BRO: Hey lil’ man. Been a long time since you got your lazy ass out to see me.
BRO: You act like I’m just a magical fucking tree with glasses.
DAVE: you are just a magical fucking tree with glasses
BRO: Hey. Watch your mouth you insensitive fuck. I’m a magical fucking tree with glasses and FEELINGS.
BRO: Whole other word there.
DAVE: my b
BRO: Damn right your bad.
DAVE: you look like fucking shit dude
BRO: Looking better than you, you look like you’ve been hit by a boulder.
DAVE: dont rub it in
BRO: But yeah, me looking worse for wear is part of the reason I’ve called you out here. Hate to be all business on you.
DAVE: its cool
BRO: Good. Now just sit back and listen to me for a moment, things are about to get real serious here. And not just in LoFaF, but all over Skaia. I know this might sound out there, but things are about to take a turn for the worse, and I need you to do me a huge favor and try to keep that from happening.
DAVE: wait what
DAVE: whats happening
DAVE: and why me
BRO: I don’t really have much time to explain that right now, kind of pressed for the shit. Though, I know you aren’t.
DAVE: if you are then i obviously am
DAVE: i dont even understand how that statement makes any sense
BRO: It makes a shit load of sense to people who aren’t you in this 4th wall breaking dialogue.
BRO: That’s not the point Dave, the point is. I’m sick. Like, seriously sick. Not the ‘oh dude, that’s fuckin’ sick’ sense, in the ‘oh my god dude, you’re fucking dying you’re sick’ sense.
DAVE: i dont understand
BRO: I’ve got like, a virus in me. Viruses have been corrupting people, and areas all over Skaia. Sort of like, glitches. It’s messing everything up, and trying to destroy important parts of the universe.
DAVE: i dont really understand how can you destroy parts of the universe
DAVE: and what does that have to do with you anyway
DAVE: how does that affect you
BRO: I’m getting to that, slow down a bit. There are the Three Stone Frogs, and they’re an integral part of the universe’s structure. Also, the one behind this just really fucking hates them.
BRO: Emerald, Ruby, Sapphire. I’m the keeper of one of these Frogs, Dave, and because of that, I.. no, this whole forest, became a target.
DAVE: okay and
DAVE: i still dont get what this has to do with me
DAVE: what can i even do
DAVE: why not just call for egbert
BRO: Dude, have some more faith in yourself, don’t be such a self-depreciating little shit. You’ve got some tricks up your sleeves, even if you don’t realize it. I need you to go in, and destroy the virus in me and get the Emerald Frog. Can you do that?
DAVE: if it means youll get better
BRO: It means everything will get better.
DAVE: all right then
DAVE: i guess
BRO: Bro. Temple. Now.
BRO: Bring Terezi.
DAVE: were doing this
DAVE: were making this happen