live in your own shadow

2

Otabek’s voice-over, screen full of Yurio. PT.2!

Look at him. LOOK at THEM. Otabek is talking to himself, yes, but also (and one could say almost more so) to Yuri here. Again, the focus is not on Otabek singularly, it flits between the two of them. The two soldiers of the ice rink; one currently fighting and the other awaiting their chance.

And the things he’s saying to Yuri here. “Now is YOUR beginning. This is YOUR time. Live YOUR OWN life.”

Like he knows Yuri has lived in Victor’s shadow and felt like he could never surpass his rink-mate when the man is a living legend in Russia.

Like he knows about the pressure Yuri is under to go beyond being the best.

Like he knows what it is to be young and dismissed because of his youth and inexperience, how much harder it makes a person want to fight to be acknowledged.

Like he knows what it is not be able to live your life the way you want because you’re a skater with the weight of a country and family and fans all on your shoulders, a weight you’re not sure you can carry.

Otabek knows what it’s like because he’s living it too, and he recognizes it in Yuri the way no one else does.

And then, even though he (somehow) doesn’t beat JJ to take second, Beka comes back from the kiss and cry, when he could’ve very well slunk back to the change rooms to have an emotional moment and regroup, to stand on the sidelines and watch Yuri perform. Cheer for him. Look pleased af that a 15 year old Russian punk just wiped the floor with all their asses and he accomplished it even though he stumbled once in his program. Otabek soldiers through to be there for Yuri when he is probably exhausted and a little disappointed in not placing, and he can feel the weight of letting his country and family down. He brings his ass front and center to cheer for his friend and fellow warrior.

When you feel like you are living in someone else’s shadow, learn to step away from it. Realize that you are irreplaceable; that you are different in your own way. Living in someone else’s shadow stops you from growing; from realizing your own light and your own confidence. Roses do not bloom in the dark, and neither should you.
—  | N.B.
8

get to know me: (2/?) favourite movies ► queen of the damned (2002)

There comes a time for every vampire when the idea of eternity becomes momentarily unbearable. Living in the shadows; feeding in the darkness with only your own company to keep, rots into a solitary, hollow existence. Immortality seems like a good idea, until you realize you’re going to spend it alone. So I went to sleep, hoping that the sounds of the passing eras would fade out and a sort of death would happen. But as I lay there, the world didn’t sound like the place I had left… but something different. Better.