“The original novel [Dumb Witness] was dedicated to her [Agatha Christie’s] own wire-haired terrier - ‘To dear Peter,’ it read, 'most faithful of friends and dearest of companions. A dog in a thousand.’ I felt exactly the same way about the terrier in our film. He captivated me from the moment I set eyes on him. The little dog, whose real name was actually Snubby, became my dear friend. [..] My now ever-expanding fan club wrote to tell me how much they enjoyed it [the episode], so they also told me, the sales of wire-haired terriers shot up exponentially after it was shown for the first time in March 1996.” - David Suchet, Poirot and Me
You know what would make Klingons instantly gain respect for us?
Introducing them to the concept of “terriers”.
Tiny little things but they have literally no concept of mortality. Terriers do not know fear. Terriers are not aware that there are things in the universe that pose a threat to terriers. They are 100% convinced that they are the meanest, roughest, most badass character on the planet and they expect everyone else to know it too.
Literally, a cockily independent attitude and a refusal to be intimidated or back down is part of the breed standard for terriers. Their breed standard is ‘never give up, never surrender’.
“You…bred these creatures? And you put them in silly clothes and hats? Ha! They are the size of bread loaves. Why am I meant to be impressed by WHAT THE FUCK IT JUST TACKLED A TARG. WHY WOULD IT DO THAT. IT CANNOT POSSIBLY–WHY IS THE TARG RETREATING. THIS ANIMAL HAS THE HEART OF A WARRIOR I MUST HAVE TWENTY IMMEDIATELY.”
Literally the entire concept of a terrier can be summed up as “IT IS A GOOD DAY TO DIE.”
buck if the avengers were animals what animals would they be???? thank you
i assume you mean based on personality, and not which avengers have been turned into which animals lately.
what has happened to my life that that is even a question i have to ask??
anyway, steve would be a dog. everyone is right on the money on that one; hed be big, fluffy, loyal as hell, appetite the size of rhode island and love to play fetch. and also have the bite power to sever a mans hand if he was so inclined. you would trust him with a baby but also to eat the face off anyone who threatened that baby. well. maybe not EAT. he does have SOME standards. theoretically.
tony would be a raven. reputation associated with death, but personality of a class clown–likes pranks, messing with people, and trying new stuff. dedicated to family and intelligent as hell. chatty. tool user. did you know ravens can people-talk? if they couldnt, im sure tony would figure out how anyways.
nat would be a swan. beautiful, graceful, but at the top of the do-not-fuck-with list in most animals books. mates for life and more loyal than you would think, with a take no shit and no prisoners attitude. i have a healthy terror of swans, as does any sane human being.
clint would also be a dog, but not like steve. hed be one of those scrappy little terrier mutts that descend from a working breed that are supposed to do things like kill rats. just as loyal and smart and fun-loving as the big guys, but makes up for lack of size with pure tenacity. and so scruffy its cute.
bruce would be an elephant. smart and social, with strong emotional bonds, generally calm and compassionate, but never something you want to be standing in front of when it gets pissed. also really enjoys peanuts?
thor would be a lion. content to chill out most of the time, and more social than most cats, but also totally down to throw down on a moment’s notice. pretty smart but not somebody you ever wanna cross. majestic as anything.
i would be a bear. likes a lot of food in large quantities, and i would love to sit in a river and let dinner fling itself into my mouth. asleep like half of the time. big and badass but generally pretty chill, and smarter than you might think. also a faster runner than you might expect (that’s not really about me, bears can just run at like 35 mph which is a thought to keep you up at night.) and if theres one thing everyone knows about bears, it is that you do not mess with what they are protecting.
also they are opposed to forest fires?? not sure what that has to do with anything, but i guess i can get behind it
Robert has a soft spot for dogs and when you suggest getting a second dog, he practically carries you out the door and to the shelter. You get a bloodhound named Sherlock. He and Betsey make quite the cryptid hunting team.
Lucien is allergic, so you end up getting a hypoallergenic dog. She’s a Pomeranian and her name is Victoria. Guess who named her.
Briar and Hazel want a big dog and Craig wants something small and gentle. You settled on twin bulldogs named Sugar and Honey. They definitely lives up to their names.
He wants a classic golden retriever. You end up with a golden retriever named Arin and a sheepdog named Danny because you couldn’t say no to Amanda AND a puppy.
One day, a scruffy little terrier wanders up to your porch and Carmensita fell in love with her. You and Mat took her to the vet to vaccinate her and named her Lilac.
Duchess is dog enough for both of you.
Daisy and Amanda convinced you to adopt a scrappy little Labrador puppy named Alexander. He had a notch in his ear from a fight, but he loves Brian.
You get a pitbull mix named Cerberus, but he’s just a sweetheart that likes belly rubs.
So I just finished Damien’s route and I loved it and it was adorable so here have a cute au:
Mary and Damien have known each other since they were young children. Their parents were friends so they often ended up having play-dates together. But since they came from very “traditionalist” (read: bigoted) families, they ended developing a very tight bond over their shared fear of their parents ever finding out they’re trans and poly, respectively
The day Damien (the younger of the 2) turned 18, they left their small-minded little town together and never looked back
It was difficult at first, with no college education and working two part-time jobs each to pay rent. But they were able to power through it. Together they were able to put Damien through school.
Damien even meets a pretty sweet guy in his last year of college. They hit it off real well. But after a year or so of dating, he starts pressuring Damien to start “acting more ladylike” and to “hurry up and get over this tomboy phase”. Mary is having none of this, so she packs them both up and they hit the road once again.
It’s easier this time, with Damien having his degree and Mary having experience as a secretary at a vet clinic. The two arrive in Maple Bay, where they end up settling down.
Mary is there to support Damien when it turns out he’s pregnant.
For the first three years of his life, Lucien calls her “mom”.
When Mary meets and falls in love with Joseph, she says a great big “fuck you” to social norms and has Damien as her best man at her wedding.
Damien is totally godfather to both Chris and Crish
(Robert is the twins’ godfather)
When MC and Amanda move to the neighborhood, Mary sees Damien’s smitten expression at the backyard barbecue when he first lays eyes on MC, and she decides to keep a close eye on the two
Mary also sees the way MC looks at Damien, and relaxes, knowing that this is him. He’s the one they’ve been waiting for. She listens to Damien gush about their dates, and is super proud of her sweet boy when he tells her how he was able to sit through an entire horror movie without fainting.
She listens to Damien worrying about what MC will think when it comes out that he’s just “some boring it worker”, and she starts sharpening her hatchet in preparation. But then she sees MC’s expression when he sees Damien that day at the shelter. And she relaxes, because he’s shocked, but he’s still just as smitten as always.
The three are inseparable after that, and when Mary meets MC’s daughter at her graduation party, the last of her fears are put to rest. Amanda’s a charming, mischievous little imp of a girl - she’s rebellious, but it’s clear how much she adores and respects her father. Any man who could raise such a beautiful person would be a good influence on Lucien.
With MC’s help, Damien is also eventually able to convince Mary to leave her toxic marriage. She and Joseph part on relatively amicable terms. They have joint custody of the kids. Mary ends up moving in with Damien and Lucien temporarily.
After a few months of hemming and hawing, Mary and Robert get their act together and…get together.
For Damien and MC’s first anniversary together, MC enlists in Lucien’s help to find a breeder with hypoallergenic dogs that Lucien is okay with. They end up coming home with an adorable little maltese terrier puppy. Damien starts crying when he sees it.
When Amanda’s first summer back from uni rolls around, she’s noticed that her father spends basically all her time at Damien’s home. So she just rolls her eyes and tells them to “hurry up and move in together already!”
There’s a lot of stammering and blushing and eventually they agree
Lucien tries very hard not to show how happy he is. It doesn’t work.
Mary ends up buying MC’s old home, and she and Robert live there together, with her kids over every other week.
Lucien, a year younger than Amanda, has just finished high school. He’s not quite as ambitious as his new sister. He likes his life in Maple Bay, in his tight-knit little community with all his friends and family. He ends up attending a local community college instead of going away for university.
Lucien and Amanda become thick as thieves. In the four months Amanda is home for summer vacation, they get up to a lot of mischief, along with Ernest. But Amanda’s steady sense of responsibility keeps the boys from doing anything too outrageous.
During Amanda’s second summer home from uni, MC and Damien finally get married. Mary is Damien’s maid of honour, and Craig is MC’s best man.
Amanda and Lucien, despite repeated protests that they’re waaaay too old for it, end up being the flowergirl and ringbearer respectively. (Their fathers had offered to have either Mary’s twins or Craig’s twins do it - both had staunchly refused and jealously guarded their coveted positions).
A man goes walking on a beach one cold and foggy day. When his dog starts going bonkers and yapping at something hidden in the rocks, he gets a little uneasy. Normally his terrier likes to bark at the seals that swim around the bay. It seems to think they’re long lost cousins or something. But the man hasn’t seen the seals much lately, and he’s spotted a boat or two that he thought looked suspicious.
So he follows his dog and finds the skin of a seal hidden behind a larger rock. Being of a nature to jump to the worst possible conclusion, the man thinks ’Oh no there’s poachers out here!!’ Never mind that he really doesn’t have much evidence of the fact, like the actual body of the alleged poached seal, he decides he needs to tell the authorities immediately. So he picks up the sealskin and runs.
There’s one older lady who’s been patrolling the beach and the nearby park for decades, first as a police officer and then as a sort of volunteer park ranger. She’s the person the man finds as he gasps out his story about suspicious boats and missing seals and skins without bodies. As he holds up the pelt, her face goes pale and her eyes narrow.
“You birdbrain!” She yelps, “What’d you move it for?! Put that thing back where you found it!”
Belatedly, it occurs to the man that if there is poaching going on, he just disturbed a crime scene and that was a very foolish thing to do. Embarrassed beyond belief and wishing he could sink into the ground, the man-who-cried-wolf shows the ranger where he found the skin.
Standing by the rock is a furious-looking woman wearing a curious sort of dress that may or may not have been made of sailcloth. All she wanted was a day to go and get a latte and maybe see a movie. Naturally the one time she leaves her sisters behind, her pelt gets stolen. She’s angry and scared and kind of wants to kill something.
She sees the woman who sometimes watches over her sisters’ pelts marching up with a man. The man is holding her pelt and she prepares to attack, fearing the worst and determined that nothing and no one will ever bar her from the sea.
“Now give Adeline back her coat,” the ranger says sternly. “And then we’ll talk.”
Awkward apologies, explanations, and introductions ensue.
The man is rightfully horrified by the idea of having stolen a selkie’s sealskin, and is determined to make things right.
Adeline still doesn’t like him, but she does appreciate the latte he leaves on the rocks every weekend.
aaaaaa guUUUYSSS i just suubmitted an adoption application for this adorable lil rescue pup hooooo my fingers are crossed so hard rn
i really played up the whole vet tech thing i was like “i get free vaccines. half-off on medical care and science diet food. 5+ yrs experience. i unironically refer to pet owners as parents. i can take her 2 work with me she’ll never be alonee PLEASE PLEASE GOD”