I have been reliably informed that “we have not touched the stars” may have been … a little too dark. As part one of my ongoing penance, please enjoy some fluff, courtesy of prompts sent to me by @realizin-g
Also, remember that bad end is not canon and these are, in all their ridiculously fluffy glory.
Screwball Ninja’s Mini-Review: 6x16 Mother’s Little Helper
Oh, what a tangled web we weave/ When characterization takes its leave. Let’s dig in!
You can tell she’s evil because she farts glitter– that stuff gets everywhere!
Things That Had More Screentime Than Belle This Episode: Blackbeard’s wig. Her Handsome Hero. Rumple’s dagger. Jaime Murray’s cleavage. CGI spider butt. Perhaps we could scare up some more scenes for Belle in an episode about her son where the theme is MOTHERHOOD? Look, she’s already wearing pants in a plea for attention– somebody give her a scene with Gideon before she’s parading around in leggings and a ‘Welcome to Storybrooke’ sweatshirt.
I’m here for Small Business Owner S&M Jaime Murray in a sparkly black tutu. What is this show? And it’s interesting that fairy dust can be used for evil (e.g., creating the Dark Curse) and needs to be a Category 1 Controlled Substance. No wonder the Blue Fairy smacked down Nova for loaning it willy-nilly in S1. I guess the price for fairy dust is slave labor (children, dwarves)? That’s dark, show. “Excuse me, Mr. Gold? Is this fairy dust conflict-free? Because I only use– *is snailed*”
Dark Swan is back, folks. Emma force-choked and beat an unarmed, unresisting man who was talking to her about his history of abuse because she was angry about losing her boyfriend for a day. “YOU TOOK HOOK FROM ME,” says Emma in her exact Dark Swan throaty tone. Force-choking is *never* shown as something good or justifiable– and it’s always shown as the sole provenance of villains. (They call it ‘Vader-ing’ in the script.) She’s law enforcement– you can’t beat up suspects because you’re upset! You can’t threaten to “force” people to do things! S1!Emma would have asked Gideon WHY he wanted to kill her before any fisticuffs, and she certainly wouldn’t have made him bleed while he was talking to her. This scene also makes it sound like Emma is more pissed off that Gideon cockblocked her than about his murder attempt. Priorities, woman! (Note: This was done on purpose to put our sympathies with Gideon– hence his line that Emma was “so far wrong” and that he wasn’t “the bad guy.” Gideon’s not all bad, Emma’s not all good: message received. But it’s fascinating to see Dark Swan pop up again without the excuse of The Darkness ™ .)
Gideon says that the Black Fairy tortured him and he’s trying to protect “hundreds” of abused children in another realm. Emma’s response? Going to Rumple and … threatening to kill Gideon. “Your son has a death wish, one that I’m happy to provide.” What the everliving fuck? Rumple has to spell out that the Black Fairy is Bad News and may be a direct threat to Emma before she thinks to help Gideon. “Not my family? Not my problem!” is a legitimate philosophy … but not if you’re The Savior, and not if you’re the Sheriff. Emma even makes a deal (more Dark Swan-age) with Gideon to get Hook back BEFORE she helps with the Black Fairy business. I realize it makes sense to lift any magical barriers before embarking on a dangerous enterprise but it makes it look like she cares more about Hook than an entire realm full of abused kids. If this is “walls down” Emma someone *poof* her some bricks, mortar, and an enchanted trowel because I’m not here for this.
Speaking of Hook, does OUAT have a writers room? You know, a room for the writers to talk to one another about what’s happening from episode to episode? Because this episode takes place one minute after last week’s episode, where Emma shed two tiny tears because that’s what she “needed to move on.” And now she’s beating up a child she helped deliver a week ago because she can’t be without Hook for literally a day? Which is it, show?
Hook is an adult who’s survived for hundreds of years and is in a realm he used to call home. He’s not hurt, he’s not cursed, he’s not threatened– he’s just on a bit of a vacation. You know, a break– what Emma wanted him to have until he got his head right about the whole lying business. So where’s the fire? Also, Blackbeard assumed Hook stole the jewels from a “wench”– is this something Hook did before? (Have fun with the inevitable JewelThief!Hook and FBI!Emma fic, CS fans!) P.S. BLACKBEARD SHOUTS TOO. MAYBE IT’S JUST A PIRATE THING? I AM HERE FOR THEIR HARD OF HEARING FRIENDSHIP!
And normal Emma returns when the giant spider shows up! Yay! (Any scene that has Emma quipping about Charlotte’s Web while pretending to be in a life-and-death struggle with dollar store Haunted House webbing is a good one in my book.) Gideon apologizes for screwing with her instead of just asking for help. Yay! And then he double-crosses her because he thinks the ends justifies the means. Boo! But he’s heart-controlled! Gasp! Note that Gideon’s contractually obligated to do his premature gloating away from the scene of the crime, giving Emma time to escape with Rumple’s help. Villain rules, folks– if you disobey they take away your black cloak and make you wear pastels for a week. Also, props to the Black Fairy for not spilling her Secret Evil Plan to anyone yet. Next-level evil, for sure.
“I’m sorry, but your son cannot be saved. He’s evil,” says Emma. Excuse me? One fairy coma, giant spider, and piratical banishment and he’s irredeemable? This is a show where mass-murderer and child abuser Cora went to heaven after telling her daughters to play nicely for five minutes after she was DEAD. Split!EQ killed three peasants, cursed Snowing, threatened to poison the town’s water supply, and sped up Belle’s pregnancy leading to Belle’s son being kidnapped– and got a “fresh start” in another realm. Hook killed Merlin and tried to kill Emma’s whole family last month but that’s “in the past.” But Gideon tries to kill one person to save hundreds of abused children and he’s beyond the pale? Ahahaha, no. Also, he’s *spoiler alert* heart-controlled. Boy, won’t Emma feel silly when she learns that. "He needs help!” says Rumple. “LOL nope,” says Emma. And then Rumbelle gave them epic side-eye and held hands (and gave the fandom heart attacks; it’s been a rough year).
Neverland “must have transformed when Pan left!” To … Vancouver. Truly, Dark Magic. In S3 it sounded like without magic the entire realm was going to literally explode but you know what? Gangly teens carrying torches running around Neverland-cum-Vancouver beaches are not the most ridiculous thing in this episode, never mind the show. Carry on, fellas.
I’m oddly with Isaac the Author when he complained about his imprisonment. He created the AU but he didn’t actually kill anyone– and considering Regina, Snowing, Zelena, Hook, and Emma have cast Dark Curses and are running around free he’s right that being terminally annoying isn’t really grounds for perpetual incarceration. He should join King George and Sidney in their class action lawsuit against the Storybrooke Police. Calling it now: S7 is Law and Order: Storybrooke.
Being The Author causes you to write gibberish and it gets worse the longer it goes on? That explains the show! “What happens at the end of the book?” asks Henry. The Author replies: “The Savior fights the Final Battle– and trust me, no-one wants to be around to see that!” Well, with these ratings no-one will be. #BaDumChh
i imagine that anxiety and princey got along a lot better when thomas was a kid since fears can be linked with creativity i mean think about it
monsters under the bed? maybe they just want to partyyyy!!
the dark is just a little too dark? well let’s get a flashlight and play shadow show!!!!
and obviously all of that would feed creativity and make fear feel a bit better, a bit calmer
it wasn’t until thomas started to get older that fear morphed into anxiety, which would obviously not be nearly as interesting to princey. after all, those fears (people, the future, screwing up) weren’t as easily fixable with a dream or fun scenario
so instead, creativity would block out the anxiety and instead try to shine all by itself. meaning that princey would ignore anxiety - and in turn, the other two would ignore anxiety in favor of the more favorable “let’s grow and evolve and discover who thomas is!!!”
obviously, that would make anyone feel left out. not apart of the big adventure. make anxiety feel like he’s no longer important because his job could no longer be turned into some grand quest. that could be why anxiety seems to be more hostile (if you can even consider it that) toward princey - he left him to struggle when anxiety truly needed that positive and creative input
then small things like logic and anxiety’s little debate would mean even more to anxiety. it would be just like when thomas was little and they had to debate over monsters
“obviously there’s nothing in the closet! that would be impossible for something to live in!”
“but what if there is something in there?!”
obviously anxiety still enjoys the other sides’ company even if he doesn’t admit it. i can’t help but think of the end of My NEGATIVE Thinking when princey and morality pop in, logan insults princey, and anxiety is smiling, almost giggling
he could be a useful part of thomas’s thinking if they didn’t only think of him as a bad guy. anxiety doesn’t want to be the bad guy, and he makes that pretty clear