ok look, I understand that isak saying “not everything is black and white” is a great way to look at the world and honestly I try so hard to see things from more than one point of view but (as a poc) it’s not always that easy, plus being told that your own personal experiences of racism are “bullshit” feels so invalidating and shitty, especially coming from a white boy,,, honestly idk how to feel rn, just please stop telling us how we should feel about things
[text] I know it’s early morning but I can’t stop thinking.
[text] I lied. I lied to you. Last week when you asked if I was uncomfortable with you staying with David and I said no. I am. You are not the same with him as you are with me. You are reckless and always seeking to prove him wrong somehow. I don’t dislike him, in fact, I check in with him regularly about you, it’s just that I worry about you. I worry about you more than you can imagine. I want to keep you to myself and hide you away from the world. Whenever you are away from me you always get into some sort of trouble. It sounds selfish, I know. That’s why I didn’t say anything before. But it’s true! Please just don’t do anything stupid while we are apart.
I’ve been a Michael Jackson fan since I was 11. That was during the worst time of Michael’s life and I’ll admit, I was a bratty kid who made fun of him like everyone else. But, I found my moms old tapes, her copy of Moonwalker, and watched his videos on tv and absolutely fell madly in love with him. I read that book cover to cover several times, I read it so much that the spine of it broke and half the pages came out. Once, my mother got it from my room and put it somewhere different and I couldn’t find it. I literally sobbed so loud my parents thought I was dying (lol) but I was too shy to admit why I was upset. I still have that copy of the book, and a new one that’s much easier to read because it’s not broken.
My fandom strengthened and weakened over the years, but he was always my fav no matter what. I remember the locker number to my freshman locker simply because it was locker 58 lol.
I remember the day he died so clearly, I was out with a shitty boyfriend at 16, when I still pretended to like boys, and one of his friends came up and causally said “Michael Jackson died.” My world went silent, I didn’t hear what anyone else said for like 20 minutes. My heart felt cold and heavy, and everything seemed like it was in slow motion. Michael was gone, and I couldn’t grasp it. I started crying once we were headed home, boyfriend seriously couldn’t understand why and actually became jealous because I was upset over another man (he was a real douche). I laid in bed that night and just looked at the ceiling, not wanting to believe it. And I’ll be honest, I didn’t watch the funeral. Never have. I don’t know if I ever can. It’s just too much.
Fast forward to 3 years ago. My love for Michael had faltered over the years, I mean I still loved him and was a fan, but I was not like I am today. Until one night I watched the Jackson’s movie and I could feel it starting up again. I then had a dream he was in my room, and he hugged me. He was so warm and comforting and that’s what I needed at the time more than anything. At that time I was depressed, full of anxiety, and in a job I hated. When I stared listening to his music daily again I started to feel better. I had the courage to seek help for my depression, quit that horrid job, and enroll back into college. Since then I’ve done well in college and have traveled to two different countries. Without Michael’s encouraging music I don’t think I would have been able to do all of that. Keep the Faith is still my go to song when I need some encouragement.
I hope you’re happy in heaven Michael, the horrible things the tabloids sadly continue to say can’t hurt you there. Your children are beautiful, smart, and they have your caring heart. We all miss you and you’ll always be in our hearts.
I think it’s important that the best role model anyone can be is just to be themselves - that’s the coolest thing you can be - and not give a shit what anyone else would say about you because it really doesn’t matter. Everyone’s always going to talk shit, no matter who you are, so as long as you stay true to yourself then that’s the coolest thing in the world. That’s the only thing i would preach. Don’t be anything like me ! Just be yourself. (insp.)