localdreamer

The Penrose Triangle

Part 4

Since he broke down in Hotch’s office, Spencer had been going to see him periodically. Sometimes he would just sit in the office and say nothing; the two of them would read before work, or more accurately, Spencer would read a book as Hotch continued on with the mountains of paperwork that needed to be done. Other times, he would enter in the morning with everything on his mind. Their talk had brought on the possibility that the words meant next to nothing and he was struggling with that thought. Either way, one thing stayed the same. Hotch would say nothing unless Spencer specifically asked, finding it more therapeutic for Spencer if he kept quiet.

Each day was work. Trying to move on when he didn’t want to, when he still missed Maeve, was difficult, but eventually, as Hotch had said, if he wanted to be happy, he would have to find a way to make peace with the fact that Maeve was gone; she would want him to be happy. Nearly three years after she’d been murdered, he had good days and bad days. Now, most were good. He’d think of Maeve and focus on the sound of her soft voice when they spoke on the phone, or the way she cracked the corniest jokes with such confidence, or even the way her hair had cascaded over her shoulders during those few minutes he’d been able to see her in person, but occasionally the bad days still reared their ugly heads.

Today was one of those days, and he didn’t feel like talking to Hotch or JJ or Morgan. What he wanted was to talk to his mother. Though she’d recently been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and was in and out of lucidity, he felt as though she was the only one that could make him feel better. The soothing sound of her voice telling him the story of the word on her arm was what he needed right now, so he called Hotch up to tell him he wouldn’t be at work for the next few days – that he needed to see his mother, not for her sake, but his. Though he needed to fly to Houston to see her, it was worth it.

“My baby,” she said softly, wrapping her arms around his neck after opening the door. Silently, he thanked the Gods that she was lucid. “Not feeling well today?” 

Spencer shook his head, his eyes downcast as he walked into her room in the facility she’d been staying in. “I’m just really confused, Mom.” As he walked into the room, his mother sat down on her bed and patted the comforter beside her.

“About what?”

That was the question wasn’t it? Was he even confused? Or was it just that he didn’t know how to deal with all of the thoughts that were cascading through his brain? Even the thought that he couldn’t control his mind left him uneasy. “Everything,” he said with uncertainty. “I want to move on from Maeve, but I don’t know how. I want to look at the new words on my arm and yet I also don’t. I want to believe that the universe has someone out there waiting for me, but like my boss, Hotch said I also want some autonomy over my own love life…I just don’t know anymore…” When he looked up, expecting an answer from his mother, she just squeezed his hand tighter. She could tell he wasn’t finished with his thought even though he thought he was. “The words have been a constant in my life, in everyone’s lives, since the dawn of time…apparently.  Everyone I know that is happy has put their faith in the words, and everyone that is unhappy hasn’t.” As he flopped down onto the bed, trailing off, Diana took that as her chance to speak.

“True,” she said, running her hands through his hair. “You need a hairbrush.”

“Is that really what you were going to say?” He closed his eyes and giggled to himself.

“No,” she laughed. “But I can’t help but think you need to brush your hair more often. What I was going to say about the people you know who are happy and who aren’t happy is that that’s only because you live in this small bubble. Everyone does,” she continued quickly. “We all exist in our own little world, but that doesn’t mean that another possibility doesn’t exist outside of it. I was happy with my word and my companion,” she spoke, smiling softly at her son, “because after divorcing your father I didn’t want anyone else in that way. I am of the firm belief that we manifest the words due to our own state of mind. All I wanted was a beautiful life with you, so the word remained. What I mean to say is that I think your boss is right. The words exist, but you are in control of them.” She placed her hand on his arm – the arm that was bandaged, hiding his eyes from what might be the words of his new soulmate. “I think you should look at them. The longer you wait, the more weighty they become.”

“But what if I’ve already met this person, and I felt nothing and yet their words are on my arm?” Spencer asked, petrified of the possibility. Despite the fact that both Hotch and his mother felt there was some autonomy in the process, Spencer had grown up believing otherwise, so attempting to rewire his brain wasn’t going to happen quickly. It was going to take him a very long time. “Mom, I’m scared of being alone because these words have too much power over me.”

“Do you think I’m alone?” she asked, looking fondly at the word upon her skin.

Spencer shook his head as he sat up. “Of course not. You have me.”

“Then you are never alone. Soulmate or not, you have people out there that would give the world for you. You put too much weight on these words Spencer.” Her voice turned from reassuring to saddened. The idea that her son felt at all unloved because of these words ripped her apart. How could someone not love her son? He was the light of her life and the reason she kept on going. If only he could see how special he was, he would find someone to love and who would love him in return.

She was right of course, but his brain was still wired to believe in the same things he did when he was younger. “It’ll take time, Spencer,” she said softly.  “But I think that your time might be better served knowing exactly what’s painted on your arm. That way, if it’s not what you expect, you can make peace with that and take control.”

For a few moments, mother and son sat in silence. She was right, but as of yet, he couldn’t peel the bandage away, so he slowly pulled his sleeve down over it. Another time, he promised himself. “Mom, will you tell me the story of my word again?” he asked, seeking for an answer in here eyes as he felt a buzzing in his pocket – probably Hotch asking how he was.

“Do I know you?” His mother asked as his eyes met hers once more.

Spencer’s heart dropped. She’d forgotten before, but never him. “It’s me, Mom,” he whispered, his lip quivering. Maybe seeing her had been a mistake. Now not only did he feel helpless in the context of his own life, but in regards to his mother as well. “Your son, Spencer.”

“Oh,” she said quietly, looking away from him and staring off into the distance for a minute or so. “When did you get here?”

“About 30 minutes ago, Mom.” With everything else going on, he needed her now more than ever. There had to be something he could do to bring her back, to show her that he was worthy of the word on her arm. As much as he didn’t want to, he still believed in those words, and the one on his mother’s arm spoke to him more than whatever was waiting under his bandage. His own words be damned – his mother needed him now.

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The Penrose Triangle

Part 7 - Finale 

It was over. 

It was finally over.

He couldn’t quite believe it.

Though it had only been three months, it had been the longest three months he’d ever experienced.

The hole he had been digging himself out from was now underneath him. His mother was home. Scratch was gone forever. He’d been cleared of all charges. And now he could start to heal. Was it possible that for the first time in years things were finally on the upswing?

It had been a week since he’d brought his mother home and found a new program for her – or rather, he’d found someone that could be there when he couldn’t be. His team. After all he’d been through, they decided to take a pay cut. One member of the team would always be with Diana, and whoever happened to be with her would be on call to lend expertise in the case of an emergency. In her lucid moments, Diana had agreed to it. Originally, Spencer said he was going to take a sabbatical so he could be home with her, but she insisted he still work, not wanting to “be a burden.” He told her that’s the last thing she was to him, but she insisted anyway. And then the team had made the suggestion.

Before prison, he’d never been one to show his emotions outright. People, especially his close friends, knew who he was feeling, but he didn’t let it all hang out, but when they suggested taking turns to help care for Diana, he’d immediately burst into sobs and cried on Emily’s shoulder, as the team gathered him in for a hug. They were a family – and they were truly the greatest family anyone could ask for.

There was only one other thing that was left to be settled. Luke.

Just an hour or so ago, he’d texted Spencer to ask if he could come over. He said he had something he needed to get off his chest.

Honestly, Spencer never thought he’d have the opportunity to say all he wanted to say, so now that Luke was on his way, he felt his stomach lurching into his throat. He was pacing his apartment like one of those carnival machines, turning around and retreating to where he came from the second he hit the wall until 20 minutes had passed and Luke was knocking at the door.

When Spencer let him in, neither said anything, both shuffling awkwardly and looking at the floor. Spencer had thought about this for so long – even before he went to prison, and now he finally had the chance to say it. He wasn’t about to wait any longer. “Okay, I’m going to go first because I honestly thought I was going to die in prison before I got the chance to say anything,” he said quickly, fiddling his thumbs together at the speed of light as he thought of what to say next. “I’m assuming someone, probably JJ, told you why I had the words on my arm covered.”

Luke nodded, a smile ticking up at the corner of her mouth.

“After Maeve died, I never thought I’d see words again, considering I’d waited so long for those to begin with, and then just three weeks after Maeve died, other words appeared and I was mad. I hated the universe for throwing someone into my path when the woman I loved was barely in the ground a month, so I covered them up and ignored them for four years. I debated whether having them meant anything at all, whether or not I had any autonomy when it came to my own love life, and I struggled – a lot. Then you came along.” He looked up and met Luke’s gaze, slightly glazed over with slick tears that he met with his own. “I didn’t know you were it when we met, at least I didn’t know that the words I had on my arm were yours, but I know what I felt, and there was a comfort I had when I first met you that I’ve only felt with one other person. You listen to my rambling, and not only that, you actually seem interested. We can talk about anything, and the conversation isn’t even just me talking, and you listening. It’s…effortless. And then I had to take the bandage off in prison and I saw that what I felt was reflected in these fucking words that have given me so much grief over the years, and I finally feel right…Luke, I don’t know where the hell this is going to go, if it goes anywhere, but-“

He was rambling and he knew it, but he was still caught off guard when Luke crossed the floor between them and grabbed his face in his hands before taking Spencer’s mouth in a heated kiss. Everything that Spencer had felt in the past few months came out in that kiss, and then Luke pulled away. “I was so afraid you weren’t going to come out of there. I knew the words were yours the moment we met, and I definitely made some threats at the prison to get you home.”

“You threatened Shaw?”

Luke smiled.  “It worked, didn’t it?”

Recovering from this whole experience was going to be long and arduous. It would probably take years, and he’d take two steps forward and five steps back if he had to guess, but if Luke was going to be there through it all, he felt like he could do it. As Luke began to ramble, Spencer found himself overcome with emotion, tears falling down his cheeks as he pulled Luke in for another kiss, his lips running over the stubble of Luke’s chin before he pressed his lips to Luke’s.  “I never thought I’d be here.”

“Me either,” Luke said, smiling into Spencer’s neck as he wrapped his arms around his waist. “But we’re here now. I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.”

Nearly a year had passed and Spencer still had his bad days –like today, those days where he would wake up in a cold sweat imagining the beatings he’d endured or his mother being killed in front of his eyes, and he would scream and flail, only calming down when Luke put his arms around him. The difference was that Luke was there now. No matter what time of night he woke up screaming, Luke was there to comfort him, reading him his favorite books and playing with his hair as he fell back asleep. “You ready to go?” he asked 

After getting ready that morning, both got dressed to leave. Living together had been the next logical step, and it felt perfectly right. Today was a packed day. The team was going to be celebrating Garcia’s birthday, as well as the anniversary and Spencer and Luke finally realizing that the universe had made them for each other. First things first though, Spencer had therapy.

Waking up screaming day after day wasn’t healthy, and although Spencer knew as much, it had taken Luke suggesting therapy for Spencer to finally take the plunge and do it. “You have to take care of yourself,” Luke had said. “After everything you’ve been though and all the people you’ve helped to take care of, it’s time you allow us to help you and for you to allow time for yourself. Remember the whole you said you climbed out of to get here?”

Spencer had nodded, leaning into Luke’s chest as his boyfriend twirled his light brown locks between his fingers. “Well, you have to take the time to take another few steps away from that hole so you never fall into it again.”

Luke was right of course. The hole was behind him now; he had climbed back into the light and had been greeted by its warmth. And with Luke by his side, he was never returning to the darkness – or at the very least, he was never returning to the darkness alone.

One soulmate was gone, but whether her words remained or not, Maeve would always have a place in his heart; right next to the man he loved now. Though Luke and Maeve never got the chance to meet, they were connected through their relationships with him, making him stronger with each passing day.

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2,800 Follower Shoutout!

I can’t thank you all enough for the love you’ve shown me over the past nine months or so. I love to write and the fact that there’s anyone out there that wants to read my stuff makes me so happy. Here’s a shoutout to the people that have followed me since my last shoutout!

@excelsioronwardandupward @valiantlyprofoundcheesecake @girlygirlbishop @i-am-the-potato-lord @unitchiefemilyprentiss @drspcncereid @mack3649 @marta-129-blog @theblogofafangirl @relaxedmonkey @susie-giov @gobstikelsa1970 @smoltiredandgay @ice-water-hatered @xoxogabss @troubledliam @lucyandrews992 @amandulie @animalplanetstories @bxccvlxvnnx @hello–sun @ipitytheliving @vyvyanthorn @infiniteoblivion21 @lightwoody @bellanav1 @illusoryxxx @dauphineofvenus @mimcat139 @antoskitchen @fangirlshaveproblems @sillyily19 @bettyavena @ritaribeirinho @sassy-catlover @colourbleedslife @mommasaidso @i-am-totally-disgusting @beckycarly93 @owlyannah @destielswing @boredtodeathluke @mensagembiblica @madamredwrites @carry-on-my-capri-sun @williamferrellexperience @kragain @loubearxhaz @anya987654321 @i-didnt-do-anything @doctorood @alyssaquinnishereforthekill @irwinxhoodx @addy-nerd @dragonslayerx77 @empaulsen34 @malindacath @skeletoresinthebasement @whalnicornia @macayladoesntknow @bandteeskinnyjeans @downtownsound @my-life-from-death-row @just-a-localdreamer @rejectlightbulb @ipetrushhpgube @silversundancer @randymalfoy @chloenic2000 @killerheelsanddullknives @lovelysharizzle @raven666hale @faraniaaaa @artsypainterlady @thegadgetgoon @bitnotgood1895 @drkemerwin @saysmicbourcard1985 @as-told-by-mari @obsessed123456 @lexy-rex @travelocult @but-like-dean-tho @akn857 @monotachiko @skandal00 @buttercupalsina @leviathan-is-not-dead @kalastraki666 @007bondgirl @terrycrews84 @llewislexi @angel0with0a0shotgun @fight-me-damn-it @jwalkernocrosswalks @myshoefelloffacliff @its-clifford-bitch @erbazsobal1981 @moosewithashotgun @doctorclarami @white-eyedmice @saltywerewolfcrusade @smallbirdlikes @zuri-767-666 @axe8472 @yourbasicenthusiast @sugakookiesandmochi @basstherapy @saraireed @haleyyy43t @depressive-lovingss @valpagpe @stormblastfanfiction @heavenlydolannn @token-middle-child @antisocialpixie @heathridgemanor @rich-bitch0016 @yoonchen @b-loodlikegasoline @brooke0297 @lifes-identity-crisis @okokalrightben @puddin-5sos @kingrecurfu1988 @clockwork-catwoman @omgspnfanfiction @alexfayer @kitkat1690 @kayic1 @shachii10 and @jorecitat

Thanks so much for following me! I’m here if you need me! :) <3

Originally posted by solarmechanic