Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer by Dusty Higgins and Van Jensen
This puppet may not be a real boy… but he just might be a real hero.
When bloodthirsty monsters invade Pinocchio’s hometown and kill his father, Gepetto, Pinocchio discovers a new benefit to his magical nose: telling lies produces a never-ending supply of stakes to combat the vampire hordes! Will Pinocchio be able to defeat these horrors, avenge his father, and save his friends?
So begins Pinocchio, Vampire Slayer, a critically acclaimed twist on the classic fairy tale. After his first adventure, join Pinocchio as he discovers his lost brothers and sisters in The Great Puppet Theatre, then confronts the terrifying origin uniting both puppets and vampires in the final chapter, Of Wood and Blood!
Dusty Higgins (Knights of the Living Dead) and Van Jensen (Green Lantern Corps) present a captivating blend of comedy, horror, romance, and adventure, rooted in the original Italian novel brought–as if by magic–to new life.
So before y’all judge me about how this is just another horrific blend of modern and classic like Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, allow me to explain myself.
Yes, it is indeed true to the original Italian. Personally, I enjoyed the many references to other pieces of classic literature belonging to that time. I also appreciated how the mythology behind the vampires was true to the Bram Stoker original as well as the factual historical basis behind the legend of Vlad the Impaler. Right down to the gory details of how he became known as “The Impaler” in the first place.
Historical and literary accuracy aside: this book is just plain funny. It somehow manages to both respect its original sources and satirize them.
i am. i am a little upset. because they finally, finally, gave m'gann screentime that actually went somewhere. they finally gave m'gann the time of day, the time to explore her past and people from it, the time to realise that she has j'onn now and he cares about her. they gave her a storyline that was interesting and action packed and to be honest, it was fucking incredible, and then what? they shipped her back to mars. just like that. their only major woc character, literally written off to another planet.
i’m upset because of alex. because honestly what fresh hell? alex danvers loves her little sister more than life itself. she literally broke up with maggie two weeks ago because she was so torn up over not being around for kara, so she chose kara. and now? now what? she’s bailing on kara’s birthday, a day they’ve always celebrated, a day that so clearly means so much to them - kara especially. and i get it, i do, alex needs to have a life outside of kara, her life doesn’t have to just be protecting kara anymore because she has maggie and they’re happy, but for goodness sake this wasn’t just any normal day, it was kara’s earth birthday, and alex would never bail on that, especially not so easily and especially not after seeing how clearly upset it made kara. the danvers sisters are the heart and soul of this show and i’m upset because you wouldn’t know it if you just started with this episode.
i’m upset because this is supergirl. supergirl, not the mon-el show, and yet somehow even in an episode in which he didn’t have as much screen time as usual, he manages to take over. why does kara have to feel guilty about not having feelings for him? why does every guy kara tries to be friends with end up falling for her and she ends up the one suffering most? why, in that last danvers sisters scene, was alex encouraging kara to give him a chance? i’m sorry but alex danvers has never been entering any mon-el fan contests so why, in a scene that was supposed to be about fixing alex’s relationship with kara, did the conversation end up about him? why did kara have to be convinced she maybe might have feelings for him? and for the love of god that last scene, are you kidding me? kara sees him with another woman and gets jealous because oh whoop de do would you look at that she’s magically discovered feelings for him and now he’s with someone else. look at how not fucking surprised i am. i’ve only seen this on Literally Every Show Ever.
i’m upset because i got new scenes with my otp and i can’t enjoy them as much as i usually would because they just don’t feel right. maggie surprising alex with tickets to see a band she’s loved since college? maggie looking so god damn happy as she bounds up like a damn puppy to tell alex they got vip tickets? fucking fantastic, sign me up. maggie looking ridiculously at home in alex’s apartment? incredible. but i can’t enjoy it as much as i want to, because they came at the cost of alex and kara’s relationship and as much as i love sanvers, they’re not the relationship that makes supergirl. alex and kara are.
don’t get me wrong, i liked this ep. it was action packed and white martians are evil but pretty fucking cool and i am LIVING for all the m'gann we got, all the m'gann and j'onn we got. i am living for m'gann fighting as a green martian, and evil alex was fucking incredible (and hella hot) and vasquez finally returned from the cave in the desert, so don’t take this as me spewing hate left, right and centre because there was a lot about this episode that i really liked, i just. i’m a little upset that this show is supposed to be about supergirl and yet she’s being sidelined as a love interest for the token white guy, and all the other characters don’t seem to be winning any favouritism contests with the writers either.
(disclaimer: it’s 3.30am and i’m tired and cranky and i can’t be bothered to reread this so it might not be worded as best as i could possibly do to say what i’m trying to say but i just don’t care anymore pls don’t come at me)
[Drawing of a yellow and green giraffe saying “You don’t need to be paid for your creativity to be a creative person. Your creativity is real and valid even if it’s not how you make a living.” in a green speech bubble.]
Sometimes, you read a book and it fills you with this weird evangelical zeal, and you become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless and until all living humans read the book.