Pansy only took the fucking internship because Daphne had run
off to, like, herd sheep in fucking New Zealand for the summer and Draco had
decided to chase Granger onto a
fucking Green Peace boat like his
life was a fucking Mandy Moore movie and
Blaise had Theo and Greg had Vince and Cormac
had been a fucking asshole and
fucking dumped her after graduating.
And her dad had looked at her like he was proud, when she’d shown him the email, and
she was literally powerless to resist
that siren call of rarely expressed paternal affection, so.
She accepted the internship, and she made sure to wear her
most obnoxious pink lipstick when she had her picture taken for her employee
badge, and she slanted a ferocious glare at the production assistant for the
sketchy new “social experiment” reality
show she’d been assigned to so the bitch understood the fucking hierarchy, right, and she signed a
million boring release forms and nondisclosure agreements and tax emption
applications and that was it.
Until that wasn’t
Until the trademark bottle blonde Northridge dropout they’d cast
as the specimen for their pilot
episode showed up drunk and crying and in an actual fucking sequined tube top like she thought it
was still 1999 and—
“Parkinson,” the director barked, snapping greasy In-N-Out
fingers in her face. “We need you.”
I think high school productions of Les Mis are so funny and endearing. Here’s a Marius and an Eponine hanging out during a dress rehearsal. Ponine went a little overboard with the fake blood, and Marius forgot to take his Livestrong bracelet off. I might do more of these with different shows or different characters. We’ll see!
At the heart of every robot ticks
a wafer thin computer chip.
Don’t get any dust on it,
and if you don’t mind
removing your “Livestrong” bracelet,
I’m sure Model XPA 5000
would happily chat with you a bit.
Nino and Alya have been friends ever since they were children. When they were young, their favorite activity was wrestling. Now Alya, having tons of younger siblings, has never lost a match against Nino. That holds true to this day.
Nino once bought WWE wrapping paper and wrapped Alya’s entire room in it as a prank
Alya and Nino are renowned for their prank wars. Against each other it is a stalemate, but if their fury is focused on another person, you better pray for them because they’re about to die via many many pranks
Alya used to practice her makeup skills on Nino. They had a lot of fun with it, because Alya got a lot better with contouring and stuff, and Nino got to feel fab af
Alya gave Nino his bracelets. They’re custom livestrong bracelets with Nino’s Best Memes™ on them. In order, they are: (Pink) Do you think pigeons have gay thoughts? (Green) Someone call the zoo, because I feel so goddamn fierce. (Red) Alya is a badass unicorn and could kill a man probably. (Blue) JOOOOOOOOHN CEEEEEEEENAAAAAAAA. (Yellow) Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry, never gonna say goodbye, never gonna tell a lie and hurt you. Nino loves all of them and never takes them off. Ever.
Dumping a Bucket of Ice on Your Head Does Not Make You a Philanthropist
Unless you lack access to the internet, you’ve certainly seen the viral onslaught of Ice Bucket Challenge videos in the past few weeks. The idea is to dump a bucket of ice water over your head and “nominate” others to do the same, as a way of promoting awareness about ALS (a.k.a. Lou Gehrig’s disease). If you don’t accept the challenge, you have to donate $100 to an ALS association of your choice. It’s like a game of Would-You-Rather involving the entire internet where, appallingly, most Americans would rather dump ice water on their head than donate to charity.
There are a lot of things wrong with the Ice Bucket Challenge, but most the annoying is that it’s basically narcissism masked as altruism. By the time the summer heat cools off and ice water no longer feels refreshing, people will have completely forgotten about ALS. It’s trendy to pretend that we care, but eventually, those trends fade away.
This is the crux of millennial “hashtag activism,” where instead of actually doing something, you can just pretend like you’re doing something by posting things all over your Facebook. Like the Ice Bucket Challenge, good causes end up being a collective of social media naval gazing. We reflected on our favorite social-movements-gone-viral and found out what happened to them after the fell off our Twitter feeds. Because, yes, social problems continue even after you stop hashtagging them.
Before hashtags even existed, there were still ways to obnoxiously flaunt a social cause that you had no real connection to. Remember Livestrong bracelets? Those rubbery yellow bracelets were the brainchild of Lance Armstrong, who sold them through the Livestrong Foundation to raise money and spread awareness about cancer. Everyone from Lindsay Lohan to Johny Kerry sported one on their wrist; wearing them signified that you were both sensitive and stylish.
At least the dollar you spent on the stupid-but-trendy bracelet went toward funding cancer research via the Livestrong Foundation. Or at least, so you thought. In actuality, the Livestrong Foundation started phasing out its cancer research in 2005, and stopped accepting research proposals altogether just a few years later. Over 80 million of the bracelets have been sold. Where the hell did all of that money go?
The world was more than a little shook-up when a 7.0 magnitude earthquake rocked Haiti, burying at least 200,000 people and destroying much of the country’s infrastructure. #Haiti became thesecond-largest trending topic on Twitter that week, and was the subject of at least 15 percent of tweeted links in the week afterward. Remarkably, many of those links directed people to donation sites. Even the Red Cross mobilized on Twitter, encouraging people to send donations and spread the word about #HaitiRelief.
Social media may have actually done Haiti a solid, helping to raise $8 million in relief funds. But, like all things on the internet, they lose their luster and their urgency, and we forget about them. It’s been four years since the Haiti earthquake and although those initial donations made a huge impact in rebuilding the rumble of Port-au-Prince, there are still at least 150,000 Haitians living in the plywood shelters in relief camps. Earlier this year, NPR reported that many of these people are living without water, electricity, or light. Why isn’t anyone tweeting about that? Because #Haiti is so four years ago.
Just thought you might be interested to hear this. I work at a Subway in a relatively rural part of Northeast Texas. There are these two cops that come to our store somewhat regularly, but they always come together. Today, only one of them showed up. He had one of those Livestrong bracelets that said "I am Darren Wilson", which I kind of scoffed at in my head. About an hour later, the other cop showed up, looking somewhat...upset. He was wearing a bracelet that said "#ArrestDarrenWilson".
(same Anon) So. I’m just slightly uplifted to see that not every cop is on the side of Darren Wilson, but also, really? It was clear that he lost a good friend because of it.
Obviously every cop doesn’t support Darren Wilson but I am a little surprised to hear that the cop was wearing an #ArrestDarrenWilson bracelet while, I assume, in uniform.