We Join Forces And Save Everything Forever

I call the team to come together!

Girl With Hands - She’s got fingers, and thumbs! Do you need a jar opened? Do you need a letter written? Are you considering driving a car? Then perhaps you could be assisted by the always-amazing Girl With Hands! She blows my mind, and one time broke my heart.

Too Much Too Soon Boy - A heroic young teen with the uncanny ability to always show up a little early for every party. Observe as he opens up to you just a little quicker than he should have, thereby ruining any sense of social security you may have been enjoying! 

Bomb The Bomb - My best friend is a guy who explodes every time he blinks. Yeah, when his eyelids touch, it’s like dynamite going off. He hasn’t had a date in years, but he’s saved the world something like a million times. Don’t bother looking him up online, you’ve never heard of him, and nobody’s ever talking about him. But he’s really cool, and he’s my best friend.

Ironic Girl, isn’t really. She just likes the name.

Jam On Toast Girl has magical gifts that warp reality and imply the existence of surreal and unruly gods. She’s awful sweet, but she’s kinda sorta a little crazy, which is always a downside when you just want to make out with somebody, or have a meaningful conversation or whatever. 

And then, of course, there’s The Smoke Signal Kid. But of course, they say he died, back in the Crisis of Infinite Conflicts, in 2005, when we were all younger, shinier creatures, still just sorta wondering how Lost might end.

2005. The year I met her. How funny that I’d think of that now.


These rules aren’t just for my safety, they’re for yours. 

I will not sleep with goths or hippies.
It’s just not good for me to fuck girls when they’re part of a social strata that I don’t respect.

I will not ride in limousines.
They are a mark of the enemy, like soul-patches and the bored cruelty of the upper class. 

I will not go to clubs, pubs, or bars with a dress-code that does not include my street clothes.
Who I am is good enough, or I’m not going. Especially given that I wear a goddamn dress-shirt-&-tie 90% of the time I’m out on the town.