loaded bong

Steal My Weed, get caught on film.

So this happened when I was in college many years ago. We lived in a house with 11 people, mostly athletes. One guy, a wrestler had this annoying spoiled brat sorority girlfriend who we can call Marty. Marty was a stuck up self righteous bitch. She would get drunk and then start fights and eventually make us all listen to loud make up sex. And she smoked our pot. A lot of it. Like she lived there and was paying for it, but I guess she figured since she was giving up the booty to one guy   she got free pot from the house. Not so. I had a room off the main living room where the tv was and my dresser was right by the door. We would load the bong but leave it on the dresser ready to go but out of sight of the main room. My old bong was a graphics with the black plastic ring that went around the mouth piece. The day before our formal we set a trap. I left the bong loaded but wiped a big smear of black ink all around the mouthpiece. You couldn’t see it against the black plastic. We started partying and waited. Sure enough my bong hit is missing and the alarm goes up “who stole my last bong hit??” Right before we were about to leave! Everyone denied taking it including Marty– who had a huge black circle around her mouth. We kept on saying “you wouldn’t lie to us now?”, and “you’re SURE you don’t know anything?” And she kept lying her ass off. Then we lined up for the group picture before the formal. All in tuxes and evening gowns. Everyone smiling and pointing at Marty, who didn’t know until after the picture was taken and we left the house that she had a giant black ring on her face for her senior formal picture. That shot was an EPIC pic from our last year in college.

[…] I have to tell you, even at my young age I have found myself in relationships that I knew had no future. I knew I wasn’t in love with a guy. I knew I wasn’t gonna fall in love with a guy. He wasn’t in love with me. He wasn’t in love with me, but I stayed with him. Why? Because it was comfortable. It was nice to have someone sitting next to you on the couch loading the bong while I search Netflix. It’s nice. But a marriage of convenience will always end in heartbreak, especially if it never ends. You think I’m crazy. So if you find yourself in a relationship and you know it’s going nowhere, don’t be afraid to get out of it, cause here’s the thing: it’s like we’ve been conditioned to believe that we are all looking for our other half, which implies that we are all half people and so we are all in a relationship, but you’re not half people. You’re all whole. We are all whole fucking people. So, if you have to be single, it’s not a bad thing. There’s a lot of power in that, because if you just end up in a relationship just because it’s comfortable, you’ll find yourself one day down the road wish you would have gotten out while you had the chance.
—  Jinkx Monsoon, 2015

Smoking with sincerely three

A/n: I may or may not’ve come up with this idea while smoking… I’ll let y'all be the judge of that

Warnings: lotsa weed, sex mention

Eggrag hasbeen

- has not smoked a day in his life
- Barley knows what weed is
- He knew you smoked and lowkey wanted to try it becuase he heard it was good for anxiety
- But he didn’t know how to bring it up
- But thankfully you offer him some one day
- It went a lil something like this
- “Hey ev, you can totally say no, but do you want to smoke-”
- “YES OH MY GOD”
- You chuckled at his response and grabbed your stash from your room
- You get yourselves situated outside and light up
- You take a puff then pass it to him
- He takes the joint and just looks at you before just INHALING A TON OF SMOKE
- He coughs it all out and is just dying
- You took the joint and gave him some water
- You literally have to guide him through how to smoke
- After a few more tries he gets the hang of it
- He gets this really big dopey look on his face
- High Evan is so cute omg
- He giggles at everything and does the lil nose scrunch
- Just
- Adorable
- He starts to smoke with you quite a bit
- And every time he offers to pay for it
- Gets kinda paranoid that Heidi is gonna catch him smelling like weed so he DOUSES himself in perfume
- And keeps a spare pair of clothes at ur place
- Also febreazes his whole house just to be safe
- But he really loves smoking with you
- It’s like you twos lil special time together

J-rod cleanman

- ok he’s smoked like once
- It was out of a bong at a party and he ended up burning the back of his throat so bad
- But he brags about it so much
- “Ok mr. Big shot how about you come over to mine tonight and we can smoke?”
- His face instantly drops
- Along with his cocky demeanor
- “Ye-yeah sure.”
- He comes over and you have your stuff all set out
- He takes one look at your bong and looks like he’s gonna shit himself
- “Is there a problem jer?”
- He shakes his head and sits down
- You start off with a joint
- You take a puff and pass it along to him
- He takes a puff and tries to not cough
- After a while he gets the hang of it
- And starts attempting to do smoke tricks
- Like he tried to do the o’s and he just ended up looking like an asshole
- You were both pretty high at this point so you both think it’s fucking hilarious
- Once you finish the joint you start loading up your bong
- Even tho Jared’s high he’s still terrified of the bong
- It’s extremely noticeable
- “J if you don’t want to smoke anymore we don’t have t-”
- “I DONT WANT TO BURN THE BACK OF MY THROAT.”
- You got really confused and he explained what happened
- “If you don’t inhale it all like an asshole you won’t burn the back of your throat.”
- He nodded and you continued
- You handed him the bong and reassured him
- He took a hit without a problem
- It was a proud moment for both of you
- Towards the end he started to get a lil cocky and burned his throat a lil
- But nothing too major
- Lowkey became a stoner kid after that
- He bought a vape too
- (His favorite flavor is cotton candy but shhh)
- He started wearing those stoner ponchos to school just to emphasize that he smokes
- What a loser

Connor metamorphosis

- weed master™
- Like really knows his shit
- “(Y/n) do you want, blue dream, white rhino, harlequ-”
- “I- I just want to get high con.”
- In turn he knows which strains not to smoke Bc he knows how he’ll react to them
- “No, I can’t smoke sativa, last time I did i punched a hole in my wall.”
- Knows If your getting ripped off or not and will FIGHT
- Sometimes he’ll get a strain Bc he knows it makes him horny
- Some guud sex ensues
- When Connors high he gets deep as fuck
- “What color are mirrors?”
- “Do you think hamsters get anxiety?”
- “If the universe is infinite then there’s a galaxy where sausage party is real.”
- Weird shit
- MAD munchies
- Has/will/can eat an entire box of Pizza Hut pizza
- Will also chug an entire liter of root beer
- Definitely watches bad comedy movies and dies of laughter
- His favorite movie to watch is white chicks he thinks it’s comedy gold
- Not really weed related but he has a vape but just never uses it?
- It’s just kinda there
- It’s one of those like real nice sleek ones too
- It’s practically untouched
- Idk
- He loves to hot box in his car
- It gets him so fucking high dear god
- He’d never drive while high tho
- He knows better
- This boy can roll a joint in 2 seconds flat
- He prefers joints over bowls Bc he doesn’t have to keep lighting them
- Just more convenient
- He’s the master at covering the smell keeps febreaze in his car at all times
- And bought axe Bc it’s so fucking strong
- He smells like Jared after a smoke sesh tbh

👻 💀 Ghost Stories/Ghosts at School sentence starters 💀 👻

A sentence meme for the horror anime so bad, the English dubbing team threw out the script and went buckwild with it.
Change pronouns/phrasing/tense/etc as needed! Be wary of somewhat offensive language.

  • “Lunchtime BJ?”
  • “He/she bitchslapped him/her!”
  • “That hurt my face.”
  • “Maybe you should call Child Murder Weekly.”
  • “Isn’t it ironic, don’t you think?”
  • “Someone call Canada, we need Alannis Morissette, stat!”
  • “Now he/she seems partial to beautiful young born-agains, hallelujah!”
  • “Well, lookee there, it seems this time even the ghosts are on your side.”
  • “Thundercats, ho!”
  • “Hello, MILF.”
  • “Look, maybe you should check out Playgirl sometime.”
  • “Ah, shut up, Skeletor!”
  • “Patchouli! What are you, a lesbian?”
  • “Remember, it’s all about the tongue.”
  • “This is no time for smear the queer!”
  • “Ghosts don’t come out in the afternoon–heh, I said ‘come out’.”
  • “There’s nothing to be afraid of, monsters only get evil people like Republicans.”
  • “You’re such brave, strong, handsome men…have you accepted Jesus as your personal saviour?”
  • “I can only hope she/he knew about Jesus.”
  • “Principals always look like lesbians…”
  • “What the fizzity-uck was that?”
  • “Drop the Krispy Kremes, Serpico, we need your help here!”
  • “My BS detector is going ‘ding’!”
  • “You know know what the weird part is? I’m not even high! Not a bit! Totally sober.”
  • “Hope Stephen King never sees this.”
  • “Deadbeat dads are not cool.”
  • “Hello, sinner.”
  • “Jesus saved my ass.”
  • “It’s the chick from The Ring! I–mean…The Grudge!”
  • “Run! She’s a ghost and a bitch!”
  • “Soon it’ll be redder than Republican Texas.”
  • “Time to go home, load up that bong and watch Pokémon!”
  • “Run! Run from yet another Japanese horror movie knock-off!”
  • “Speaking of William Shatner, did you hear he sold his kidney stone for 25 grand?”
  • “Leave me alone, I’m doing my standard anime elbows up pose.”
  • “This is no time for you to be doing your Pilates!”
  • “Don’t fuck with my cat!”
  • “Sweet Jesus, that was scary.”
  • “What a blessed coincidence from the lord, amen.”
  • “Who’s gonna believe us? We missed a whole day of class because of paranormal activity.”
  • “I got beaten up by an apparition of Gloria Steinem.”
Ghost Stories Sentence Starters
  • "So I was nailing this midget when my mom walked in-"
  • "Not Grand Theft Auto! What would Hilary Clinton say?"
  • "I thought meth was only this bad in Oregon."
  • "You just KNOW she's covering her lust for me with cruelty and violence."
  • "It might be painful-like watching Two and a Half Men-but you'll get used to it after awhile."
  • "You smoked it all, didn't you?!"
  • "So, what do you wanna talk about? It's not that rash again, is it?"
  • "Please save me Lord, for I am your favorite among these heathens."
  • "Sure!...jackass."
  • "Now, open your books and turn your page to whatever."
  • "Verizon, like Jesus, never stops working for you!"
  • "Years ago, people went into that tunnel and never came out, kinda like your sister."
  • "You are shockingly hateful."
  • "What movie are we ripping off again?"
  • "TIME TO GO GREAT SANTINI ON HIS ASS!"
  • "Why are old people always watching the weather channel?"
  • "Thundercats, HO!"
  • "RUN! She's a ghost AND a bitch!"
  • "Aw, that's so sweet! In a Emily Rose, you-scare-the-hell-outta-me kinda way!"
  • "Time to go home, load up that bong and watch Pokemon!"
  • "Monsters only get evil people like Republicans, and we're not old enough to vote!"
  • "Principals always look like lesbians."
  • "Aren't any of you bastards gonna help me?!"
  • "What the fizzity uck was that?!"
  • "Butch it up and get the torches."
  • "Let's fizzity uckin' find out!"
  • "Hey, I know! Why don't we meet at the scary isolated payphone on the bad side of town?"
  • "You're an ass! Let us out, you ass!"
  • "Hello, I can read! Not well, but I can read."