live and let dine

i see a lot of viktor pretending to be an amateur skater to get instructor yuuri’s attention, which is all well and good, but have you considered the opposite? alright so get this: viktor is doing some publicity event where he gives a masterclass in figure skating, and yuuri registers for it (all it says is you need a certain basic skill level, i.e. how good is your balance?) and afterwards he’s like oh god what have i done and freaks out and nearly doesn’t go. but phichit is like, “dude, come on, chase that tail,” so they schlep out together and probably have to travel cross-country or even across the border into canada to get to this damn thing, and by the time they arrive yuuri is like, so done with the whole idea already, because he’s an internationally acclaimed figure skater and he’s going to a basic class in figure skating and what if viktor recognises him and—oh, wait, that’s stupid, there’s absolutely no way viktor would know what he looks like, at least not up close, if at all. okay. that was a stupid anxiety. yuuri is fine. he’s fine. so he and phichit rock up to this event and it’s a pretty large class (they had to allow for as many of viktor’s legion of fans as they could) and yuuri thinks, it’ll be okay, viktor won’t even look in my direction, it’ll be—

and then the class kicks off and viktor skates up to yuuri with this look of poorly-disguised adoration on his face and says, “wow, you’re skating really well!” and because all they’ve done is one loop of the rink yuuri is like, “oh no, oh no no no, i can’t skate at all,” and as if to prove his point he falls flat on his face. he rolls over, and the first thing he sees his viktor holding out a hand. yuuri nearly freezes up colder than the ice, but then a voice at the back of his mind that sounds suspiciously like phichit tells him, you know what they say about the size of a man’s hands… ! so, god help him, yuuri takes viktor’s hand and lets viktor help him up. (viktor has very nice hands.) “an absolute beginner, huh?” viktor says. “we can work with that.” and yuuri doesn’t have the heart (nor the desire, really) to correct him, so he lets his anxiety takes over and skates so badly that celestino would surely drop him on the spot.

at the end of the session, viktor gushes to yuuri about how far he’s come, how he’s convinced yuuri could learn a jump or two if he put his mind to it, and meanwhile yuuri is still trying to make the fundamental leap of understanding that his idol is talking to him (“flirting,” phichit corrects. “he’s definitely flirting.”) and it seems like he’s really enjoying their conversation, even though it’s just about mundane things like yuuri’s boring degree and boring part-time job and viktor’s flashy international stardom. afterwards, viktor offers to buy yuuri dinner, and yuuri has to concede that maybe he is flirting, but really that’s only because yuuri has been coming on pretty strong too, and he dreads what’ll happen when viktor realises he’s actually a loser with clinical anxiety. but, what the hell, you only live your dreams once, or something, so yuuri lets viktor wine and dine him and it gets less scary as the evening goes on. just as they’re about to part, viktor says, “i hope this isn’t too forward, but could i get your number?” yuuri considers that for a while. he considers it so hard he forgets to breathe, and passes out right there on the pavement. the next thing he knows he’s waking up in hospital, with a phone number written no fewer than six times (“just in case one of them rubbed off!” viktor will tell him later) all down his arms. he presumes the number is viktor’s, but he doesn’t want to take that chance. yuuri doesn’t call.

(five months later, he’s about to step on the ice at the grand prix final in sochi, when he passes viktor, and viktor gives him a curious look. yuuri stops dead in his tracks and nearly goes out cold again, but then viktor’s expression changes into a sly grin, and he says, “yuuri as in yuuri katsuki, huh? you said you were a beginner!”)

Firsts

A/N: This is a pretty long one to make up for my only posting writing once a week. Happy Sonnday!

Most people thought Sonny and I were lying: we’d been together, secretly and then publicly, for almost a year, and we’d never had a proper fight. It was like we were in an eternal honeymoon stage, so perfectly matched that arguments never needed to enter the picture. 

We were the perfect couple, the one all our friends talked about, the one everyone could rely on to renew their faith in love… until suddenly, we weren’t.

Keep reading

Lana: Speaking of secret agent: At some point before the restaurant is full of diplomats I would love to go over-
Archer: The menu, I know.
Lana: The plan-
Archer: On going over the menu. Yes. Get child murderer, Gilles de Rais in here and I’ll walk you through it.

The More You Know: Gilles de Rais

External image

You may have guessed that Mr. de Rais was indeed a child-murderer, and not murderer who is a child. He was a 15th century French baron and knight who fought along side to Joan of Arc. Then he retired and took up killing kids in a psycho-sexual murder spree that lasted 8 years. His victims are estimated at about 80, but have been speculated to be well within the hundreds. Obviously when France found out they promptly hung him, though there is a theory that he was not guilty of these crimes, but a victim of the upcoming Inquisition.

((Sorry I have been so inactive, I have been trying to work heavily on my art, but I will try to take time out every now and then for youse guys! As always if you have a question, request or whatever hit me up in the asks!!  I ’m gonna also try to take some time out this weekend to clean up my tags! Enjoy!))

2

                                                  Name-calling 101:

                                                    Casteau VS Ray

Casteau: So no screw-ups. Now get to work. I’m talking to you, Gavid Nevin

External image

Basically a moustache joke. David Nevin was happy-go-lucky author and actor who said quaint and adorable things like:

“I’ve been lucky enough to win an Oscar, write a best-seller—my other dream would be to have a painting in the Louvre. The only way that’s going to happen is if I paint a dirty one on the wall of the gentlemen’s lavatory”

“It really is amazing. Can you imagine being wonderfully overpaid for dressing up and playing games? It’s like being Peter Pan" 

and after a streaker interrupted the Academy Awards "Well, ladies and gentlemen, that was almost bound to happen. But isn’t it fascinating to think that probably the only laugh that man will ever get in his life is by stripping off and showing his shortcomings.”

 

Archer: Season 4 in Review - Part 2

Now onto the second part of my in-depth look at Archer’s fourth season. This part will contain the best and worst moments, episodes lines and the overall grade and my final thoughts of the season.

So let’s kick this off.

BEST EPISODE

This was a tough call ‘Legs’ and the finale 'Sea Tunt: Part II’ were very much in the running in particular the latter. But in the end i had to give it to 'Live and Let Dine’. The episode featuring 'Anthony Bourdain’ as the messed up chef. The reason for me choosing this was it has all the usual traits that make an 'Archer’ episode - the self-contained plot in the kitchen and the consistent stream of jokes and the thing that put it over the edge for me was the running jokes through the episode as well as the the ridiculous lengths 'Malory’ goes through to get a table at the restaurant. Plus let’s not forget the flawless parody of a reality chef program.

Winner: LIVE AND LET DINE

Episode Grade: A+

WEAKEST EPISODE

This was an easier choice to make than the previous one but still wasn’t easy. I was mulling over giving it to the least consequential episode so not necessarily the one with the lowest grade. That would have been 'Un Chien Tangerine’ a decent episode but ultimately a nothing one that is just a filler. But in the end i did go for the lowest one i graded. 'Fugue and Riffs’ i would have picked the other but the fact that it was such a wasted opportunity with the 'Bob’ crossover it tipped it over. I was very much looking forward it and i felt disappointed in the end.

Winner: FUGUE AND RIFFS

Episode Grade: B-

BEST MOMENT

Now onto what is probably the most difficult decision of the lot. This, this took a lot of thought. 'Brett’ getting shot, the many put downs of Chef Casteau’, 'Cheryl’ giving the guy in charge of the guns a “Handy J”. Last season may have been better but it doesn’t mean it isn’t as difficult pin-pointing my favourite moment. In the end after much thought i went for 'Krieger’ coked up experimenting on the guns.

Those sweet 7 seconds of crazy sum up 'Archer’, messed up, hilarious and outrageous. It may also be my favourite moment of 'Archer’ in general.

Winner: KRIEGER MODDING GUNS

Episode: SEA TUNT: PART II

Episode Grade: A+

WEAKEST MOMENT

I think it’s pretty obvious what i consider to be the weakest aspect. The poorly done Bob/Archer crossover - if you can call it that. If it’s billed as a crossover i expect some sort of story involving both, not 3 minutes of an inside joke. The most irritating thing being the completely wasted potential of this. If they bring this back i hope they do something properly with it.

Winner: BOB/ARCHER CROSSOVER WASTED POTENTIAL

Episode: FUGUE AND RIFFS

Episode Grade: B-

BEST GUEST CHARACTER

This was really between 'Chef Casteau’ (Anthony Bourdain’) and 'Captain Murphy’ ('John Hamm’). Cheryl’s brother 'Cecil' ('Eugene Mirman’) and his wife 'Tiffy’ (Kristen Schaal’) were close but ultimately weren’t as memorable as the first two. In the end iv'e gone for 'Captain Murphy’, 'John Hamm’ does an amazing job as the slightly unhinged, lonely sea captain of a sea lab. His deliveries of “Oh god, just like the gypsy wome said” and “i just filled this machine” when 'Murphy’ gets squashed by a vending machine are perfect.

Winner: CAPTAIN MURPHY ('John Hamm’) 

Episode: SEA TUNT: PART II / SEA TUNT PART II

Episode Grade: A / A+

WEAKEST GUEST CHARACTER

This was tough in that all the guest characters were good it certainly wasn’t going to be 'Chef Casteau’ or 'Captain Murphy’. So it was between 'Cecil’, 'Tiffy’ and 'Moreno’ ('Carla Jimenez’) - i don’t count the 'Belchers’ since they weren’t in long enough (half the episode is what i consider enough). So i went with 'Moreno’ from the excellent 'Coyote Lovely’. Despite being an excellent episode she does very little and doesn’t provide any jokes. It’s worth counting i don’t count her as a bad character she’s just ok.

Winner: MORENO ('Carla Jimenez’)

Episode: COYOTE LOVELY

Episode Grade: A

BEST MAIN CHARACTER

The difficulty here is remembering all my favourite moments and judging them against each other. Some have far more screen time and are more likely to have a dud moment and others that have very little screen time have less chance of that happening. But after some thought i narrowed it down to 'Pam’, 'Cheryl’ and 'Krieger’. But we all know who i’m going to pick, 'Cheryl’. She doesn’t have my favourite line but she has the most consistently hilarious lines. “uh there’s moose in this?!”, “ok, i’ll do it but i’m not going to spit in your face”, “Shut Up John Williams!!”

Winner: CHERYL TUNT ('Judy Greer’)

WEAKEST MAIN CHARACTER

I originally had this as worst but considering that the shows characters are rarely boring i changed it to weakest. Given that the above belongs to 'Cheryl’ and i had 'Krieger’ and 'Pam’ as contenders those don’t go into this. So who do i have left? 'Archer’, 'Malory’, 'Ray’, 'Barry’ and 'Cyril’. There was also 'Ron’ but that would be rather unfair. So in the end i punted for 'Cyril’ i enjoy his constant whining being berated by 'Archer’ is always great. But there were times that i felt he was underused, and i was hoping for more crazy paranoia in 'The Honeymooners’ but he was still great in it anyway “Suppressing fire!!”. But it had to be someone and 'Cyril’ it is.

Winner: CYRIL FIGGIS ('Chris Parnell’)

SEASON THOUGHTS

Now iv'e come to the end of my overall feelings of Archer’s fourth. Starting out surprisingly mediocre, the show didn’t begin to get back into its groove until roughly the 5th or 6th episode. 

There wasn’t really a bad episode here, the opener was disappointing thanks to an underused plot point. 'Leg’s was the first sign the shows writers clearly still knew what they were doing. But the defining moment came in 'Live and Let Dine’ and continued to be strong up until the finale which ended the series in spectacular fashion. It wasn’t on par with season 2 or 3 but it was still an impressive season.

'Cheryl’ was the stand-out with 'Krieger’ and 'Pam’ not too far behind the pace either. 'Krieger’ delivered what was probably my favourite 'Archer’ moment ever - his coked up gun mods. 'Archer’ has plenty of quips and his put downs on 'Lana’, 'Cyril’ and 'ray’ are still there. I also really liked 'Ron’ a guy who didn’t exist before the season premier making it all the more funny. There was a slight lack of 'Barry’ and the Bob’s Burgers characters were underused the only real problems with the season.

Am i disappointed? not really while it would have been nice to have an almost immaculate season like the last two it was still mostly stellar. A few hiccups and poor use of a major guest star can’t prevent it being a quality season.

OVERALL SEASON GRADE: B+