Title: I Phil Offended
Pairing: Dan x reader
Rating: M (because why not add the smut)
Word count: 2,043
Prompt: After dating for six months, Dan has stumbled upon your old side fanfiction Tumblr blog. He is in for a big surprise when he sees the kind of fanfiction you were interested in.
Request by @beforethebraces: Write around this quote for Dan x Reader, “Hey, y/n. I think I found your old Tumblr blog and- OH MY GOD. WHY IS THERE A LOT OF PHIL SMUT, I’M OFFENDED.” Good luck bestie ;)
Oh, bestie. You have no idea how much I LOL’d and LMFAO’d when I read this.
Hey lovelies! Why I didn’t think about doing a Dan x reader fic around this prompt, I don’t know. Props to my best friend who writes hilarious 5SOS fics and sent me this hilarious request. I’m still rusty on writing smut, so I think this’ll be the perfect prompt to write smut about… well smut. INCEPTION PEOPLE. Girl, I hope you don’t mind I added the smut, ‘cause I know how much you love reading the 5SOS smut. *thinks back to what you told me about the 5SOS daddy kinks*
Side note: for your Tumblr name, use this little formula I made up: favorite color + favorite animal + favorite number. Mine would be Blackpanda13.
Spending at least 95% of his life on the internet, what would have been another normal Tumblr scrolling spree takes a turn when Dan comes across a particular Tumblr blog.
It’s a rainy day in London and he has chosen to spend the afternoon indoors. Phil is at Zoe’s house shooting a collab video with her. (Y/N) is on her way over to the flat. He’s in his classic browsing position on the sofa.
He can’t wait to spend the rest of the day cuddled up on the sofa with her. Maybe they’ll get to play a round of Halo if she isn’t too tired from work. In the meantime, he’s browsing the web until her arrival.
He types in the URL for Tumblr. After signing in, he skims through his dashboard. He does a couple of reposts. All is fine until he reads a reblog from one of the fans he randomly followed. It’s a phanfic. A phanfic with smut.
He doesn’t often take the chance to read Phan smut, not after reading the Cherry Fic a couple years ago. The demented minds his fans could have made him wary about finding another horrifying smutty phanfic. Once in a while, he’ll read one on Tumblr out of curiosity. Not all of them are like the Cherry Fic (there are well-written ones out there), but he still takes pre-cautions.
He decides to read through this one. How bad could it be?
The phanfic is less than 2,000 words long. There are lots of fluff and sex. By the time he finishes reading, he’s thinking about reading more from this particular user.
The door to the lounge opens. (Y/N) walks in, leaving a semi-drenched umbrella down on the floor.
“Hey babe.” She takes off her (your favorite footwear). She removes her (F/C) coat, carrying it over her arm as she heads over to Dan. “Whatcha up to?”
She drapes her coat on the sofa’s arm unoccupied by Dan’s body and looks at the laptop screen. “Tumblr again?”
“Ah. Well, I’m gonna make some hot chocolate. You want some?”
He grins. “Marshmallows please.”
“I know you do.” She kisses his cheek. “Be back in a bit.”
(Y/N) heads into the kitchen, leaving Dan to resume his Tumblring activities. He enjoyed reading that fic from (your Tumblr name). If she (or he since he does have male Dan and Phil fans) has written other fanfics, those fics should be just as good as the ones he read.
He clicks on (your Tumblr name) and the Web page switches to (your Tumblr name)’s blog. He scrolls down the page. After a couple of posts, he finds another fanfic. It’s a Phil x reader one.
He snickers. He doesn’t read reader insert fics as much as phanfics, but he is aware of their existence. There are a lot of Dan x reader ones out there. He reads those when he isn’t in the mood of reading phanfics. Now that he’s dating his (Y/N), he pictures her name in those fics. As for Phil, he’ll dabble in the Phil x reader collection if he finds it on his dashboard.
He likes Phil x reader fics. Most of them are fluff, which guarantees the content won’t scar him for life. This Phil x reader fic is no exception.
“Aw,” he says when he speed-reads through it. “That was cute.”
This (your Tumblr name) is a good writer. The decent number of notes on this story proves that.
“Got your hot chocolate.” (Y/N) returns to the lounge and sets the two steaming mugs of hot chocolate on the coffee table. “Anything exciting on Tumblr?”
“Just the fanfiction.”
She smiles. “Lemme guess, Phan?”
“The first one. I just finished reading a Phil x reader one.”
She sits down on the sofa to his right. “Oh fanfiction. The therapy for all people when a beloved character die.”
He groans, recalling the previous episode of Game of Thrones. Thank god he wasn’t too emotionally attached to the latest character killed off. “Don’t remind me. The internet is still in a major shitstorm.”
“It’s the internet. What are you gonna do.”
He scrolls further down (your Tumblr name)’s blog. “By the way, didn’t you have an old side Tumblr blog? Before you started posting all your fics to your main one?”
“Oh yeah! I haven’t visited that blog in a while. I keep forgetting to delete it.”
“What was the name of the blog?”
“(your Tumblr name). I cringe at the name.”
His eyes widen. “(Y/N), I think I found your old Tumblr blog.”
(Y/N) looks at him with an amused expression. “You would’ve come across it eventually.”
He glances back at the screen. The post he’s on is a masterlist. Scrolling down the masterlist, he feigns a horrified gasp. “OH MY GOD. WHY IS THERE A LOT OF PHIL SMUT?” Under the section labeled ‘Phil x reader,’ there are asterisks next to those designated as fics containing smut. Not only is there an overwhelming amount of Phil x reader fics in the masterlist, but it looks like at least ¾ths of them are smut fics too.
(Y/N)’s face turns light shade of pink. “There’s a perfectly reasonable explanation for that.”
“I’m a bit offended.”
He laughs. “I’m messing with you, sweetie.”
She playfully slaps his shoulder. “Dan! You had me worried there for a second.”
“(Y/N), it’s fanfiction. You know I’m a troller for Internet creepiness.” He closes his laptop and places it on an empty spot on the table. “So you wrote a lot of Phil x reader smut.”
(Y/N)’s cheeks flushes from the light pink into a rosey pink. “It’s a long story, Dan.”
“I got time.” He picks up one of the mugs of hot chocolate. “This rain isn’t letting up any soon.”
“Where do I even begin.” She grabs the other mug. “If you want to cut to the chase, I had a huge YouTube crush on Phil during his early days of YouTube. When I discovered the world of fanfiction, I was sucked into it like every other nerd. I got so addicted to reading fanfics that I tried writing my own. I did some for (one of your favorite fandoms) before I wrote for Dan and Phil.” She pauses to sip on her hot chocolate. “As I got older, I got around to reading smut. Smut definitely opened up a whole new world for me.” She giggles. “I was embarrassed to write the smut at first. I had little experience with smut and it was hard to write it beyond the words ‘in, out, in, out.’” That earns a laugh from Dan. “I got used to it. People aren’t wrong. With a little practice, you get used to writing the smut.”
“What was your first smut piece?”
“A (a favorite ship) one for (fandom corresponding to favorite ship).”
“I see. So when did you get around to writing Phil smut?”
“Sometime in 2013.”
For the next several minutes, (Y/N) continues to divulge into her fanfiction writing. Dan learns that she wrote for Phil x reader because she wanted to give as much attention for reader insert fics for Phil as much as Dan. She noticed how popular Dan x reader smut fics, and when she saw the lower numbers for Phil x reader smut fics, she took matters into her own hands. She never would have believed that she would be one of the Tumblr users that set the standard for Phil x reader fanfics. And, because she loved Dan and Phil in general, she made sure to write fanfics for Dan x reader and Phan to even the field.
It makes perfect sense. Dan is glad he didn’t feel the emotions that his words had to be offended by (Y/N)’s preference for Phil x reader smut fics. All she wanted was to give as much love for Phil x reader smut as Dan x reader smut.
An hour later, they consume all of their hot chocolate. Dan is in the kitchen washing the mugs.
All of that talking about smut has gotten Dan in a smutty mood. Sex with (Y/N) is amazing, and even if they haven’t dated for a year, they are adventurous behind closed doors.
There’s a bulge in his jeans. God, he needs a release.
He finishes getting the mugs scrubbed and rinsed. He puts them on the dishrack, then heads back to the living room. (Y/N) is looking through his game collection.
“Babe, what do you want to play?” She holds up the latest release of Halo and (your favorite x-box game).
He smirks. “I was thinking of playing with something else.”
Understanding dawns in (Y/N)’s (E/C) eyes. “And what do you suppose we play with?” Her eyes flickers to the lower half of his body.
He makes his way over to her, snaking his arms around her waist. “It’s a game where there are no losers.”
“Ooh. Let’s play that game then.”
His lips meets her. They stumble over to the sofa. Clothes come flying off and strewn all across the lounge.
“You could have gotten straight to the point,” she teases as she lays on her back on the sofa, naked and writhing in need.
“Psh… where’s the fun in that?”
He spreads her legs apart. His lips trail light kisses along her thighs until he reaches her center. Inhaling her sweet scent, he darts his tongue through her slit, from bottom to top. He grins at the drawn-out moan she makes.
“Damn, I should talk about smut more often,” she says.
“You should. But less about Phil. I won’t hear the end of it once he knows he’s the reason why we got here.”
“True. Now stop talking and more of that.”
“More of what, sweetie?”
“Don’t make me spell it out for you.”
He chuckles. “As you wish.”
He plants his mouth firmly on her clit. He licks and sucks on the sensitive spot. Her hips buck upward to meet his face, causing him to hold her hips down to the sofa. She settles for gripping at strands of his hair.
“Fuck,” she groans. “I’m gonna come.”
He adds more pressure to her clit. Wetness pools onto his tongue as she lets out a loud moan and climaxes. He savors every drop of her essence until she’s begging for him to stop.
He moves away from her legs and hovers over her body. “How are you feeling?”
“Like I ate the biggest (your favorite chocolate) chocolate in the world,” she answers breathlessly.
“Are you saying you love (your favorite chocolate) more than me?”
“Dan, I love you more than anything else in the world. Don’t you feel the love?”
“Oh, I’m feeling the love.”
She bursts into giggles. “Are you feeling it now, Mr. Krabs?”
He joins in on her laughs. (Y/N) and her witty remarks. “I’m feeling something.”
He guides his cock to her wet center. He runs it through her folds a couple of times before he slides in. He starts at a steady pace, but soon he’s moving faster and faster.
He lifts her legs over his shoulders. The change in position causes him to push in deeper, hitting her g-spot over and over. The sensations sends him into a tailspin.
“(Y/N)! You feel so good!”
“You… too,” she pants.
He slips his hands down between their bodies. His fingers rub circles around her clit.
“Come for me,” he murmurs huskily. “Scream my name, baby.”
“F-fuck! Dan!” she shouts. She buries her head in his shoulders. Her walls clamp down on his cock, her body shuddering in her orgasm. A few more thrusts and he’s coming too. He holds her close to him as he rides out the waves of his sexual bliss.
When he’s done, he pulls out and collapses in a satisfied heap next to her. He pulls her in a spooning position, her back to his front.
“This beats video games any day,” she sighs.
He smiles. “I’m glad to hear that.”
She turns in his arms. “This gives me inspiration for a new fanfic.”
“Does it include smut?”
“Why yes it does.” She pokes his nose. “But this time, I’ll try to keep Phil out of it.”
Oh, title puns. I should do that more often.
Bestie, I know how much you love your one-liners, so I tried to put in as much as I could. I added in the Spongebob one (brownie points for those who can pinpoint the episode and scene that line was from) I tend to say in our, ahem, conversations about the male human species. :D
I’m still practicing the smut. I read them all the time, but when it comes to writing my own, my mind goes blank. Practice makes perfect though, right?
Btw give love for Phil x reader fanfics guys. Phil doesn’t get enough love for reader insert fics, especially for the smut. I might try to write Phil smut, if you guys wanna see that.
Until next time.