SOMEONE ON ANON asked me which GREEK GODS i thought the boys would be but THAT has been done and is boring so i’m going to say WHICH GREEK HEROES instead (also bc im tired and want to cheat and i already have 4/5 named in my tags….sorry….rip). “HEROES” is being interpreted LOOSELY.
HARRY is GANYMEDE bc like “ah lol im just minding my own business being a hot normal guy oops whats this im on mount olympus now and all i have to do is hold a cup and get boned sometimes, sweet, what a crazy random happenstance *smug dimple at camera*”
zayn is HYACINTHUS bc im PRETTY sure if zayn ever had to play frisbee we’d see him die please protect zayn from disc throwing
LIAM is ORPHEUS and if u dont know WHY liam is orpheus go listen to hadestown and then come back and be like WOW WADE u BEAUTIFUL GENIUS ur RIGHT liam is ONLY ORPHEUS EVER all the time.
NIALL is IOLAUS mainly bc i had a HUGE crush on him in the tv series BUT for real niall is THESEUS but like minotaur-era theseus, not post-minotaur sack of limp dicks theseus
LOUIS is the minotaur. OR geryon. my little red boy with his little red dog. NEITHER of those is a hero bUT guess what this is my list and i said so. (fart noise). if he ISN’T EITHER of those bc ur BORING then he’s patroclus. but like actual iliad spitfire jackass patroclus not wet rag tsoa patroclus.