living in misery

Seasons of Reflection

The days pass by
Leaving the question of why
Is it better then Apples pie
I dream of a home
Created for two
A tall grass to hide in
Things seemed simpler
Back in the days of my youth
Playing outside
Have tea in the garden
With my closes friends

Summer breeze wild and free
Oh would you look out for me
Gentle and hot
I would rather not

Summer breeze wild and free
Please take the pain away from me
Gentle and warm
Like a first kiss

Things haven’t been simple
Not in a while
The birds who sing
Are smiling with glee
They may not live in misery
Placed on high standards
From the outside there’s a smiling face
On the inside is a scary place

Summer breeze simple and clean
Don’t leave a wondering mess
High clouds are the best
Stay and help this place
A chill in the air
A new year we can share

Attachment brings misery, unattachment brings blissfulness. So use things, but don’t be used by them. Live life but don’t be lived by it. Possess things, but don’t be possessed by them. Have things - that’s not a problem. I am not for renunciation. Enjoy everything that life gives, but always remain free.
—  Osho
Vampire Prompt Batch

@helloimaginationlandme Asked: “Prompt about two brothers, one a vampire and the other a detective–the vampire blames his brother for him turning into a vampire and will stop at nothing until he lives a life full of misery and death.”

Anonymous Asked: “Hey!! How are you?! Do you have any Vampire Love prompts? Thanks!”

Anonymous Asked: “Can you do something Vampire related? Like a love plot where person A is a high school student and Person B somehow saves person A, making person A intrigued and compelled to find out mote about B. Something with a plot twist?”

@janecara101 Asked: “Can you can you can you pLEASE give me a prompt about dark vampire balls in the modern world where they’re about to sacrifice something and someone related to that sacrifice turns up to save them and wreaks havoc+able to exit the place with a boy who’s a vampire hunter and is pissed at the person who came to the rescue. The sacrifice is a girl The vampire hunter is a boy The rescuer can be either a boy or girl Thanks!! :)”

Combining these, because vampires are really popular.

Brothers-

1. “This is all your fault. I never asked for this, but you had to go and-”

“What? Save you? Am I supposed to regret that?”

“You didn’t save me. You turned me into a monster. And now I’m doing what monsters do.”

2. “You-You killed her.”

“Why not? I have to feed. That’s what creatures like me do, remember?”

“I loved her.”

“Then maybe you shouldn’t have told me about her.”

3. “Oh, put the stake down, brother. We both know you won’t harm me.”

“I don’t want to hurt you. I’ve never wanted to hurt you. But it’s my job to bring people to justice.”

“Even your own brother? Pity. But you won’t do it this time, not if you don’t want me telling your colleagues about what you did to me. How you MADE ME this way.”

4. “Is it true? Are you the one killing these people?”

“If I said it was the other blood-sucking relative of yours, would you believe me?”

“Is this funny to you? Really?”

“Everything is funny, brother dear. You need only open your eyes.”

5. “You destroyed me. You positively destroyed me, and you don’t even regret it.”

“You’re my brother, and I love you.”

“Is this what love is to you? A curse I can’t escape?”

High School-

6. “You saved me. How? How did you do that?”

“It’s complicated. You shouldn’t ask too many questions.”

7. “Tell me the truth. Please, I just want to know.”

“For now. But if you knew the truth, you’d want something. The police, most likely, or perhaps a priest.”

8. “We should talk about what happened today.”

“Or we could never discuss it again.”

“I saw your fangs.”

“See, this? This is us discussing it again.”

9. “Just because I saved you, doesn’t mean I’m a hero.”

“I know what you are.” 

“… If you ever quote Twilight at me again, you’ll discover how much of a hero I’m not.”

10. “You saved my life today. How did you know?”

“Know what?”

“That the garlic would have killed me?”

“You aren’t the first vampire I’ve met, darling, and you sure won’t be the last.”

Sacrifice-

11. “Why are you helping me save my sister?”

“This isn’t personal. The vampires took her, and it’s my responsibility to end them.”

“Of course it isn’t personal. That would mean you had feelings.”

12. “You came for me!”

“Of course I did! You’re my sister!”

“Who’s this?”

“I don’t know, he followed me here. Want to keep him?”

“You do realize I can still hear you?”

13. “How many vampires have you slayed?”

“Um…”

“You HAVE slayed vampires before, right?”

“I was an apprentice until recently, okay?”

“How recently?”

“Oh… You know… Still?”

14. “This was my rescue! Mine! I have a procedure, a plan-”

“They have my sister! Do I look like I care about your plan?”

15. “Look, fighting each other won’t help anything. Truce?”

“You’re untrained. You have no idea what you’re up against-”

“Let me rephrase. Fight the vampires, boy, because if you try to stand between me and my sister, the world will need a new slayer.”

Misc. Romance-

16. “I love you. You know that, right?”

“I know. But soon, I’ll be old, and you will still be young and vibrant. It would be cruel to both of us to stay together.”

17. “Please, don’t be afraid of me.”

“You have fangs.”

“I know, but I need help. I’m begging you, don’t leave me alone.”

18. “I didn’t do it. I didn’t kill them.”

“I want to believe you, babe. I really do. But that means there’s another vampire out there, and that… Is a problem.”

19. “Dance with me.”

“I’m a little out of practice. It’s been more than two centuries since I’ve found myself on the dance floor.”

“Then you’re overdue.”

20. “When I talk about the past, you get this look. It’s such a beautiful look, too: Stars in your eyes, awe on your face…”

“You make history sound beautiful.”

~I hope these help!~

I just really, really wanted more scenes in Teen Wolf that were soft, calm downtime scenes, to balance out all the GRR ARGH. 

The scene where Scott and Stiles were sitting on the couch watching a movie together, and Stiles brushed his fingers through Scott’s hair, a noogie turned gentle, so Scott retaliated with a tickle war. 

The scene where Lydia worked with Kira and Malia to go through their wardrobes to pick outfits for school, and ten minutes later they were mock sparring.

The scene with Liam and Hayden when they miraculously weren’t sucking face, but playing Fussball with Mason and Corey.

Noah in the cruiser with Chris, Ken, Alan and Jordan, “surveying a possible supernatural threat”: eating many different kinds of junk food with promises never to tell Stiles.

Melissa, Natalie and Noshiko swapping horror stories, recipes, and work tips, also eating many different kinds of junk food.

Malia and Liam’s dads meeting at the supermarket.

Quiet, sweet, short scenes that gave the sense that these characters had actual lives amidst the misery. 

"Rogue One" May the Fourth Rewatch

Because I still have feelings about this movie.

Those goddamn tragic Ersos. I can’t deal with them.

I ship myself with Cassian and his leather jacket of moral ambiguity™.

Still not into the whole Bor Gullet thing, sorry.

God, Lyra hated Krennic so much, but really, Lyra, join the club (maybe you were president).

Uuugh, Cassian’s face when he saves Jyn by shooting the Partisan rebel who’s about to blow her up with a detonator. CAPTAIN NO CHILL. I am constantly emotionally compromised by that man.

I’m so sad for Bodhi and Baze as they watch Jedha destroyed. This was their home. Both Riz Ahmed and Jiang Wen do such an amazing job showing that unnamed grief on their faces.

Kaytoo has the slickness of Han Solo a la “uh… everything’s perfectly all right now. We’re fine. We’re all fine here now, thank you. How are you?

“Baze Malbus was once most devoted guardian of them all.” I need more about this!

I have feelings about how Jyn refers to Galen. When she’s trying to keep her distance, she calls him “Father.” But when she loves him, when she’s before his eyes, he’s “Papa.” He dies on the platform on Eadu and he’s Papa again.

Orson Krennic is not a great villain. He fills no omens heart with dread. Af best….extreme aggravation. That said, Ben Medelsohn plays him perfectly, because you know who Orson Krennic is? He’s that coworker/boss that lives and breathes his job, who has no life outside of work, who makes his coworkers’ lives a misery. He’s a company man who perhaps believes more in himself and in his self-importance and his right to rise in the ranks more than he actually believes in the cause or the company (in this case, the Empire) itself. No wonder Tarkin and Vader both hate him so much.

Wet Cassian on Eadu… O_o

I feel that everyone on Rogue One makes up a little part of Jyn. She’s part Cassian’s drive and passion, Bodhi’s inherent kindness, Chirrut’s outsized confidence and swagger, Baze’s grumpiness, and Kaytoo’s saltiness.

Krennic’s whole demeanor on Eadu when Galen Erso dies–when he kills all the engineers except for Galen, when he stares back at Galen’s body on the platform–that’s some Obi-Wan/Anakin levels of “I loved you! You were my brother!” angst. Except less brotherly, if you know what I mean.

Yo, did anyone else notice how Cassian is totally using his bedroom voice when he tells Jyn, “Welcome home”? It’s all low and husky. Nevermind the fact that his face is 6 inches away from hers and he’s leaning into her and she’s looking up at him with the most open and relaxed face we’ve seen the whole movie even though essentially they have all just signed up for a suicide mission.

I’m pretty sure Tarkin decided to blow up Scarif the moment he realized Krennic was there. (See above for the reason why.)

Would Rogue One have at least partially survived if the Rebel Fleet had not arrived and drawn so much attention? Would they have closed the gate? Would the Death Star not have fired on it if Tarkin believed it to just be an isolated incident instead of a full-on rebel attack?

I’m so proud of Bodhi taking charge on the landing pad on Scarif when he calls into the tower and misdirects the Imperials there about the attack–and then directs the other rebels to also call in! Is toughness and bravery keeps showing up in such amazing little ways.

When Jyn gives Kaytoo a blaster and he says, “Your behavior, Jyn Erso, is continually unexpected,” consider this: Kaytoo is a droid who deals constantly in probabilities. For him to tell her that she surprises him is for him to say, “You somehow defy my probabilities and calculations and do the unexpected.” Basically him giving her a friendship bracelet in exchange for a blaster.

Baze Malbus’s face when the the rebel fleet arrives during the AT-AT attack–such relief and joy–it’s not a face he makes often, one rarely seen.

I’m convinced now that Jyn is not, nor was she meant to be a charismatic leader. She can’t convince the rebel leaders to go to Scarif. She doesn’t directly lead anyone into battle. Baze, Chirrut, and Bodhi agree to fight because they have all lost something too back on Jedha, and they want to help. It’s not because she gives a speech or tries to convince them. In fact, she doesn’t directly convince anyone–except Cassian. But that’s what ends up being so key. “I’m not the one you have to convince.” But oh ho, Cassian, you are.

She convinces him by just being her, by having this fire inside that draws him for whatever reason. It lights the fire back inside of him, and it pushes him to defy orders, to gather the troops to go on the mission to Scarif. He’s the one who gives the important speeches, whose silver tongue rallies the troops, but he also takes his cues from Jyn–they work together as a team and as equals. It’s so fucking beautiful, guys.

I do wish Jyn’s last line to Cassian wasn’t “Someone’s out there” but what was in the novelization: “I’m glad you came.”

I don’t want to talk about the elevator scene (lies, that’s all I want to talk about, STILL TO THIS DAY), but yeah, you can see that they’re living this whole life together in those looks at one another.

Every time Cassian smiles at Jyn or calls her name I grow stronger and more powerful, so I can basically deadlift 300lbs now.

Kay really loved Cassian and Cassian really loved Kay and the heartbreak on Diego Luna’s face, lord. Really, all his faces. Give him an award for his face.

How my heart breaks when Chirrut decides to walk to the master switch and Baze cries out, “Chirrut, come back!” It’s because he knows what’s going to happen to Chirrut, and he can do nothing to stop it because it is as the Force wills it.

Do you remember how on Kafrene, how Cassian kills Tivik and just climbs the fuck outta there ilke he’s Spider-man? Yeah, I could believe he’d be able to climb back up the data tower to save Jyn after being shot and falling like, 6-12 stories. Especially if he’s running high on adrenaline and FEELINGS.

“Look to the Force and you will always find me.” *WAILS*

I’ve seen in a lot of fanon over the last few months this idea that Jyn is a runner–when things get too tough, she bolts, that she doesn’t have roots, etc. But Jyn Erso is not a runner. She’s the one who gets left behind–by her mother, her father, and Saw. She runs when she’s chased, but when she cares about you? She’s there until the end. She’s there at the end with Cassian. She could run. She’s hurt, but she could have maybe had a sporting chance to find a shuttle off Scarif, but she takes this half-dead man, this person who is the most beautiful thing she’s ever seen in her life, and she doesn’t leave him because he has never left her.

The Signs as Paramore Songs

Aries: Ignorance

Taurus: My Heart

Gemini: Decode

Cancer: Still Into You

Leo: Let The Flames Begin

Virgo: All We Know

Libra: That’s What You Get

Scorpio: Misery Business

Sagittarius: CrushCrushCrush

Capricorn: The Only Exception

Aquarius: Brick By Boring Brick

Pisces: Ain’t It Fun

missouri gothic
  • your out-of-state friends laugh when you tell them you live in misery. you laugh too. you have to laugh. it’s a joke. only a joke. you wish you could make them stay away. they laugh it off.
  • “you haven’t been to the city museum?” you ask a friend. “you have to have been to the city museum!” have you been to the city museum? you can’t remember. maybe you went there on a class trip. you must have been. everyone has been to the city museum. everyone. you suddenly remember that your friend is still waiting for you inside the whale.
  • the tv screen goes white. oh no. oh no. black text begins to scroll across the screen. you feel sick. “accept jesus into your heart”, the man says. his voice is familiar. you’ve heard it so many times. who is he? who is he? he runs the church not far from here. but who is he? you’ve seen his face, but you can’t picture it. the black text is running on a loop now, you’re sure of it. “accept jesus. accept god. jesus loves you. jesus loves you. we love you.”
  • everyone has a ghost story. but everyone swears that ghosts don’t exist. which is it? missouri is a ghost story. all our houses are haunted. by the dead, and by those on their way.
  • you just want chick-fil-a. everyone wants chick-fil-a. but it’s sunday. wasn’t it sunday yesterday? you swear it was. but isn’t tomorrow sunday? chick-fil-a is closed on sundays. it’s always closed.
  • you’ve passed 9 churches now. or was it 10? you can’t remember. you don’t want to. everyone is at church. dead eyes stare at you from the windows. 
  • the past week has been nothing but thunderstorms. thunderstorms and tornados. it’s okay. no one you knew was in the path of the tornado. no one ever knows anyone in the path of the tornado. and you love thunderstorms. you love them. you say this through a tight-lipped smile.
  • you will never leave this place. you want to. but no one ever leaves. do they?
  • there are coyotes everywhere. you know this. that’s what they say. those strange howls at night. the missing pets. it’s the coyotes. it has to be.
  • you receive a letter. its address reads “st. louis”. no, that can’t be right. you don’t live in st. louis. you look closer. your zip code is there. but you don’t live in st. louis. you’ve never lived in st. louis. you feel afraid.
  • there are hawks. on every fence post, on every telephone pole, every road sign. they mean nothing, you tell yourself. they’re only hawks.
  • you love going to st. louis bread company. it confuses your out-of-state friends. “do you mean panera?” they ask. no. you don’t. you mean st. louis bread company. they’re different. they have to be.
  • a tornado is coming. you could be in its path. no one would know you. you go to the store. it’s fully stocked- except for bread, milk, and eggs. there is no more bread. there are no more eggs. there is no more milk. why? why is that all we take? what do we subconsciously know is in those three foods that will save us?
  • “what high school did you go to?” that’s the question they always ask. why? you try to remember. you can’t. did you go to high school with them? yes. yes, you must have. didn’t you? you can’t even remember being a teenager.
  • billboards seem to be everywhere. you don’t even recognize what they’re selling anymore. they blend together. 
  • you’ve only been to the arch once. so has everyone you know. you go there once, and then never again. you don’t remember how you got to the top. you hate elevators. you always have. 
  • you look up at the shadow in the sky. your stomach drops. that’s not a shadow. it’s a massive cloud of black birds. they seem to be swarming directly above you. you can’t stop staring. every part of you goes numb. you think you hear someone screaming. is it you?

I guess at the end of it all, we finally have our villain. 

Not Flint who raged and waged wars for a dead lover. 

Not Rogers who raged and waged wars for pride.

Not Bily who raged and waged wars for being unrecognized in his efforts to aid their wars and create the story of one Long John Silver.

Not Madi who chose her war over Silver.

But Long John Silver, who took the hope of enslaved people and extinguished it in one fell sweep. 

Long John Silver who told about not wanting a life of  misery and fear and sacrifice to a woman whose people’s lives were nothing but misery and fear and sacrifice. 

Long John Silver who gave credit to a coward to be able to outvote Madi.

The slavery lives to see another day, thanks to one fools desire for a woman.

Wars were waged for the love of a woman. 

But not this war. This war dies in shackles.