been a little bit since I posted some revenge, but I’ve reached far
into my memory bank and remembered this little gem from my junior year
of college. Like, A thieving roommate and a “haunted” xbox, this tale of revenge is similar in terms of exacting it with the use of technology.
I lived off-campus my junior year of college with two others.
Roommate 1 was a jolly guy who had a good head on his shoulders. He was
respectful, went to class, did his fair share of household chores, and
was an overall pleasant human being and someone I still call a very good
friend to this today. Roommate 2, well…where do I begin?
Roommate 2 was respectful to an extent, until becoming loud and
aggressive with individuals he disagreed with. He never went to class,
never cleaned (even though he was home 24/7), wasn’t really that
pleasant, and is someone I’m glad I’ll never (hopefully) have to deal
with again. I’d leave for class around 8am just to come back around 2pm
to find him still asleep. Other times I’d come back and hear the blasts
of lasers and the trademark swishing of a lightsaber which meant he was
playing some online Star Wars game on his laptop all day. That fucking
game. I don’t know why, but that piece of shit game made my blood boil.
Maybe because it was old and his intensely focused enthusiasm on
something so low-tech, insignificant, and underwhelming just pissed me
off to no end.
The wretched stenches that permeated off of his body where vile and
rank. He would go days without showering and the smells would linger
like a bad case of syphilis mixed with space aids. He also had a fetish
for interrupting me while I was busy studying just to ask stupid
questions. He once asked me if the word “layer” as in “I baked a layer
cake” was spelled the same way as “lair” as in “I’m Batman, look at my
secret lair”. I could only put up with that for so long.
Lastly, he always stayed up late, since he never went to class, and
would play that goddamn Star Wars game on full volume while screaming at
the top of his lungs. Thankfully, my girlfriend at the time lived close
by so I’d spend a few days a week there just so I wouldn’t have to deal
with Roommate 2 and his antics. And yes, Roommate 1 and I had plenty
reasonable talks with Roommate 2, but he didn’t care, even being at the
ripe age of 26….
The straw the broke the camel’s back was when I had a BIG exam next
morning for a class I was struggling in. My girlfriend was away at the
time and Roommate 1 was at his girlfriend’s house. I had no choice but
to bite the bullet and take the chance staying home and hoping for a
good night’s sleep. I told Roommate 2 about my exam and to just be
courteous while playing video games or whatever.
I was awoken just a mere hour into my slumber to him playing that
fucking game. I texted the asshole and told him to keep it down. He said
ok and I went to bed…..nope.
This pattern continued until I finally got up at 4am to talk to him. I
said what I had to say, he returned some passive aggressive comments
since my other roommate wasn’t home, and I just went back in my room and
studied more seeing how I wasn’t going to bed at all.
The time came; I took the test and failed. I got home to be met with
the usual horrid stench, complete squalor, and the sound of that
I’d had it.
After doing some snooping around I found the username and passcode
for my house’s wifi router (Roommate 1 had them in his room). I grinned
ear to ear as I soon realized what I was going to do.
After class the next day , I went right home, walked immediately into
my room, logged into the router and waited for Star Wars dick to
emerge. I was never more excited for him to play that fucking game. I
kept refreshing the page until I saw his computer was connected. I
waited 10 minutes….then….boop! Restricted his internet access just like
that. No more Star Wars for him.
You should have seen this guy plug and unplug the router. He was
frantic. He couldn’t figure out what went wrong. He asked if I had
internet and I obviously said no “It must be a faulty router…”. After an
hour of euphoric payback , I turned it back on because unlike him, I
had some school work to do and didn’t want my revenge to negatively
But I wasn’t done there.
Guess what went off every night at 11 pm? Yup.
Guess what stayed off everyday until 2pm? Yup.
Guess what was off when I left to be with my girlfriend for a few
days? Or home for the weekend? Or when I just felt like it…? Yup.
I let Roommate 1 in on the revenge. We’d take turns controlling the
wifi so if one of us wasn’t around, the other could continue without a
Roommate 2, being the complete moron that he was, never thought to
actually call the internet provider. Being the complete narcissistic and
delusional bastard he was, he got his Star Wars fix by playing it in
the campus library. Who would have thought? He actually went there for
something. I’m not sure how the ACTUAL students felt about that though….
For the remainder of that year, Roommate 1 and I continued fucking
with wifi and he hadn’t the slightest clue. In fact, that made living
there more livable since his time spent off-line was time spent on
cleaning up and being a responsible human being.
TL;DR: Awful roommate kept me up the night before a huge exam
by loudly playing his stupid video game. I failed the exam and exacted
my revenge by fucking with the wifi/router for the remainder of the
quick backstory. I’m taking a domestic flight in the Philippines. The
whole terminal was a mess; one flight cancelled, the rest delayed by at
least 2 hours. It’s incredibly crowded, not enough seats for everyone,
and you can just tell everyone is not their best self at that moment.
Finally our flight starts to board. They call all the back rows and
pretty much everyone floods the gate to board. I hang back for a while
seeing if order will be restored, but hop on the bandwagon once I see
they’re letting everyone on. I’m three people away from getting my
ticket scanned and this older gentleman, maybe 50-60 years old, comes up
from behind me, pushes me to the side, says “scuse me” in a very
entitled tone (if that’s even possible) and shoved his way up to the
front. The young lady checking tickets didn’t notice as she was
assisting her coworker (2 lines). She scanned his ticket and down the
hall he went. No one said anything, myself included. What good would
that do anyways.
I’m fuming by this point. Hungry, tired and now I’ve been pushed.
Being pushed by strangers is my biggest pet peeve. I’m pretty sure I
burned a hole in the back of his head while we waited to board the
plane. I know I can’t get any revenge, but I just want him to make eye
contact. It’s all I have at this point. Maybe he’d look back and notice
me glaring at him and he’d awkwardly look away. I don’t know.
We get on the plane and he plops his fat ass down in a first class
seat; that explains the self-entitlement. Then my opportunity for petty
revenge presented itself. A woman was trying to make her way back out of
the plane. She was carrying a bunch of food in plastic bags, who knows
where she was going. Well she just happened to pass by me as I was
passing the first class douchebag. I swung my duffle bag hand carry over
my right shoulder and made an exaggerated move to let her pass by,
hitting douchebag in the face with my bag. This bag has been on the
floor of at least 15 different parts of the airport, including the
smoking section where people spit all over the floor. Now it touched his
face. Yummy. I apologize to both of them (I crushed the ladies plastic
bags with my leg actually accidentally) and keep walking down the aisle.
I didn’t get a good look at his face afterwards but I’m sure he was
very, very upset.
Im writing this on the airplane, way back in coach. Man, that felt
good…and the situation never escalated. Personal pettiest revenge.
TL;DR: Douchebag pushed me to cut in line, I smacked his stupid face with a dirty dufflebag and apologized.