A Little Help From Some Very Nice People I Know

I can’t do everything alone. So sometimes I call in some of my friends.

Agent Triple Ex She came from beyond the stars, to spread love and carnage and big bold new ideas. She carries a sword named “Götterdämmerung”, and she wears big shiny rings on her toes. She’s got long orange hair that shimmers like it’s all on fire when she’s in the air, and a well-tied tie. She’s got insatiable appetites for humanity and nachos and an affinity for cosmic justice and oral sex.

The Unknown Cunt A masked bastard who protects the streets with steely fists and steely resolve and a total lack of respect for… well, pretty much everybody, but specifically she likes going off on real assholes. You know the types. Genocidal madmen with laser-cannons are one thing; The Unknown Cunt also enjoys breaking the thumbs of people who talk in movie theatres.

Y The Not Man A genderless being, possibly some sort of futuristic robot that was organically grown with little clockwork parts for organs, with the ability to see around people and through strange, invisible concepts. As funny as it is deadly, The Not Man enjoys stand-up comedy, fruit pies, and crushing the heads of repeat offenders. 

Talla-Eel, The Girl With Five Extra Brains Smarter than smart, this prognosticating teen can’t just see the future, she can influence it - with fashion. A complicated girl making her way through an alarmingly simplistic series of worlds. 

Cup Master A cup of tea! A cup of coffee! A cup of sugar! A cup of flour! A cup of time! A cup of dreams! What do all of these things have in common? If it can be held in a cup, it’s within the domain of the Cup Master! And the fight for freedom will never be the same! 

Veggiebond, The Homeless Stalk Of Celery From Another Dimension! Another sword-wielding space-warrior, this one capable of photosynthesis and ballroom dancing as well. She’s smooth, she’s charming, she’s killed over a billion sentient beings!

They weren’t much, but they were all I had - all the world could count on - when the chips were down, and something needed to be done.


These rules aren’t just for my safety, they’re for yours. 

I will not sleep with goths or hippies.
It’s just not good for me to fuck girls when they’re part of a social strata that I don’t respect.

I will not ride in limousines.
They are a mark of the enemy, like soul-patches and the bored cruelty of the upper class. 

I will not go to clubs, pubs, or bars with a dress-code that does not include my street clothes.
Who I am is good enough, or I’m not going. Especially given that I wear a goddamn dress-shirt-&-tie 90% of the time I’m out on the town. 

We Join Forces And Save Everything Forever

I call the team to come together!

Girl With Hands - She’s got fingers, and thumbs! Do you need a jar opened? Do you need a letter written? Are you considering driving a car? Then perhaps you could be assisted by the always-amazing Girl With Hands! She blows my mind, and one time broke my heart.

Too Much Too Soon Boy - A heroic young teen with the uncanny ability to always show up a little early for every party. Observe as he opens up to you just a little quicker than he should have, thereby ruining any sense of social security you may have been enjoying! 

Bomb The Bomb - My best friend is a guy who explodes every time he blinks. Yeah, when his eyelids touch, it’s like dynamite going off. He hasn’t had a date in years, but he’s saved the world something like a million times. Don’t bother looking him up online, you’ve never heard of him, and nobody’s ever talking about him. But he’s really cool, and he’s my best friend.

Ironic Girl, isn’t really. She just likes the name.

Jam On Toast Girl has magical gifts that warp reality and imply the existence of surreal and unruly gods. She’s awful sweet, but she’s kinda sorta a little crazy, which is always a downside when you just want to make out with somebody, or have a meaningful conversation or whatever. 

And then, of course, there’s The Smoke Signal Kid. But of course, they say he died, back in the Crisis of Infinite Conflicts, in 2005, when we were all younger, shinier creatures, still just sorta wondering how Lost might end.

2005. The year I met her. How funny that I’d think of that now.

Alt Projects

You digging this? You picking up what I’m laying down?

Well, I got a couple of other things, sorta on the go. If you’re interested, these is them.

Perpetrating Ontological Thuggery is my bullshit blog. You know, funny pictures, shit like that. It’s kind of dumb, but I like the title. 

Savaged Text is something new… It’s kinda where I’m sticking my more “sexually implicit” writings, if y’know what I mean. Yeah. I felt kinda silly puttings all my semi-hardcore stuff here, which is the blog I try to get my friends to read… I mean, if people want to read my sexy stuff, I’m cool with it, I just don’t always want to subject you to it, as much as I enjoy subjecting people to my more random, whimsical writings, which is what my main blog (this one) might get more directed towards, y’know? Trying to push myself to write about stuff, not just girls. So. Savaged Text is where I write about girls. And yeah.

There’s only a bit in it so far, but we’ll see. We shall see. 

What else… fuck, I dunno.

The Young Offenders is a comic I wrote. It’s kind of… I think we might be done it for the time being… Let me say it exactly as I’ve gotten used to saying it: “It’s a black and white comic you can read for free online about a gang of kids with strange powers who are trying to protect a rundown neighbourhood by the forces that threaten to consume it.” There’s swearing and violence in it. And I wrote it. 

I’m sorta proud of The YO, really. It’s like, the thing I’ve kinda done with my life, so far, artistically. It’s the thing I have to be the most proud of, for all its faults, and like that? And don’t get me wrong, I know it’s got faults. But… I think I still really dig it, as a thing that I’ve done. 

Oh yeah, and there’s Savage Selections. That’s where I repost writing that I like, from Tumblr peoples. 

So yeah. Follow that action, and read on, if you think that’s something you’d be interest in dare! 

Things I Could Deal With That Aren't You




There’s a million books to write, a billion lines to connect, but there’s so much filth in the sink. I can’t trip this kind of fantastic all day. I have to stick my hands in the murky waters of the real world. I need to clean up this situation. I need to act like a real person with a real life, who can actually get things done.



Feeling close to things, feeling far away. Feeling ever so far away. 

I’m 32 years old, and what have I accomplished? I’ve been nice to some people, made some friends, and written a lot of shit. I’ve probably gotten more read than I ever could have in the past, without getting published, but even still… Even still, Stephen Stills, it doesn’t really  make me feel like I’m rocking The Talent.

So many dishes in the sink. 

So many books not on the shelf.

So many lips unkissed.

So many poems unwritten.

And yet here I sit, adrift.


So I walked into the bad part of town, and I found members for my super-hero team.

Sunscreen is a slippery young woman who spreads darkness out from her fingertips. She commands the lack of light, and she transforms phobias into physical threats. She licks her lips hungrily any time anybody turns on the light.

The Bogus Brutaliser is a big sad thug, the sort of guy you’re likely to find crying into a beer by himself nine nights out of ten. The rest of the time though, he’s using bullet-proof skin to commit acts of socially-helpful violence. 

The Dragon Dogs are a pair of unrelated Martial Arts brothers, trained since birth to crush the material world with the psychic energies of their fists. Do I understand it? Of course not - they’re like magic, the magic of a fist exploding a face into blood.

Hyper-Lust-Girl is really just a sexy little friend of mine. She dances all crazy and gave me one of the sweetest kisses that was ever put on my lips. I dunno if I trust her, but I don’t really have to. I just appreciate her.

The Giggling Ghost kills with invisible fingertips and a faint aroma of dirt.

Girl Exploding Bomb (G.E.B.) is a threatening little girl who fights crime with knives and steel-toed sneakers. She’s got blood on her cape, and shit on the soles of her shoes. She’s beautiful in motion, but shite in conversations. All she’s really interested in are drugs and loud music. 

The Killeidoscope destroys with the awesome and hardly understood powers of supraliminal psychedelia. Powerful fucking stuff, she is.

Have More Time, Give More Fucks

I want to

  • Do drugs more.
  • Socialise more.
  • Meet more people.
  • Have more conversations.
  • Write more.

Is there anything I want to do less?

Sulk, mope, drift around aimlessly?

No, wait, I love drifting around aimlessly. I want to do that more.

I’m not sure if there’s a lot of “less” on my list. I’m not to worried. It’s not like I haven’t got time to give. I’ve got lots of something to do something with. I can tell. I’m not sure if it’s energy or kinetic motion or what. But it’s something.

I Need This Dance So Just Get Up And Move

I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see you here, with me, especially considering that I came here to be alone.

I feel like I’m built out of secrets and lies.

I am from a thousand years in the future, playing a strange pantomime with the current day, like a shadow trapped in a tube of flickering lights.

I am a secret super-being. I turn invisible and run through the streets unknown to the mortal types. 

I’m dressed up in your every potential lover’s skin. I’m a caustic demonic presence salted with sultry deceptions and infinite sexual prowess.

I’m a misunderstood genius.

I’m made of broken glass.

My heart is a diamond fraction of a black hole, and my love consumes everything it touches.

I want you to understand me. I want you to lay yourself out for me. I want you to try to consume me.

"I see the colour in your eyes."

I’m something cosmic, something mutant, something with crystalline edges and sarcastic quips. 

I’m the super villain who’s come to save the world from itself.

I’m the leader of the gang of super-toughs, growling in the gravel and growing tusks and horns in uncomfortable places. 

Don’t wait anymore. 
Lets just do this thing.
Lets just be fucking amazing for forever and a million more miles an hour.