little pur

Jokes from elementary school were pretty fucked up and could easily double as creepypasta

I remember in my elementary school there was a joke that circulated about a guy who wore headphones going in for a haircut. The barber said he needed him to take his headphones off, but he refused. The barber cut around the headphones but later asked again, but the man once again refused to take them off. The barber then got aggressive and took them off, and the man fell dead on the floor. The barber, curious, put on the headphones and it was the voice of a woman saying “Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.”

4

nothing better than hanging out with your cats on a crisp fall evening

Originally posted by munichsbluedevil

Kurt is such a little kitty, purring, perching on things, small movements out of the corner of his eye catching his attention, but I 100% believe when he’s excited about something his tail wags like a puppy

Is this hot enough for you?( from 2013)

_Here is your hot chocolate honey, with the little marshmallows, like you like.
I also did the dishes, took out the trash, paid the bills and…..   Honey? .. Honey? .. are you ok? ,,why are you staring at me like that?..it’s a little freaky……… are you…. Purring..?
#pascalcampion

Fic: make short the miles between

@pomrania submitted to obianidalasuggestion: Long-distance fluff prompt

It’s rare for all three of them to be able to get together, so when only two of them are together, they make sure to share and describe, with the third, all the fluffy comforting bonding activities they did. Think “dirty talk”, but without the smut.

“You should have seen how his eyes lit up when he saw the cake.”

“Her hair is so soft, I wish you were here to braid it with me.”

“He made an adorable little purring noise as I wrapped the blanket around him.”

What a fluffly prompt!  The ficlet might have wandered away from the original idea a bit but I hope you still enjoy.  

___

All her attendants and aides have left for the day when the Jedi master comes.  For that if nothing else Padme is grateful, even as weariness hounds her, the buzzing of all that is yet undone and all she must do rattling around in the back of her skull and pressing down upon her shoulders.  

Obi-wan’s robes are scorched.  They stare at each other across the apartment.  

“General Kenobi,” she says warily.  

He cocks his head, reaching out for something she cannot see.  “Padme,” he replies.  

No bugs.  Her posture sags with relief, and when she opens her arms Obi-wan falls into them wordlessly.  

There’s no heat in their embrace or the exhausted kiss they give each other before practically falling onto the couch - her comfy one, not the brocade monstrosity in the formal receiving room.  His head rests on her shoulder as she holds him, the smell of char and ozone filling her nose and mingling with the scent of ink, recycled air, and day old perfume.  

“How is he?” she finally asks.  

Obi-wan’s voice is muffled by the soft fibers of her house robe.  “Tired,” he says honestly.  “Angry.  Brilliant, as always, despite everything.”  Quietly, after a moment, “Sorry that he can’t make it back here with me.”  

I’m sorry too, he doesn’t say.  Padme smooths back his hair from his face, frowns at a smudge across his forehead, licks her thumb and tries to rub it away.  Obi-wan bats it away with a snort.  “Not you too,” he grumbles, startling a laugh out of her.  

“I picked it up from him!”  

Obi-wan gives her a wry look.  “Really.  Because he says the same about you.”  He shakes his head, mutters something suspiciously like “…deserve each other.”  

The thought of it - Ani leaning down over their third, fussing over him like a mother nexu - makes her dissolve into hysteric giggles which may or may not be born from lack of sleep.  “If I taught him anything about personal grooming it’s a boon to all three of us,” she finally retorts, though there’s no sting in it.  “You’ve been a terrible influence.”  

“I beg pardon?”  

“Don’t act like you’ve forgotten that haircut, Obi-wan.”  

“It was a perfectly acceptable styling choice!”  

They lapse into silence, disturbed only by the humming of the temperature generator.  “Tell me about him,” she finally says.  “Just- anything, anything at all.”

He hums for a moment, breath tickling her collarbone.  “His hair is longer now - he uses the hair tie he stole from you to pull it back.  Sometimes when I comb it out for him he’ll fall asleep with his head in my lap.”  

“Is it the blue hair tie, with little golden bells on it?”  

“Yes, that one - he’s very fond of it, probably trying to figure out where to buy more of them for your lifeday, knowing him.”  

She chuckles.  “He’s always been so odd about taking things and then trying to figure out how to replace them.  Did I ever tell you about the time I found him puzzling over our bed spread, because he had stolen your blanket and accidentally destroyed it with engine grease.”  

Obi-wan sat up.  “Is that where my blanket went?” he sputtered.  

“Um.”  

“Please don’t tell me the new ones that mysteriously appeared in my room was yours.”  

“It…may have been a spare?”  

“Anakin,” he groaned, as if the man in question could hear his exasperation from the other side of the galaxy.  

Do not laugh, Amidala, she told herself severely, do not.  “If…it makes you feel any better, I think the arrangement pleased him in a strange, round about way.”  

“What, that we were all under the same covers if not at the same time,” Obi-wan said flatly.  Paused.  “Oh Force, that’s probably exactly what he was thinking.  Padme stop laughing.”

“I can’t help it, your face,” she gasped, mirthful.    

Obi-wan buried aforementioned face into his hands.  “Why is our husband so weird,” he moaned.  

Padme grinned.  “Do you remember the time we all went out to eat and he frazzled the server by insisting on serving the food to us himself.”  

“And the way his face lit up when we just ended up dismissing the poor boy and ended up all serving each other,” Obi-wan added wistfully.  

She giggled.  “He does have a weakness for being taken care of.”  

“Doted on,” Obi-wan said with resignation.  “Like a lothcat.  Or how about the time he was ordered on medical rest and ended up making a nest of blankets in the Resolute’s common area.”  

“He did not tell me about this.”  

“Oh, it was a thing of beauty by the end of the day,” Obi-wan conceded.  “Five mattresses, sixteen pillows, and ten napping troopers and a padawan later Kix ordered it disbanded.  Something about Anakin doing debriefs and resting only on a technicality.”  

“Oh gods.  That poor man.”  

Obi-wan looked over at her in askance.  “Who, Anakin or Kix?”  

“Yes,” she said firmly, bringing them both into another fit of slightly hysterical laughter.    

“What about the time you surprised him with Alderaanian foam cakes and he thought it was soap?”  

“Better than that time you took him out for Mon Calamari cuisine and he ended up being allergic!”  

“Oh Force, I’d almost forgotten about that one.”  

The mood in the room was tangibly lighter now - a safe haven, worries and strategy and the body politic all forgotten outside of this moment.  Tomorrow, there would be the Senate, the war, and the secrecy that dodged their heels, love and devotion tucked deeply away behind what duty required of them.  

For now though in this place of safety the two of them leaned into each other and reminisced, the memory of their absent third filling the space between them, the object of their mutual affections.  

5

(Requested by Anon)

You looked around the clearing with a frown. A strange sensation had been calling you towards the field. You were meant to be here, but you had no idea why. At least it’s pretty I suppose. I’ll just wait here for whatever is supposed to come. You sighed and sat with your legs crossed, gently running your fingertips over the torn petal of a bluebell flower. The tear healed almost instantly as your finger traced across it.

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Who’s Side Are You On? Part 2: Void Stiles

Originally posted by bitchesimhigh

OMG I LOVE WRITING VOID STILES!!!!

“So tell me, my little genius.” Void Stiles purred as he gently sat me down in a chair. I blink in shock at his soft tone and caring touch as he began inspecting my arm, running his fingertip ever so lightly over the wound.

Black lines danced around the tips of his fingers as my discomfort disappeared.

I looked up at him expectantly. “What should my next move be?” He asked, the chaotic black look in his eyes fixating me.

“Your next move?” I questioned, tilting my head back to look at him. He nods at me to continue, which I do, slowly and carefully.

“Well, don’t fireflies only come out at night? So your Oni are only there for you at night. What are you going to do during the day?” I asked.

“You think I’m useless, little dove?” Void Stiles smirked. His tone was soft but I noticed the pressure under his finger getting harder.

“Not useless!” I quickly corrected. “But….defenceless.” I finally finish and Void Stiles looks at me, tilting his head to the side in almost amusement.

“Would you help me with that?” Void Stiles asked, bending down so that he was face to face with me.

I stared into his hectic eyes. Dark, misty black that seemed to move in the light, constantly changing from a swirling black cloud to a thunderous murky emptiness. They were fascinating.

“Would you little dove?” He asked again, gently tipping my chin up to look even deeper into my eyes.

“Of course.” I breathed and he smirked, happy with the answer. He leant forward and connected our lips, so lightly that they merely brushed against mines.

My eyes opened wide in shock. But more by the fact his lips were warm. And soft. Almost bittersweet.

When suddenly loud, thumping footsteps were pounding against the concrete walls.

Void Stiles pulled away from me, a spark of mischievousness in his eyes. “Looks like company is coming.” He looked gleeful.

“Come on princess,” He purred, taking his cold hand in my warm one, our fingers contrasting nicely. “Let’s give our guest a nice welcome shall we?”

I followed him up the stairs, my stupid heels clicking loudly against the hard steps.

“Remember little dove,” Void Stiles gripped harder on my hand as the footsteps got louder. “I’ll always tell you the truth.” He said intensely and I nodded as I took a deep, bracing breath.

The vault door across the room, pulsed out the wall as a great deal of force was thrown against it, accompanied with a loud bang. It took three loud bangs before the door gave way and Scott was in the doorway, red eyes glowing.

Everything around me seemed to slow down. I was only aware of the cold steely grip on my fingers and the red eyes boring into me.

“Let her go.” Scott growled, his fangs coming over his lips as he stared at our entwined hands.

“I’m not doing anything to keep her here. Am I, little dove?” Void Stiles asked, somewhat sweetly and I shook my head.

“Y/N, we’re leaving.” Scott said and my gaze hardened at his demanding tone.

“No.”


Would you guys want part 3???

But sometimes I think about millionaire NHL star Kent Parson in his gorgeous penthouse on the Vegas strip, sitting on his floor and trying real hard to scrub cat puke out of his very expensive area rug while Kit Purrson sits a few feet away, purring her little heart out. The stain won’t lift. He ran out of Nature’s Miracle two days ago and is trying to make do with dish soap. The stain seems to be spreading. 

Kit flops onto her side, tail swishing. 

His decorator is gonna kill him. 

danversxsisters  asked:

😸

Drop a kitten on my muse Meme - Accepting

😸 - Won’t stop snuggling, no concept of personal space


Maggie blinked as a little ball of purring fluff was dropped on her lap while she was watching TV, her brow crinkling for a moment. “Uh…babe…?” She she asked slowly as the little ball of fluff locked it’s watery blue gaze on her…like it was narrowing in on a target. Seconds later she had a face full of fur as the kitten scaled the front of her sweater to rub up against her cheek.

Spluttering, she gently detached the kitten from her chest and set it down on the couch, only to sigh as it crawled right back up her front to nuzzle her before settling down in the dip of her cleavage like it owned the place. “I’m not gonna win this…am I…?” She asked as she stared down at the little brown, grey, and white kitten. She got a heart melting mewl in response followed by the kitten snuggling closer to her, and she knew right then and there that she was a goner, personal space issues be damned.

“FINE! We can keep the damn fluffball Alex!! You can stop cowering in the bathroom now!” She yelled out as she idly began to pet the the kitten now happily kneading away at her sweater. “You are far too cute for your own good little one…”

the signs when singing

“squuaaAAAACCKKK:” scorpio, capricorn, virgo

like a damn angel: aquarius, aries, pisces

hitting that high note but their voice breaks: cancer

so low that it makes the ground rumble: gemini, taurus

soft and lovely like a little kitten purring: leo, sagittarius, libra

“Like y’all cat people know that cats are just tiny murder machines that only look cute as they’re trying to murder everything”

I don’t understand why people don’t understand that this is part of their appeal. Hell yes when my kitten plays and does that cute back-leg-kicking thing I am WELL AWARE that she’s attempting to snap the neck of whatever “prey” she’s attacking (most recently a shirt)… that adorable killing instinct is part of why we love these cute little purring beasts

Kitty is not just a nickname || Cris & Meeka

@quartermastersearlgrey

Okay so, getting herself handed into the pound was not her best moment but there was no way she was waltzing around London naked. No thanks. Nope. But at least her kitten form was adorable and so people took pity on her. Ginger kitten, wandering the streets, to the nearest pet shop!

She was left to play with the other cats while people waltzed into the store until she was suddenly picked up. Meeka froze a little before purring at the scratches to the back of her neck. Okay so being a kitten was not always about running away from everyone else. There was a soft accent in the background telling her something but she was more focused on grabbing at fingers with her paws. 

She was eventually put into a cold travel case with newspaper and a blanket. It was not as fun as the warm hands she had been wrapped up in, she stuck her paws out of the gaps in the door of the box, looking for warmth. She receive a lot of attention on the tube. Sweet smiles always directed her way. 

It was like that all the way home. Until eventually she was placed on a cold counter. Her new ‘owner’ turned his back and she took this opportunity to change back into herself, her human form. However he turned back to face her before she could hop off the counter. There was almost a minute of silence before Meeka started off. “Hi.” She smiled sheepishly, feeling goosebumps arise on her skin. She really wished she was wearing clothes right now. 

10

This is my new cat, Fern! She’s a tortoise shell kitten, rescued at my local animal shelter. I also refer to her as the unofficial mascot of Destiel, Destiel Cat! She’s the light of my life and ever since I got her, things are changing for the better. She loves me and won’t leave my side and she is purring her little nose off right on top of me whenever I am feeling sad or stressed. I love my Fern, she is saving my life.

Okay, so this is a pretty wide take on @hipstertotheark ’s request (and i apologize for that!) to see Wendigo!Josh crawling in to Chris’ lap, and giving him a smooch.

This was the first scene that came to mind when I saw the request, and I typically need to run with that if I want the image to come out even remotely “presentable”. Hope this will suffice my dear! 💕

In regards to Wendigo!Josh, I don’t have much of an idea on how I see him physically or mentally, but I have a tendency to lean towards creepy, leering hell-beast OTL HOWEVER. I’ve seen his little purring Wendigo self a few times by other artists and authors, and while I may not personally see him that way, ITS SO FREAKING CUTE. So I wanted to pay homage to those wonderful creators.

I do want to apologize for the messiness of this sketch… lunch was interrupted a few times, since I stay at my desk. I’ll give you the refined version that all you wonderful people deserve, soon!

Image © Brennan “Lovely Bonez” Strong 2015