(*I know Mutt picked out the Little Red costume, but we all know Red’s into it, too. And hey, see the skeleton choker? I bought that just because it got submitted to me earlier this month, and hell yeah, I had to have it. )
FAHC Lindsay sometimes uses the penthouse as a cat sanctuary. She’ll rescue cats from the street, or steal them straight from an owner that doesn’t care for them, and they find their way into the penthouse. She only keeps them there for a little bit, until she finds them a good home, but it’s rare when there’s not a single cat in the place. Everyone is pretty okay with it, but they were all surprised when every cat, without fail, picked one favorite crew member: Ryan.
Oddly enough, there always seemed to be something that drew the cats to him. He was normally confused and surprised with each successive animal, but had come to accept it. Gavin once said that maybe Ryan was just so much like the cats that they thought he was one of them, and though the crew gave him shit for it at the time, all of them eventually started to agree.
There was the night that Gavin was scared half to death when he stumbled into the kitchen for a drink in the middle of the night. Lights off, eyes heavy from sleep, Gavin didn’t notice Ryan and the black cat seated on the counter sharing an ice cream snack until, from the corner of his eye, he caught the glow of white face paint and bright yellow eyes reflecting the light of the fridge. Both cat and Ryan were unfazed by his scream.
Geoff was the victim of the walk-by “asshole cat” routine. He’d spent a bit of time creating a teetering pile of cards out of boredom one day, that literally came crashing down when Ryan walked by and gently poked one of the bottom cards just to see what would happen. After Geoff finished yelling, even when Ryan had left the room, he started again, and halfway through his second attempt, the grey tabby jumped on the table, batted at a card, and ran when they all scattered. Geoff gave up after that.
Michael once caught Ryan using a dud grenade as a cat toy, kicking it down the hall and watching the lean, white cat chase it with great leaps and bounds. The two of them played a quiet game of fetch with it for three hours without leaving the hall, making everyone go around instead.
The little tortoise shell was a skittish cat. It hid under the sofa for a full week, refusing to come out for anything. Jeremy tried every trick that he could to make it emerge, so he could make sure it was eating. After an hour of offering the cat toys and treats to no avail, he gave up. Five minutes later, Ryan came into the kitchen with a cat clutching his jacket, both of them silently side eyeing a slack jawed Jeremy as Ryan got the cat some food.
When a litter of kittens vanished from their box in the living room, Jack decided the best way to find them was to find Ryan. He found them all in Ryan’s room. It was dark, the television providing the only light, and Ryan was passed out on the bed, sprawled across the covers. On his chest and tucked under his arms were four fluffy kittens, deeply asleep cuddled against him.
Lindsay was jealous that they always liked Ryan more, but no matter what she tried, they always gravitated toward the quiet Vagabond.
Edge: “WATCH YOUR TONE, HUMAN, BEFORE I DROWN YOU AND YOUR MATE!” Then, when the dude runs away and the girlfriend is still standing there, gawking… Edge: “WELL, LOOKS LIKE THE COWARD LEFT YOU HERE! A MAN LIKE ISN’T A WORTHY PARTNER! BUT… I BELIEVE YOU’LL FIND THERE’S ROOM FOR ONE MORE IN THIS HOT TUB.”
Turns out, Edge is suave af.
It makes me happy that you guys read my tags. xD Damn, I want to be in a hot tub with Edge. I’ll write up some Edge hot tub action sometime.
1) Water: something spooky and deep-water looking (like a gulper eel or sth) and also something more pretty and fish-like, like a betta or fancy goldfish.
2) Ice: CARIBOU OR ARCTIC FOX DRAGON PLS also give me a thick-scaled, nordic-looking dragon. lots of pointy bits and intense armor.
3) Fire: a six-limbed Salamander, please fr. I don’t care how you figure out the apparel for it IT’D BE PERF! also would be cool to have something that looks almost aquatic, that literally lives in lava.
4) Wind: I can wait a while since they already have two, but give me a delicate fairy dragon. Not like the Faes, something wispier, maybe with a fancy flowing mane.
5) Light: also needs to wait, but we need something a little more solid-looking. Paladin tank dragon.
6) Plague: kinda sad Bogs aren’t plague tbh. give us a fanged cobra-hooded dragon, sleek and dangerous. or a cute-but-creepy plaguerat.
7) Nature: also sad “Blooming” wasn’t little flower dragons. Would still love one of those. Also something long and short-limbed, made for living in trees.Make sure at least one is always in the Treaure MP, poor Nature.
8) Earth: give Earth their goatdergs damnit! also a cute little tortoise-like breed that is literally called a Pebble dragon. Imagine the cute
9) Shadow: trickster foxes or nekomata, please. I want more mamilian dragons. Also a breed that has the ability to literally enter shadows
10) Arcane: a dragon with skin like a sphynx cat, and flimsy-looking bat wings. they were warped by arcane energies and aren’t great fliers, but are excellent magic users. would also love to see another multi-eyed breed here, “third eye” and all that jazz
11) Lightning: if we can make Bogsneaks, can Lightning have a cyborg breed? Also something that lives in the desert! Like a roadrunner or gila monster.
Hello! I was wondering if you could do a retelling of the birth of Hermes and the fight he gets into with Apollo for stealing his cattle?
OK, so I put this up to a public vote and this myth was by far the most popular choice, so here we go. If people don’t want to read a myth about a mouthy child prodigy stealing his half-brother’s cows, then press J on your keyboard now as this is going to be a long post. More info under the Read More, as always!
The story starts, as all good stories should, with a woman
giving birth in a cave. The woman in this instance is Maia, who is giving birth
to Zeus’ baby, because approximately 70% of all babies in Greek mythology
belong to Zeus. Once she’s popped the baby out, she’s like “well, it’s time for
a nap. Hermes, watch over yourself” and then she’s out like a light and Hermes
is left to stare at the walls or something.
After a few hours, Hermes gets really bored with living the
baby lifestyle, and so he decides to absolutely subvert the infant hegemony by
immediately learning how to walk. Like the freakish genius baby that he is, he
escapes from his swaddling and toddles all the way down to Pieria, where he
finds a whole field of cows. Immediately, he’s just like “sweet, I’ve always
wanted a whole field of cows” and starts stealing them. Being a complete
genius, he realises that he has to cover his tracks, so he finds a whole load
of cow-sized boots that are presumably just lying all about the place in
Ancient Greece, and he puts these boots on the cows and leads them away to a
little town called Pylos. As soon as Hermes has left, Apollo saunters into the field where he keeps his favourite cows, and when he notices that they’re gone, he drops to his knees dramatically and cries “I will have my vengeance, in this life or… well, the same life, thank goodness for immortality!” and he sweeps away in a haze of sunlight and glory.
Once he’s at Pylos, Hermes hides all the cows in the grotto,
when his little tummy starts rumbling. Apparently forgetting the fact that he’s
a newborn baby and absolutely should not be on solid foods at this point, he
decides to slaughter two of the cows as a sacrifice, and then he cooks up the
leftover meet with a little sage and probably some mixed herbs and a lovely red
wine roux. While he’s waiting for the meat to cook, he finds an adorable little
tortoise wandering around outside the cave, and immediately he’s like “awesome,
time to continue my sociopathic spree of animal slaughter” and he kills the
tortoise and cleans out the shell, stretching some of the cow hide and tendons
across it, and bam, he’s invented the lyre. After playing a few prodigal
ballads on his rad new instrument, he decides that he’s tired and it’s
absolutely time for a little nap and maybe a burp or two, and so he waddles
back home to Kyllene, where Maia, who is definitely not up for the mother of
the year award, doesn’t even realise that he’s been missing and is covered in cow entrails.
Meanwhile, Apollo is doing some absolutely stellar detective
work, probably whilst wearing his special detective hat, the one with the blue
ribbon around the brim which brings out the cornflower hue of his eyes, because
no-one steals Apollo’s cows and gets away with it. Seething with rage, he goes
into the heart of the town of Pylos, and to the first woman he sees, he’s like “look,
this is probably a really strange question, but have you by any chance seen a
shitload of cows?” and the woman nods, briefly dumbstruck by Apollo’s jawline,
and she says “this is probably a really strange answer, but I’m pretty sure I
saw a baby leading a really well-organised line of cattle wearing shoes right
through the heart of our fine town” and Apollo blinks and he’s like “shoes” and
the woman says “yes, without socks” and Apollo says “a baby” and the woman nods and
says “a human baby” and Apollo frowns and says “are you sure it was a baby
and not just a tiny bald man?” and the woman shakes her head and says “it was
definitely a baby, I don’t usually get confused between my infant son and my
withered grandfather” and Apollo just sighs and says “well, that’s really
thrown me for a loop, I have absolutely no idea who this nefarious baby could
possibly be” and the woman is like “judging by your cheekbones, I would say
that you’re probably a god, so why don’t you just use your whole divine science
mojo and get it over and done with?” and then Apollo blinks, briefly denying
the woman a glimpse of his azure gaze, and he’s like “that is the best idea I’ve
ever heard from a woman, I will do just that”
and so, Apollo taps into his super special psychic abilities,
and immediately he’s like “that goddamn little shit, I should’ve known it would
be a devious child of Zeus that did this, honestly all of Zeus’ kids are just
so terrible and badly behaved, he’s like a walking advertisement for vasectomies” and the
woman is like “but aren’t you a child of Zeus?” and Apollo just pushes her to
one side and he’s all “quiet, woman, I have a baby to physically overpower” and
then he’s off to Kyllene to fuck an infant up.
At Kyllene, Hermes is sitting in his crib, being really
adorable and cherubic and basically the epitome of everything a non-criminal
baby should be, when Apollo bursts in, stark and handsome against the bright
light outside the cave, and he’s like “arrest that baby! I have reason to
believe he has partaken in a bovine conspiracy” and Maia is like “you are aware
that he is literally three hours old?” and Apollo nods sagely and says “it’s a bitter pill to swallow but the
worst kind of criminals start young, now hand that baby over and no-one gets
hurt, except probably that baby” and then Hermes opens his little rosebud mouth
and says “you’ve got the wrong man, Apollo, this is madness” and he smirks
wryly and Maia’s mouth just falls open and she whispers “I’m getting Mensa on
the phone right now” but Apollo ignores her and hisses “you won’t get away with
this, Hermes, your one man crime spree is over” and Hermes just snorts and he’s
like “dude, I’m a baby, you won’t convince a jury” and Apollo narrows his eyes
and says “we’ll see about that, sunshine” and then Hermes just says “no, you’re sunshine” and then Apollo leaves
to go and do the mature thing, which is to call their dad.
When Zeus arrives, Apollo is like “you have to do something,
my incredibly recent half-brother has stolen all my favourite cows” and Zeus
sighs and he’s all “can’t your mother fix it?” and Apollo is like “his mother
isn’t the same as mine, dad, jeeze, I just said he was my half-brother” and
Zeus blinks and he’s like “oh yes, of course, you’re my son. Haha, I totally
knew that, son. Let’s go and sort this out, son” and Apollo is like “please
stop calling me ‘son’, it’s weird” and Zeus is like “I agree, we will never
speak of this again” and they go into the cave.
Immediately, Hermes just throws his little pudgy hands in
the air and says “whatever Apollo says I did, I didn’t do it” and Zeus narrows
his eyes and says “you’re both more verbose and defensive than the average
baby, aren’t you?” and Hermes is like “what can I say, I got some traits from
my dad” and then they make finger guns at each other and Apollo just starts
banging his head against the cave wall and says really wearily “my cows, dad”
and then Zeus clears his throat and tries to arrange his face into a serious
expression and says “son, what’s all this about Apollo’s cows?” and Hermes is
like “I didn’t steal them from under his nose and sacrifice some of them and
turn one of them into a lyre and plectrum” and Apollo just shouts “I can’t
believe what I’m hearing!” and Hermes scoffs and says “then fix your hearing, I
just said I didn’t do it” and Zeus is like “you totally did it, didn’t you” and
Hermes has the grace to look a bit bashful as well as proud and says “yeah, I
may have very slightly done it” and Zeus beams and turns to Apollo and he’s
like “are you kidding me? This absolutely fantastic baby of mine managed to
steal your cows and invented an entire musical instrument! This is better than
the time I stole a human male with the promise of cups” and Apollo just
whimpers and Zeus sighs and he’s like “right, Hermes, let’s stop your brother’s
bitching once and for all. Show me where you hid these cows” and Hermes whines “but
daaaaad” and Zeus is like “no buts, I am putting my foot down and temporarily
assuming the role of a father figure” and Apollo is like “you are literally our
father” and Zeus says “for the next few hours, yes” and before Apollo can make
a pithy rebuttal about parental responsibilities, Hermes is leading them to
As soon as they get to Pylos, Apollo just runs over to his
cows and starts hugging them, murmuring things like “don’t worry, papa’s here,
no-one’s going to hurt you now” and Zeus looks at Hermes and says “he’s getting
a bit Pasiphaë over this, isn’t he?” and Hermes is like “yeah, I’m starting to
worry that he’s going to try and get revenge on me somehow” and Zeus takes him
to one side and says “between you and me, son, I think you should apologise”
and Hermes is like “I literally cannot do that, it goes against all my ethics
as a spoilt brat, but I guess I could give him that sweet lyre I made from the
flesh of his pets” and Zeus is like “that’s an excellent idea, son, we’ll make
a diplomat of you yet”. So, Hermes goes over to Apollo and gives him the lyre,
and says “no hard feelings, bro?” and Apollo just blinks and asks “what is
that?” and Hermes is like “well, I tore the skin off your favourite cow and
made it into this really beautiful instrument” and Apollo is about to start
screaming when Hermes just holds up his hands and says “we can get into the
ethics of that later, but first, here’s Wonderwall” and he starts playing a
really haunting melody on this fantastic instrument, and when he’s finished,
Apollo just blinks and says “I want it” and Hermes is like “if you promise to
put this whole silly thing behind us, then it’s a deal” and Apollo is like “put
what whole silly thing behind us?” and Hermes is about to clarify when he sees
that Apollo is making a finger gun at him, and Hermes rolls his eyes and makes a
finger gun back, and Apollo says “bro” and Hermes says “bro” and
then Zeus is like “sons” and they all just hug it out in the beautiful scenic
fields of Pylos.
And then, many months later, Zeus promotes Hermes to the
role of his personal herald and messenger, because nothing says ‘employee of
the month’ quite like juvenile petty theft.
My other retellings can be found here; my dedicated mythology blog is here; and my Mythology Mondays Facebook page is here. The latter two links also allow you to follow my progress in writing a whole actual book. Thrilling.
So I have this idea that ever since Harmony was born Windy Belle tells her stories whenever she gets the chance. Most of the stories are invented in the moment and tend to not make much sense, but that doesn’t stop her from entertaining her little sister, especially if she’s enjoying it! :D And of course Angel and Tank like to assist with the performance every now and then.
Not my gif. Gif credit goes to the amazing creators!
Anonymous said:Hi, could you do an imagine where Emmet wants a pet but he gets upset because he knows he’ll outlive it so you get him a tortoise because those things live till their like 1,000(I’m studying to be a vet &I my teacher has one(if you can somehow reference this I’ll sell my soul to you)). If you don’t want to that’s fine, I just thought it’d be funny and really cute.
A/N: Heya lovely! Of course! I really enjoyed writing this, and I hope that you enjoy what I’ve come up with! I really found this request cute, and I enjoyed writing it! Omg, that’s so cool that you’re studying to be a vet!!! Thanks so much for your request! - Admin Kat 💟
Melancholy wasn’t ever Emmett’s style. No it was not. He’d had the prospect lately of wanting to add a member to the family; certain that no one would injure or harm it. However, finding the perfect pet seemed brutally difficult: Nothing really would outlive him, and there was no possible way for him to prolong his life. One bite from a vampire and the venom would encase it’s veins, making it no more.
You were certain that he would have sensed it’s presence, the little scuffling in the box, it’s miniature heartbeat. It was a wonder that you’d managed to get a hold of it; with much thanks to Edward!
“Emmett!” you called his name and quite languidly, slowly, he managed to settle himself to his feet and wander over to you. The sadness hitting him hard. But not for much longer.
“What is it, babe? The games on.” he beckoned to the glowing television that flashed all sorts of colors, showing the game that he had been eager to see. It was the only thing cheering him up.
“How is it? Alice’s visions proving a winning streak?” you raised your brows, settling the little box down on the counter. His golden orbs followed it, seeing a dark hump in the middle of the hole punched box.
“Nah, we’re getting our asses kicked.” he smirked, fingers unhooking the side of the lid, prying it off.
A little tortoise stared up at him, black orbs blinking. “What’s this?” his wolfish grin spread across his countenance as he picked up the little fellow, - surprisingly tenderly at that -.
“Well, you know how you wanted a pet?” you murmured pretty sheepishly.
“Yeah. You got me a tur-”
“It’s a tortoise!” your brows scrunched together, only causing him to laugh all the more heartily. “They live for around one thousand years, so I figured that it’d be your best option for an edition to the family.” you smiled at his bright, bright orbs that twinkled at the tiny animal.
“Awesome! I’m gonna name it…” and off he went to watch the game with the little tortoise in his bulky bulbous fare hand. The amounts of options of names that floated around the house… well, let’s just say it took almost a lifetime to come up with one for the little ectothermic critter.
Emmett was eternally grateful to you.
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