list poem

from Lies I’ve Told My 3 Year Old Recently

Trees talk to each other at night.
All fish are named either Lorna or Jack.
Before your eyeballs fall out from watching too much TV, they get very loose.
Tiny bears live in drain pipes.
If you are very very quiet you can hear the clouds rub against the sky…

from Raul Gutierrez’s “Lies I’ve Told My 3 Year Old Recently.”

Read the rest of the poem at this link to his blog, “Heading East.”

the first person you kiss for real, and i don’t mean on the lips, because no, that’s not what real means, i mean the first person you kiss with your soul, with your entire being. that one you’ll remember for the rest of your life. and you won’t remember the taste of their lips, or the feel of their skin, but you will remember the way your whole body seemed to tingle for hours after.

you might not remember the first person who held your hand, but you will remember the one whose hand you sought. you will remember the darkness, and how it seemed like your hand was travelling for a million light years, and their skin was warm, and your fingers were shaking. you will remember uncertainty, and you will remember how good it felt to be let in.

the one who breaks your heart for the first time. and see, here’s the thing, the really, really tricky thing - it doesn’t have to be the first person you kiss, or the first person you’ve ever you thought you loved, or the first one you really let inside your heart. it doesn’t have to be any of the firsts in your life, and you can’t prepare for it and you can’t anticipate it and you won’t be able to just get over it, even with all the ice cream and chocolate and shopping trips. the first person who breaks your heart you will remember forever, but here’s a secret - you won’t love them forever, and you will only miss them for a little while. just a little while longer.

the one who mends your heart. and it might be weeks, months or years later, but you will meet someone and suddenly it will feel like you are whole again and not just pieces that don’t quite fit and don’t make any sense. you will meet someone and you will remember all the things you used to love about love, having someone to love in your life, you will remember how kissing used to be fun and staying up to talk until 3am never felt like a waste. you will remember and you will feel again. and their name, the way it felt like relief every time it stumbled off your lips, will stay with you, long after they’re gone and you’ve moved on.

the perfect one. the one who your friends will love and the one your mother will bake cakes for. the one who will bring you breakfast in bed and make you cookies to cheer you up after a bad day. the one who will buy you perfect gifts, and no, i don’t mean expensive, i mean the things that you will keep for years, because they were what you always wanted to have, they’re the kind of person you wanted to be. but see - you won’t really fit, you’ll realise that who you are, and who he sees are two different beings. them, you will remember, but you will never wonder. you will be sure when you say goodbye, you will be certain they’re not the one.

the one. and they won’t really be the one, because they’ll do the wrong thing and say the wrong thing and really, they’ll be nothing like what you’ve imagined. but you’ll love them and they’ll love you back, the right way, the way that will make you feel alive, the way that will make you feel light, like you’re floating in a cloudless sky.

—  m.v., the people who will change your life, pt.1. 

happy things:

1. cats who curl up in your lap
without being prompted
2. record players
3. leather jackets and leather boots
4. four-hour games of cheater’s
monopoly and owning half the board
due to your questionable resource
attainment (you stole from the bank)
5. finally beating the boss level
6. when you start singing and so
does everyone else
7. tiny cupcakes
8. bats with their little ears and teeth and
fruit-eating habits i mean talk about
a bad reputation these poor things aren’t
scary at all
9. getting sick and having somebody
treat you like a princess
10. when the owner of an animal says “oh
he doesn’t really like anyone” and then
it leans up against you like you’re its
best friend and some part of you
whispers “do not doubt my power”
11. outfits that make you feel like
you are kahleesi, mother of dragons
12. trips to the mall with your friends when
you start trying on the weirdest things you
can find
13. anything fried
14. when you make repeated eye contact with
an attractive stranger and mentally encourage them
to talk to you
15. showers
16. beach trips that last for the whole day
17. discovering somebody’s passion and
hearing them talk about it and watching
their eyes light up
18. kites that kiss the sky
19. snappy comebacks everyone
overhears and applauds you for
20. sweaters
21. falling asleep next to your best friend
22. foxes
23. getting a better score on your test
than the asshole know-it-all kid
who goes “what did you get” to you all the
time because he likes to show off that
he did better - rubbing those two points
in his face is honestly so overwhelmingly
24. cooking for your family
25. when little kids ask you to play with them
and make you the queen or the king or
katniss everdeen and serve you tea out of tiny
cups and saucers
26. ice skating
27. those people you can dance awfully
in front of and it won’t matter because
they’ll be dancing too
28. receiving drunk texts from someone
who just wants you to know how beautiful
you really are because drunk words
are sober thoughts
29. the ongoing struggle between tea and coffee
and the fact people will often surprise you
with which one they choose (and the fact
it doesn’t really matter but knowing
how they take their tea or coffee is
still such a great thing to know about someone)
30. giving presents, particularly when
they are handmade
31. perfecting your poker face and
raking in the benefits
32. getting a song stuck in someone else’s
head because you were singing it
33. the smell of rain
34. clothes fresh out of the dryer
35. hitting only green lights and
road trips in general
36. fresh-baked bread
37. getting a plant to grow
38. hearing your favorite song
on the radio or in a store or
in the mouth of someone you love
39. discussing literature,
particularly harry potter
40. finding a new band to obsess over
41. getting to show someone
your favorite things and watching
how they fall in love the way you did
42. new episodes of good shows and
marathons of reruns
43. when you get to show up an asshole teacher
by correcting them
44. soft blankets
45. tree houses
46. actually finishing everything on
your to-do list
47. finding five dollars in your pocket
48. good books and good movies and good
49. family, even if not related by blood
50. being alive, being alive, being
on this earth with so many things
that could make your
heart sing.

—  “A happy poem.” /// r.i.d
1. Everything in life is temporary. That is both a very good and a very bad thing.
2. You know yourself better than anyone else. You don’t need anybody’s approval or validation of the choices you make. 
3. The universe is always sending you signs, pay attention to them.
4. Trust your instincts and listen closely to your heart. They will always lead you in the right direction. 
5. Say what you feel. Always. Be honest to people about how you feel about them. It hurts so much more to silence your emotions than to just spit them right out.
6. You deserve love in the purest of forms. It should not be tainted with arrogance or pride. 
7. Beautiful words mean nothing if they are not backed up by beautiful actions. He could tell you he loves you three times a minute, but if he doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated, his words have no value at all. 
8. Never put anyone or anything above your well being. This includes school, work, friends, relationships and anything else. Nothing is more important than your health and safety.
9. Learn to love the person you see staring back at you in the mirror. She is capable of such miraculous things. 
10. You are here for a reason. You might learn this reason at age 6 or age 60, but you were undoubtedly put on this planet because the universe believes that you can help it in some way. Never lose faith in that.
—  10 things I remind myself of every day
i. i deserve better than unanswered texts and late replies.
ii. i deserve better than drunk phone calls.
iii. i deserve better than hot and cold.
iv. i deserve better than passive-aggressiveness.
v. i deserve better than being someone’s mistake.
vi. i deserve better than being someone’s revenge.
vii. i deserve better than being someone’s arm-candy.
viii. i deserve better than being one of many.
ix. i deserve better than vague promises and half-baked dreams.
x. i deserve better than skinny love, i deserve the fullness that makes my lungs burst, that makes me feel like the only girl in a crowded room. i deserve love that is tangible, that is more than mere words. i deserve, no, i demand extraordinary love.
—  marina v., the things i wish i knew at 16.

1. This town, with its bleeding jaw, gutted my childhood. I buried my grandfather last summer in a citrus field, and I have not been able to eat oranges since. I still remember his cloudy cataracts, his gentle hands. He told me there was beauty in being untouchable – this is why I lock the doors.

2. Some love is soft, I know, but not this kind – this kind slams drawers and ignores the screaming. Your mouth was like formaldehyde. Your hands were silver scalpels, were ragged teeth. Do not touch me with your liar’s bones. I hope she tastes the poison you keep tucked under your tongue for the girls you want to break. I hope that, when she leaves you, you have no one to pick up the pieces. I hope you rot in this town.

3. I spent sixteen tangerine winters in this city like split knuckles, like an open wound, and I can still taste the burning. I want to eat Manhattan and climb through its throat to Chicago. I want to touch the very ground God walked upon. When asked what I want for Christmas, I say miles, miles, miles.

4. I keep breaking bones just to get back up. The band aids on my knuckles are from punching walls and slashing tires. They never have the chance to heal. I do not know what I look like without violence on my palms.

5. This town – bleeding jaw, split belly. Town like childhood, town like funeral bells. Town like angels dying. Town like your eyes, bruised and blackened. You were not gentle with my heart, so I hope that you rot in this gutted city, with your mouth clasped to hers. I hope she sucks out your soul: I want you broken. I burnt down your heart long before she loved you – you are a monument, yes. But you are not beautiful, your ribs are a ruin, and when you kiss, it tastes like smoke. This is why I left you. This is why I lock the doors.

—  5 Reasons I Lock the Doors | d.a.s

We know each other inside
out; hair and skin and brains
and souls and we’ve held each
others secrets and hands. We
read silences as easy as words.

I’ve told you to fuck off more
than I’ve told you I love you,
but we both know they mean
the same thing.

You are the one that stays.

I’ve stayed for you too.

We save and have been saved;
we both have scars that only
healed because we’ve had each
others hands to hold the skin

It’s not always easy. I’m kind of
shitty and sometimes you are
too, but we keep making it. We
keep choosing forgiveness.

We are chosen family, platonic
soul mates, support systems,
adventurers and mind readers
and I’m so lucky to have a
partner like you.

—  anne, “besties” - a list poem created with 33 tumblr’s description of their best friend.
1. timing is a very, very funny thing.
2. the universe is infinitely better at sorting out your messes than you’ll ever be. have patience and trust the fact that things will work themselves out.
3. the first boy you love isn’t necessarily going to love you back.
4. if he calls you beautiful over text message but ignores you in person, drop him. you deserve consistency and, more importantly, respect.
5. sometimes a person hundreds of miles away can make you feel better than the people sitting right next to you.
6. it is not selfish or inconsiderate to put your own needs first- it is a way to protect yourself, and the only way you’ll survive in this world.
7. your family may drive you crazy and push every button you have, but more often than not, they’re some of the only people who actually mean it when they say they love you.
8. everyone is deeply sad about something- everyone. that includes the pretty senior you walk by in the hallways and that moody boy that sits behind you in your english class. keep this in mind whenever you come across a person that doesn’t sit well with you.
9. fake it ‘til you make it.
10. love everyone with all you have. be kind, be gentle, be considerate. those are the qualities that truly make a person beautiful. but do not take it personally when someone doesn’t give you the same level of care that you would give to them. take it as a sign to put less of your love into them and turn it towards other people instead.
11. always, always, always trust your instincts. your body can sense bad energy a lot faster than you can.
12. you deserve to have people in your life who appreciate and accept you for all that you are. as soon as someone tries to change you, leave and never look back.
13. do not bare the entirety of yourself to a single person. your soul is incandescent, and humans have the tendency to destroy anything that shines.
14. life is constantly changing; the world is constantly moving. as a result, you are constantly evolving. you are growing physically, spiritually, and emotionally as a human being every single day. that takes a lot of work. be proud of it.
15. find something that starts a fire in your heart and run with it. do not let anyone or anything stop you from following your ambitions and embracing who you are.
16. you will hear a lot of advice and words of wisdom throughout your life. you will come across lists and poems and stories and books that all try to tell you how to be happy and live a good life. but the most important thing you’ll ever need to remember can be summed up in two words: love yourself. get up every single day and fall in love with the person you see in the mirror. nurture your soul and body. eat good food, go on adventures, surround yourself with only positivity. live. take care of yourself, because in the end, you’re all that you’ve got.
—  16 things i’ve learned in 16 years

1. When I look at you, I swear it’s like my heart is a machine and it’s leaking breaker fluid at a rate so fast, it will only be days until I lose control.

2. The first time I looked at the ocean, my eyes were so wide and my chest so heavy, I watched the infinite depths of the world rise to greet me with the salty taste of reality. I never thought I would understand the sea until your arms pressed against me like a tidal wave.

3. Is this all we are given? Is this life, this breath, this tired beating in the darkest corners of our beings the only answer this Universe can offer us? We are not study guides, but I am writing your name inside constellations as if yours is the answer.

4. I have only days until these feelings turn to something more. I feed it like a cancer, knowing that if there is life after death it exists somewhere within the clasp of your hands.

5. For many years I have written the coordinates of the places I call home on this shelf of bone that protects my heart. Lately, I have been making room, forgetting the past places I felt safe just to document every inch of ground your feet walk upon. Soon, very soon, I hope you find yourself at home.

6. Do not talk to me of anchors if you have not looked at the people you died for, and forgiven.

7. Do not talk to me of the rain unless the way their words stung you smelled as petrichor the moment they walked away.

8. Do not talk to me of the wind unless the breezes of past heartbreaks stirred around you and settled the moment you fell for someone new. I looked at you, and the winds of who I used to be sent shivers down my spine, knowing this time around would be more painful than the last.

9. For you, I will stare at the moon, and forgive.

10. I care, and it hurts so much more than you can imagine. I am an atlas of hurt, and every time you touch my skin, a million bruises disappear.

11. It took being heartbroken to know my heart is always yours. I give you my permission to do as you want with me.

—  7-weeks//11 Ways to say “I love you” without using those three words.
1. I like my laugh.
Sometimes when I laugh, it sounds like a hyena is caught in my throat. Sometimes I sound like my five year old niece when she’s playing outside. Sometimes I laugh so hard, my ribs become sore. I’m fine with it. I remember there was a time not too long ago, my bones would ache after I would finish crying over people who didn’t love me.
2. I’m a good writer.
The first time someone said that what I wrote made them cry, an almost sadistic sense of joy washed over me. As a girl who used to eat her words for breakfast, to avoid to the inevitability of stumbling over them like they were hurdles that separated me from the prize that was expressing myself, the pen became my sword and paper became a battle ground in which I continually conquered.
3. I have a good heart.
God knows I’ve put it through the wringer, the blender, and the garbage disposal the past few years. Soft hearted people are an anomaly in a hard hearted world. I spent years trying to build concrete walls around my heart, but I couldn’t stop the bleeding. I couldn’t stop the blood from getting all over everyone I touched.
4. I love my eyes.
Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I notice a twinkle in my eyes that wasn’t there before. For a few years, I let the world dim my glow. The darkness stirring inside me, didn’t allow for me to see the sparkle like a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, it’s like there’s an internal flame inside of me that’s demanding to be seen.
5. I love myself.
And then some days I don’t. Some days I still grab at the fat on my body so hard, I think I might actually be able to rip it off. Some days I can’t stop myself from looking in the mirror or taking hundreds of photos. Some days I feel like I’m cemented to my bed and the world has devised a plan to cave in on me. On all days I remind myself that I was the one who peeled myself out of bed on days I didn’t want to. I was my own shoulder to cry on when everyone left. I remind myself that I used to be quiet and shy, until I realized there was a poem stirring around inside of me like a storm with plans on affecting everyone in its path.
—  Five Nice Things About Myself (Because Positivity Is Cool)
i. i will not compete with other people for your attention. 
ii. i will not compete with other people for your affection.
iii. i will not compete with other people for your time.
iv. i will not compete with other people for your love. 
v. i will not compete for you.
vi. you are not a prize, you are a person. you have agency. and no matter how fast i run, if you want me to win, i will; and if you don’t, i won’t. so, darling, i will not compete. if for you love is a chase, it’s not worth my victory.
—  marina v., i should come with a warning.

1) I wish my parents would have told me that things can change so abruptly and sometimes so painfully and that all you can really do is just sit and stare blankly back at it. They never warned me about losing someone you loved and simply all the closure you can seem to get is a “I don’t love you anymore, I’m sorry.” and half of a wave goodbye.

2) I wish my parents would have told me that sometimes there is no fixing a person. That sometimes, a person simply is not broken. You can’t fix something that isn’t broken. Sometimes you are the person that is broken and needs the fixing. But humans are not medicine. They aren’t going to mend your broken bones or soothe the pain in your chest.

3) I wish my parents would of told me that just because you have an idea of a person, it doesn’t always prove to be the reality of that person. Sometimes the best liar can be your mind, intoxicated by attraction.

4) I wish my parents would have told me that not everything is as simple as we believe it to be. That sometimes, you have to continue to work and work at something, only to be shot back down again. Getting back up time after time can be difficult, but it wouldn’t hurt so god damn much mom and dad, if you would have informed me of its existence in the universe and the large roll it plays in our lives.

5) I wish my parents would have told me that among all of the drugs they tried so desperately to inform me of, the strongest known to mankind was love and the second, lust. More importantly, I wish they would have explained to me the difference between the two.

6) Finally, I wish that my parents would have told me that there is no avoiding getting hurt in this world. That I myself alone, am the hero of the story and I do not need to be saved.

—  6 Things I Wish My Parents Would Have Told Me

One. There are two kinds of sunflowers: the sunflowers you find in books and poems and the sunflowers that chew through phone wire.

Two. When a sunflower looks at itself in the mirror, it does not see gold or ochre or tourmaline.

Three. Most believe that sunflowers move towards the light. I believe that light moves towards the sunflowers.

—  Christine Tierney, “Truths and Half-Truths About Sunflowers,” published in Pismire

day 1.
you look outside. the sky is blue. you know this. this specific frequency of light is called blue and that is the sky. you know this, but you are numb. the sky seems to be crashing down.

day 2.
you will leave your bed today. in an hour. two maybe. you will leave your bed tomorrow.

day 3.
you will leave your bed today. you need to shower. and eat. you will leave your bed today. you sleep a dreamless sleep. shower can wait.

day 5.
was air always this cold in the mornings? or maybe you no longer have thick skin. maybe the wind blows through the cracks to the very marrow of your bones. maybe this is how it feels to be fragments.

day 7.
the bruise on you neck fades. you stare at the mirror for an hour, trying to glimpse just a trace.

day 10.
you think there was a time you could listen to people and understand what they were saying. not anymore. everyone knows you can’t hold a conversation under water.

day 11. 
you used to share coffee. you finish it this morning. you feel sick. maybe caffeine was never your thing.

day 12.
your mother thinks you should put all of his things in a box. she doesn’t understand you can’t imagine holding them again.

day 15.
you delete his texts. no, there are no words that would make this better.

day 20. 
you laugh. the joke is corny, but you laugh anyway, and it feels a little bit like your core is starting to heal. 

day 21.
you cry. seeing him feels a little bit like your lungs are beginning to bleed.

day 25.
did you love having carrot cake on sundays, or did you just love the way he loved it?

day 27.
the concert tickets arrive. you forgot there was a time you made plans. you throw them in the trash.

day 35.
you put his things in the box. not everything. not the photos. you think your tears got less salty over the last five weeks. is that a thing?

day 36. 
your mother changes your sheets. they don’t feel fresh. they feel like end. you don’t sleep. you text him. you never look at the reply.

day 40.
you see him. you breathe. the world does not shatter.

day 41.
there is a beauty in the morning sun.

day 42.
you miss carrot cake.

day 47.
you put the photos in the box without looking. 

day 48.
you see him with a  girl. you stare. you can’t look away. you drink until the world is spinning.

day 49.
bathroom tiles under your cheek. you cannot keep doing this.

day 53.
you kiss a boy without a name. you cry after.

day 69.
the boy without a name has a name, and it makes your heart tingle.

day 70.
the sky is blue. beneath the clouds. you can feel it on your skin. the warmth that comes with healing.

day 85.
you open the box and look at the photos. it hurts in a place you cannot name. it makes a storm rage inside your head. but you know yourself well, you are your own tether; you are a survivor.

day 90.
the boy without a name is nameless again. you are ok. you feel the life pulsing through your veins. you are ok.

day 98.
you order decaf and a carrot cake. you read a book in the window of your new favourite cafe. you are alone, but not afraid. you are learning to love the person you’ve become.

—  marina v., the post breakup becoming.
1. Try every food you’re offered, at least once. It won’t kill you.
2. Never pass up the chance to spend time with people. You’ll be around as long as you live; your friends and family will not.
3. Be okay with yourself. If you don’t think that’s possible, find a way.
4. Find your passion, however long it takes. Don’t stop chasing it.
5. Learn how to work with all types of people – those you cannot stand, those you’ve never met, those to whom you are closest. All of these take patience, and all of these are necessary.
6. Suck it up and do what needs to be done.
7. If you’re in a rut, get out. Never forget that you have a choice.
8. Try to love everyone. You will not succeed. Try anyway.
9. Allow yourself to complain, but do not make a habit of it. It’s crucial to release your pent-up frustration, but if you never stop talking about your problems you will never be able to get past them.
10. There’s no such thing as awkwardness.
11. Look at the stars as often as possible, and bask in the beauty of the multitudes above you. Don’t let the world tell you there is not enough time.
12. There’s a difference between love and loneliness. It will take ages of mistaking loneliness for love for you to learn that they are not the same, but do not let yourself believe that love does not exist. Be patient.
13. If you’re in a crowded room and you feel the walls close in on you, look around you. Watch someone for a moment and you will see that they are just humans, they are just you.
14. Listen to people.
15. Listen harder. Understand.
16. Don’t be afraid of the strength of your emotions. Feeling deeply hurts, but feeling nothing is infinitely worse.
17. You will spend your whole life redefining your beliefs. Stay flexible.
18. Allow the world to be what you need it to be. It only exists the way you see it – make it as big or as small as you want. Travel everywhere you can, talk to people outside of your comfort zone, open your eyes and never, ever shut them. The universe in infinite, baby, and you are a part of it for only so long. Absorb every moment.
—  Eighteen lessons to learn by eighteen
1. I can’t believe you’re gone, I want to sleep until someone pinches me awake with an April fools smile on their face because they’re lying, I know it.
2.The service was beautiful, everyone cried when your mother read us the letter you wrote your last words to but why was it even needed, you should have told me when you could. I’m angry at you for leaving me alone and angry at myself for being so selfish.
3.I shouted your name across the bridge on Winter street today, that rusting blue one we used to smoke unfiltered cigarettes under when we fifteen and convinced of our coolnes. I don’t think it remembered me.
4. Josh misses you. We all do and today was his birthday, he’s grown up so much baby, you should see him.
5. I got angry at your God when someone handed me a flyer on forgiveness because they should be asking me for some, not the other way round but I know you loved Him and I’m trying to remember that when my praying hands become fists pounding against the wall.
6. I got a tattoo of a bird on my chest in the hope it’ll remind me to let go every once in a while, I didn’t think you’d mind I used your drawing.
7. That girl you met in hospital died this morning, her mother just called choking on tears and I didn’t have the words to give that would stop them.
8. I haven’t stopped writing sad poetry since you left.
9. Jake is marrying Emily tomorrow. They asked me to be part of the wedding but I couldn’t because they’re all going to be so happy and I can’t stop crying because he’s your brother, and you should be the maid of honour, and we should be getting drunk on the steps afterwards together toasting their happiness in vodka.
10. I’m sorry for all the things I never had the time to say to you and for not looking at your art work because I had a paper to write. I’m sorry I put people before you because I always assumed you’d be there to come back to at the end of the day.
11. Why the fuck did you have to die, we were supposed to be nineteen and invincible.
12. There’s still days I wake up hearing you call my name and it opens healing wounds like a knife, and I am haunted by the idea I could have saved you and you’re screaming in my dreams.
13. I bought a puppy today, the doctor thinks it’ll be a nice outlet for me to try to care for something you’ve never touched or laid eyes on. I’ve called him Atlas because he’s carrying my world on his tiny little shoulders now.
14. I drank too much coffee today, and it tasted like the last kiss you gave me, bitter and longing, I had four more until the strings in my heart tripped over themselves.
15. It’s been three hundred and sixty five days since your heart stopped beating a love song to your bones. I hope you don’t mind that I’m getting drunk.
16. You had no right to make me love you and not love yourself enough for us to be together, you had no right to think I’d be better off without you, I’m not. I’ve spent eighteen months trying to scrub your fingers from my skin and unwind the memory of you from my mind.
17. There’s more drugs in my veins than I am proud of right now and you’re still stitched into them like cancer.
18. I don’t know how to stop being broken and I’m twenty one on Sunday and you didn’t just die, I think I did too.
19. Is it okay if I come to find you?
—  A.S (Cemetery conversations).

i love bitter things:
poems that punch me in the gut,
and coffee without sugar;
movies that leave me feeling like the babylon burned at my feet;
hard, dark chocolate you have to melt on your tongue to taste;
vodka from my grandfather’s shot glass;
flowers about to die;
the moment of regret after the sun sets;
chipped nail polish
and blood-bitten lips.

i love bitter things.

—  marina v., a poem about a boy with voice like fire.

1. He created the world through His voice. With one breath, an empty void became the earth and light shown through darkness.

2. He flooded the world He created. He was too good for the evil and had the power to drown it out.

3. I imagine He grieved when they died. Like no matter how perfect He was, He still loved the vessels that harbored wickedness. I wonder if He mourned. I wonder if He was frustrated by those stubborn souls.

4. But He didn’t give up on us. Instead, He decided He never wanted to lose us again so He sent a sinless man to die for all sins. We failed Him so much He had to wipe us out clean, but now He can wipe us with His son’s blood to make us new.

5. He is love. He is beautiful, overwhelming, unexplainable, flaming, intensity, bigger than we can ever imagine yet humble enough to lift our small, short lives up. But He is also wrath, strength, ability, creator, artist, anger, determined, victor, defeater, the warrior to end all wars, and the mighty King of the coming kingdom.

6. He is not just the writer of your love story. He is the love story, the ultimate romancer, the man that slaughtered the beast and died to win your heart. 

7. He has more for you than your plans. There is a whole other life you haven’t passed into yet, with pleasures, treasures, and blessings you can’t even imagine. Don’t you know, you’re the reason He made the roads of heaven shimmering gold? And best of all, there is a seat placed just for you at His table.

8. But there is also a book with your name on it and that is the most frightening. We spend so much time celebrating what He does here and now, we forget He has the final judgement call and the judgement seat is for us all.

9. He loves us so much that the only way to truly live is to have Him in our lives. He is jealous for us, so jealous He would rather place us in a storm and hold us still than leave us comfortable and without need of Him.

10. We rely on how He makes us feel to know He is there, so He makes us numb until we just trust His plans. He could move the biggest mountains through you, if you simply believe He can do it. But sometimes believing in such power is the hardest part.

11. He wants us to be like Christ but Christ was murdered.

12. For it is written: “if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven will also forgive you your wrongdoing. [But if you don’t forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your wrongdoing.]”

13.He doesn’t care about how many verses in your bible you have highlighted, but if those verses are being applied to your life.

14. He embraces the gay man and rebukes those who don’t follow suit.

15.He laughs. He knows what we have done and will do and still wants to give us joy in the midst of sorrow. He is the God of the entire universe, but He has a sense of humor as well.

—  15 reasons why God should be feared - c.h.

i hate that i still think
you’re a good person.

i hate that there’s
nothing anyone could
ever say that would
convince me that
what you did was wrong.

i hate that you still
make me smile on the
bad days,
even if you’re the
clouds that are
bringing all the rain.

i hate that i still
love you.

i hate that nothing could
ever make me stop.

i fucking hate that i
would take you back in
a heartbeat.
i would still kiss back,
i would kiss you just once
and erase all 5 months
of progress that i’ve
made on forgetting the
taste of your lips.
i hate that i would ruin
it all for one last kiss.

i hate that my mother hates
my best friend does too.

i hate even more that i don’t
hate you.
i don’t hate you at all.

i hate that i keep forgiving
i hate it so much.

and god do i hate swimming
across oceans for someone
who wouldn’t even
move the umbrella over for
i hate giving and giving and
i hate giving my whole self

most of all though,
i hate that you will never
you will never get what
this feels like,
you will never understand
what it’s like to love you
and i hate that i just keep
loving you anyways.

and hey,
yeah i hate the things you do,
but never could i ever
begin to hate you.

—  twelve things i hate that come to mind when they say your name –