All Alone And In The Dark
Y/N rolled over one more time before giving up on attempting to sleep.
She sat up and pushed the hair off her forehead before moving over to her desk. She sat down on the chair and logged onto her computer.
No messages. Not on any social media.
Then again, it was 2:30 am on a weeknight. Most everybody with a normal life, school or a job, was asleep or in the very least about to head off.
She sat in silence for several moments before pulling up the chat window.
She flinched when she saw the picture of his smiling face next to hers. She had forgotten that was his icon.
She stared at the image for several seconds before beginning to type.
“I know you won’t see this, but I needed to let it out. It has been exactly one month since we last spoke and I miss you more than words can express. I miss getting notifications from you. I miss talking about life with you. I miss your brother messaging me that you won’t be on to talk because you got in another stupid fight.” She laughed at the memory before continuing on
“But I also feel stupid. I feel stupid for letting you become such a vital part of my life. Knowing this could never last. Knowing something would happen. Knowing that there was a chance that what happened would happen. I feel stupid for seeing it coming and not separating myself from it. Why’d you have to leave? Why’d you have to leave and take such a huge part of me with you? Why’d you have to leave me with nothing, but memories and a bunch of messages I can never let go?” Y/N paused as she gasped for air. She didn’t know at what point she had started crying, but her fingers and keyboard were wet with her tears.
She let her head rest on the desk a minute as she tried in vain to calm her shaking body and pounding heart.
She wiped her eyes and finished her message. “Jason, it has been exactly one month today since you died. I don’t know if they have chat rooms in heaven or if I am just screaming into the void, but I needed to let you know, someway, somehow, that I am not okay, but I am trying. I know you would want me to live. Grow up, get married, have kids, have that white picket fence life that we dreamed about. And I am trying, but it hurts. It hurts worse than anything I have felt in my entirelife, but for you, darling, I’ll live.” Y/N stared at the long message she had just typed. She read every word before holding down backspace until every last character was gone.
“Goodbye, Jason.” She whispered as she logged off.
It was going to be a long night, but they always are when you are alone.