I have a problem admitting when I’m hurting. I’m always trying to stay happy and content that when I fail in doing that, I feel like I lost, like I made a mistake. And let me tell you something, there wouldn’t be a rainbow without the rain.
Maybe one day I’ll look at you and stop aching. I can let the ghost of you go. I can sleep in a bed without feeling the shape of what could have been beside me. I’ll fall asleep without saying your name. I’m sorry for all the letters. All the things I shouldn’t have said. The heart I laid at your feet, the door I always kept open. If you’re sure you won’t come home I’ll close it now. I’ll keep my eyes from the rear view. I’ll try and say I won’t look back. I know you won’t be standing there. To you I’m already gone. Somehow, that became okay.
I’m learning to create fences around me that aren’t made of stone; I have no walls to break, but I’m creating doorways I can lock or open when I wish it, I’m learning from those who once left me out in the rain.
We are all fixated by finding our happily ever after. And after all, we grew up from our favorite childhood fairy tales, and inspiring movies. But in real life, stories don’t always end with “and they lived happily ever after.”
The beast we recognized is not one of the princes, same as with the toad. Fairy godmothers rarely show up on time with her magic wand. There’s no prince sneaking at night telling to let down your hair. There’s no evil, jealous witch wanted to put you to sleep.
You see, if we rely too much on fairy tales, chances are, we will never actually meant to end happily.
We lose the person we wanted to save. We can’t save the person we wanted to spend our lives with. Sometimes, it ends tragically.
Here is the truth: some stories are not meant to end happily. They end realistically. They end where humans can actually understand.
The best human stories I know is not about the genie granting three wishes, but endlessly working the whole heart and soul to accomplish what they are fully committed to. The best human stories is not about the world of sorcery and witchcraft, but the harsh realities of the world. The best human stories teach us the core of how far it goes to be human.
Honestly, we are clouded with unprocessed thoughts why our endings are not planned out with the written scripts. We get stuck by the endings etched in our minds that we forget our stories are yet to be untold. We mistakenly presumed chapter five is chapter twenty five, when in fact, you still have few remaining pages left to discover.
Maybe you won’t understand the ending because it is yet to unfold and you’re simply not there yet.
In this life, we always admire the love someone gets, always look up at their happily-ever after and how come we haven’t reached the same. We are too preoccupied in admiring the lives of others that we forget that we are special too. We forget to give credit to ourselves, to appreciate that we’ve been hell low to be where we are now, because most of the time we think that we are not enough and we are not worthy to be loved. But we are. We are more than deserving.
We’ve loved too hard and we’ve given too much of ourselves. And this time, we deserve the real love we give, or maybe even greater. We come from aching hearts, broken souls and bones, and hurting houses. We come from lonely and jealous places, from people that are cruel and trust that is shattered. But in all this pain, we still love. And we deserve a little pat on the back. After all, we need a love that is more than 140 characters, 5 second snaps, and frozen filtered images. Love is the acceptance of what can and cannot be. And sometimes, we come across it when we’re not desperate on finding it. Sometimes it’s already there, but we’re missing the ability to understand it.
Every person I’ve ever loved has some how become toxic to me. A living, breathing reminder of why I was always better off alone.
I love too hard, too quickly and then sometimes I don’t love enough. I guess I’m just bad at love.
There are two types of people in the world:
‘Your sadness is not the same as my sadness, so I cannot understand you at all.’ And, 'Your sadness is not the same as my sadness, but because I am sad, I can understand you, and hence your sadness.’