When compared to F!Kana’s, his personality is a void. F!Kana has deep, relatable fears and worries (supports with Foleo and Shigure), is revealed to be able to outsmart a young adult (supports with Dwyer), has artistic interests (supports with Mitama), is very good at math (supports with Siegbert), while M!Kana is just… mama’s boy who low-key wants to be an adult and gets friendzoned.
(I’m saying “low-key” ‘cause F!Kana shows to be more mature than him, and on multiple occasions in her various supports. She gets a job on her own, delivers things on her own, then goes and buys a ring for her dad with the money SHE earned. She organises a math festival with only the help of Siegbert. She accepts the fact that, despite being Kamui’s daughter, she is not always his priority in a world torned by war. From what I remember, M!Kana just does stuff for the army in his supports with his dad, and not on his own initiative but because of a competition.)
F!Kana’s personality is much more diverse and her fears are very relatable and deep for a character this young, as I find the fact that she’s joyful but feels terribly lonely very interesting. She felt lonely for most of her short life waiting for her dad to come and visit her, so when he finally comes back and gets ATTACKED she becomes so furious she changes into a dragon to protect him. But even now she’s part of the army, her parents are still very busy with their war duties and she can’t spend much time with them, so her loneliness still cripples her… so much that she REGULARLY leaves the camp to hide in a bush and cry discreetly about it (supports with Foleo). Her supports with Shigure, in which she shows a strong dislike of teenagers, hint at her own fear of becoming a teenager: in her head, a teenager is almost an adult, and an adult doesn’t spend time with their parents anymore. And she is gonna become a teenager soon…
She feels like she’s running out of time, time with her dad that she was robbed of because of the Deeprealms (and the war).
So she feels very lonely AND is haunted by the thought of her parents leaving her once she’s a grown up, a stage of her life that is just around the corner… And her parents are so busy dealing with the army and the war that she bottles everything up and doesn’t share her worries with them. “I know you’re busy…”, she says in her My Room lines. This poor dear thinks her parents have better things to do than listening to her rambling.
The fact that she is able to bottle up everything is very impressive (and very mature and selfless for her age), and very tragic as well.
So that’s it, I think F!Kana is a much better, well-developped character than M!Kana, and that’s why I love her and don’t like him
“Tell me, my Blue Prince, about your favorite Earth cuisines.”
I smack my lips and rest my hands behind my head. “Well, that’s a hard question because I love eating. Pizza, for starters, ice cream, definitely and mama Mcclain’s garlic knots.“ God, I miss home so much. If I somehow am allowed an out to defending the universe, whether I’m replaced or I’m no longer needed, I doubt I could go back to the Garrison. I’d just want to go back to my family. The effort of testing into such a prestigious academy loses its appeal when you’re actually faced with the possibility of never seeing your family again. It’s just… awful.
Lotor, upon my request, has pulled his hair into pigtails and at first I couldn’t stop laughing (my stomach cramped up and I slipped off my chair), but now that we’re talking, I think it looks kind of cute. With such a nice structured face, it’s hard to look ridiculous even with a little girls hairstyle. His eyes strongly remind me of Keith’s, but more slanted and narrow. His cheekbones could probably cut glass and you bet your ass I’ll demand we use his jawline to cut our wedding cake.
It feels so much lighter when I’m talking to him versus me talking to the people on the ship. I have so many things to hide when I’m talking to them, but with Lotor, there doesn’t have to be any secrets, except for my endeavors with Keith, which we haven’t done since we had that awkward talk. I can tell him of my family for hours and he’ll never grow bored of me talking and it feels so good to be lathered with attention and affection, even if we don’t even know each other in real life. Lotor… he says his new quest to make peace could use someone like me. He says I should come with him, and holy shit do I so desperately want to. I’m going to be replaced anyway, so what better way to waste my time than with a Prince who adores me, helping him restore the universe?
“Ice… cream?” He tilts his head cutely, curiously and my heart gives a pitiful series of fast beats. “Is it cold, like ice?”
“Yeah. It’s pretty cold, but not too cold to eat. It comes in a bunch of different flavors and if you eat it too fast, your brain freezes.” Lotor’s expression morphs to that of horror and I quickly back petal. “No, no, not like, actually freeze, it just gives you a headache for a minute and humans call it a brain freeze.”
“Fascinating!” He looks completely awestruck. It’s so sweet. “Rest assured, replications of your ice cream will be made, as well as with your other earth cuisines, and you will be fed well when you are mine, my Blue Prince!”
He’s always telling me how much he’ll spoil me once he makes me his, which he’s systematically doing. I’ve never been more pliant with another. And Blue claims I’ve never been more emotional dependent on anyone as well. He’s making it all sound like a paradise. Maybe he’s making me his loyal victim, but when I feel this light, I really don’t care if he’s feeding me lies built off of bad intentions. “I can’t wait. Hunk… he’s tried to turn the ship’s mediocre ingredients into something edible, but lately I’ve just been getting tasteless food goo. It sucks.”
“My love, once you are in my grasps, you will never feast on tasteless goo again! Only the best for my beloved Blue Prince. The best clothes, the finest place to rest right beside me, the best treatment from my guards and servants. Anyone who offers you less shall be imprisoned, my love!”
That’s awful, that’s malicious and cruel to imprison someone for offering me something that isn’t up to my standards. But, my head is so sick, the thought is pulling my mouth into a wide smile and I laugh and clap my hands excitedly. Why does that make me happy? Maybe it’s just his dedication, or his sparkling eyes, or the way he speaks so fondly about me, praising me so confidently, worshipping me. It feels so good to be WORSHIPPED. I can’t help it. I’ve spent most of my life feeling second best, seventh wheel, not good enough, useless, but he’s offering me everything I’ve ever wanted and I’m happy hearing it all, being listened to, being treated right. He wants me. And that’s what I’ve always wanted.
“I can’t wait to be by your side, Princey!” Maybe he’s not the only one who is delirious. Maybe it’s me too because I’m living in the same illusion he is and I’m fucking loving it. “I can’t wait to be owned by you, to be happy like this all the time, to not cry so much. To live in that,” Prison, Blue tells me, It will be a prison, no matter how much he convinces you it is your choice to leave or not, it will be a prison, don’t succumb, please, my Paladin, “in that paradise, Lotor.”
“A paradise, just for you and I.” He claims so lovingly, looking even more consumed by the thought of eternal happiness with each other than I am. “A paradise, where no one will make you feel alone, worthless, or unwanted again.”
My helmet speaks up. “Paladins! Please, report to the control room, as there is dickery afoot!” I can vaguely hear someone chuckling in the background and have to assume Matt and Pidge are teaching Coran god awful, but hilarious, terms like ‘dickery’.
All at once, the color along with the joy, drains from me. I’ve been feeling worse and worse nowadays. Talking to him is the only release I find in life. Seeing his smiling, sharp mouth forming kind words. I’m tired of cold lips undermining me so innocently. The facade is harder than ever to keep up, of stability. “I… gotta go, Princey. But, I’m really down for just blowing this popsicle stand. I’m really, really done being an extra. A stand in.”
He looks confused. I should probably start teaching him some Earth terms too, as much as I love his impeccable English, it’d be nice to work some slang and metaphors into his vernacular. “I’m going to take an escape pod and leave.” He lights up at once and says his fair wells before the connection times out.
I pull on my jacket and take my sweet time getting to the control room. As much as I love going on missions, I feel like no one even wants me on them. None of our missions have gone as smoothly as the one I wasn’t on, according to Shiro, not that he knows I heard him say that to Allura. Why wouldn’t they want to replace me? If everything’s so much better when I’m oblivious and sad at the castle. What should they care if I’m living happily ever after, not piloting Blue? Though, I have to admit, I’m going to miss her and I feel bad. She keeps saying that I’m her pilot, that I cannot abandon being a Paladin, but I’m done. I can’t keep living with people who I’m pretty sure hate my guts. Even she can sense that I’m so much happier when I’m with Prince Lotor.
She doesn’t deserve feeling my sadness all the time and worrying over a cargo pilot that doesn’t deserve her. In a way, she’ll be better off too, even if she doesn’t realize that yet. Everyone else is already in the control room when I arrive and I struggle to crack a smile.
“Lance, what the hell? Do you have weights attached to your ankles or are your clown feet just getting harder to pick up?” Keith bites as soon as I plop down at my station.
“I don’t know Keith, you look like you just sat down. Your fat head getting harder to keep up? Or are the planets orbiting around it making it harder to see?” I shoot back through a sigh, forcing myself to grin cockily. He’s probably just pent up because we haven’t been fucking. I’ll admit, I’m a little frustrated too.
Shiro lets out a groan. “Are you guys serious? As soon as you’re in the same room, you have to argue. Keith, chill out. Lance, you only make it worse when you respond. We talked about this.”
I don’t know why, but I feel like talking back and I’m an impulsive guy with little self control. I’ll be out of here soon anyway, so what’s the point in holding back. “Okay, next time I’ll just let Keith treat me like a bitch because he’s your favorite. Got it.”
Hunk chokes and Pidge lets out a bark of laughter. Matt shoves them in the back of the head with reprimand. Why is he even here? Slav doesn’t get to join when we discuss missions. They’re probably preparing him for the position of the Blue Paladin. Whatever. He can fucking have it.
“I don’t have favorites, Lance.” Shiro responds, sitting up straighter and catching my gaze. I don’t look away. He doesn’t even see his own bias? This is too much. “I’m simply pointing out that you were both at fault. Do you have a problem with how I lead this team?”
I chuckle bitterly and shake my head slowly, wiping my palms on my pants. “No, you’re a fine leader, except you have to treat Keith like the princess he is. If I didn’t know any better, I’d be thoroughly convinced you two were fucking. And we both know that if Keith wants a fight, he pushes and pushes and pushes until he gets one, so there isn’t such thing as ‘don’t respond’. If I don’t respond to him being a dick, you know what’ll happen, Mr. Great Leader? I have to shut up while he acts superior.”
“Lance, I don’t - ”
I have no clue what’s coming over me, maybe my ego’s been overfed and the confidence from being wanted is all consuming, but I cut off whatever he was about to say. “Keith, sorry if your head is so fucking huge that your ears are too small for it, but no one was talking to you, especially not me. Though, the conversation will shift to you eventually, Daddy will always cater to his princess before he listens to anyone else, after all.”
They’re both bright red, maybe will embarrassment, but probably with anger and I’m proud, too proud, this isn’t me, but I’m not sad somehow. Hunk looks like he might pass out and Keith, oh fucking Keith, looks like he’s about to open his big mouth, but Allura interrupts just in time.
“Paladins, keep your personal matters to yourselves. There is a mission to attend to. This… disgusting amount of insubordination and disrespect will be dealt with after the mission. For now, clear your minds of it and focus on the task at hand.”
Shiro and Keith both numbly nod, though the latter sends me a glare that might’ve made me cry if it didn’t suddenly feel so good being so horrible. I can’t help but stretch my lips into a wide, curling grin as the mission proceeds. I feel lighter, having screwed into their heads like that. I’ll be gone soon anyway, so what else can I say?
Though, it occurs to me now that I just might get my skinny neck wrung once the mission has ended. I call it the Lotor effect. Knowing he is out there, wanting me, is making me fearless. The aching sadness is draining. Instead I feel…