listerfiend

I love this movie
  • Randal Graves: Why haven't you fucked Myra yet?
  • Elias: Well, we can't because of Pillow Pants.
  • Randal Graves: What the fuck's Pillow Pants?
  • Elias: Pillow Pants is a little troll who lives in her pussy.
  • [Randal stares]
  • Elias: Pillow Pants is her pussy troll?
  • [scoffs]
  • Elias: Duh. You know how every girl's parents put a pussy troll in them when the girls are young, to keep them from having premarital sex?
  • Randal Graves: ...Sure.
  • Elias: Well Myra's is named Pillow Pants. And so even though she totally wants to have sex with me, Myra says if I put my... thing in her, Pillow Pants will bite it off. So, I gotta wait until Pillow Pants gets peed out of her body on her 21st birthday before we can have sex.
  • Randal Graves: [floored] And Myra told you this?
  • Elias: Boyfriends and girlfriends talk to each other about sex stuff Randal. You'd know this if you ever had a girlfriend.
  • Randal Graves: Have you and Myra even kissed yet?
  • Elias: We would have already if it wasn't for Listerfiend.
  • Randal Graves: [beat] Listerfiend is her mouth troll, isn't it?
  • Elias: [shakes head] Women.