live on my knees

3

There must be a book about this ?? what to do when your friend turns into a big pinkish cat ?


Thank you ! It was a good excuse for me to draw Peregrïn’s cat form. She has a reflex of turning into it when she’s startled. Even when not in battle. Like… don’t wake her up with big noises and stuff.

The suggestion was Peregrïn protecting Khadgar, which is something she would 100% do so I agree with this idea >v<
I still want to point out that at this age they’re pretty much equals, as far as I know, she’s not stronger.
And they do stand up for one another. Even when they were young friends, just two kids, different yet somehow similar.

“I would rather die on my feet than live on my knees.”  Mexican revolutionary leader Emiliano Zapata, whose Zapatista peasant army fought a long guerrilla campaign south of Mexico City.  This picture was taken in Mexico City in 1914, after the revolutionaries captured the capital.  However, the victors soon fell out, and Zapata allied with Pancho Villa against the liberal Constitutionalist faction.  He did die, assassinated in 1919, but still has an iconic legacy in Mexico today.

An ache in my lungs. The rotting infatuation behind my teeth.
Sweet decay.
The loss of love at the base of my heart.

Love is fickle love is non existent in this life I live.
My knees tremble for it I
arch my neck and sigh for it.
I wish and long and scream behind sealed lips.

My hand is empty, too small without another to warm it.
I used to cup my palms around my own soul, a purple white flame that flickered and burnt those too weak to remove it from my grip
now it burns in my chest, alongside the ice in my veins the
cold behind my eyes. No, not the heat of tears but just a heaviness of longing. A glacier in my mouth.
A fire in my breast.

She dances away with another, with others, dragging me in her wake.
She places her hands on my shoulders and pushes me into myself, into vibrant darkness that sparks with
electricity.
My skin crawls, writhes, aches for more than this. I flinch away because if I do not my traitorous heart would take control and force me closer
still.

Can she not feel the searing heat in my breath, in my skin as she holds me, a hand on my wrist
my leg
my thigh
my stomach
my spine. The forest fire in my lungs.
She touches and taps and breathes against me.

All while keeping me at arms length.

She’s smiling, laughing, twines her hands through my hair, drags nails down the column of my neck, my throat, chills erupting and giving me away
I bare it for her willingly, my weakness flayed wide open.
She holds my ribs in her hands my heart strings between her teeth.

Oh I would do anything for her, let her do anything just to remain in the embrace of her laughter, the thrill of her entire being. Even if I am never able to touch or hold
Or embrace her

I suffer silently. Heavily.

This love is going to burn me up, if this longing doesn’t freeze me first.

anonymous asked:

what do u think about shrek

I generally try not to. the feelings of adoration and adulation that rise up within me when I consider his emerald visage are almost too powerful to withstand. they rend my physicality asunder. at one point in my life, it became so bad that I felt I had to go…. away…. I had to seek answers, in the spiritual places of the world…. I went to my local supermarket. there was a man there with no eyebrows. I knew at once he was a soothsayer, because when I asked him where the milk was, he pointed me to aisle 5 - which is where the milk would be housed, indeed. in the future. it was, at that time, in aisle 7. the eyebrowless man was a genius, and I knew it. I asked him; I said, “I have travelled for many moons and many suns, and then I also popped to the shops and here you are. tell me, wise one, for I sense your almighty power: how do I move on from my deep and profound attachment to that verdant creature of gritty and fertile beauty??” the soothsayer looked at me in the eye, and he said, “listen… listen… to the sound of the fridges. hear how they hum. is it not alike to a mosquito’s hum, in a swamp?” I nodded, though I was sorely confused. then he said, “listen… listen… to the sound of the wind through the pasta noodles in aisle 18. is it not alike to the sound of the wind through the grasses of a swamp?” once again, I nodded. the pasta noodles were, at that time, in aisle 7. I respected his genius. “listen…” he said, once more. “listen… to the sound of swirling, gelatinous desserts being shaken in aisle 3. is it not alike to the sound of gas bubbles rising from the fetid waters of a swamp?” I nodded, though my mind was yet clouded by uncertainty. the desserts were, at that time, in aisle 7. aisle 7 was a mess. “I don’t understand,” I said aloud. the eyebrowless man raised his above-eye-skin. “He is with us,” he said. “He is all around. He is in the fridges and the desserts and the pasta noodles. His swamp sounds live with us, always.” I fell to my knees. “where,” I said. “where did you get such wisdom? how did you corrode away the foolishness in your soul so completely that it seems as though it has been done with bleach or some shit? what happened, to make you… thus?” The eyebrowless man shook his head. “I must know,” I begged. He turned to me, with eyes like the gooseberries spilling out over the floor in aisle 7. “well,” he said. “some-”

i bet finn isn’t quite sure what flirting consists of so he’s really blatant about it like “you’re really nice looking, you know that? like REALLY nice looking…. yeah.” all while smiling like nothing is out of the ordinary and meanwhile poe is red up to his ears and speechless

(On AO3 here)

Alec was lounging on the couch in Magnus’s living room while the Warlock bustled about the chamber. He had finally remembered to check his mail, and it seemed that nearly three hundred pieces had come for him in the year since he last opened his mailbox. He was content just to watch, especially since Magnus had opted to skip a shirt while they lounged around his loft today.

“Huh, a letter from Amara Galley.  Haven’t spoken to her in five years,” Magnus commented to himself.

“Why’d you stop talking?”

“We dated briefly; she found me to be a bit too emotionally unavailable for her tastes.” Alec raised his head to look at Magnus, who just shrugged, “I got better.”

He went to open the letter when a cloud of white dust enveloped his face.

“Magnus!” Alec shouted shooting immediately to his feet, pull the seraph blade he kept under the couch and moving to protect him.

Magnus was still coughing when Alec appeared at his side. A thin sheet of white dust covered most of his face and hair- but, to Alec’s dismay, it quickly melted into his skin.

“Magnus,” Alec said holding by the shoulders to look into his eyes, “what is that stuff? Should I call Cat? Is it dangerous?”

Magnus waved a hand in front of his face, “it’s nothing. Just an old Warlock prank.”

Keep reading

The most recent TA post by Ayu

Translated by Kelvin from AyuFreak

By the end of last year, I have tried my best to hide the fact that my knee’s condition has worsened for the whole of 6 years. Till today, I have not shared this issue to my family or even my best friends. My personality of sharing to everyone after I have made my decision and that after all, it is my issue, has never changed since last year. I have decided and wanted to say on last year’s CDL “After this year’s CDL, I will go for the operation and go for rehabilitation and quietly go back to my new stages.” I rushed to make appointments with the hospital and went back to welcome the year of 2017 with everyone after deciding on the operation date. I was so stupid to think that I can relax after the operation. After that, the pain that I have been living with everyday is not something that I can describe in a word or two, so I do not plan to describe it in detail. After a few months, I am still passing the day by feeling my knees. However, I know that it is not the right way as if I want to say why, it is related to me leaving this stage.

Furthermore, during my tour, my ear worsened. Due to the rupture of my semicircular canal, I suddenly lost my balance. Sometimes, I can not even walk in a straight line. After that, although I managed to walk in a straight line, somehow I will stumble and fall. In general, it seems like as if I am performing in a drunken world. I have tried to vomit a few times in the studio’s restroom. But, I always say to myself “I will not lose to you” and try to face it. Due to the face that I had a sudden heart pain, I went to get a check up on my ear. “Because I have lost my hearings on my left ear, I have been relying on my right ear. And your right ear has also worsened.” Although I was still smiling like as usual after hearing the result, my mind went blank on my way back home after the check up. “Eh, both ear? Am i still considered a singer?” was all on my mind

In the middle of the Yokohama arena, someone contacted me through Line. This is what he/she wrote “Because of the existence of love, it seems that you do not lose your temper easily. Because of your genuity, let’s work hard one more time! we are the same like everybody, no matter who they are, I just want to stand in the middle of your stage that you made!” This word is like a slap to my face, made me wake up in an instant. This is not a responsibility, or a job. I want to get back to the Hamasaki Ayumi that everyone familiarize with.

to me, the stage is my everything.
This stage is the place where I survived.
Other than this, I cannot imagine where I can survive.
This is not the time where I think what my future holds.
Even if I lose my hearings, I will try to hear.
Even if I can’t walk, I will try to walk.
Thank you so much but I do not need your sympathy and compassions!
Even till to the end of the limit, I will go forward to my goals with my heads up high!


Edit: The update in English written by Ayu

Dear TA(^_-)-☆ 

 I’d like to talk about some things Tsuriko mentioned in her report on the tour website. She had to choose her words carefully as it’s a public site, but here I can be more direct.

At the end of last year, my kneecap finally gave out after 6 years of problems. I decided to have it operated on as soon as the Countdown Live concerts were over, then undergo rehabilitation during the time off, and return to the stage later in the year without making things public until later on. I’ve always preferred to keep things like this to myself, and this was no exception. Hospital appointments were made, and a date set for the operation. I saw the New Year in happily, and the operation took place without incident.

Foolishly, I allowed myself to relax at that point.

I don’t want to go into too much detail about the last few months, but suffice it to say that I’m still learning to live with my knee, day in day out. In all honestly I should probably stop performing on stage as I do, but that isn’t something I am prepared to contemplate.

Just before this year’s tour began I received a second blow - my hearing started to deteriorate further. My semicircular canals had blown, and I was experiencing crippling dizziness. I wasn’t able to walk in a straight line, and was often reduced to vomiting in the restroom at the rehearsal studio. I tried to put a brace face on things, but was told after various hearing tests that my right ear (which had been working overtime to compensate for my deaf left ear) was weakening fast. I don’t have a clear memory of my journey home after that. I just remember wondering how I, as a singer, would cope with two useless ears. Other than that, I was in darkness.

I’ve written a lot, but let me finish with this.

A certain somebody sent me a message on LINE at Yokohama Arena. It read as follows:

“You’re the real deal, so pull yourself together! It makes us mad because we care about you. We all - every last one of us - want to be a part of your show!”

It was a slap in the face, but it brought me to my senses. Not out of any sense of responsibility or duty; but on a much deeper level, I managed to find myself. That night, I found my way back to being Ayumi Hamasaki.

The stage is where I belong. It’s the only place I really, truly exist. I don’t know anything else. There’s no point in worrying about what lies ahead. I will keep listening, even if I can’t hear. I will keep moving, evening if I can’t move. I’m not looking for sympathy or pity. I will hold my head high and keep going forward until my last breath.

Next is Yoyogi! I’m looking forward to seeing your smiles

ayu

anonymous asked:

If it's okay I wanted to ask for 'Meant To Be Yours' (from the musical) MatPat and Steph's reaction

Stephanie could feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her lungs were straining to breath, her hands were numb, she could barely even see. The fear that was thundering in her veins was overpowering and paralyzing. ‘He’s going to be here any second and then he’s going to kill me.’

Oddly enough, the realization that her ex boyfriend, the same man who’d held her while she cried and told her she was beautiful and cherished and had killed three people for her, would be coming to kill her didn’t surprise Steph. She’d had no illusions about Matthew, she’d known that he was unhinged and dangerous. She’d just never stopped to think what that might mean until it was too late for Heather and Kurt and Ram and now her.

“Knock knock? Sorry for coming in through the window, dreadful etiquette I know.” Despite how soft Matt’s voice was as is drifted in through the window, Steph still flinched. She pressed herself against the inside back wall of her closet and shut her eyes tightly. “Get out of my house.” She demanded calmly despite the way her nails were trying to claw holes into the wall. “Hiding in the closet? Adorable.” She heard Matthew chide her playfully. Stephanie heard him slide into her room, she could almost picture the way his boots thumped against the carpet as he stalked over to her hiding spot.

Through the slatted in the door she could see him lurking like some kind of monster. He was silent and terrifying as he paced, fingers raking slowly across the closet doors. “You’ll want to come out of there, Steph. I’ve got a date planned, and you’ll really wanna see what our classmates really signed!” The glee in his voice was almost too much for her, Stephanie could feel revulsion warring with her fear as he began to describe his plan: a bomb hidden in the school, hundreds dead in a supposed ‘mass suicide’, finally peace for all the weary souls of Weaterburg high school. The terror that washed over Stephanie at his words was mind numbing.

She could only watch frozen as he paced, still ranting excitedly and occasionally moving faster before seeming to calm down and slow. It felt like watching a tiger pacing up and down, dragging its claws across your safe spot and reminding you that you were only alive because it wanted you to be. An idea sparked and she grabbed onto it as Matt stopped pacing. She could see him draw his gun through the slots in the door.

'So you want everyone dead?’ Stephanie thought viciously, and finally she moved. Standing slowly, she slipped a hand towards the bath robe and pulled the cloth belt free before sliding her own actual belt off her skirt. 'Fine. Let’s fucking kill everyone, starting with us.’ Stephanie wrapped the belt around her throat and smiled a little insanely.

Gravity
Sara Bareilles
Gravity

Growing up, I know we all heard the saying “first love never dies” from all sorts of form or instances. Like for me, I still quite remember the first time I heard that quote was from a Filipino classic romantic comedy film (tho I can’t remember the title). It was good, if not the best, hearing those words being said by those characters and it felt so real yet superficial in a sense because I was just a kid back then. But it got stuck on my mind and I wondered for a while if it is even true. I can still remember the pessimist in me saying that love isn’t eternal. Love fades. Love dies. But then, love came knocking at my door, and gave me the answer to my question.

“Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.
No matter what I say or do, I still feel you here ‘till the moment I’m gone…”

That’s the opening lines of the song Gravity by Sara Bareilles. Gravity, in mechanics, is the universal force of attraction acting between all matter. Gravity is the word associated with the reason for “what goes up, must come down.” And in these opening lines, it is associated with the feeling of holding back all the things in life, even though you know that it is time to let go.  You know that you should let go of those feelings but in all instances, you can’t. You tried almost everything to forget and move on but still it’s not enough. Because he still has you, he still has your heart.

“You hold me without touch.
You keep me without chains.
I never wanted anything so much than to drown in your love and not feel your reign…”

And like gravity, he’s not beside you yet you always feel his presence. Just the mere thought of him being beside you makes you forget every effort you’ve done just to move on. But then again, you’ll realize that there’s no “two” in the equation anymore. It’s just “you” now. On these moments, you’ll realize the power of love. It’s intangible power or force that holds your heart even without physically holding it back. It’s a crappy feeling yet you still hold on to that love you have, or at least you had. Because you know, deep within your heart, love is the only thing that makes you live thru each day, and you just want to feel it again.

“You loved me 'cause I’m fragile.
When I thought that I was strong.
But you touch me for a little while and all my fragile strength is gone…”

In loving, you will be vulnerable. Maybe because you know that there’s someone out there who knows you even more than you know yourself. You tend to lose yourself in the feeling of having someone by your side and not even bother about your flaws, your faults and all the mistakes that you’ve done. It’s a great feeling, yet you’re afraid of it. You’re afraid of the thought of losing the one that you love. You’re afraid of having no one to be there when you needed it the most. You’re afraid because he is your weakness. He still holds you. That’s the irony of love, it keeps you high and takes you to places but it also drags you down and makes you feel alone and lost.

“I live here on my knees as I
Try to make you see that you’re
Everything I think I need here on the ground.
But you’re neither friend nor foe though I
Can’t seem to let you go.
The one thing that I still know is that you’re keeping me down…”

Even with all the hurt and hate you feel, you keep on coming back to him. You’re trying to let go but when you’re love starts fading, a memory or a phone call or just a text from him brings you back quickly. You fail. Back to zero. Because he stole a huge part of your life, and that’s the thing that you can’t seem to let go. He is a part of you.

“Set me free, leave me be.
I don’t want to fall another moment into your gravity.
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I’m supposed to be.
But you’re on to me and all over me…”

It’s true, he will always have that special place in your heart, but that’s the truth that you don’t want to think about. The regret of losing your passion and your love makes it even harder for you to move on. It is frustrating, especially when you know that you still love him. But you need to move on. This time, do it not for him, but for yourself. He does not deserve you, and you deserve better.

It is inevitable. There will always be goodbyes in our lives. But you got to remember that with every goodbyes, comes new opportunities. Opportunities of meeting new friends, having new experiences, or even better, finding new love. Memories of those you loved will always be there. But rather crying over them, try to get some strength and learn from them. Overcome that gravity that holds you back, and love again like you’ve never been hurt before.

“Something always brings me back to you.
It never takes too long.”

There is a dead man who lies by the ships, unwept, unburied:
Patroclus: and I will not forget him, never so long as
I remain among the living and my knees have their spring beneath me.
And though the dead forget the dead in the house of Hades,
even there I shall still remember my beloved companion.
—  Achilles, Iliad Book 22

my friend kiras parents were so nasty to me because they thought i was a big scary lesbian trying to get in their daughters pants and they made me feel so awful and dirty for even like being near her and having normal platonic contact and it still fucks me up to this day honestly