so astoryheadedhome made me this for christmas

things said on skype starters. 

❝ Congrats. You are a rich white girl. ❞
❝ Meant to be. ❞
❝ Oh god, I’m gonna die a hetro. ❞
❝ That’s it. Get in the octagon, you bitch. ❞
❝ I’m going to shove a XXL shrek dildo up your ass. ❞
❝ The only thing I need is black coffee to fill my darkened soul. ❞
❝’He’s nice’ is code for ‘his dick was in my mouth’. ❞
❝ Shove a flaming mailbox up their puny asshole. ❞
❝ And I have 99 ways to kill you, but I’m not bragging. ❞
❝ Can someone please murder me? ❞
❝ I look like a tanned, wrinkly walnut. ❞
❝ I’m married to jesus, you fuck. ❞
❝ That’s it. I’m kidnapping you. ❞
❝ I love you, but you’re seriously a dumbass. ❞
❝ You’re breaking my achy breaky heart. ❞
❝ Stop being so cute and talented. It pisses me off. ❞
❝ To see the boner, you must first be the boner. ❞
❝ Satan was the most beautiful angel. He had the most beautiful barf. I’m sure. ❞
❝ Dark humor isn’t everybody’s cup of liquidized dead baby. ❞
❝ I’d say ‘mark me down as scared and horny’, but I don’t get scared. Just horny. ❞
❝ Bitch, give me my fucking McMuffin or so help me, I will shove this fucking gun up your ass and fire it. ❞
❝ My ass is great, but I am not. ❞
❝ I will rip out your eyes and feed them to you. ❞
❝ No, I’m not buying a virtual dildo. ❞
❝ Why am I way more hardcore? I want answers. ❞
❝ That’s more unrealistic than world peace. ❞
❝ You know what else is really hard? My dick. ❞
❝ What’s the opposite of excellent? Gay? ❞
❝ Were you here when we talked about dick suckers anonymous? ❞
❝ That sounds like a you problem. ❞
❝ May the pussy spirit possess you. ❞
❝ I wish my uterus wasn’t such a little bitch. ❞
❝ I proudly have no dick. ❞
❝ God, I just love talking shit about people. ❞
❝ I’m so cute though that I’m pretty sure I’d be forgiven for murder. ❞
❝ May the gay be with us. ❞
❝ Get your ass back here. ❞
❝ My kink is vengeance and equality. ❞
❝ Go suck Donald Trump’s moldy dick. ❞
❝ Dweeb means ‘dick with eyebrows’ so you’re calling someone a walking
penis. ❞
❝ There is no con, you whore. ❞
❝ I’m not a ho, I’m a slut. ❞
❝ Pinch my cheeks and I’ll bite your finger off. ❞
❝ Stab him. ❞
❝ I have never appreciated being nippled more. ❞
❝ I’m so gay. ❞
❝ I will fucking fight you. ❞
❝ Go suck a dick, but with love. ❞
❝ Listen bitch. ❞
❝ I say some bombass shit. ❞
❝ Oh, that person is dead. Sucks for them. ❞
❝ Fry me, daddy. ❞
❝ Are we telling God to fry us? ❞
❝ I know what I said, bitch ass hoe. ❞

Falchion’s word

…so apprently threre’s a message engraved on Falchions handle that is

1. in an own language- if deciphered it reads:
sniamer llits erutuf eht tsol is esle lla nehw
2. mirrored- if each word is mirrored, it reads:
Remains still future the lost is else all when
3. mirrored again-

So a tiny message in ancient letters written on Falchion’s handle reads:

When all else is lost the future remains.

…I love these tiny details.
I have never read this elsewhere, so I decided to take it upon myself.

Ps. That also means that whoever forged this handle of Falchion knew about the events of Awakening!


A Story about reflections

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There’s a webcam and a piece of paper with coordinates and the name of a server and a password for it and a note, handwritten that says Her name is Roxy.

“Hello?” A shaky voice, not like your own and not like your mother’s, either, one like nothing you heard before, replied. The novelty of it didn’t matter, as far as you were concerned, because you were already in love.

I think it’s time you made a friend, the note had said. His name is Dirk.