summary: you help bucky to feel safe and human again and he is being honest to you.
pairing: bucky barnes x reader
warnings: a little angst (ooo hella angst actually), bucky being a cuddle bear, crying, also bucky having nightmares
a/n: hey ho, i’m back with yet another writing challenge lol i only come to this part of the tumblr for those challenges but here i am……
Bucky took a deep breath in his sleep and clutched his pillow tighter. His nightmares were getting the best of him again and even though he is aware of it, he couldn’t do anything.
Bucky whined quietly. He wanted to wake up but something kept him under. He wiggled, and whined a little louder.
There was blood everywhere; on his face, clothes… It was splashed on the wall across him. There was a woman, crying silently. Begging him to stop. Begging him to stop the pain. He heard her yelling at him. She wanted to die and begged him to make it quick.
Bucky tried to wake himself up again but he failed. The tears found their ways to roll off from his cheeks to his pillow, making the pillow wet. He whined. His metal hand whirled furiously.
“Finish it, please, please, I’m not gonna resist. Just. Please, do it. Do it now. Please. Pleas-”
He pulled the trigger.
Bucky started screaming; his hands were holding the pillow tightly, the tears were rolling fastly down his cheeks. He whined loudly this time, his breath were coming out off as gasps. He screamed again.
Everywhere was blood.
He just blew off that woman’s head.
Everywhere was blood.
He put down his gun, he bent down slowly and picked up the blood soaked files. These files were his mission. His handler wanted him to bring these. He stepped forward.
Bucky’s head snapped to the opposite side, his chest was moving so fast. He was hypervantilating. He tried to hit himself. He was hoping to waking himself up with this way. But it just didn’t work. He growled. It was quiet.
“Mommy, where are you?”
He saw a little girl with dark straight hair. She was holding her teddy bear tightly. She looked at him.
“Are you friend of my mom’s?” She asked with her tiny voice. He held his gun tighter and directed at her.
“NO, no, no, no!” Bucky started to chant. He was muttering, wiggling and trying to stop his fucking brain to show him his disgusting past. “Please…” He whispered.
Then, then, he felt a hand over his flesh shoulder and his chest. He was shaking. No, someone was shaking him.
“Bucky?! Jesus… Buc- Wake up!”
Whoever that person, yelled at him. “Wake up, dammit!”
“Have you seen my mommy?” The little girl asked him, she didn’t see the gun that pointed at her. “She promised me to read me story before sleep.” He didn’t answer. “Would you read to me?”
“Bucky! Please!” You yelled, and shook him harder. He screamed and his eyes opened. You hold him tight from his shoulders. “It’s okay! Hey! Bucky! It’s okay, it’s fine. You’re home, you’re safe!”
He shook his head, refusing the things you told him. “кровь (Blood),” he whispered. “это везде (It’s everywhere).” You felt your heart broken at the sight and did your best to not sniff.
“It’s not, Bucky. Come on, look at me.” You held his face between your palms, forced him to look at you right in the eyes. “You are home and you are safe. I made sure that you are safe. Please, come back, come on.”
Bucky shivered. Your hands felt too warm on his cheeks. He felt his eyes starts burning. He sniffed, and with an instict he buried the right side of his face into your hand, let the tears fall quickly down on his cheeks.
You wrapped an arm around him and pulled him into your embrace. He looked so vulnerable and small, your heart ached into your chest. You knew his past wasn’t his friend, and is chasing him every night when he is trying to sleep.
“You’re okay,” you continue to your whispering. Your voice is soft and warm next to his ear, Bucky shivered again. The sweat on his body started to dry off and it gives him shivers. You noticed his shivers. You reached out for his blanket and put it around his shoulders, wrapping him tightly. “You’re safe, you’re home Bucky.” You felt his hand clutching your t-shirt.
“Y/N?” His voice was small and raspy from all of his shouting. You bowed your head to look at him in eyes. His pale blue ones daring into yours. “Y/N.”
“Yes, Bucky, it’s me.” You smiled softly at him. He relaxed his tense muscles and collapsed into your embrace, burying his face into the crook of your neck. He nuzzled quietly. You played with his long brown hair, they were soft against your fingers. “Is there anything that I can do?” You asked silently and felt him moving you.
You ended up on his lap and him hugging you, holding you, tightly. “No, just stay with me.” He cried silently when you smiled warmly. You continue to play with his hair, drawing random lines on his back. He nuzzled again, his warm breath tickling your neck. You giggled quietly. “Just stay,” he whispered again.
“I’m right here, baby,I’m with you from dusk till dawn.” His arms tightened around you, like it’s possible.
“Dusk till dawn,” he repeated. “I’m willing to share my dusk and dawn with you as long as you are with me.” You kissed his hair.
“I promise,” You said and hugged him.
No one is going to hurt him. Not when he has you in his arms.
Wow! Finally good Liams interview! Puppies! So cute and i'm crying. He barely mention Cheryl (like "yes, i need to mention her, i'm good bf and father). My favorite part is about his perfect day. Watching TV shows, sleeping. He sounds like single man, not young father with 4months son. I really love it. Finally something good here.
Yes finally something good! Soo much Liam, smiles, giggles, puppies, music and so little Chiam, what a dream!
I love the whole video but I’m not gonna lie, my favourite part is the beginning.
“Which member of 1D do you want to collaborate with?”
“I THINK I WOULD COLLABORATE BEST WITH ZAYN BECAUSE WE DO REALLY SIMILAR TYPE OF MUSIC AND I WOULD SAY THAT I WOULD LIKE A MUSIC VIDEO TO BE RIGHT HERE WITH THESE PUPPIES”
THESE ARE HIS OWN WORDS. NOW IMAGINE A ZIAM MV WITH PUPPIES. I’M GONNA CRY IN A CORNER, BYE.
hey lovie! i was unaware that you gave fic recs!! :) well I have a question - what are your fave ziam fics that are just extra fluffy with feels? i just got my kindle in the mail and im putting ziam fics on it lol ps where did you get your music player on your blog? xx
I hope you dont mind that i’m publishing this, just because I always publish fic recs.
ok FLUFF. the ziam fandom write a lot of it. (note some of these have angsty parts, but they are fucking fluff fics i swear.)
AU in which Marvel Comics writer Zayn Malik has a phobia of water so intense he can’t even get in a bath. Of course, he’s willing to reconsider that statement on the condition that ridiculously attractive Marine Biologist Liam Payne is in the bath with him. Which probably won’t happen. They may have been exchanging increasingly flirty emails for months, and Zayn might be half way in love with him and he may have named the main character in his new comic series after him but that doesn’t mean anything. They’ve never met and they’re not going to. That is, until his meddling agent Niall organizes a ‘research’ trip for he and Zayn to go on a deep sea expedition with Liam and his deranged scientist colleagues Harry and Louis. Zayn thought he couldn’t possibly be more afraid of the ocean. He was wrong.
“Oh,” Liam says like he’s been hit in the sternum, turning to Zayn with his eyes wide and running his hands back through his hair. “Oh my God, that’s it. Your family, they must have thought – like, because you invited me back home for Christmas and, oh, God – they think we’re boyfriends.”
An AU spanning a decade, in which the world is huge and they’re all just trying to find ways to handle it. Harry and Louis fight, Niall plays guitar, Liam runs, Zayn draws, and there are stars stuck on ceilings and chocolate and books Liam doesn’t read.
Zayn’s the artist of the group but Liam likes to draw, too. On Zayn, anyway. Three inked-on expressions of Liam’s feelings over the course of the past three years, and one time Zayn drew on Liam instead.
and the fluffiest thing i have EVER read (damn jesse)
It’s incredibly relaxing, even in this small space, the way they’ve always been. Such a distraction that he doesn’t think, not for once, about agreeing to lie to his family and Zayn pretending to be his date and how easy all of this might be. (Liam needs a date to a wedding. His family loves to match him up with blind dates. He doesn’t want that. He needs a date… and, well, why not Zayn. Pretending to be boyfriends for a weekend isn’t the worst idea he supposes. Liam is horribly wrong.)
As always please be sure to read all warnings and make sure you’re alone because some of these ficss are gonna have you fucking squealing they’re so fluffy! ~music player ~
if zayn knew he tweeted that that'd be shitty as hell so I hope that that's not the case bc it proves how much of a dick naughty boy is and how he really doesn't have zayn's best interests at heart. how in the world would zayn be ok with naughty boy dropping a demo, no matter how unfinished or not even a big deal it is, to blatantly spite fans of a band that he's been a part of for 5 years. the media is already pitting him against 1d with the solo thing and now naughty boy too? it's fucked
it’s TRUE that this whole situation is messy and ppl will hate me 4 sayin this lol but imo this includes louis tweeting naughty boy AND nb’s replies lmao like it was fun while it was going on and it felt good to see nb get shut down but the reality is that zayn is friends with shahid and louis knows this/knows that zayn records with him and louis knew shahid would retaliate. and honestly louis tweeting about that shit is what brought all the attention to it cuz honestly who the fuck pays attention to shahid’s fukin dumbass tweets? and now the media is all over that shit….
and i’m gonna go off subject a bit cuz LOL WHAT’S NEW
but ppl are talking about how zayn is betraying 1d because “HOW COULD HE WANT TO LIVE THE LIFE OF A NORMAL 22 YEAR OLD AND THEN DO THIS ?!?!” but this shit was recorded months ago like he was always in the studio with nb so why are ppl shocked that they were actually recording things…? but anyway. zayn recording with his family and friends and going at his own pace and doing things how he wants to do them/recording the music he’s always wanted to record and not being on a schedule and not having to wake up early every day or leave home or constantly perform and NOT HAVE TO RECORD A NEW 1D ALBUM WHILE BEING ON THE ROAD AGAIN …likeee these are the things i think zayn wants to be allowed to do, the things that make him happy. which obvs he couldn’t do if he was forced to stay in 1d. and nothing of what he is doing rn disproves his problems with anxiety and whatnot yet ppl are acting like he was just faking that too.
so yea lots of ppl are assuming that zayn was just lying to us and the boys hate each other/there’s this bad blood and zayn is out stompin on their hearts or something but
idk i guess it’s just gonna come to the point where ppl are with zayn or they aren’t. I’M WITH ZAYN OBVS and i’m gona support him and his future cuz i genuinely believe he did what’s best for him and what he wants to do.
he’s doing what makes him happy. being in 1d wasn’t making him happy. last week everyone was saying “ZAYN’S HAPPINESS IS ALL THAT MATTERS” but now that he’s on the path to do that nobody cares anymore and he’s horrible apparently ?? ok
edit / and also for those of us who were scared we wouldn’t hear zayn’s voice for months likeee , disregarding how this was posted, it’s very comforting to hear it and hear zayn and sigh i love him so much and his voice is so beautiful
how can you still like louis and niall after what they've done lol
Oh man here we go get fucking ready. I literally stan for all of one direction and they’re all have done some problematic shit and I’ve NEVER excused it, I’ve never told people they couldn’t get mad @ them for what they’ve done so there’s that. I’ve liked one direction for four years of my life like that’s a toddler tbh that’s a lot of time I’m not about to drop them so easily, as cheesy as it sounds one direction has and makes me happy as hell…honestly if I’m sad or whatever I can turn up WMYB watch some “one direction funny moments” and I’ll have the biggest smile on my face, because of one direction i made this blog that has allowed me to help people learn shit and the best part is that because of one direction I’ve met some of the best people that I have the honor to call my friends. So yes, I love niall, I love louis, I love harry and I love zayn because at the end of the day the good that one direction has given to my life outweighs the bad BY FAR. So lol back at ya!
Louis: His eyes grew teary as soon as he saw the look on your face. The tone of your voice was pure torture. “I might not be coming back,” You explained to him, repeating what you’d been discussing with your parents back home. You planned to visit them a few months from now, only to learn that you may have to stay a lot longer than you were going to. “What?” He whispered gently. You felt his eyes bore into the top of your head as you focused on the intricate details in the floor beneath you. “Don’t lie to me, [Y/N]” Your heart broke at the sight in front of you. “Hey you two, dinner’s ready.” Niall butted in and despite your protests of staying and talking about it, he got you to sit beside each other during the Sunday dinner.
Zayn: “Hello?” You answered the call as you turned down the busy street in Central London, careful for any police vehicles around. “Hi Mummy! What are you doin’?” A smile was on your face at the sound of your daughter’s voice, “Just driving home from work, darling. I’ll be there soon.” Your daughter asked another question but only received a big crash in return. “Mummy?” She grew frustrated when you didn’t reply. “Daddy? Mummy won’t talk. But I talked to her before!” Her father’s eyebrows pulled together in confusion. “Here,” She handed the phone to him. “[Y/N]? Are you there?“ You lay lifeless in a car wreck, people trying desperately to help to the best of their abilities. He hung up, figuring you would ring back later.
Niall: Your throat had developed an unusual bump on the side and it was fairly hard to touch. You’d booked an appointment with your doctor and was soon admitted to hospital. "Hey,” You said after his voicemail tone. “I’m just ringing to say that I’m being checked into the hospital.” You took a shaky breath. “I have thyroid cancer.” Your thick, blue shirt was gripped between your fingers quite tightly. “Please be here as soon as you can, or-or ring mum or someone, please.” You sniffed to rid the running snot from your nose, swiping a hand underneath your eye. “I thought I should ring you and mum but I have to go now, I don’t have enough time to get to her.” He was happily playing a concert in god knows where. What he didn’t know is that his wife was about to endure the last few months of her life.
Liam: You were sure all the fame was getting into his head because he’d started acting real snobby. Always wanting what he wanted. "Babe, you’re not a king-” He scoffed, “Close to it.” You had confusion etched in your face. What? “You’re a fool, Liam.” He frowned at your figure leaving the small McDonalds in a rush but continued to stand and moan about the ‘poor customer service’. “About time!” He snatched the two bags from the poor manager behind the counter, throwing a few profanities over his shoulder. Soon enough videos were online of his little ‘outburst’ and his management were all over it - working desperately to get rid of it. “You’ve got to buck up your ideas.” You finally let out. “You’re a person like everyone else.” “I know and I’m sorry,”
Harry: “Get over yourself [Y/N], she’s a friend!” He fumed as he strode around the house, collecting his belongings for his departure the next day. “All I wanted was to meet up with her before I left, is that so hard?” You hadn’t talked to him in a day. His bags were gone, his passport, wallet, phone, keys, car. You at least expected a ‘goodbye’ before he left for a few months and with the new tour starting up, you had no idea if he’d have enough time to give for you. You saw he was active on Twitter and boasting about the hype around the opening night. Had he forgotten about you? The amount of anger you felt towards him at that point was off the charts. You could not believe him. ‘I won’t be here when you come back. Best of luck, x.’
A/N: BIGGEST apologies for the late pref and the mistakes if there are any - I couldn’t be bothered with proof reading properly. :) x
There is a fan video asking Perrie about her pets and she answers (not with the best face and exciting way when you talk about someone you 'love') that zayn is taking care of them so it's good. Lmao that was outside of their hotel like two days ago in LA.
Well Zayn supposedly choosing pets over Perrie can be used as part of the break-up seeding then, LOL.
And we’re back to ring stunts now.
Time to get off this merry-go-round. It’s not getting anybody anywhere. #freezayn2k15