loaded for bear

Today I asked @ufficiosulretro why her Gabe always had red underwear and she dared me to write a ficlet about it. 

So this is it, my love letter to Irene’s red briefs and converse.


“What’s up with you and red briefs?”


Jack blamed the grueling regimen of the Soldier Enhancement Program for how his mouth just decided to go ahead and make a fool out of him.,


“Staring at my ass, farm boy?” His roommate was a couple of years older than him, ridiculously handsome and top of the class. Every class. It didn’t really matter, Gabriel Reyes seemed capable to do just about everything. Jack was both intimidated and wildly turned on.

No!I just,” He flushed to the roots of his hair “They’re all red? And it’s really weird? Wait, I didn’t mean…not that you’re weird or anything, it’s just peculiar, it stands out. Not your ass, the color.”


The ass too.


Jack tried to stop his hands, what did people normally do with their hands? Gabriel arched one eyebrow and erupted in genuine laughter, he felt like an idiot.


“”You were just joking.”


“You got to relax, John.”


“Umh, it’s…Jack, actually. I go by Jack. John’s my dad.”


“Well, Jack…” His voice was so smooth. “ I buy my underwear in stock ‘cause it’s cheaper, those five pair, ten dollars kinda of deal, you know? And they are all the same color because I’m shit at laundry.” He jumped a bit wiggling into his pajama pants, Jack couldn’t fight a smile


“So you are human, after all.”


Gabriel tilted his head “What? ”


Jack hurried to turn the attention away from his hero worship  “Why red though?” He asked perhaps louder than strictly necessary. “All black or white would be easier to wash.”


“It’s my favorite color, give me a break.”


They both got into their respective bunks. This was nice, Jack thought, getting to know each other. Becoming friends. They certainly would need one in the shit show that S.E.P promised to be.


“You could always learn how to separate whites and colors.” He teased, Gabriel went very quiet, and Jack wondered if he stepped over some kind of new friendship line until he chuckled and replied with a:


“You could always admit you were staring at my ass.”


Jack didn’t admit it, even though it was true. Not then, anyway.


Eight months later, he gave Gabe a pair of red converse for his birthday, Gabriel tried to mock him for being “a huge dork who remembers stuff like someone’s favorite color, you’ll make me develop a complex.” But he really liked them, Jack could tell.


“Gabe, I love you, but with the number of times you made all my stuff pink with your briefs in my laundry I couldn’t forget it if I tried.” He said absentmindedly.


“You what, now?”


And that’s the story of how Jack Morrison told Gabriel Reyes “I love you” for the first time. (Without even noticing.)

“Hey you wanna hang out after school?”

“Sure,” I said.

It was at that moment my life flipped turned upside down. Knowing that I had immediately adopted the struggles of all LGBT individuals was not a small load to bear. The assaults, the constant fear, the hatred… all became one with my identity.

I wasn’t ready for that kind of commitment, I sneaked out of school early and stumbled my way home, making sure to not give eye contact to anyone in case they beat me to death right then and there.

I flung open my front door, my delicate white face muddled with fear and confusion. My parents sat quietly in the living room.

“guyss, ii,m LITEERr,,ALLY shAKing,” I blurted out

My dad turned to me, concerned. He lowered his glasses.

“Tell us what happened, lad.”

I gulped, and holding back tears I whispered

“Mom, Dad… I’m queerplatonic”

news.nationalgeographic.com
Actually, You Could Have Outrun a T. rex
Sorry, Jurassic Park fans: Cutting-edge simulations suggest the mighty dinosaur wasn’t capable of more than a light jog.

Scientists just discovered that T. rex probably wasn’t as speedy as Jurassic Park would have you believe. Previously, paleontologists estimated the reptiles could run between 11 and 33 miles per hour, while the world’s fastest human can reach 27 miles per hour. Now, University of Manchester paleontologist William Sellers and his team make the case that T. rex could only reach about 12 miles per hour– and that its bones would have shattered at higher speeds. T. rex weighed around seven tons, which limited its running ability—that’s a lot of pressure to put on a pair of feet!

This new theory derives from an alternate research methodology. While previous studies focused on the lengths of dinosaur limbs, new models account for full skeleton structures and muscles. The sophisticated new computer simulations demonstrate the T. rex gait and biomechanics, highlighting the way the animals’ individual muscles might have moved and how its weight load would impact its legs as it took its wide strides. For those T. rex fans reluctant to accept the news, there is one variable that could alter the recent predictions–the scientists acknowledge that they didn’t take elastic tendons into account, which could have boosted running speeds. They also assumed that T. rex muscles were optimized to be as strong as possible, which may yet prove to be inaccurate.

You can get a closer look at a T. rex’s load-bearing feet in the Museum’s Hall of Saurischian Dinosaurs: https://goo.gl/MRVcY2

VUUVIE'S BACK, BITCHES!!!

Here’s a past post link, so let’s get right into this!

Scenario: The first part was at the beginning of the session. Everyone was walking to their next destination out in an open field when it starts snowing. Like… Heavy snowing. So, it was up to William the Human Warlock, Jun the Wood-Elf Monk, and Vuuvie the-… uh… Vuuvie to do what they could against the elements…

William: *Lifts a hand to catch some snow flakes* “Oh my, it appears that we are due for some bad weather.”

Jun: “Pfft. Worthless, human warlock. He can’t even handle a little bit of cold.”

Vuuvie: “I donno. It feels kinda homey. Like death is trying to snuggle you for some reason.”

Group, and DM: “…”

Vuuvie: “I’m gonna just burrow us a shelter in the ground.”

William: * Gives Vuuvie a look of confusion. * “You… Can burrow?”

Vuuvie: “Are you kidding me?” * Lifts arms in character, but shows a sketch of the character having HUGE monster arms as an out of character action. * “Look at these giant arms! They could bludgeon a gorilla, and emasculate him at the same time!”

DM (OOC): “Okay, roll a survival check for Vuuvie.”

 * Instantly rolls a Nat20, and the DM rolls their eyes from behind their screen. *

Vuuvie (OOC): “So, this is how it goes down: Vuuvie just starts winding his arms up, and burrows into the ground like an automatic construction excavator. Pretty soon, he’s just created a huge pile of dirt that has neatly made a large pile outside of the freshly dug hole.”

Jun (OOC): * Already knowing that this was gonna be worth while. * “Can I investigate this?”

  * They investigate, and jump down the hole. *

Vuuvie (OOC): “As soon as you jump down, the digging sound ceases. Yet, you are now faced with a large security door bolted into the dirt wall. The door is also made of dirt.”

Jun (OOC): “I knock on the door.”

Vuuvie: * A small pannel in the door slides open revealing a set of eyes. They are obviously Vuuvies. * “No-one sees the wizard! No-way! No-how!”

Jun: “It’s me, Vuuvie.”

Vuuvie: “Oh, okay.”

  * The DM is busy laughing their ass off as Vuuvie proceeds to open the door showing a highly detailed, and decorated room with fine decor. Tables, statues, furniture. Even separate rooms with load bearing support beams. All made out of sand. *

Vuuvie: “Please wipe your feet.” * Vuuvie motions to a welcome mat that is also made of sand before walking to a sand-sofa, and turning on a sand-lamp that he casted ‘Light’ on to turn on so that he could read a book made of sand that was titled ‘101 Things You Can Do With Sand - By Vuuvie Jaster.’ *  "Make yourself at home. Mi casa, es su casa.“

DM (OOC): “I’m guessing that the ceiling is just a thin layer of dirt, and grass, so it collapses on both of you.”

Vuuvie: “Hm… I feel a draft. Jun, would you be a dear, and turn on the sand-thermostat?" 

sometimes i get really messed up thinking about Erebor. 

  • it’s hugely vast - Thorin says there are “halls upon halls beneath the mountain” and i imagine it stretches vertically as well as horizontally, so like lots of levels climbing upwards and downwards and just a HUGE amount of square footage, an entire city (perhaps larger than Minas Tirith) literally carved out of the interior of a mountain
  • on that note, travel around Erebor must be facilitated by something. what if they use goats or ponies? imagine little carts, coaches, etc., driven by dwarves and transporting dwarves and visitors from point A to B, ex: the residential level is the main level but the market is three levels below - no one wants to haul groceries by hand up miles of stairs/ramps and damn like, who has enough hours in their day for all that walking? draft animals it is then. (for that matter, oxen could also be involved, in which case they would need cows to keep supplying offspring to be turned into oxen, and that means some dwarves could be dairy “farmers”).
  • which brings us to… what are all these pack animals eating? hay would be easy enough to purchase from Dale or other neighbors but then it needs to be stored. and if there are lots and lots of load-bearing animals needed for everyday life in the mountain (and also for mining operations, lots of material to be hauled there) then that’s a LOT of hay and other feeds needed.
  • so maybe the dwarves have something akin to a pasture somewhere in the mountain, high up, with an entire exterior wall made of glass or a similar transparent substance that lets sunlight in and creates sort of a giant greenhouse or cold frame, so they can grow grass year round for the ponies and goats and cattle to graze. otherwise hay expenses could be astronomical. 

i don’t know. just. Erebor everyday life stuff. fascinating. 

Listen I live for a true Nat & tony friendship the MCU has wasted this entire concept

But: imagine all the IM2 inside-jokes they could have and no one else has any idea what they’re talking about (eg. “A party’s only a party when all the windows and half the load-bearing walls have been destroyed”)

But like… what if rhodey becomes part of these in-jokes

Like, maybe it’s Tony’s birthday and rhodey already came like a week earlier because he was deployed for the actual birthday so for the actual party he’s not there

And then when it’s gift time (the most cheesy stuff like home made coupon books (get-out-of-medical-free cards) and Steve makes drawings and Thor brings weird Asgardian stuff back) Natasha just leaves the room

And walks back in five minutes later with rhodey, who has both a bow on his head and an extremely confused expression.

Natasha says “Got you your friend back” before sitting back with a very smug grin.

Does anyone know how she got rhodey there? No. It remains a mystery.