lived next door

While all these douche bros tweet about how Hugh Hefner was badass for getting so much “pussy” and having young “bitches” around him just remember what he was really like:

• Wrote about female sexuality and how women should enjoy themselves in the 60’s and 70’s

• Hired female photographers when magazines like Vogue still didn’t

• Openly accepted gay sexuality even when he was young

• Helped Bettie Page get the rights to her image in the 90’s when she was poor and elderly and people were making money off of her without her knowledge

• Had his ex wife and kids live next door so he could still see them and help raise them

• All playboy playmates were allowed to use the facilities at the Playboy Mansion for the rest of their lives, it wasn’t just a place for the newest young girls

• Didn’t use his fame and image to force girls to be with him or assault them. He would formally ask girls to live with him and be his girlfriend, and they were all over 18.

If you don’t like him that’s fine, but he wasn’t some sexual predator-he did what wanted openly and was honest about it.

RIP Hugh

my dad just told me a story that back in Cuba my grandparents lived next door to a lesbian couple who my grandparents lost touch with after they fled when C.astro took power. 30 years later, my dad had to go to Cuba for a work thing and my grandfather asks him to go see them and say hi. When he went to see them, they were still living in the same location, and they were so overjoyed. They started telling stories about his parents and my dad was cracking them up with his own stories about his parents. But halfway through this meetup he pulls out a cell phone that costed a pretty penny, said fuck it, dialed my grandfather unexpectedly, and allowed them to talk to eachother after 30+ years. they were crying from sheer joy that they got to speak to their friends again who made it out; who they never thought they’d hear from again.

Point of the story? My grandparents were roman catholic latinx and managed to be 100% loving and cool with this lovely lesbian couple in a time where you’d think that would be unheard of. If they didn’t hate gays, don’t give a pass at your grandparents for engaging in homophobic behavior. “They’re a product of their time.” Bullshit. They’re bigoted and unwilling to look past their narrow minded view of the world, Susanne and you’re enabling behavior because they can’t piss the same anymore. Don’t make excuses for them. They’re old, not incapable.

Why meeting someone online isn’t weird at all:
  • Our generation grew up with technology and the internet 
  • Since we all grew up with technology, we know all about internet safety.
  • If you’re going to meet in person, you’re going to sure as hell confirm their identity before you do so because you’re not an idiot
  • We aren’t naive enough to believe out of billions of people on the planet, our soulmate or even best friend is going to live next door. 
  • Joining blogging communities involves socialization 
  • Gaming online with thousands of people? You’re bound to click with someone
  • Everyone is connected through the interwebs 
  • It’s easier to find someone you relate to online compared to in person 
  • Not everyone is trying to catfish or abduct you
one cannot have enough of cute and random aus so here have some more
  • “You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)” AU.
  • “You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you” AU.
  • “You’re an Art student and I’m an English major and you keep stealing the papers for my assignment to doodle and I would kill you but you’re really cute and hey that’s actually a really nice sketch” AU.
  • “You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished” AU.
  • “The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???” AU.
  • “I ditch prom to attend a local poetry slam and you’re also there and I never really noticed what a cute smile you have and hey do you maybe want to bond over our mutual love for ‘Howl’???” AU.
  • “You’re new in town and you seem very intimidating but as it turns out you have an awful sense of direction even with a map and you’re actually adorkable so here let me help you” AU.
  • “It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???” AU.
  • “It’s gym class and we’re playing volleyball and you spike really well and you manage to hit the ball square in my face and I think I’m bleeding and you’re apologizing profusely and it’s okay but you’re really cute so I guess I’ll take you up on that offer for coffee” AU.
  • “You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee” AU.
  • “Our mutual friend invites us to go shopping with them and it’s kind of awkward and now you’re pushing them around the mall in a shopping cart and you’re both screaming like excited children and I’m paying the cashier and pretending I don’t know either of you” AU.
  • “Our mutual friend invites us for Thanksgiving dinner with their other friends and now there’s a full-fledged food fight going on with potatoes and turkey flying everywhere and we’re both seeking refuge under the table whilst sharing a bag of chips that you brought (just in case)” AU.
  • “You and I are both baristas at a coffee shop and one day I step out of the café to take a break and walk in on you gleefully drawing phallic pictures on the chalkboard outside that no one pays attention to so what are you doing?” AU.
  • “You and I go out to a sushi bar and the sushi chef yells at you for being allergic to a particular kind of fish and now you’re crying and I’m trying to comfort you” AU.
  • “You and I are at a sushi restaurant and you’re continuously snagging sushi off the belt that I have to pay for and you don’t seem to be going to stop anytime soon but you look so cute when you’re eating with that smile on your face what the hell man” AU.
  • “The mailman constantly mixes up your home address and mine together and keeps on sending me your letters and packages and I’m sorry I look through them but your life seems very interesting as well as those books on black magic in one of your packages so wanna talk about it over a cup of coffee?” AU.
  • “We’re both strangers sitting in the same booth at an eatery because all the other booths are full and you’re drawing smiley faces on your plate with ketchup and wow your concentrated frown is cute” AU.
  • “It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single” AU.
  • “You’re my roommate and it’s way past midnight and you’re talking about how Charles Dickens inspired prison reform and how the moon must feel insignificant because it borrows light from the sun and this is all very interesting but will you please shut up and go to sleep” AU.
  • “You’re actually a really friendly and chill vampire and at night you float around outside of my bedroom window to talk with me about the universe and stuff” AU.
  • “You’re going through my sketchbook and giving questioning looks and I swear to God I’m just a deranged artist and not a serial killer” AU.
  • “We live next door to each other and I can see you through the window while you’re dancing to your iPod in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and God you’re a dork” AU.
  • “I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you” AU.
  • “I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad” AU.
  • “There’s a scrawny black cat in our neighborhood that hates everyone and everything but follows you around for some reason and I see you pet it and feed it fish fries are you a witch” AU
  • “I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile” AU.
  • “You’re the one in class who has tattoos all over their arms and piercings and everybody’s scared of you and one day I catch you watching cat videos and doodling in the middle of a lecture and wow you’re a dork” AU.
  • “I work part-time as a cashier at the local corner store and you come here regularly to shop and bond with me over the microwavable chicken bites so how about I take you out on a proper date instead?” AU.
  • “I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad” AU.
  • “You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer” AU.
  • “You’re a tea-lover yet you come to the coffee shop where I work at just to see my foam art and you give me hefty tips regularly so I’ve taken it upon myself to master the art of tea-making just for you” AU.
  • “I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared” AU.
  • “You work at a fast food restaurant and as you hand me my food you lecture me for ruining my health what is this hypocrisy” AU.
  • “I’m egging a random person’s house to relieve stress and you join me and as it turns out the house belongs to your ex and now they are chasing us as well as the police and now we’re both in jail waiting to be bailed so um you wanna talk about it?” AU.

anonymous asked:

Can you please do BTS as dads?

(this is based on their sun signs)

Jin 

  • the fun dad
  • looks like he hasn’t aged since he was 20
  • probably the least strict
  • because sagittariuses value freedom and independence 
  • they want their children to be their own people
  • super chill
  • doesn’t believe in strict punishment
  • cooks better than their mom
  • loves adventures
  • takes his kids camping, to amusement parks, anywhere they want
  • d a d j o k e s
  • always bright and sunny and cheers them up his humor
  • or makes them cringe
  • “dad im hungry” “hi hungry im dad”
  • [windshield wiper laugh]
  • instills strong morals and values in his kids

Originally posted by yoongiski

Yoongi

  • the affectionate dad
  • pisces are very compassionate, patient, and understanding
  • so he’d be able to handle kids and their moodiness really well
  • the person they always go to for comfort and advice
  • loves spending time with his kids
  • always makes them feel loved and appreciated
  • encourages their creativity
  • shares his love of music with them
  • “kiddos u know back in the day i was kinda a big deal. they called me suga”
  • “dad we literally live right next door to the bangtan uncles”
  • makes his kids hold each other’s hands when they start arguing
  • cries on the first day of kindergarten
  • the type to take pics and make scrapbooks and record videos to keep memories
  • and cry proud-father-tears when rewatching them

Originally posted by shootingfingerhearts

Hoseok 

  • the cool dad
  • another one that’s not strict
  • encourages his kids to be unique and individual
  • wants them to have a high self esteem and not follow the crowd
  • would raise really artsy kids who have a unique fashion sense
  • lowkey would be fine with them breaking some rules
  • high fives them when they stand up to mean teachers or bullies
  • pranks his kids
  • acts more like their friend 
  • so so supportive
  • shows up to every sports game or performance and screams louder than all other parents

Originally posted by btsreactionsandgifs

Namjoon

  • the overprotective dad
  • his little ones would probably inherit his god of destruction gene
  • so you’d come home one day and he’s wrapping them in bubble wrap
  • puts all his energy into raising his kids
  • lowkey strict
  • but only because he wants to see them shine 
  • the house runs so well
  • they go to bed at exactly the same time every day
  • sets a curfew
  • has those “my child is an honor roll student” stickers on his car
  • brags to other parents about how gifted they are
  • embarrasses them in public
  • his kids look up to him a lot

Originally posted by yayaruizc

Jimin 

  • the hot dad
  • teachers flirt with him during pta meetings
  • impresses their classmates by picking them up in his nice car
  • all his daughter’s friends have a crush on him
  • his kids will be super popular 
  • always fair
  • can defuse fights between them like a pro
  • creates a calm, peaceful, and beautiful home
  • his kids are always the best dressed
  • has a really good relationship with their mom and takes her out on dates every weekend
  • a good listener
  • is like their friend and has a really tight bond with them

Originally posted by jiminboi

Taehyung 

  • the rich dad
  • his family will live in the nicest biggest house
  • works hard to make sure they’re financially secure
  • always away on some business trip
  • but comes home with so many gifts
  • puts his kids in the best private school
  • spoils them
  • but still keeps them down to earth
  • his kids have good manners from a young age
  • teaches them the importance of hard work and discipline
  • old fashioned
  • the type to say “i’m your father, listen to me” all the time
  • loves taking his family on fun extravagant vacations every summer
  • super proud of every little thing his kids accomplish
  • keeps pictures of them in his (gucci) wallet

Originally posted by jinmini

Jungkook

  • the organized dad
  • has his shit together
  • super reliable and dependable
  • keeps everything neat and tidy
  • helps the mom with cooking and chores
  • color coordinates and name tags all their toys and clothes
  • makes them cute lunch boxes with supportive messages every day
  • sings them to sleep
  • tries to be strict but fails
  • “son it’s time to study please get off the computer. wait…is that overwatch? ….okay one more round if i can join”
  • a bit of a worry wart
  • always thinking about their well being and safety
  • when they get sick he flips out
  • “y/n according to webmd they’re dying. i’ve failed as a father. this is it.”
  • “jungkook pls calm down it’s just a cold”
  • puts his little ones in sports or dancing and takes them to practice
  • supports the heck out of them

Originally posted by jiminboi

anonymous asked:

Single dad lance has a cute new neighbor named keith that shiro automatically takes a liking to and blabs about how much lance has talked absentmindedly about keith

Lance goes out to greet his new neighbor thinking its some hot chick (since Keith has longer hair. )

Keith is a really hot gardener and Lance can’t deal with it so he runs back to his house and tells Shiro there’s a witch living next door now. 

3

Hey hey hey look who’s alive! :D I moved into my university awhile ago so I’ve been trying to figure out balance in my life and as a result I haven’t been on here as much. In high school I didn’t really understand the social life vs sleep vs school thing, but I do nowwww D: It’s really tempting to be constantly hanging out with friends, especially since my closest friends live right next door to me, and I can just pop in and hang out whenever I want. There’s also soooo much homework and so much reading >.< I was a little homesick at the beginning, but now that I’ve become a lot closer to my friends I’m a lot happier!

Mutually Assured Dating

‘You were singing really loudly in the shower when I broke into your apartment but then i heard you slip and crash and oh god i should probably check on you in case i get done for murder instead of just robbery’ AU


It took all of fourteen seconds for Derek to realize he was in the wrong apartment.

First, he noticed the very large and scuffed up sneakers and boots ditched haphazardly kind of near the door but half into the living room. Cora was meticulous about her shoes and kept them neatly arranged in a shoe rack right next to the door. The only time they touched the floor was when her feet were in them.

Second, the stuff. There was so much stuff everywhere; clothes thrown over the back of the couch, dishes across the coffee table and all over the kitchen counters, books on every surface, a gaming console dragging wires across the floor and surrounded by games, in cases and out of them. Cora was an unintentional minimalist, in that she threw out anything she didn’t need and lacked a single sentimental bone in her body. Derek and Laura regularly made trips to wherever she lived to save family keepsakes and memories from her ruthless cleaning sprees.

Then he noticed the manly warble coming from somewhere deeper in the apartment, and Cora’s favorite topic of rant floated lazily to the forefront of his mind.

—but my neighbor, oh my god this guy! I’m going to kill him if I ever see him in the hall! His bathroom shares a wall with my bedroom and he sings in the shower, every shower, at all hours. Literally all hours, like 4am, and he only sings Christmas carols at 4am. I’ve had Jingle Bells stuck in my head for a week! 

Shoes, stuff, singing.

This was not Cora’s apartment.

Keep reading

hustle

honestly hustling strip club customers and sugar daddies is GREAT but don’t forget about them smaller guys in your life, like:

-that restaurant you visit all time time? flirt with the waiters = free drinks
-the pizza shop next to your apartment? flirt with the cashier= free dinner
-in school? flirt with your male teachers = teachers pet/ good grades
-that guy that lives next door? flirt flirt flirt = he’ll shovel your steps, rake your leaves
-that store you visit all the time? flirt with the manager= you’re golden on returns or discounted clothes

Be a smart hoe. Focus on them little guys that can give you small shit. These guys love attention from hot girls and even if he ain’t given you stacks of cash, a free meal or small gift goes a long way sometimes.

What’s something from the set that you would have liked to take with you?

William Daniels: How about the fence? I did a lot of scenes over the fence. I said to Michael, “How many scenes am I going to be doing over this fence?” He said, “Hopefully a lot!” Talking to my neighbors, because they lived right next door, so that was an obvious place for us to set up scenes. The fence, I’d take the fence and put it in my backyard.

Did you ever think your role of Mr. Feeny would have such a strong impact on an entire generation?

WD: Not in my wildest imagination, and I’m still surprised. I remember we were in New York and we were coming out of the theater after a matinee and there was a bus full of kids. They came out of the bus as I passed them going down Eighth Avenue, and they started yelling, “Feeny! Feeny!” Well, the brave one that I am, I ran around the block just to get away from them. There was a whole bus of them yelling “Feeny!” while coming after me — a bus load! I just ran.

What was your favorite piece of advice or quote that Mr. Feeny ever said?

WD: I spoke to the class and I said to them, “Dream, try, and do good.” Boy, I was close to tears, frankly — it had been seven seasons. But that was it, that is what I’ll always remember, yes.


William Daniels [aka Mr. Feeny] looks back at Boy Meets World.

💛 Yellow books + Hufflepuff feature 💛

Voltron fic recs, the fourth wall

PART ONE - PART TWO - PART THREE

So it’s been about six months since I’ve done a fic rec list. I’ve been asked a number of times to do this and I’ve read a lot of fic in that time so uh, I guess some of these are like my greatest hits of the last half year? 

Some are very popular and some are less well-known but no less deserving of praise, so go give them all some love!

As with any rec list, please pay attention to the tags and warnings

Trouble’s Making Everything Alright - 78k (WIP); klance; Keith and Lance crash-land on a lawless, low-tech planet and become rough and tumble mercenaries, donning leather coats and gun holsters, righting wrongs (while committing a few heists of their own) and fighting to get back to their team.

you never stood a chance - 12k; klance; Lance accidentally sends Keith a gym selfie snapchat with the caption “BET YOU WANNA LICK THESE NIPS” and promptly freaks out. Turns out to be one of the best mistakes he’s ever made.

King and Reaper - 35k; klance; The story of the destruction of Earth and its aftermath, feat. questionable science in regards to weapons of mass destruction, gratuitous Star Wars references, theoretical chess games with the emperor of most of the known universe, explosions, the greatest bromance of all time, the worst romance of all time and many more things besides.

nothing’s quite as sweet - 50k; klance; Keith is a barista who hates his job. Lance works at the cat shelter across the street. When Keith finds abandoned kittens behind the store and in a panic goes to Lance for help, he kicks off a chain of events that includes kitten cuddles, coffee experimentation and a whole heap of fluff.

Foreign Scenes - 110k; klance; Lance is travelling across Europe and keeps bumping into Keith sneaking past “no trespassing” signs in an attempt to get better photograps. Basically an AU in which Lance and Keith become impromptu travel buddies and get into trouble.

You and I Collide - 55k (WIP); klance; Lance likes to sing in the shower. Keith lives in the apartment next door and the walls are not very thick. And you can bet when Lance wakes him up at 7:30 in the morning, Keith has something to say about it.

Pulsar - 31k (WIP); klance; A story about college, coming to terms with your past, being scared of your future, and running into crazy things like love somewhere in-between.

Ignorance is Bliss - 161k (WIP but almost done); klance; As it turns out, learning that your house is haunted makes the ghosts a lot more aggressive. Who knew? Ah, well. At least one of them is hot. And he’s the less-evil one, too, so that’s always a plus.

the potential of you and me - 15k; klance; The summer after freshman year of college, Lance drags Keith back to their hometown to hang out. But the two of them rarely spend time together without Hunk and Pidge around, because things had a way of getting out of hand real quick. This summer is… no different.

Deepest Shade - 40k (WIP); klance; Lance, idle middle son of the Álvarez family – shippers and traders, backbone of the galaxy, the epitome of self-made wealth – is drifting. Keith Kogane has been a thorn in Lance’s side since the day he was adopted by the powerful rival clan, but he can’t deny that Keith is incredibly attractive. A chance encounter at an Altean dinner party makes him realize the attraction might be mutual.

Living Next-Door to Teamiplier

This was fun to do. I couldn’t stop smiling while writing this! 
It’s pretty self-explanatory, this is a list of what it would be like living next to Mark, Ethan, Tyler, Amy and Katherine.  
Hope you guys enjoy!

Originally posted by murphranger

-You begin to question your neighbors sanity. 

-At first, you thought they were a bunch of hilarious nut-jobs. Maybe have a few screws loose and you should probably be worried for yourself. 

-But after meeting them personally and Mark explaining what he does for a living, EVERYTHING MADE SENSE! 

-After meeting everyone, you sort of fell into a sense of understanding and acceptance. 

-The first few times you caught the boys in dresses, you couldn’t help but laugh and crack jokes. 

-They flipped you off, jokingly criticizing whatever you were wearing at the time.

-Now, when you see Tyler in a massive turkey outfit, you just sip your coffee and wave at them from across the fence. 

-They’ve apologized many times for the weird noises coming from inside their house. 

-They give you some warning if they’re going to be doing stuff outside. Usually accompanied by Mark’s cooking because he felt bad about the loud music the night before.

-You actually went over and knocked on their door to make sure they were ok after hearing lots of screaming. 

-You found out they were just making a video. 

-They invited you inside to watch. 

-Funniest afternoon of your life. You still laugh about it weeks afterwards. 

-Amy and Katherine chat with you over the fence. They ask for cooking ingredients sometimes because Mark and the boys used it in their videos. 

-Anything you see through the windows, is entirely restricted to be spoken about between you and them. 

-You at first thought they were doing it for fun. (Which they were of course).

-But after watching a few of Mark’s videos and vlogs and live-streams, you’re safe to say you admire Mark and his work even more. 

-You donate to his live-streams and he shouts a thank you from the upstairs window. 

-You give him a thumbs-up from your side of the fence. 

-Ethan sometimes running to your house to hide from the others. 

-“They want me to do weird things, (Y/N)! Strange, unnatural things! Don’t let them find me!” 

-When this happens, you feign ignorance of Ethan’s location. 

-But Mark brings you over home-cooked meals and you give the blue-boy up instantly. 

-Ethan calling you over the fence because he doesn’t want to live with these “weirdos” anymore. 

-“I’ll sleep on the couch! I’ll rub your feet and clean! I beg you!”

-Him silently crying in your direction and mouthing, “Help” every time they shoot a video outside and you’re watching.

-Tyler is tall enough to see over the fence. 

-He leans over the top and chats with you while you’re gardening. 

-If you’re having trouble with something in the house, he’ll come over and help fix/move it. 

-Chica met you once and now escapes to go see you. 

-She’ll sleep on the front mat and wait for you to come to the door. 

-Tyler lifts her up so you can pat her over the fence. 

-You dog-sit when Teamiplier go away.

-The rest of the street think you’re all nuts. 

-Which is fine because you don’t like people coming uninvited to your door. 

-Except Teamiplier. 

-They pretty much treat your home like their own. (Within respective reason) 

-Mark knocks and enters.

-Ethan just waltzes right in. 

-Tyler knocks and waits patiently for you to open the door and allow him inside.

-Whenever something is thrown onto your side of the fence, the boys will try to clamber/jump over to get it. 

-This ends in a lot of swearing, sometimes a scrape or two.-Usually you throw it back over. But then it comes back a few more times. 

-So you sat on your side of the fence hitting whatever came over with a tennis-racket. 

-”Ignore the person on the other side of the fence!” Mark told the camera.
“They’re not important! They’re a nobody!” Ethan waved his hand in your direction.
“I’m keeping this ball now!” 

-Mark’s community have only seen glimpses of you. An arm or the top of your head peeking over the fence. 

-But you’re still a huge part of the channel since the boys call out for you in most of the videos that are filmed outside. 

-You answer them either with a loud, rude noise or a sarcastic comment that they all laugh at. 

-You had pretended to be annoyed when a stray foam arrow had flown through the open window of your kitchen. 

-But you couldn’t help but find the whole thing funny. 


-“Who the fuck just tried to assassinate me?” 
“Sorry! We’re really sorry!” 
“Next time aim better!” 

-Being Neighbors with Teamiplier is never dull. There is always something to smile or laugh at, and you have grown close to the bunch of weirdos over the fence.

anonymous asked:

Au where petunia is a witch and lily is a muggle?

When the letter arrives, Lily is almost as excited as Petunia. She writes Albus Dumbledore to ask if she can go to, and if she cries a little when the answer comes back no she doesn’t tell anyone. Lily waves from the train platform, writes diligently, and listens with excitement whenever her big sister deigns to share stories of magic.

Petunia gets Sorted Slytherin, where she falls into a mutually-venemous friendship with Severus Snape, who she had considered dirty and poor when he was skulking around Lily in their little neighborhood, lighting leaves on fire like a baby arsonist, but who now seems like the best ally in a pool of ugly little fish.

The blood-purists are their normal asshole selves, which Petunia responds to with busybody eavesdropping, cruel gossip, and manipulative emotional bullying. Severus calls her mudblood in their fifth year (it’s not the first time) and joins the Death Eaters. Tuney calls him a greasy git of a wanker and they still have lunch away from prying eyes now and then.

When the war comes, Petunia does not fight in it. She marries a Hufflepuff boy named Vincent Dunsley who spends their entire first date telling her about his junior position in the Ministry and his planned thirty-six bureaucratic steps to the top of the food chain. Vincent has no problem with Muggleborns, or at least not ones who behave as properly as Petunia.

Lily does fight. She’s been reading the Daily Prophet for years as she sits through history class dreaming of brooms and punching bullies on the playground. At seventeen, she writes Albus Dumbledore again. When he still writes back no, she packs a bag and shows up on the Order’s doorstep.

Alice Longbottom gives her a place to stay, some spare robes, and teaches her how to fly– Lily hopes, wrapped in a warm blanket while they sip cocoa and discuss action plans, that if she’d gone to Hogwarts she’d have been good enough to get Sorted Hufflepuff. Frank beams at his wife in the dim yellow light.

Of the Marauders, Lily meets Sirius first– shaggy hair and strong bones, he’s a tall glass of water and he’s anxiously watching a skinny, scarred boy sleep on the sofa. They’re an hour off a mission and Remus crashed as soon as they got back to headquarters. The first thing Sirius Black, troublemaker and risktaker, says to her is “Shh! You walk like an elephant.”

She’d snap back, but Remus does look that worn down, curled on the cushions.

Peter and James are in the kitchen, shoveling sandwiches down their gullets that are the size of their heads. James staggers to his feet when she comes in. “Hi. Uh, new recruit?”

“Something like that.”

James shoves his hair out of his eyes with one hand and thrusts the other one out in her direction. “James Potter,” he says. “Beauxbatons? I don’t think I ever saw you at Hogwarts.”

She grins. “Lily Evans,” she says. “Cokeworth. And I’d shake your hand, but you’ve got mustard on it.”

Lily defies the Dark Lord and his forces three times, with James’s wand at her back, with Remus’s and Sirius’s and Peter’s. They tell her about Hogwarts and its secrets, and she brings them Muggle candy bars and the boxes of X-Men comic books from under her bed. No one gets chocolate smudges on her pages, under threat of James’s disappointed-in-you face, which he’s been practicing.

Severus Snape hears about a Muggle Evans on the warfront. “Petunia’s not a Muggle,” he snaps when Dolohov mocks him for it, but Crabbe cradles his broken arm and keeps talking– about green eyes, red hair like a war banner– and Severus’s stomach sinks low in his gut, cold and aching.

Severus Snape overhears a prophecy and he tells it to his Lord. Lily Evans Potter is the mother of a halfblood boy with a mess of dark hair. Lily is in Augusta Longbottom’s living room, playing peekaboo with Harry and Neville, because Alice and Frank are already in St. Mungo’s, because she does not know that she is soon to be not a soldier but a fugitive. Her child has no scars, yet.

On Halloween night 1981, Tom Riddle goes to the Godric’s Hollow home that Peter Pettigrew betrayed. He kills James in the front room, wand in hand. He kills Lily in the nursery, after giving her a chance to step aside. He tries to kill Harry, but he fails.

Harry goes to his closest living relatives– his aunt Petunia, uncle Vincent, and cousin Dudley. He sleeps in a little room just off the kitchen, which he thinks used to be a broom closet. They hate the attention he brings when he’s dragged behind his aunt at the grocery store, so they leave Harry home when they go to Diagon Alley, Ministry potlucks, or the evening shows that Dudley fusses through, fists full of pumpkin pasties.

Harry knows how to wash dishes by hand, how to cook bacon without burning it (most mornings), and how to capture the spiders in the broom closet and escort them carefully outside. For his birthday Dudley gets a toy broom. For his, Harry gets an Albus Dumbledore Chocolate Frog card because Dudley already has fifteen and didn’t want that one. Petunia likes to peer over the hedge into the yard of Mrs. Figg, the squib who lives next door, and snigger about how she has to do her laundry without magic.

When Harry is ten years old, his Hogwarts letter comes in the mail and the Dunsleys are surprised. “I wasn’t sure,” Petunia sniffs. “I mean, with my sister’s blood in you and everything, anything could have happened.”

Fingers

Originally posted by teenwolf--imagines

Theo x Reader

Summery: Theo finally has some fun with his childhood crush

Warnings: Teaseing, 18+ gif under cut


“Hey, you want a ride?” Theo called as he spotted you walking home alone. “Come on, we live right next door it’s not like it’s out of the way.”

He growled to himself when you shyly shook your head and hurried away. He liked to think he’d moved on from pre-school, but here he was, feeling like he was back in first grade. Except now you were hot and didn’t have any building blocks for him to knock over.

He made such an idiot of himself in first grade, tiddling after you, stealing toys and pulling your pigtails in utter desperation to get your attention. He would forever be sat on the naughty step watching other kids play with you, his best friend and neighbour, simply because he’d not wanted to share you.

Theo let his mind run over his most recent daydreams as he stopped at a red light. There was no doubt in his mind you’d be submissive, the scent of complains clouded his head every time he passed you in the corridor, making it hard not to just throw and arm over your shoulder and steer you to an empty class room.

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