locked-myself-in-my-room

anonymous asked:

robo have you ever been made fun of because of the way you dress/act and if so what do you do?

of course i have. ill spare you (and myself) all of the details, but, i cant say that i ever did anything. i went home and cried maybe back when i was a teenager. listened to sad music, locked myself in my room, wrote in my diary. all that good teenage shit.

i still avoid all conflict to this very day, and i still get rude comments from time to time but its different. as i aged instead of feeling sad or hurt i just think…this person is going to die and everyone they love will die and ill die too, sure, but - man i hope it happens to them first. and then that thought passes and i get over it and move on, and im even still nice to them after that. i dont want to be mean or vengeful or waste my energy on being angry - because i will die, and they will die, and what they said to me means absolutely nothing in the end.

I really want to lock myself in my room and cry and not talk to anyone for a whole week. It’s v safe to say that my 21st birthday week has been the worst week I have had in a v long time.

anonymous asked:

How do you be happy? I've tried but I end up falling back into a slump

i just let life do its thing… when i’m happy, i’m happy… i laugh, hang out with friends, spend time with family, etc. when i’m sad, i’m really sad… i cry, listen to music, spend the whole day locked up in my room with myself, etc.

don’t force yourself. stay in your slump if you need to… but sooner or later, you’re gonna wanna come out on your own and that’s when you’ll start working your ass off toward happiness and self-fulfillment.

anonymous asked:

INFJ here. I read a lot of your posts and answers, but I'm thinking: I'm 22, I live with my parents,and I want to move abroad and work. But I'm exhausted mentally, my Fe developed more only after I came out as trans to everyone -earlier i suspect since 14 i was in loop and used Fe for lying.I mean: I know Fe is the way out of loop. But emotions exhaust me. Im anxious. I go out, and get tired - and I must lock myself in my room, and boom. Loop again. I know it! But how manage energy of Fe better?

[con’t: And being trans I feel like my Se brings me so much pain, so much unwanted stimuli from my own body. I repress it even harder. I hate my body, I fight with it everyday. There’s no chance for balance like this. Se ovewherlmes me. I swear I want to be more extravert. I wish I was some other type. Like this, I’m swallowed by this Ni fog and fear in my head, and I go completely introverted, deeper and deeper, and I try to stop this, in many ways (Fe, Se) but nothing works. Do you have advice?]

I am sensitive to your suffering and struggle but I’m not sure I can offer anything that is specific to the trans experience. It is not your type that is the problem. You have quite a lot of emotional turmoil and, until you can deal with that, working on your functions is kind of secondary. Emotional turmoil is like a black hole eating your mental energy and, without adequate amounts of mental energy, the ability to develop your functions is severely limited. Your view of emotional life is very negative and unhealthy, which will only lead to repression and suppression and no way forward because you are not willing to confront your own emotional baggage/blockages and to process your pain and suffering appropriately, opting to blame the environment or your own body for your emotions instead of looking at yourself honestly. You are too full of judgment, repressed emotions, and self-loathing. You need to work on your emotional intelligence and emotion processing skills. Perhaps some professional counseling will be helpful. Additionally, do not equate the body with Se, that shows a very poor understanding of what Se is. Some trans people feel compelled to transition and find happiness through physical transformation while others eventually come to terms with their body and learn to love themselves as they are. One method is not superior to the other but both imply a need for self-acceptance. Ultimately, nobody can give you that except yourself. Getting acceptance from others or society does help ease the pain a bit but it is not worth much when you cannot first accept yourself.

Right now, you are stuck at low levels of ego development, still trying to work out your sense of personal identity, which is understandable for anyone who is a member of any minority group because of needing to contend with oftentimes conflicting standards of worth and success. However, it is the notion of identity that is the source of the problem and, until you realize that, you won’t be able to get out of the loop. It is a necessary part of growing up to build up a sense of personal identity, however, to truly become mature is to eventually realize that any sense of identity you possess is utter bullshit because it is nothing more than a flimsy mental construction that is used for ego-protection. You identify deeply as trans right now because it is the only framework/paradigm available for making sense of your experiences and suffering so far. However, any time you identify with anything too strongly, you shove yourself into a cage, limiting yourself and the experiences you deem as acceptable, causing your own suffering by restricting your freedom to be who you truly are. People are much more than their gender identity or sexual orientation or ethnicity or social role or whatever they choose to identify as. To say, “I am THIS” really means “I can only be THIS” or, even worse, it becomes an excuse to wallow in your own suffering and defensiveness. However, to say “THIS is only a small part of the whole of me” means that “There are greater possibilities for me other than just THIS”. Until you recognize those possibilities, you will always be trapped in a cage of your own making, defensively using Fe to reinforce your cage walls as opposed to using Fe appropriately to open up to the world outside of your self-imposed psychological barriers. See the sections on type development and emotional health.

missegmont  asked:

If Bumbleby doesn't beecome canon, what will you do? (I would probably lock myself in my room and scream for 30 minutes) P.s.: I love your fics ❤🐝

Glad you like em :)

As for your question, well, pretty much the same as you. Only for several days. It would hurt pretty bad, and might even ruin much of the show for me, childish as it sounds. It just, well, it makes me so happy and Im so invested in it you know?

I feel alone.

I feel like I don’t matter anymore.

I lock myself in my room as soon as I get home and cry. I cry for so long yet I never seem to run out of tears. My head hurts constantly and I just want it to stop. 

I’m loosing all my friends, everyone is getting sick of me and I’m sorry. 

I’m so sorry. 

I’m sorry that I never come out anymore but I’m scared. I’m scared that I’m going to mess up, but I guess that’s too late. 

I don’t matter, I never will. 

I just hope that I’ll finally fade away.