little too dark

Kravitz is good

Random hoe tips
  • Avoid caffeine before bed. 
  • Try to go to sleep around the same time every night. 
  • Avoid using electronic devices before bed. 
  • When choosing an outfit, stick to solid colors like black, olive, khaki, white, gray, nude, etc. They’ll go with anything. 
  • Drink!!! Your!!! Water!!! 
  • Using a toner for oily skin helps a lot. 
  • Find a moisturizer that doesn’t make your skin oily throughout the day. 
  • Exfoliate once or twice a week. 
  • Use castor oil or Vaseline to moisturize your eyelashes because they do need to be conditioned, just like your hair. 
  • If you don’t have time to wax, shaving with Neosporin leaves your kitty stubble-free. 
  • Kat Von D lipstick is blowjob proof. 
  • Estee Lauder’s Double-Wear foundation is smear-proof. 
  • Fantasia Smoothing Serum keeps your hair from flattening and tangling during sexy time. 
  • Switch to men’s deodorant and razors. You’ll see why. 
  • Use tea tree oil to moisturize where you usually shave. 
  • Shaving with baby oil also gives a stubble-free, smooth shave. 
  • Pat a bit of foundation on your lips before applying lipstick to make it last longer when making out and giving blowjobs. 
  • Matte finish foundations stick to your skin better and don’t rub off. 
  • Cranberries will make your kitty’s scent a little sweeter. 
  • Use coconut oil and Vaseline on your thighs nightly to eliminate stretch marks. 
  • Put garlic on your nail beds and coconut oil on your cuticles for longer nails. 
  • If you have marks from ingrown hairs on your kitty, rub on aloe vera for the itching and coconut oil to fade the marks. 
  • Threading your eyebrows lasts longer than waxing them. 
  • If you know you’re doing the dirty, don’t wear cotton panties because they can trap lint in the crevices of your thighs. 
  • When brushing your teeth, brush your tongue too to eliminate bad breath. 
  • Use a pumice stone to get dead skin cells off your feet and focus on your heels. 
  • Chloraseptic throat numbing medication helps incredibly with deepthroating. 
  • Lemon juice and baking soda removes cum stains. 
  • Yoni oil makes your kitty extremely soft. 
  • Peeing after sex decreases your risk of UTIs and STDs. 
  • Change the condom if you’re going from anal to vaginal sex so you’re more protected against bacteria. 
  • Applying a homemade body and face scrub made of brown sugar and honey can work wonders. 
  • For dry or peeling lips, use water and a toothbrush to exfoliate them. 
  • Floss daily. 
  • Olive oil repairs nails broken from acrylics. 
  • Add moisturizer to a foundation that’s a little too dark for you to lighten it up. 
  • Even if you’re on birth control, wearing condoms can help prevent against STDs. 
  • Don’t let your number of partners affect you; to each their own. 
  • Don’t use soap in, near, or around your kitty. 
  • Coffee and salty foods will make your kitty taste bitter, so stick to water, tea, or juice. 
  • Don’t constantly use bath bombs or take bubble baths as they can give your kitty an infection. Keep it to a minimum. 
  • Never spray perfume in or on your kitty. This is a no-brainer. 
  • Don’t lie to your doctors about being sexually active. 
9

“Have some fire.
Be unstoppable.
Be a force of nature.”

Screwball Ninja’s Mini-Review: 6x16 Mother’s Little Helper

Oh, what a tangled web we weave/ When characterization takes its leave. Let’s dig in!

Originally posted by nothingholic-s

You can tell she’s evil because she farts glitter– that stuff gets everywhere!

  1. Things That Had More Screentime Than Belle This Episode: Blackbeard’s wig. Her Handsome Hero. Rumple’s dagger. Jaime Murray’s cleavage. CGI spider butt. Perhaps we could scare up some more scenes for Belle in an episode about her son where the theme is MOTHERHOOD? Look, she’s already wearing pants in a plea for attention– somebody give her a scene with Gideon before she’s parading around in leggings and a ‘Welcome to Storybrooke’ sweatshirt.
  2. I’m here for Small Business Owner S&M Jaime Murray in a sparkly black tutu. What is this show? And it’s interesting that fairy dust can be used for evil (e.g., creating the Dark Curse) and needs to be a Category 1 Controlled Substance. No wonder the Blue Fairy smacked down Nova for loaning it willy-nilly in S1. I guess the price for fairy dust is slave labor (children, dwarves)? That’s dark, show. “Excuse me, Mr. Gold? Is this fairy dust conflict-free? Because I only use– *is snailed*
  3. Dark Swan is back, folks. Emma force-choked and beat an unarmed, unresisting man who was talking to her about his history of abuse because she was angry about losing her boyfriend for a day. “YOU TOOK HOOK FROM ME,” says Emma in her exact Dark Swan throaty tone. Force-choking is *never* shown as something good or justifiable– and it’s always shown as the sole provenance of villains. (They call it ‘Vader-ing’ in the script.) She’s law enforcement– you can’t beat up suspects because you’re upset! You can’t threaten to “force” people to do things! S1!Emma would have asked Gideon WHY he wanted to kill her before any fisticuffs, and she certainly wouldn’t have made him bleed while he was talking to her. This scene also makes it sound like Emma is more pissed off that Gideon cockblocked her than about his murder attempt. Priorities, woman! (Note: This was done on purpose to put our sympathies with Gideon– hence his line that Emma was “so far wrong” and that he wasn’t “the bad guy.” Gideon’s not all bad, Emma’s not all good: message received. But it’s fascinating to see Dark Swan pop up again without the excuse of The Darkness ™ .)
  4. Gideon says that the Black Fairy tortured him and he’s trying to protect “hundreds” of abused children in another realm. Emma’s response? Going to Rumple and … threatening to kill Gideon. “Your son has a death wish, one that I’m happy to provide.” What the everliving fuck? Rumple has to spell out that the Black Fairy is Bad News and may be a direct threat to Emma before she thinks to help Gideon. “Not my family? Not my problem!” is a legitimate philosophy … but not if you’re The Savior, and not if you’re the Sheriff. Emma even makes a deal (more Dark Swan-age) with Gideon to get Hook back BEFORE she helps with the Black Fairy business. I realize it makes sense to lift any magical barriers before embarking on a dangerous enterprise but it makes it look like she cares more about Hook than an entire realm full of abused kids. If this is “walls down” Emma someone *poof* her some bricks, mortar, and an enchanted trowel because I’m not here for this.
  5. Speaking of Hook, does OUAT have a writers room? You know, a room for the writers to talk to one another about what’s happening from episode to episode? Because this episode takes place one minute after last week’s episode, where Emma shed two tiny tears because that’s what she “needed to move on.” And now she’s beating up a child she helped deliver a week ago because she can’t be without Hook for literally a day? Which is it, show? 
  6. Hook is an adult who’s survived for hundreds of years and is in a realm he used to call home. He’s not hurt, he’s not cursed, he’s not threatened– he’s just on a bit of a vacation. You know, a break– what Emma wanted him to have until he got his head right about the whole lying business. So where’s the fire? Also, Blackbeard assumed Hook stole the jewels from a “wench”– is this something Hook did before? (Have fun with the inevitable JewelThief!Hook and FBI!Emma fic, CS fans!) P.S. BLACKBEARD SHOUTS TOO. MAYBE IT’S JUST A PIRATE THING? I AM HERE FOR THEIR HARD OF HEARING FRIENDSHIP!
  7. And normal Emma returns when the giant spider shows up! Yay! (Any scene that has Emma quipping about Charlotte’s Web while pretending to be in a life-and-death struggle with dollar store Haunted House webbing is a good one in my book.) Gideon apologizes for screwing with her instead of just asking for help. Yay! And then he double-crosses her because he thinks the ends justifies the means. Boo! But he’s heart-controlled! Gasp! Note that Gideon’s contractually obligated to do his premature gloating away from the scene of the crime, giving Emma time to escape with Rumple’s help. Villain rules, folks– if you disobey they take away your black cloak and make you wear pastels for a week. Also, props to the Black Fairy for not spilling her Secret Evil Plan to anyone yet. Next-level evil, for sure.
  8. “I’m sorry, but your son cannot be saved. He’s evil,” says Emma. Excuse me? One fairy coma, giant spider, and piratical banishment and he’s irredeemable? This is a show where mass-murderer and child abuser Cora went to heaven after telling her daughters to play nicely for five minutes after she was DEAD. Split!EQ killed three peasants, cursed Snowing, threatened to poison the town’s water supply, and sped up Belle’s pregnancy leading to Belle’s son being kidnapped– and got a “fresh start” in another realm. Hook killed Merlin and tried to kill Emma’s whole family last month but that’s “in the past.” But Gideon tries to kill one person to save hundreds of abused children and he’s beyond the pale? Ahahaha, no. Also, he’s *spoiler alert* heart-controlled. Boy, won’t Emma feel silly when she learns that. "He needs help!” says Rumple. “LOL nope,” says Emma. And then Rumbelle gave them epic side-eye and held hands (and gave the fandom heart attacks; it’s been a rough year).
  9. Neverland “must have transformed when Pan left!” To … Vancouver. Truly, Dark Magic. In S3 it sounded like without magic the entire realm was going to literally explode but you know what? Gangly teens carrying torches running around Neverland-cum-Vancouver beaches are not the most ridiculous thing in this episode, never mind the show. Carry on, fellas. 
  10. I’m oddly with Isaac the Author when he complained about his imprisonment. He created the AU but he didn’t actually kill anyone– and considering Regina, Snowing, Zelena, Hook, and Emma have cast Dark Curses and are running around free he’s right that being terminally annoying isn’t really grounds for perpetual incarceration. He should join King George and Sidney in their class action lawsuit against the Storybrooke Police. Calling it now: S7 is Law and Order: Storybrooke.
  11. Being The Author causes you to write gibberish and it gets worse the longer it goes on? That explains the show! “What happens at the end of the book?” asks Henry. The Author replies: “The Savior fights the Final Battle– and trust me, no-one wants to be around to see that!” Well, with these ratings no-one will be. #BaDumChh
3

Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton’s children in their father’s films ‘Alice in Wonderland’ (2010), ‘Dark Shadows’ (2012) and ‘Big Eyes’ (2014)

“They’re still here!”

“So’s Magnussen. He should be at dinner, but he’s still in the building.”

“ͪ͠A̧n͂̏̓ͬ͛ͫ͌tͩ͆ͮȉ̵̉̉ͪͫ̅̚,ͨ̑̾͒ͪ̚ ͐̆͛̀͠cͯ̆̊̌͌l̔̆̔e͗͑a͋ͭnͧͯ̐ͧ͑̆̄ ̎͐̈́ͧ͏ŷͮ̈́̈͡o͒̍ͫ̓uͬ͐̓̀ͭ͋̃ṙ̔̎́̓̂ͧs̓̑̆ͮ̓̃e̸͊͂̀̄͗͊̽l̍ͮ̎ͯ͟f̀̽͊̌ͮ̏ ̴͛͆̇ŭ̸̈̃̿̈̚pͥ̾͒ͦ̍̑, ̍ỳ̵ò͑͑ͫͮŭ͘'ͪ̈̐́̽̉̄r̀͂͘e g̃̈́ͭ͠e̅̒t͏t̃ͤͣ̊ͭ̚ḯ̢ǹg̷ ͌̆̄ͣbͨ̑̒lͦo̍̏͐ͫͣ̚o̊ͬͮ͑d̡ͣ̅ ͝e̵ͮͩ̀͗̽̄̌v̒̍͐͏e̷ͥͨͮͮ̀͛̔r͛yͥͩͣͬ̓w̋͒ͨh̵ͥ̈́̇̚e͗̍̀ͥ̒r̍e.̽"̓͊̀
“͚̱W͏͕̪̤͔̲͇̰h̶̩̙͖̭̳a̩̠̠ț̯'͎̘͓̻̜s̶ ̫͍̥͝ț̝h̩͔̰͘ͅe ̸̯̲m̨͈͔̩̫a̞t̰te͓̞̗̘͙͓̘r̩̘ ̫͕̣D̥̠̜̖͘a̙̲̲̯̱̜̠͜rk͟,͖̯̦̙͉ͅ ̠̖̤̗̫c͠ḁ̮͕̮̦̗̕n̨'̣͓̦̱͓t͎͔͚ ̴̬̩̣̲h̦̞͉̟̜̜̩a̶̩̹n͖̗̘͍͚ͅd͍̮ḽ͕̺͇e̙͢ ̰̹͘ͅa͙̪̮͢ ̷̟̱̲̹̭̲̹l̹̪̞i͚̯̠͍̘͉tt̠̝̜͕͡ͅḽ͔͓e̷̺̥̪̖͉ ̘̟̱̠͈b̙̝̙lͅo̸̲od͕͉ͅ?̢"̗̫ ͚

I just want these two to interact more and annoy each other. Like…please, I just want…. shenanigans…
@therealjacksepticeye and @markiplier
3

Valor and Love will lead the way
To clear the debt the lost god must pay
And the severed family line will began the Great War
When Wise Girl’s blood is spilled once more

i cannot believe I’m going to witness TOUCH IT and THINKING BOUT YOU live holy shit 

All His - Part 4 (A Kyungsoo Series)

The words in his text message jumped out at you and you couldn’t stop reading them over and over again.

’Come play with me.’

No matter how much you thought about it, absolutely no part of that phrase sounded innocent.

You knew the man found you amusing and you had practically been his source of nonstop entertainment for the past month or more, but to outright request your presence merely because he was bored?

What did he mean by play? You half expected him to be holding a deck of cards in his hands, shuffling them over and over looking for someone to play Go Fish with.

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