-In a battle of etiquette-based oneupmanship, I found myself engaged in an ever-reciprocating chain of goodbyes and waves. My opponent: a four year-old with a penchant for trucks. The sparring waged on until, after the thirty-seventh goodbye, the tired mother hushed her son, leaving me as the reigning champion.
-A six year-old tore the bag of a Minecraft toy and insisted to his mother that she had to buy it now, that it was her duty to purchase the damaged goods. Whether a sincere act of guilt or simply a masterful career-making con, it was ultimately in vain, as the mother hid the evidence and led her children on a grand escape.
-A man attempted to leave his empty Starbucks cup at a vacant register to get away with not throwing it away himself. Unfortunately for him, this had actually been my register, and I had stepped away momentarily. My return was perfectly timed as I successfully spooked the life out of him and he swiftly snatched it up and made a run for it. Justice prevails once more.
-I caught a woman in her forties Instagramming her Starbucks experience. Not with a picture of her drink, but rather, the entire Starbucks. I am deeply and truly proud of this woman for living her life to the fullest.
-I listened, enraptured, as two girls debated whether or not they share a mother. I only wish I could have heard the conclusion.
-Today, we at my store are facing the unspeakable: a near-complete bag shortage. We have been raiding adjacent lanes for whatever bags they had to spare, but these resources will soon dry up. We are left with few options. Our next raid will have to be a nearby location. We must survive. Whatever the cost.
-“Don’t talk to me, I have to go to Walmart,” A mother snapped at her children. I understand. I, too, can lose my temper when facing such a harrowing realization.
-In the midst of a casual conversation, a guest dropped that she “is going to eat the heiny out of a horse.” I do not know her, and I may be overstepping my bounds here, but please LEAVE THE HORSE ALONE.
-A couple came through my lane and purchased only a large bottle of lube. This in itself did not faze me, however, the payment did. As he handed me his cash, I noticed that the middle two fingers on his dominant hand had been broken and were in a cast. Clearly, this is a man who has learned his lesson the hard way.