Captain America: Civil War – the We Are All Rational Adults Version
(The more I think about Civil War the more annoyed I get)
Tony: okay so
the fact we’ve only just heard of them and they’re being signed in 3 days and
they’re fatter than all of us is some shit
Tony: but the
fact is, we can’t just run around wherever we want punching people that we
personally decide are bad guys
have the right to make their own laws and we can’t just ignore them because
we’re really cool
Tony: (though we
Tony: anyway the
fact is nobody actually voted for you to be President of Avengerdonia, steve,
so we should like, obey the people we elected, like everyone else in the world
does, this is how democracy works
Sam: i would vote
Steve: i will be
Steve: i have
very much enjoyed being in charge with no restrictions
Steve: it has
been very efficient and we’ve saved loads of lives (like loads)
Steve: however as
i am not in fact a massive jerkhole dictator and i do believe in democracy
Steve: you are of
course right we should get the nod from the government before we crash in
anywhere to save the day, as long as that can be done quickly and effectively,
and won’t mean that i’m completely banned from saving people
Steve: (because i
have zero impulse control when it comes to saving people i just do it)
Tony: oh we know
else would vote for steve too right natasha you’d vote for steve
Natasha: no comment
Steve: i mean
there are a couple of other things i want to talk about in these papers
Wanda: like the
fact we’re not actually accountable for the actions of all supervillains
Steve: yeah and
the fact that it doesn’t specify that we can’t be thrown in a monstrous sea-jail
without a trial or lawyers if we damage property while defending ourselves
Tony: wow steve
we’re (mostly) US citizens do you really think we need to specify that?
Steve: i’ve read
Steve: yes we do
Tony: okay then,
how about we sit here and hash out our list of amendments and caveats, which
they really should have consulted us about more than three days before they
meet to sign this document that controls our lives, and we take our improved
accords to vienna and talk about it there?
sounds really sensible
Sam: wanda you
vote for steve too right
Bucky: i do not
vote for steve. i vote for anyone except steve. i vote for tony stank’s left
shoe, because it is far less reckless than steve
Sam: dude you’re
not even in this part of the movie yet
Bucky: i showed
up early just to say don’t vote for steve
Tony: holy shit it’s
the winter soldier
Bucky: ooooh steve
doesn’t like that kind of language you know
Steve: go away
and wait for your appropriate plot hook barnes what is this
On one memorable Valentines day Ryan gives the whole crew hearts. Not chocolate hearts or candy hearts or even heart-shaped balloons, oh no. Fresh, hand-picked, unequivocally human hearts. More thoughtful than any store-bought gift if he does say so himself.
They’re carefully thought out, each presented differently; If Ryan’s going to do something then he’s going to do it right, wasn’t about to just throw slabs of bleeding meat down on the table and call it a day - he’s not an animal.
While it took the longest to obtain, Geoff’s is the most simple. Sitting in a basic cooler, nothing fancy, easy to identify and not meant to last. For Geoff the gift is not the organ itself but the inevitable demise of the man it came from, the involuntary donor who’s crew will no longer be trying to push their way into Los Santos.
For Jack there is a necklace, long and elegantly simple, the tapered rose-gold vial engraved with a small heart that makes her smile. Its unassuming, decorative and fashionable, perfectly belying the way the lid is sealed shut to preserve the ash within.
Ryan has never stuffed a heart with explosives before, hadn’t quite anticipated the difficulty of it, but his efforts are instantly rewarded by the involuntary way Michael snorts into laughter at the sight of the fuse snaking out of an artery. Its impossible not to join in when it goes off, humour infectious as Michael’s eyes light up, bellowing his amusement as gore rains down around them.
Ray receives what another might consider a serial killer’s love letter. A dismembered hand left in his favourite spot points him in the direction of a warehouse containing carefully arranged entrails which in turn lead to a breadcrumb trail of teeth. Thoroughly entertained Ray follows blood and gore all around the city before finding himself on the roof of an open-air parking garage, a giant blood red heart painted across the floor with the real deal placed carefully at its centre.
Gavin’s heart is in a ornamental jar, carefully preserved, bloodless and somewhat alien in appearance. It’s an almost shocking display of thoughtfulness, concession to the fact that Gavin, of all of them, would be the most disgusted, yet also somehow the one most likely to want to keep his gift. When he doesn’t have to smell it, feel the muscle gone cold in his hands, deal with the red stain of someone else’s life, Gavin is really quite delighted with the whole deal. Absolutely horrified, sure, but in that squirmy gleeful kind of way he gets, amused by his own revulsion, calling Ryan disturbing and lovely in the same breath.
Jeremy, who knows he definitely hasn’t been with them long enough to warrant a heart of his own (thank god?) watches it all play out with a bizarre mixture of amusement, horror and the tiniest pang of longing that comes along with feeling left out. At least until Ryan appears before him, as silent and terrifying as always, and thrusts a black plastic bag into his hands before ghosting away. The moment of shocked dread (whereupon Jeremy instantly realises that yeah nope warm-fuzzies of being included aside he did not need a human heart in his life actually thanks) is instantly washed away by helpless laughter when he opens the bag and catches sight of the anatomically-correct toy heart smiling cheerfully back at him.
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I was curled up next to TJ on the couch, my legs swung over his lap, as I examined my e-reader intently, re-reading one of my favourite books again. TJ for his part, was busy with the video game he was playing, controller clutched in his hand. Every now and then he would gently rub my leg, as he waited for the next scene to load.
I lived for times like these. Where we were content to do our own thing, but still wanted the pleasure of the other’s company. Some people found it strange how we were content to just sit it silence with one another, but I just saw it as a sign of how comfortable we were in each other’s presence. How strong our friendship was. Undoubtedly some time later, I would put my e-reader down and TJ would pass me the second controller, but for now I was happy with the current peace and quiet.
Not that TJ seemed particularly at peace right now. In fact he had been pretty much tense for the majority of the past two weeks. At first I thought it had been the result of the injury he had suffered in a match with Neville. He had come down hard on his ankle near the end of the match and while it was nothing too serious, it was enough to cause some concern. I had tried my hardest to support him through it, I knew he was desperate to get his hands back on that championship again and this was just another obstacle in his way. I made sure he had ice for his ankle and scolded him when I thought he wasn’t resting his leg sufficiently. Then, next week came and he was cleared to wrestle again. Yet, his mood didn’t improve.
My next course of action had just been to ask him. Several times. Each attempt had been met by TJ continuously shrugging my concern off and acting as if there was nothing wrong with him at all. All my attempts and the only thing I had succeeded at, was creating an increasing need to pull my hair out. I knew my friend, knew how stubborn he could be. If he didn’t want to tell me something, then he wouldn’t and right now trying to get information out of him, well it was like trying to pull teeth.
Rather unfortunately for him, I was as patience as he was stubborn. I wasn’t going anywhere and sooner or later he would be ready to tell me. Still, the wait was killing me. I didn’t like seeing him so worked up. Making my mind up to make another attempt, I switched my e-reader off and put it to the side.
My movements immediately caught his attention, his head snapping around to look at me. We had only been settled like this for half an hour, way too soon for me to be putting down my reading already. TJ said nothing, turning his attention back to his game. I could see that muscle in his jaw twitching though, which let me know that he knew exactly what was coming next, what conversation we were going to be having. I stared at him for a moment, but he continued to ignore me.
“You’re losing” I commented, keeping my voice level.
“Yes, thanks for that” he responded sarcastically.
“You’ve played this a hundred times by now. You can pretty much decimate it” I continued, not about to be put off by his attitude.
I felt him stiffen as he listened to my words. Listening to what I wasn’t saying. He knew that I was pointing out that he was too distracted by something, to even concentrate properly.
“TJ, we need to talk” I told him firmly, I couldn’t just see him continue like this. TJ finally paused his game, shifting under my legs to turn to face me more. I was surprised when his hand landed just above my knee gripping me firmly, as though he was afraid I was about to pull away.
“Fuck, why did you have to say those words, Y/N? No good ever comes from those words” he complained as he ran his fingers through his hair and I was struck by how tired he suddenly looked. A gnawing sense of guilt built in my stomach, wishing I had pushed the issue sooner.
“I’m just worried about you, TJ. You’ve been like this for two weeks. No matter how much you try to deny it, I know something is wrong” I pushed on, knowing it had to be said. I shifted slightly so I could lean closer to him
“Talk to me TJ” I pleaded.
“It’s nothing. I’m-“ he began to say.
“Don’t tell me it’s nothing. I’ve heard that too many times over the last couple of weeks and it isn’t going to fly with me anymore” I interrupted. TJ sighed to himself, running his fingers through his hair once again. I could see him debating with himself.
“I’ve just been thinking about the future” he finally admitted, as he realised that I wasn’t going to let the matter drop this time. I was relieved to be finally getting something that was true out of him, though concern quickly outweighed any sense of relief. After all, I still hadn’t gotten a proper answer out of him.
“Your future? Is this about the championship? Are you thinking about leaving the company? You can’t do that. You’re amazing, Teej! You’ll get your hands back on that championship, I know it” I told him, the words rushing from my mouth. TJ looked at me aghast, looking extremely surprised by my reaction.
“What? No! I’m not going anywhere. What the hell gave you that idea?” he complained, exasperation clearly evident in his voice.
“Well, you’ve not exactly been communicating with me” I mumbled as an excuse, feeling slightly stupid in hindsight. When TJ heard me say that, he looked as though I had just slapped him across the face. Another pang of guilt hit me, though I didn’t know what for. I was beginning to feel a bit out of depth with this conversation. His behaviour only serving to confuse me further.
He was mumbling under his breath now, gently pushing my legs off his lap, his firm grip on me disappearing. Standing up, he turned his back to me, leaving me sat alone on the couch as he seemingly struggled with himself.
“I was thinking about the future and you”
“No. I’ve begun now so I might as well finish what I’m saying. I’m in love with you, Y/N. I don’t know when it happened, but it did. It crept up on me. You’re amazing. You’re so incredibly loyal and supportive. You always seem to know just what to say. I love every moment I spend with you, even when we’re just sat together doing nothing, it’s never wasted time to me. And then two weeks ago and you went on that date with Jack. I just…. It was too much to see him doing what I wanted to do. Being where I wanted to be. I just couldn’t handle it” TJ confessed, leaving me absolutely reeling from his revelation. I had always said I knew him like the back of my hand, but apparently I couldn’t be more wrong, because this? This, I had never expected.
“I should leave” he stuttered suddenly, a complete opposite to his usual brash confidence, though I wasn’t completely surprised by his attempt at escape at the least. He wasn’t exactly at his most comfortable when it came to confronting his emotions.
“This is your room Teej” I pointed out, though this did little to stop him in his tracks. He only paused when I stood up from the couch intent on reaching him.
“And I don’t want you to leave. I don’t want to leave either” I continued. He finally turned around at this point, raising his gaze to meet mine and I shuffled under the intense eye contact, but refused to look away. I rested my hand on his forearm, wanting to anchor myself to him.
“Yes, I went on a date with Jack. One date. He’s a sweet guy and I really wanted to be able to give him a chance, but damn if I didn’t hate every moment that we were out together. I just couldn’t help but think, I would much rather be spending the time with you” I explained, hoping desperately that I was making sense. The words were in my head, they just didn’t seem to be coming out like I wanted them to.
“Y/N…” he said, my name coming out almost warningly, as if he thought I might be giving him false hope.
“No, TJ. These last two weeks I’ve been worried sick about you, only to find it’s because of me? Over something that wouldn’t even be an issue, if only the both of us could say what’s really on our mind? If we both didn’t keep trying to avoid the issue and pretend it was nothing? Because the truth is TJ is that I love you. I’ve just so afraid to lose you that I chose to say nothing. And I never should have gone on that date. It was a mistake and unfair to everyone. I never meant to hurt you” I explained. It was time for him to know the truth. All of it. We were only in this situation in the first place, because neither of us felt like we could tell the other what we really felt. It had to stop.
It looked as though I had momentarily stunned him with my own confession, before he was striding purposely towards me. He pressed me back firmly against the wall, before he pulled me into a passionate kiss. There was a subtle taste of desperation to the action and I knew full well that I was probably replying in kind. There was nothing that could compare to that moment, I had never known anything to feel as good. I’m not ashamed to admit that I whined as he broke off the kiss to speak to me again.
“I’m not about to forget what you just told me” TJ warned me, his warm brown eyes looking more heated than I had ever known them to be, even in the midst of a fight.
“I don’t want you to forget. I don’t want to forget what you told me either” I replied passionately. He grinned widely at this, before pinching me sharply on the hip and I recognised it as the warning that it was.
“I warn you, I’m not the kind to go easy and I’ve waited for you far too long” he told me, his voice dangerously low, before nipping at the side of my neck, the skin pleasurably pinched between his teeth.
“You’ve made me wait” he pointed out as he pulled away, my whole body trembling at the promise in his voice.
“You’re not the only one who had to wait” I responded, trying to fight back against his overwhelming presence. My hands clenched in his shirt, pulling him down to me so we could kiss once again. Our kiss was impatient this time, both of us feeling as though we had waited long enough for this moment. It was why I didn’t protest when I felt him swing me around, pushing me backwards towards the bed. In fact, I was trying to hurry things up even further, tugging at his t-shirt, pushing the material up so I could run my hands over him.
Toned muscles shuddered slightly under my fingertips as TJ pushed me to the bed sheets, his body colliding lightly on top of mine. He sat up briefly to pull his shirt over his head, my lips immediately pressed against his chest, nipping my way across tanned skin. He allowed me to explore for a moment, his hands clenching at the sheets beneath us as he continued to prop himself up above me.
Strong hands entangled in my hair and he used them to pull me back, his eyes drifting to the rise of my chest. Noting the source of his attention, my hands drifted to my own shirt, pulling the material off.
“Hey, I’m only human” he defended with a cheeky wink, hands removing my bra in one smooth as hell movement, causing me to raise an eyebrow at him in inquiry. He didn’t respond to the action, more focused on burying his face in my cleavage and leaving soft bite marks across the tops of my breasts. I moaned his name, causing him to tense up momentarily, a soft sigh leaving him.
“Yeah, just like that. Wanted to hear you say my name like that for so long” he whispered against my skin, the meaning behind his words making my core clench. His lips returned to mine, his passionate kiss so overwhelming, that it nearly distracted me from the motion of his hand moving over my zipper.
“Want to hear you say it again” he groaned, as his hands slid into the front of my underwear, groaning once more as his fingers reached my wetness.
“Fuck, baby girl. Did I make you this wet?” he asked, even though he wasted no time in waiting for a answer, before his fingers slid inside of me. Any possible answer that I could have conjured up, was immediately interrupted by another moan of his name. Even with the constraints that the denim of my jeans placed on the movement of his hand, he was still able to stroke me to a fever pitch, his thumb brushing over my clit with each thrust of his fingers.
Fighting against my own shuddering body and the haze of pleasure, I pressed a hand to the zipper of his jeans, wanting to be able to touch him in return.
“Take them off, TJ,” I asked, still able to sense his reluctance to part from me. “Please, TJ”.
I didn’t think he was going to at first. Instead he gripped the edges of my own jeans tugging them down along with my underwear, pressing a quick soft, kiss to the very top of my thigh, making my hips buck in anticipation. It was only when he was finished stripping me of all my clothing, that his hands worked on the fastenings of his own jeans. I propped myself up on my elbows to watch as his jeans hit the floor, his fingers returning to the waistband of his boxers. I could visibly see the effect that I had been having on him as he peeled the material away.
TJ was back on me in an instant, two fingers pushing inside of me in one smooth movement, immediately setting a demanding but pleasurable pace with his hand. My body shuddered at his touch, concentration lost as I became wrapped up in the moment. It was the feel of him rutting against my leg, his hard member pressing into my hip, smearing pre cum onto my skin, that re-focused my attentions. I wrapped my hand around him, his head falling forward into the crook of my neck, emitting a low groan at my initial touch.
I ran my hand down and around the length of him, testing to see what sounds I could bring out of him. His face was tense, breathing deeply as he attempted to remain in control of himself. Soon enough his fingers began to thrust into me again. I matched my hand movements to the pace he set and used it against him. Every time he sped up, so did I. Every time he slowed down, I copied. As much as he teased me, I teased him right back. He might have been a little better at it than me though. It was getting harder to hold onto my concentration by each second, my hand faltering every now and then. His free hand reached down for mine, pulling me away from his cock.
“Won’t recover in time” TJ explained as he saw my questioning look.
“I’m not going to last much longer either, T. I want to come together” I pointed out to him, throwing my head back as his fingers brushed against a particularly sensitive spot. Despite my protests, his pace never slackened, instead bringing his fingers up to my clit, teasing me by drawing small circles.
“Doesn’t matter. I can make you come again. With me” he assured me, confident in his own abilities. With the way he was making me feel, I couldn’t doubt him. I could feel how slick my thighs were with my own wetness, my eyes fluttering closed in preparation for the impending rush.
“Look at me, Y/N. Want to see you come. Spent too long imagining this moment to miss the real thing” TJ ordered, my eyes obediently opening to find him watching me intently. His words only further exacerbated the fire within me, his fingers moving faster over my clit. I called his name out loud once more as my release hit me, almost blinding me. TJ watched me with a complete look of amazement across his face as I came, brushing my now messy hair back from my face so he wouldn’t miss a single moment of my reaction. TJ chuckled at me as I continued to pant with exertion underneath him.
“Fuck, fantasy doesn’t even compare to the reality” he commented, his arms encircling me and I could feel his fingers wet against my back. His grip was secure as he rolled over onto his back, pulling me on top of him, his cock inadvertently pressing up against my slit.
“There’s protection in my wallet” he told me and I picked it up from where it was placed on the bedside table, opening it and finding the necessary protection.
“Hey, there’s a picture of us in here!” I exclaimed, momentarily distracted by the sweet gesture, examining the photo, condom still clasped in my other hand.
“Fuck, Y/N. You’re killing me here” TJ muttered loudly as he realised my focus had slipped. He took the wallet from my hand, tossing it to the side, provoking a laugh from me. He raised an eyebrow at me, his fingers tapping against my thigh impatiently. Taking my cue, I tore open the packet, shuffling back slightly on to his thighs, so I had the room to roll the condom on to him.
His hands gripped me just under my hips, helping to lift me up on to him, my hand steadying his hard member as I slid down, letting him fill me. We both took a moment to take in the feeling of being together like this. I was shaking slightly, almost overwhelmed by the whole situation. TJ’s hand cupped my cheek, gently caressing, as he prompted me to look at him.
“This ok?” he asked softly, his eyes examining me for any signs of hesitation.
“This is more than ok” I told him, forcing as much vehemence into my voice as I could. I didn’t want him to doubt me. To doubt this. He seemed convinced of my words and he began to move his hips underneath mine, thrusting up into me. His actions spoke for themselves. I may have been on top, but he was exerting control.
I moved in tune with his thrusts, feeling him bottom out in me at every pass. My hands were placed on his chest, my fingers digging in on occasion. I could barely believe that it was him laying under me. His hands running over my body. His hands stroking and caressing my breasts. It was him leaning up to press a kiss to an old chicken pox scar, seemingly intent on exploring my whole body.
My hair draped around his face, almost shielding us from the outside world, as I kissed him. His touch was soft but passionate, intent on making the most of this moment. I moaned as he wrapped his arms around my waist, bringing me down tightly to him.
“Told you I could you make you come again” TJ told me cheekily as he recognised the tell-tale signs of my approaching orgasm, my moans becoming more needier, my hips stuttering and erratic against his.
It was when he sat up straight, our foreheads touching, that his pace became that much faster. His hands gripped the top of my shoulders, pulling me down tightly at the same time he thrusted, ensuring a snug fit. He was breathing as deeply as me now, his loud moans filling the air and only exciting me even more. I clenched my muscles down around him, hoping to draw even more of those gorgeous sounds from him.
“If you really want to come together baby girl, it needs to be soon. I’m so close” he moaned, pulling his head back so he could watch me lose control again. Only this time, I got to watch him too and I didn’t want to miss a moment. I pushed my hips down, taking control of the pace as his thrusts became more erratic. He wasn’t the only one who was close and I was only holding on for him.
Rocking my hips roughly, TJ’’s grip tightened, as with a hoarse shout of my name, he hit his release. I came immediately afterwards, my control completely broken. He looked so damn beautiful when he came. Eyes dark and burning, lips parted, a slight sheen of sweat dusting his chest.
“Fu-ck” he stuttered out as he came down from his high, his head resting on my collarbone. I was so shaken by my two orgasms that I pretty much collapsed against him, TJ steadying me, before my nose could collide with his hard shoulder.
Sensing my temporary weakness, he cradled me to him, resting us both back against the bed. He pulled away from me momentarily to pull off the condom, tying it off and throwing it into the waste bin across the room.
“Told you I wouldn’t go easy” he teased, prompting me to playfully slap him. TJ just caught my hand mid air and pulled it to his lips. I shivered as he pressed a kiss to my palm, dropping my hand to rest on his chest above his heart, as he pulled the covers up and around the both of us.
“No regrets?” he asked. I could hear the tinge of worry carefully hidden behind his usual bravado as he asked the question.
“None. None what so ever” I replied, smiling to myself as he pressed a kiss to the top of my head.
“Good. I love you, Y/N” he replied as he began to gently stroke my arm.
“I love you too”.
He shifted under me, causing me to look up at him, his face filled with a sense of mischief, his hand shifting to run playfully over my ribs.
“I hope you’re prepared, because I’m not about to allow you out of this room anytime soon, baby girl”.
Tried several of my new guns, and several other cool guns, got concussion from a nearby F ass/Stgw 31 57 “Commando” (one of these blast/light/fire machine derivated from the former Swiss battle rifle), ate a lot of melted cheese, and had a lot of fun in the snow !
(for those asking about why the AKS74u is not on safe, it’s because I was required to keep the action open when not shooting, something a spent 12-gauge cartridge was performing… before being apparently slammed out the action while I was not looking - and I didn’t pay attention because in my shooting society, the culture is to live with the loaded guns on oneself)