You laid on the tanning chair, gazing up at the star filled night sky. The full moon shining down on you as you take a hit from the blunt that lays between your fingers. Stretching your arm out, you pass the blunt to G, who laid on the chair next to you.
Neither of you had said a word since lighting the blunt. Both of you taking in the night sky, the autumn breeze, and the crickets chirping in the background. It wasn’t often that Gerald got down time, and when he did he was usually out partying.
This was a whole new scene, a change. A good change.
“I know all your dreams, goals, accomplishments you have in life,” you began keeping your gaze on the stars, “but what’s your biggest nightmare?”
G stayed silent for a second, thinking about the question. You two weren’t per say a couple, but he had feelings for you, your feelings were mutual. You both lived the fast life, with your modeling career, and his rapping career there was never time for a relationship.
“Losing everything. My job, my fans, music, you. My biggest nightmare is losing you.”
You looked over at the tall, lanky man, your heart beat speeding up within a second.
“All the years that I’ve been in this music career I felt alone. Every night after tour, I felt as if no one understood me, got who I was, what I wanted. It was not until I met you that I didn’t feel alone anymore, I felt as if I could share and talk about it all without being judged. Because you understand, you get me. You get me and I’m afraid that no one else in the world will ever get me like you do, Y/N.”
“Gerald,” you didn’t know what to say.
“I just- somewhere along the way, I got attached, I grew feelings, G fucking Eazy became a damn softie, for you. So yes, I think I’m in love, and yes my biggest fear is losing you.”
“All woc chose allyship with their men over with other women”
This is a quote from a radfemgossip anon and while I understand that it doesn’t represent radfems as a whole I’ve seen this view expressed or implied several times so I’d just like to say a few things:
1) Black men aren’t “"my”“ men. Men of colour are not our responsibility. They don’t belong to me, I am not responsible for their actions or their misogyny. Blaming women for male actions is so obviously antifeminist and yet here we are.
2) So what if a woc decides that she has more of a connection to her racial/cultural community than (white) women? What has that got to do with you? This might be a foreign concept to you but we are smart enough to make our own decisions with our politics and have differing opinions because we aren’t a monolithic group as you all like to act. Some black women prioritise their femaleness and see themselves as more connected to feminism and that’s ok. Others realise that racism (and other issues that disproportionately impact us like poverty) puts us in a uniquely vulnerable position and choose to prioritise our immediate communities which often include black, brown and immigrant men. Both of these stances are ok and understandable because I appreciate that woc have differing ideas on our social positioning and our personal lives that leads us to practice different politics. If you were truly as anti-racist as you proclaim then your respect for us wouldn’t be conditional on having the ”“right”“ politics.
3) This also might shock you but the world isn’t split into nonwhite men and white women! Sometimes we chose to prioritise eachother and only eachother. I’ve consistently said that I feel most connected (both politically and emotionally) to other black and brown women especially those of us who are lesbians. It’s clear that you don’t understand the day to day realities of our lives if you think we spend all our time thinking about ”“"our”“” men and white women. Going off of that, we have conversations within our communities that people outside of those communities aren’t privy to! The actions that black women and/or lgbt people are making to improve our communities might not be immediately recognisable to people outside but that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it for us. The point I’m making is that a lot goes on with supporting our communities that white people just don’t see, so to assume that we aren’t doing anything to combat misogyny or homophobia in our communities because we’re too attached to “”“our men”“” is ridiculous and insulting.
4) And since we’re on the subject, let’s talk about why we are so hesitant to talk about issues in our communities! The moment a nonwhite or jewish or muslim woman says a word about the issues we face in our communities you white demons will jump on the chance to expose how you feel about our dirty barbaric savage cultures and how we’re just inherently evil. Why am I gonna speak out against misogyny or homophobia in my culture if I know people are waiting like vultures to use my pain as an excuse dehumanise my people? White women will never understand the line we tiptoe on in these situations! They will never understand the pain of trying to fight against misogyny in our own culture only to be thrown under the bus again by feminists so wrapped up in their own white supremacist thought and their own faux radicalness that they feel like their own racism is completely justified and logical
5) And finally, since everyone wants to talk about our men so much, let’s talk about YOUR men. Let’s talk about how white women over and over again align themselves with white supremacist men to gain a false sense of self. Let’s talk about how white women intentionally align themselves with patriarchal values to position themselves as innocent in comparison to the big scary savage brown men. Let’s talk about how white radical feminists have aligned themselves with right-wingers because who cares about what they say about nonwhite people! Let’s talk about how some white radfems literally reblog from white supremacists. How can you complain about us “choosing our men” when your literal white sisters are choosing white supremacy over us?
A lot of white radfems will go on and on about libfems being racist (and yes, they are) but never take a moment to look critically at themselves. We aren’t your pawns and you can’t call yourself an anti-racist if you willingly throw some of us under the bus because we disagree with you politically because of our lived experiences. Racism isn’t a punishment for people you disagree with.
• literally all he does is sleep. and, of course, he has classes but that does not keep him from dozing off 24/7, duh. he never tries to hide it either. actually, he’s secretly proud that he can just take a nap whenever and wherever he wants.
• that said, he hardly ever goes to any of his classes. none of them really matter to him all that much. it’s a surprise that he isn’t flunking all of them. wait … he is, actually. huh, no wonder. never does his homework, never studies - nothing.
• it’s a possibility that he just doesn’t want to go to class. he isn’t that lazy. he’ll do stuff when he wants. but, if attendance is mandatory, he will probably be in there. if there’s a sign-in sheet, he’ll get one of his friends to put his name down.
• sure, he’s failing all his classes right now but - don’t worry. he’s got it covered, he will definitely cram the night before the final exam and rush to get his essays turned in. he’ll just borrow some notes from his buddies, they’ve got his back.
• ends up getting c’s ? i mean, you’re right … he doesn’t really deserve them but whatever. he got a good enough grade on the final, i guess. it always kicks his ass, too. studying like that. but, guess what. he’ll never learn, it’d seem.
2. reliable with the ladies.
• seriously, though. this guy’s probably the most sexual on campus. he’s always flirting and he’s always making moves on girls. i mean, obviously, he doesn’t get them all but - a lot of his pick-up lines actually work, believe it or not. so, yeah.
• constantly, constantly trying to get girls’ phone numbers and, half the time, he does. only thing is, though, he rarely ever calls or texts. i think he just sort of gets them to prove that he can, y’know? doesn’t even bother getting involved.
• he’s had a ton of girlfriends before and, because of that, he’s sort of known as a total heartbreaker. never, ever stays in a relationship for more than a month, he says that he hates commitment and, well … that’s pretty true, if you ask me.
• i mean, even though he’s labeled as a player, he still somehow always scores a new girl. usually tries to hit on freshmen or girls that probably haven’t heard of his reputation. he goes for the easy ones, doesn’t have time for the hard-to-get.
• never in a real relationship, in all honesty. and, you might not like what i have to say but he’s only in it for the sex. and, it’s awful but he would probably dump a girl just and only because she wouldn’t sleep with him. yeah, he’s a big jerk.
3. big on parties.
• oh, my god. trust me - he is such a party animal. he throws them all the time, 24/7, in his dorm. day or night, it doesn’t matter. and, if he isn’t starting them, he’s going to them. it’s one of his all-time favorite things about college - parties.
• picks up a lot of girls at them. that and he’s an awesome wing man. he knows well that he’s more likely to get most of the attention than some of the other dudes there. and … a lot of the time, he will help them out and talk them up.
• drinks like there is no tomorrow. seriously, he doesn’t stop. i’m willing to bet that he could out-drink anyone, anyone at that party. super talented, it’s crazy. i don’t throw that word around a lot but let’s say, he’ll win every drinking game.
• school night? does not matter. a least … not with him. and actually, most of the parties he throws are on a weeknight. well, his logic is, going 5 days without messing around a little ( a lot ) is a total waste of time, you know what i mean?
• you’re right, he’s definitely not a lightweight but he’ll still be way hungover in the morning. knowing him, he will probably beg his roommate to swing by a coffee place to pick him a little cure/remedy to help him get through the day.
4. everyone loves him.
• really, really popular. but only with certain groups of people. i mean, obviously, not everyone is going to like him. but he’s actually friends with a lot of guys in fraternities and such. he’s not in one himself but - boy, he sure does act like it.
• when he isn’t in class ( which is never ), he’s usually hanging out with his buds. they’ll stay around the courtyard or cafeteria, just waiting for someone to come along that they can pick on. it’s never harmful, of course. just playful bantering.
• i’ve said this before and i’ll say it again. girls love him. and with that comes a lot of drama. he will act like he hates it but, in reality, he totally digs it. do not let him fool you - he loves, loves rivalry between two chicks, maybe even three.
• only has a couple good friends, you know? sure, a lot of people want to be his pal but he usually just stays loyal to his old buds. but don’t get me wrong, he’ll still hang out with a ton of people but that doesn’t mean they’re close to him.
• so, so sweet, though. like - if he hasn’t talked to a good buddy in a long while, he’ll probably skype them or just phone them. “what’s up, man? i haven’t heard from you in forever.” honestly, he’ll end up talking to them for two-five hours.
5. so disorganized.
• don’t ask him about the homework last night, he didn’t do it. or anything about the lecture, he definitely was not listening. just … do not bother him with any questions, honestly. i will save you the time and effort, he wasn’t tuned in, at all.
• his room is a literal pigsty. he has dirty clothes and garbage everywhere. even beer bottles. ( god forbid the dean walks in. ) the only time he’ll tidy up in the slightest is when a girl is coming over. but still, it isn’t much of an improvement.
• does the smell-test on all of his clothes before he wears them. yeah, it’s gross but he’ll wear his clothes a few times without rewashing them. i mean, after all, that’s what cologne is for, right? ( oh, my god. wrong. don’t do that, please. )
• other than that, though, he stays pretty clean. hygiene-wise, anyway. he’ll take a shower and shave, all that jazz. sometimes, he’ll forget and have to douse himself in deodorant. it’ll be enough to get him through the day but he hates it.
• forgets where everything is. that one shirt? yeah … he hasn’t seen that thing in forever. phone charger? he’s been borrowing from someone else for months! not the most organized, not at all. honestly, i’m not quite sure how he makes it.
What about you as an INTP? What helps you feel better when upset? And how do you deal with it when there is none to help you, comfort you?
How to comfort an INTP
1. If I’m truly upset, and it’s caused by a recent event, I want to be left alone
INTPs need time to process their thoughts and emotions alone, especially emotions, since that’s rather difficult for us. Talking to someone else right away, especially Fe-dom/aux usually wouldn’t help. We’re rather easily affected by other people’s emotions unconsciously. It doesn’t help when someone goes “OMG! I would be SO ANGRY at him!! Don’t trust that guy!!!” when we aren’t even sure how we are feeling yet.
2. Let your INTP know clearly that you’re there for them whenever they want to talk
Don’t push them to talk or try to get any emotional reactions when they’re not ready. It’s extremely uncomfortable for us, even if you’re our best friend. Don’t add to the problem.
3. If your INTP is very close to you, they might want your company - in a quiet way
They might want to be in the same room, to feel your presence there, even if they’re not ready to talk yet. Just be there in comfortable silence with them, and do your own things. Offer hugs if your INTP has hugged you before. If not, don’t. We’re pretty selective of whom we show physical affection (i.e. being more vulnerable) to.
4. When an INTP is ready to talk to you, listen first
INTPs tend to give their own analysis of the situation first, which you should listen. Don’t cut them off, even if they talk slowly or have a long pause. We process things more slowly when there’s an emotional impact on us directly. My pet peeve has always been an extravert cutting me off and telling their own stories during these times. It shut me off from telling them anything ever since.
5. Give logical advice. We talk to you because we want someone to help solve the problem
We don’t necessarily want someone to side with us (e.g. “she did that!? She’s such a horrible person! I can’t believe it!”). We don’t want any pitying, the “aww,” the “things will be better if you believe.” We also don’t really care for your story of something similar that happened to you, unless, there’s a clear lesson that would help solve the problem.
6. If your INTP cries, don’t pay attention to it!
We do cry sometimes. It can’t be helped sometimes, since it’s a natural reaction. But we do not like it. What works best for me, is when someone I’m talking to continues to talk to me normally like they don’t even perceive the crying. The first person to do this to me was actually The ENTJ, and I was surprised at how much better that made me feel compared to every other reactions I used to get. Hug them if you may, but do not bring attention to the crying!