INT. SECOND FLOOR LOUNGE, EAST WING, KATSUKI-NIKIFOROV HOUSE - DAY
Yuuri walks in to find Victor slumped on a couch across the room, his back facing him. Victor’s face is hidden, and the room is filled with boxes and a couple pieces of furniture, including the one that Victor is currently lying on. The lights are off, but the sun is shining brightly. This creates some cool lighting effects, but everyone who watches Keeping Up With the Katsuki-Nikiforovs knows that they are not watching because of any sort of avant-garde film-work. The cameraman wonders curiously what will happen today.
“Vitya, Phichit’s coming.”
“Obviously for pictures, what do you think you’ve been trying on all those looks for?”
“Oh, well Yuuri, darling…”
The cameraman knows that Victor resorts to calling Yuuri darling when he’s a) drunk, b) hungover, c) exhausted, or d) a healthy combination of the three. It seems to be the latter, in this case.
“Victor, what are you…”
“Yuuri, do you know when I woke up?”
“Probably just now, by the looks of it–”
“More than twenty-four hours ago.”
“You didn’t sleep?”
“Chris left at–what time is it?”
“Nine twenty-nine, then. Left at nine twenty-nine. Just now, I mean.”
“I didn’t see him leave.”
“That’s because you got up at an ungodly hour… in the east wing. We were here, in the west.”
“I got up at seven. And this is the east wing.”
The cameraman has been the Katsuki-Nikiforov cameraman for nearly a year now. This house has been lived in by the couple for… nearly two days. TL;DR, says the cameraman in his head, they don’t know shit about this house.
“I’m pretty sure it’s the west–”
“No, Victor, if you look at the sun–”
“The sun hurts my eyes.”
“Yeah, and this house is unnecessarily huge, but that’s not the point–”
“You know what else is unnecessarily huge?”
“Your ego, probably–”
“No, no… want me to show you?”
“I don’t even have the energy to show you, tbh.”
The cameraman notes that Victor says T-B-H out loud. It’s funny in a Russian accent.
“How hungover are you?”
“Somewhat. And sleep deprived.”
Ah, smiles the cameraman. He was right.
“Okay. Do you want us to cancel with Phichit?”
“No, no…” says Victor, weakly waving a hand. “I just need a hydrating mask and a glass of water.”
“Can you turn around to face me?”
“Oh, Yuuri, you’ll see my eyebags and everything–”
“We’re married. I’ve already seen your everything.”
Even the cameraman has seen their everything. In fact, the reason why there is a show in the first place is because everyone in the whole world probably has seen the Katsuki-Nikiforovs’ everything. There was that tape last year, and then there was an incredibly popular TV show, and the cameraman is pretty sure that no more than five minutes had passed in between those two events.
“You haven’t seen my dark soul.”
“Vitya, I swear to god, if you don’t stop repeating everything Yurio says–”
“It doesn’t even make any sense, does it?”
“It really doesn’t.”
Victor finally turns around. The cameraman hopes that he doesn’t break into laughter, because that might shake the camera, and the ratings for the show might go down, and he wouldn’t be paid as much. Although he does get paid a very good amount; the Katsuki-Nikiforovs are scandalous, but they still remain the epitome of generosity.
“Damn it, Victor, why are you still wearing that?”
“The–” Yuuri pauses, sighing loudly. “The makeup from last night. From when you sang Welcome to the Madness for Yurio’s party.”
“I’m still wearing that?”
“Your cheeks are literally striped. It’s worse than the pattern on the jacket Yurio was wearing.”
“They are not.”
“Just go the bathroom and wash it off, Vitya.”
“I think this is from when I was crying last night from Chris’s story.”
“What happened to Chris?”
“He got engaged.”
“Hey, that’s great!”
“Wait, isn’t that a good thing? Why were you crying?”
“I think I was just crying. Chris had some Swiss liquor; I don’t really remember what it was called…”
“You usually get emotional and naked, Victor. I’m surprised.”
“I think these are Chris’s clothes,” says Victor, sniffing them. “I hope he has mine. I liked those jeans. They were custom-made Calvin Klein.”
Victor staggers into the bathroom, rubbing his forehead and bumping into the doorframe. Yuuri rolls his eyes. The cameraman is sure that the viewers can tell that Yuuri loves that elegant Russian man.