for it. Just make sure you’ve checked for firearms first.
Thomas Nightingale: No.
Molly: No, because she’ll eat you.
Dr Walid: Scottish. Knows where all your vital organs are. I wouldn’t.
DCI Seawoll: Nearly two metres tall, kind of terrifying. But he’d rather arrest you than do the paperwork that would be involved with killing you, so you’d probably survive.
DI Stephanopoulos: Has faced much tougher things than you and won.
Zachary Palmer: Will fold quickly, but you’ll feel bad afterwards, and probably end up buying him a kebab to say sorry. So is it really worth it?
Sahra Guleed: Has picking a fight with a ninja ever ended well for anybody?
Jaget Kumar: Maybe the most winnable fight on this list, if you catch him aboveground. Not recommended if you’re in the Underground or a cave, because he knows more about them than you do and is smart enough to use it to his advantage.
Lady Ty: You’re never going to get close enough for a fight, and if you do, the same caveats apply as her sister. Your best bet is probably smashing some of her stuff - if she gets angry enough she’ll stop thinking straight. But then she’ll be angry at you forever, so this only works if you’re in it to win or planning to flee the country afterwards.
Varvara Sidorovna: You don’t decide to fight her, she decides to fight you. Only recommended if your magical dueling skills are top-notch and/or you have a really good escape plan.
Abigail Kamara: Okay, look, you could win this one, but she’s a thirteen-year-old girl. You’d feel terrible. Also, she’s definitely going to bite you.
Toby: Also definitely going to bite you, and really? Really?
The Faceless Man: If you lose he’s either going to kill you or use you for some horrific magical experiment, so it’s pretty much fight or die, here. On the other hand, he seems like the type who’d be distracted if you messed up his nice suit, so try to bleed on him. That might buy you some time to run away.