living with food sensitivities

Vampire DEH headcanons


- only half vampire
- Heidi’s human
- she also really good to him like
- “it’s gonna be really sunny today hun so be careful”
- the sun doesn’t kill him
- he’s just extra sensitive to it
- can live off normal food
- good thing too cuz blood skeeves him out
- tiny baby fangs
- hangs upside down in trees
- he can’t actually turn into a bat
- but goddammit he’s gonna try


- born a vampire
- in fact born into upper class vampiric society
- hates being a vampire
- he just wants to see one sunrise
- that’s all he asks for
- only feeds from criminals and bad guys n stuff
- has scars on his palms from purposely holding silver jewelry
- actually really fucking likes garlic
- like yeah it makes him sick
- but it tastes so good
- super good at math
- like a human- er- vampire calculator


- made a sarcastic comment to the wrong person at the wrong time
- some vampires don’t like sarcasm all that much who woulda thunk
- now he’s doomed to the night life
- is actually really violent when he feeds
- like he’ll just rip their whole throat out
- probably wears boat shoes even though he’s never stepped foot on a boat
- that last one had nothing to do with being a vampire
- misses eating Cheetos
- advocates for “vampire rights”
- Evan’s over here like “You’re telling them to burn out the sun, Jared, that’s not vampire rights”
- is probably gonna get everyone killed

- mod jewish center shooter

“I’d die if I couldn’t eat gluten”

People who are gluten intolerant hear that a lot. And people don’t understand that when you say that, you are not relating to us. You are not helping the situation at hand. And it’s usually followed by a reminder of things we can’t enjoy. This is awkward and we have heard it before.

I’m not a zombie. You can live without gluten, too. Plenty of people with food sensitivities are okay with it. We understand it was delicious and it used to make up a big part of our diet. But there’s other foods out there, we promise. Perhaps not reject food ideas for us and let us figure out our own needs. 

That’s right, bitches! I’m going to write things for what I feel is pretty cheap.

I’m a poor, mentally ill teen who’s family lives in my grandparents’ basement. Most days, because of my food sensitivities, I don’t eat. And I want to get into a sport before I grow up with no muscle. I figured this would be good enough because I can’t get a “real job”.

Rules, Info, and Guidelines:

1. I will not do smut of any sort. I’m underaged and completely clueless as to how to write it. Don’t contact me looking for porn.
2. As I have few (if any) triggers, pretty much everything else is on the table. I will absolutely write angst and fluff. No real limits to speak of, though I’m probably better at writing fluff.
3. I have the right, however, to refuse a commission without explanation.
4. My cap is 20,000 words. You’ll see why.


One cent per 2 words. 200 words is a dollar, so on and so forth. Makes sense, right?


If you choose to cancel the commission, this will be my refund policy:

Not started = full refund.
Started, not much done = 75% refund
Started, halfway done = 50% refund
Nearly completed = 25% refund
Finished but not yet shown = No refund

(shoutout to KaixChan on deviantart for the handy refund chart!)


Email me at or drop me an ask if you’re interested. We’ll communicate from there. I would prefer email, if you don’t mind.

If you can’t pay for a commission, please do reblog this! I’m not in as dire a situation as others, but, if you don’t know how to spend 10 bucks, make your OTP do something cute!