list of people i hate

eric in fanfics: DADDY AF, HAS A 1 FOOT DICK, POUNDS INTO YOU SO FAST THAT YOUR SOUL LITERALLY LEAVES YOUR BODY AND GETS TRANSPORTED INTO A PARALLEL UNIVERSE, DESTROYS YOUR UTERUS, MANGLES YOUR CLITORIS, FUCKS YOUR TIDDIES UP, ACTUAL SEX GOD IN THE FLESH, FIRST TIME YOU HAVE SEX YOU DIE AND YOUR PHYSICAL FORM DISINTEGRATES LEAVING ONLY A LOST SOUL WITHOUT A VESSEL

eric irl: uhghguhh hhwo do u put a uhhhh,,, condone?? on???? ssrouy i dk whher th vvageterian & clinkclonkdingdong is @ FUKC i ccan t do thsi im a failure sry bbygrill ;((((

Be my Queen- Part One

Summary- You and Loki have been friends since childhood. While your older sister Sif trained to fight with Thor, you were learning magic from Frigga alongside Loki. As you grow older both you and Loki believe the love you hold for one another is unrequited. Will this change when Thor is banished and Loki needs a queen to rule at his side while Odin sleeps? What will happen when you uncover a plot that will get Loki banished just like Thor?

Message- Reader is 7, Loki is 9. Sif is 12 and Thor is 13. Hela is an adult. Here’s part one! Hope you all like it! Sorry if it sucks.

Warning- there is a sort of spoiler for Thor: Ragnarok in this. Parents are arrested and reader is left abandoned. 

Background 

Word Count- 840

“But I want to play, too!” You huff.

“We are not playing, Y/N. Thor and I are training so we may one day ride into battle.” You sister Sif says.

“Then I shall train as well!” You squeal.

“No, you are too little.” Sif snaps.

“You are little, too! You are only 5 years older than me!” You huff as you cross your arms.

“You cannot come.” Sif says.

“But, Why?” You whine.

“Because I said so!” Sif snaps.

“Ugh, fine.” You mumble. “I will go look for Loki. Maybe he will play with me.” Then you run off, away from your sister. You end up wandering around the palace while looking for Loki. You were about to give up when you heard Queen Frigga.

“Just like that, Darling. Keep your mind focused.”

“Queen Frigga?” You ask as you knock on the door.

“Yes, Dear?”

“Have you seen Loki? I wanted to see if he would play with me.” You murmur.

“Come in, Dear. Loki is with me.” Frigga says. So you push the large door open.

“Hello, Lady Y/N.” Loki mumbles as he bows.

“Hello, Prince Loki!” You giggle. “Do you want to play?”

“I-I wish I could, but I am having my magic lesson with Mother.” Loki murmurs.

“Oh, maybe later then. Sorry to bother you.” You say as you move to leave.

“Y/N, Dear, would you like to learn, as well?” Frigga asks.

“Truly?” I am allowed? I am not too little?” You ask excitedly.

“That is the beauty of magic, my dear. It does not matter if you are big or small, male or female, rich or poor as long as you are willing to work at it you can become unstoppable.” Frigga says.

“I would like for you to teach me, please!” You squeal excitedly.

“Very well. But you must promise to come to every lesson and try your hardest.” Frigga says.

“I promise.” You say, in a very solemn voice.

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Gendry: “I can’t fight but I have this hammer and it kills people so yeah…”

Arya: “I can fight and kill people with my bare hands…”

Gendry: “Awww sweetie, we DO match!”

Arya: *blushes* “Well, I did start a list too. Of the people you hate… I thought I was being a little selfish with a list just for myself…”

Gendry: “Awww look! You even put the Brotherhood on it!”

Arya: “I just know how much you hate them.”

Gendry: “You know me so well… I DO hate them don’t I?”

“But she looked way better before she put all that makeup on!!”
And you looked way better before you opened your mouth and let your irrelevant opinion fall out

me: hey look at this picture i took today

friend: nice [swipes right]

me: [smiles while reading fan fiction]

parent: [leans over shoulder] who are you talking to

me: [writing headcanons for my otp on tumblr]

teacher: [squints] is that your essay

Staying Quiet- Part One

Tony Stark x Daughter! Reader

Tony Stark x Steve Rogers

Summary- The reader was made from Tony’s DNA (and an unknown inhuman). Fury brings her to Tony after the civil war.  The reader is 5 and doesn’t speak due to the trauma she has faced in her life. But Tony finds out she can control machines.

Message- There is going to be a part two that includes more Stony.

Word Count- 1103

“So she’s my..?” Tony whispers.

“Daughter. Yeah.” Fury says and Tony just stares at you with wide eyes. “I thought it best to bring her to you, but if you don’t want to deal with this…”

“No, I-I’ll take her. W-What’s her…?” Then he turns to you and kneels down in front of you. “What’s your name, sweetie.” You just blink up at him, unsure of his intentions.

“She doesn’t speak, her file says her name is Y/N.” Fury says. “We don’t know much about her, the group that created her deleted most of the files, before we could get there. Here’s what we could find.” Fury finishes as he hands Tony a file. The two men shook hands and Fury left, leaving you alone with your Dad.

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You Want a Divorce?

Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary/ Request- Okay so what about a one shot where you seem to be hiding secrets from your Husband! Bucky and he becomes suspicious and spies on you and misinterprets that you’re cheating on him

Message- Here’s the next request! Sorry they’re coming out so slowly!

Word Count- 919

When you had first started acting suspicious Bucky hadn’t said anything. You had closed yourself off and barley left the lab. Then one day you left the compound with Tony. Bucky hadn’t really thought anything of it at the time, but then the two of you left again and Tony was always giving you these strange looks that you would pretend to not notice.

“Do-do you think Y/N is cheating on me?” Bucky asks Sam and Steve.

“No, she loves you so much, Buck.” Steve says.

“Why do you think that?” Sam asks.

“S-She’s just been acting odd lately. She and Tony have been going out and she’s been spending more and more time with Tony in the lab. Maybe I just need to go talk to her.” Bucky stammers.

“Yeah, I think you should.” Sam says and Steve nods in agreement. So Bucky saunters out of the room towards the lab.

“You need to tell Bucky.” Tony says and Bucky stops in his tracks.

“I know.” He hears you sigh. “I-It’s just. I’m scared. What if, what if he-.”

“Hey, we’ve talked about this. You can’t freak out until you talk to him.” Tony says. That’s all Bucky needs to hear, he runs to the room the two of you share. You were afraid of him, afraid of what he would do to you when you told him that you no longer loved him. Bucky slammed his fist into the wall and started to sob. He sat on the floor for hours, crying and crying. Then he heard you open the door, he hastily whipped his tears away and turned to you, giving you a forced smile.

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anonymous asked:

do you have any favorite build cc?

ok so i don’t really have that much build mode cc so i just picked a few of my favorite things from buy mode

1. Neon peace sign

2.  S2 Ikea Chair

3. Old Mill Ivy

4. Bubble lamp

5. Trunk coffee table

6. City living posters

7. Wall microwaves

8. Potted-piary Plant

9. Felt letter board

10. Faceted floor lamp

You Don’t Deserve Her

Bucky Barnes x Plus Sized!Reader x Wanda Maximoff

Summary- The reader works in the lab and is Tony’s best friend. She was getting close to Bucky and Wanda, before they started to date and then they start to ignore the reader.  So she starts to stick closer to Tony, which only makes things worse.

Message- Sorry if this sucks!

WARNING- reader is used to being pushed aside.

Word Count- 1287

               You were used to not being picked, it’s something that has been happening all of your life, so you weren’t exactly shocked when your crushes Bucky and Wanda started dating each other. You did your best to be happy for them, mentally prepping to be the third wheel for all of your movie nights and trips to different places. So it had stung when they stopped inviting you places, you hadn’t even noticed at first. But then they started to sit away from you at dinner and when you would walk into a room they would leave it.

“I-I don’t know what I did.” You sob into Tony’s shoulder.

“They’re just being jerks. They’re too wrapped up in their new relationship to-.” Tony starts.

“To notice me. Yeah I know. Story of my life.” You whimper.

“I know, it sucks. Hey, I’ll marry you if you want. Then we’ll both have someone who puts us first for once.” Tony says and you laugh.

“We can do that without getting married, plus I don’t think Pepper would appreciate me stealing her man.” You say.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Tony murmurs. “Can I sleep in your room tonight?”

“Why do you even bother asking anymore? You know my answer will always be yes.” You laugh and Tony shrugs. For the last couple months Tony had been sleeping in your room, claiming that you where snuggly and that cuddling helped with his nightmares. It was nice, sleeping next to someone.

“Let’s go out to dinner tonight, somewhere posh.” Tony says suddenly, pulling you from your thoughts.

“Okay, just give me an hour to get ready.” You say and you give him a quick kiss on his cheek before leaving the lab. You go to your room and get ready. Looking carefully through your closet, you finally decide on what you want to wear. After you finish getting ready you take a moment to glance at yourself in the mirror. You look good.

“The Boss wants to know if you’re ready yet.” FRIDAY says.

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G/t holiday ideas
  • Get a candle from the giants, steal if you have to
    • This may be hard to do, it might involve a gladiator style battle with lion (cat) 
    • Melt it down to make enough candles so that every family you know has at least one multiple of 44 candles 
  • Get a chocolate coin from the giants
    • melt THAT down and make lots of small chocolate coins. Use the original foil wrapper to wrap them back up
    • Have the kids gamble using the coins and a very large spinning top
  • Do not attempt to ride the spinning top, it looks fun, but you will regret it
  • A bottle cap and toothpick make very good props to re-enact a rebellion and brutal battle
    • if you have giant friends, dress up their hands and battle them
    • they will play the greeks, since obviously you are the small band of rebels who triumph in this story against the much larger, more trained, better equipped army
    • bonus points if some paint their hands grey to look like armored elephants 
  • Get stupid drunk on overly sweet wine with your giant friends
  • Unless you are inviting a giant, ONE REGULAR RUSSET POTATO WILL BE MORE THAN ENOUGH!
  • Humor a giant by acting sufficiently scared when they “prove” they can crush rocks but really it was just an egg

Repeat for 8 nights 

What Happens to One

Steve Rogers x Reader x Bucky Barnes

Summary- In a world where you feel everything that happens to your soulmates, you drew the short straw.

Message- the reader is enhanced like Steve.This didn’t really come out how I wanted it to. Should I do a part 2? Sorry if it sucks!

Warning- self injurious behavior. Chronic pain- kinda

Word Count- 1499

You had never known a life without pain or cold. When you were born you screamed like every other baby, but what set you apart was the fact that you never stopped screaming and you were cold. It didn’t matter how warm the room, or how many blankets your parents covered you with. As you grew, you noticed that your left arm always felt funny. Sometimes you would fall to the ground and seize, it felt like there was electricity coursing through your body. You were also strong, like really, really strong. You were fast, and all of your senses were enhanced, too. It didn’t take long for your parents to figure out that you must have more than one soulmate, because no one person would be able to handle all of that pain.

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8

∞  list of fictional characters MARTHA JONES (Doctor Who)

-What does the legend say?

–That you sailed the Atlantic, walked across America. That you were the only person to get out of Japan alive. “Martha Jones,” they say, “she’s gonna save the world.”

I know this is old news but I’m going to rant anyway


I’ve made a few comments on this “relationship” in the beginning and then right at the end, but seeing this just sparked up a whole new thing.  It doesn’t change my opinion at all about Taylor Swift. In fact, it probably makes it even more solid.  I knew from the beginning that her relationship with Tom was just a rebound because only douches get in a relationship only after JUST breaking up with someone else.  I knew she was just using him because in every picture that was taken of them, she was smiling at the paparazzi. Take the picture above for example.  And then it was ridiculous that the excuse she came up with when they broke up was how she was uncomfortable because they were in the spotlight too much.  No.  Tom Hiddleston is THE most private person when it comes to his personal life.  SHE was the one who was exposing him and making their relationship public. On top of that, making him wear stupid shirts that said I ❤️ TS.  

It makes me sad that she had to use him.  I don’t know him personally but hearing stories from people who havemet him, he’s one of the most genuine, kind-hearted people out there and he was just a play thing to her.  Who uses people like that?  Who uses people in general, I mean come on!  She’s immature and petty and genuinely a mean person.  Doesn’t matter how many fans she invited to her house for a private listen to her new CD, doesn’t matter if she ends world hunger or whatever, you know how a person truly is when they’re not trying to show off to the world.  She’s fake and she puts on this act.  She wants people to believe that she’s this innocent person whose always the victim.  It’s old and annoying.  

I’m aware that Tom is a grown man and he can make up his own decisions and he can date whoever he wants, but I honestly don’t think he went into this knowing she was just using him.  If she knew it wasn’t going to work out, she shouldn’t have pursued a relationship to begin with and I hope at the end of it he realized was an evil-spirited person she is.  I truly feel sorry for any man who ever dates her.  She can drag them through her hell all she wants.  It’s amazing how she still ends up in relationships, honestly.  It’s quite obvious that she’s a psycho, and I’m sure they prepare themselves to have a song written after them when the relationship goes to shit.  

I hope she ends up alone for the rest of her life with nothing but her cats.  That’s still probably being too kind.

You Speak Russian?

Bucky Barnes x Reader x Natasha Romanoff

Summary- You have been Tony’s assistant for several years now. Through this you met the loves of your life, Bucky and Natasha. But you’ve been keeping a secret from them, you speak Russian.

Message- Here’s my next poly-one-shot! Sorry if it sucks!

Italicized = Russian

Word Count- 903

You’ve been living a lie for the last 5 years. It wasn’t a big lie, but it was a lie none the less. It had all started innocently enough, well not innocent on their part, but it was on yours. When you had first met Bucky and Tasha, they just assumed you couldn’t speak Russian. They would talk about you while you were in the room. It started out as them calling you cute, but then it started to escalate. They would talk about all the things they would do to you if they ever got you in their bed. It took everything in you to not react and you were glad you never did react, because it gave you a secret upper hand that they didn’t know about.  Like right now.

“We should talk to her about slowing down, maybe just working part time.” Tasha whispers over your “sleeping” body.

That’s a good idea. All the stress from running around after Tony can’t be good for the baby.” Bucky murmurs as he rubs his hand along your baby bump.

Do you think she’ll go for it?” Tash asks.

Absolutely not. She’ll throw a huge fit.” Buck says.

We’ll just tag team her. Hit her at the right moments, like when she’s tired after lunch.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Bucky murmurs as he leans over you to give Tasha a kiss.

“Are you starting something without me?” You ask as you ‘wake up’.

“We would never dream of such a thing.” Tash says as the two of them break apart. She then angles her head so she can kiss you, then you turn to kiss Bucky.

“How are you feeling this morning?” Bucky asks.

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Like Father, Like Daughter

Tony Stark x Daughter!Reader

Summary/ Request- Tony and daughter one shot where they take care of each other like they make sure the other eats and is actually happy.

Message- Here’s one of the requests to celebrate 1000 followers! This is from @thegirlwiththestories

Word Count- 601

You were the illegitimate daughter of Tony Stark. No one knew who your mother was, she signed away her parental rights the moment she had you. Your father loved you, anyone with eyes could see that. You were like him too, you got lost in your work, and you forgot to eat and sleep. The only difference is where your Dads head was filled with schematics for weapons and innovative technology, yours was filled with universes and adventure that didn’t exist. You were an author and a good one at that, but that’s a given, Starks are good at everything. You were praised by critics, they called you the next Austin, Bronte or Rowling.

Hello, Miss Stark.” Jarvis says as you walk into the newly renovated tower. You had been on a book tour during the Attack on New York and you were just returning.

“Hey Jarvis. Where’s Dad?” You ask.

“He is in the lab, but Sir is not to be disturbed.” Jarvis says. “But the team is in the common area.”

“Thanks, Jar.” You say as you walk into the common room.

“Umm…Hello, Ma’am.” Steve says as he stands from where he’s sitting.

“Huh, so Dad was telling the truth. Welcome to the 21st century, Spangles.” You say.

“Oh my God, you’re the girl version of Tony.” Clint murmurs.

“That’s what they tell me.” You say as you move to the fridge to grab your Dad some food and water. “I’m going to go see my Dad.”

“He has the lab locked down. No one can get in.” Natasha says.

“Jarvis, override code- the best Stark.”  You say as you roll your eyes.

“You have been granted access, Miss.” Jarvis says.

“Thank You.” You say. “It was nice meeting you all.” You call over your shoulder as you move out of the room.

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The Joker x Reader - “No Names” Part 3

When The Joker told you he found somebody else, your world shattered to pieces. But what hurt the most was the fact that he didn’t even bother to come around and see his little girls; very hard to find excuses on why their father is missing, especially when the triplets adore him. And extremely hard to cope with the gloomy future after you found out some details that might explain his estrangement.

Part 1: http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/164355559106/the-joker-x-reader-no-names-part-1

Part 2:http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/164854110621/the-joker-x-reader-no-names-part-2

“Mommy’s going to have another baby,” Evie whispers in Frost’s ear. He’s on the couch, waiting to drive all of you to the beach house.

“Really?” he pretends not to know, even if the triplets keep on repeating the old news every time they see him.

“Yes, it’s a girl,” Mia giggles, climbing in his lap. Emma abandons her toys and gets on the couch, starting to play with Jonny’s hair. “Daddy says he’ll have another pretty doll added to his collection,” she continues to stoke Frosts’ hair and the other two agree.

“U-hum, Daddy said she’ll be cute like us,” Mia’s eyes get big with anticipation. “I can’t wait to see her; I’ll take care of my little sister,” she decides.

“That’s great!” Jonny praises, helping Mia mount his other knee. “You will be an awesome babysitter.”

“No, I’ll take care of her!” Emma sulks while Evie whimpers, unhappy:

“No, I will!”

The inevitable bickering begins while Frost attempts to calm down the spirited little girls.

“I’m telling mommy,” Mia pushes Evie’s head.

“I’m telling daddy!” she fights back, trying to slap her sister.

“I’m telling both!” Emma pouts and you enter the living room, followed by The Joker.

“Hey, what’s going on? Why are you shouting?” you crinkle your nose and the siblings abandon their current preoccupation and run to both parents, explaining why they should take of the little one after she’s born.

“You can all take care of her, OK?” J replies, grumpy from the terrible headache he woke up with this morning. He took some pills to help out with that but no relief so far. Of course the migraine is a side effect due to all the medications he’s on; never ending issues: one thing leading to another.

There’s protesting, ponytails are being pulled, plus some more pushing around and eventually the turmoil fades once everybody steps in the elevator. The excitement of playing in the sand makes things better no matter what.

*************

The girls are having fun on the beach and you joined your boyfriend on the terrace, relaxing in the huge hammock under the canopy. His head is resting in your lap, waiting for the remedy to work: you had to give him an extra dose for the migraine since the pain didn’t go away with the usual fix.

“How come there’s only one Princess in here?” J grumbles, caressing your tummy; not too big for now since you are just 5 months pregnant.

“I don’t know, but it’s exciting, isn’t it?” you cheerfully ask, knowing he’s in a bad mood.

“Yeah, it is, but only one?! I think I’m losing my touch…” he sighs and it makes you laugh:

“I doubt that’s the reason.”

He’s still frowning so you want to distract him somehow.

“You know what J ?”

“What?”

“I wanted to ask you to marry me so many times,” you smile, confessing to the actual truth.

“Why didn’t you?” The Joker looks at you, suddenly interested at your revelation.

“Well, I figured that if you wanted to marry me, you would have asked.”

“True,” he admits and you punch his shoulder.

“Not the answer I was expecting, can’t you be sweet for once?!”
“I’m always sweet; the sweetest guy ever!”

“No… you’re not,” you take a deep breath and he agrees:

“Yeah…I’m not…”

You watch the children playing for a little bit and he realizes you’re still upset.

“Pumpkin?”

“Yes?” you twirl the green strands of hair around your fingers, absent minded.

“After I die and I get to the gates of hell, you know what I’m gonna say?”

You immediately want to protest against his statement but J continues.

“I’ll tell them my woman did a lot of bad things, but she should go to a better place: she put up with me and had my children so she shouldn’t follow me there. Umm…why are you crying? It’s supposed to make you laugh,” The Joker bites on his lip, confused, oblivious at your emotions. “Is it the hormones?”

“N-no…” you sniffle, struggling to bend over to kiss his forehead. “This is probably the sweetest thing that ever came out of your mouth.”

“Told you I’m a sweet guy, “ J smirks, victorious. “Are you gonna miss me?” he kisses your wrist and it makes you sadder.

“Not even for a second,” the shaky voice announces.

“Good, you shouldn’t,” he mumbles, closing his eyes and enjoying the cool breeze on his face. “But at least you’ll be left behind with my heart. Umm…can you stop crying? I’m referring to the tattoo, Kitten, all right?” J slides up your body, getting comfortable by your side. “Why are you so hormonal?” he glances at the design he was referring to, pretending not to understand your feelings.

The Joker has playing cards symbols tattooed on his fingers: spades, diamonds and clubs, but he’s missing the heart—you are the one that has the missing symbol inked on your skin, right on top of where your heart is, with the writing under it: “Mister J’s.”

“You always misunderstand what I’m saying, Y/N,” he grumbles, kind of uneasy at your tears. “Cut it out…” but his threat doesn’t even sound harsh. “What am I going to do with you, hm?… “ he wonders and wipes your cheeks which prompts more tears coming out and you cuddling to his chest.

“If you leave me I’ll never talk to you again,” the rant starts without any warning.

“Oh my God, you promise?” and you giggle through tears while the top of your head is getting covered in soft kisses. “Hey,” he gets your attention, “I don’t want you to sleep with anybody else after I die; I really think you should consider becoming a nun.”

You elbow him, laughing and crying in the same time:

“You’re an idiot,” you kiss him and J has some words for you:

“Nobody calls me that, Pumpkin! Except Godzilla,” he’s fast to add, knowing how much you hate the nickname. “Not a single soul dares fucking with the big creature.”

“Such a horrible man,” you whimper, distracted by his antiques.

“Thank you, I was hoping you’ll notice,” and he’s so satisfied with himself that he finally realizes the headache is gone. “Wanna make out?” the proposition follows and it earns criticism.

“I thought we already kind of were…”

“I was working on it, you just keep on crying! But anyway, fair warning: I don’t think I can do more than that. To my eternal shame, I’m pretty drained from my meds and I doubt more will happen,” he snarls in your ear, self-conscious about the problem.

“I just want to kiss you and hold you, honey,”  you imitate his voice and J rolls his eyes and yanks at your almost inexistent waist.
“Are you using my own line?! It’s mine, find your own! And I wouldn’t be so quick to mock: you fell for it every single time; that’s how we got the kids, “ J  snickers, reminding you about the truth. “Sooo easy to trick,” he keeps on going, excited he can tease.

“Are you going to talk all day ?!” you inquire because he won’t shut up.

“I can talk for weeks,” the cocky remark bluntly comes to an end when The Joker gulps, his fingers clinging to your dress. “Shit…muscle spasms,” he groans, the pain taking over.

“Hold on!” you jump off the hammock, running inside for the treatment.

“You’re pretty fast for a pregnant woman!” J yells, trying to contain the agonizing ache taking over every inch of his being. You get back to him in a flash, worried about his condition.

“Here, take the pills,” you hand him over 3 of them with a glass of water, hoping they will work soon. J pulls you back next to him; it makes him feel better. He shivers under the pressure of his muscles involuntary contracting and digs his fingers in your back. It hurts so badly because he doesn’t realize how strong his hold is but you don’t make a sound. You’ll probably end up with bruises again, yet The Joker doesn’t do it intentionally.

His shrieky breath worries you even if this happens often.

“Do you want to go inside? It’s getting dark out here. The kids played all day, time to eat and get them ready for bed. You think you can move?”

“No, not yet,” J admits, moaning from discomfort as soon as he attempts to lift his head up.

“That’s ok, we’ll wait for a little bit then,” and you peck his temple, wishing you could take the pain away.

“What are you still doing here?” he interrupts, struggling to speak.

“Well, I’m not going inside either until you can move.”

“No, why are you still here?”

You faked not understanding what he meant but now you can’t go around the answer.

“Where else I am supposed to be? I belong here.”

***************

The triplets whined until they were allowed to sleep in the master bedroom with you two. They all passed out in a matter of minutes, the small bodies curled up against yours. J is better because the meds worked, but he wasn’t able to eat anything and you hate it: he is skinnier as it is, doesn’t need to lose more weight.

“Read to me, Princess,” he stretches and repositions himself closer to you, this way he can play with your long hair.

“Let’s see what we have here,” you reach for the two books on the night stand. “We have Shelley and his love poems plus Poe and his morbid stuff,” you whisper since the girls are asleep.

“Morbid!” J is quick to choose.

“We’ll go with love,” you wink and he puffs, annoyed:

“Yuck!”

You ignore him and search for some of your favorites when he unexpectedly turns your face towards him. The Joker stares at you, debating on what he is about to utter.

“I have a list… a secret list in my mind with people I don’t hate…”

“You do?” you smile, shifting his way since it seems important; you can tell.

“Yes, and…umm… stop smiling! You and the girls didn’t make the cut!” J puckers his lips, irritated at his own disclosure.

“Oohh, that’s sad… Who’s on the list then?” you nuzzle in his neck, kissing it.

“Just Godzilla and some loud brats,” he spits out in a hurry and you giggle.

“Do they have names?” you curiously check.

“No, no names…”

“Lucky them,” you exhale, cupping his face. “Too bad me and our children are not on the list.”

J doesn’t reply and you let go, returning to your book and starting to read with such a soothing voice he relaxes right away. By the fourth poem he’s out cold and you spend another hour gazing at him, thinking how much you wish he could live forever.

***************

“Morning, baby,” you yawn and touch his shoulder. “The girls have been up for a while, I’ll make coffee and breakfast should arrive soon. OK?… … …Hey, did you hear me?” you ask, panicking when he doesn’t open his eyes after you shake him. “Baby, wake up!”

But he didn’t wake up, not even after you gave him the emergency adrenaline shot. His doctors arrived at your hideout in a hurry, confirming your worst fear: The Joker slipped into a coma and there is no way to know if/when he will come out of it. The news broke your heart and it was very difficult to explain to the triplets:

“Daddy…won’t wake up anymore,” and you try so hard not to cry. “But he might at one point and in the meantime we’ll pretend he’s awake and continue to speak to him, allright?”

The kids looked at each other, then at you, then at him, not comprehending the severity of what was announced to them.

“Is daddy very tired?” Evie asks, puzzled.

“Yes, honey, he is, that’s why he’s resting,” you sadly smile, checking his IV line. Since J can’t take oral medications anymore, everything was converted to liquids, including the nutrients he needs. You decided to stay at the beach because he loves the ocean and maybe hearing the waves crashing on the beach might help.

“What is this?” Emma walks in the front of the heart monitor that keeps on beeping, which prompts the other two siblings to do the same.

“That’s daddy’s heart,” you explain so they can understand.

“Waaahhh,” Mia is amazed and gets on her toes to see better. She kisses the screen, snickering, followed by her sisters.

Such innocence, you think, wiping a rebel tear.

“Who wants to give daddy a massage?” the offer gets their attention and they all jump on the bed, fighting.
“Me!”

“No, me!”

“Your nurses will oblige your every whim,” you peck his forehead. “If they are too loud, you just have to wake up and say so… … …No? Well then, I guess you’ll have to deal with your daughters chewing your ears off. Enjoy!”

– “Oh my God, she’s kicking so hard! I think she may have a party going on in here,” you keep his right hand on your bump since the other one is hooked to the IV pole. “I am pretty big now, almost there with the pregnancy. You’re missing on the fun…” you keep on yapping like you always do. Sometimes you even answer for him.

“Don’t you wanna ask me if I’m auditioning for Godzilla’s part in the next movie?…No…? It’s your opportunity to tease me again, I know you want to…Wow, that’s a first! How come you’re so mellow? Rawwrrr!” you roar, even if you know it’s no use. “Hey, that was pretty funny, you can at least laugh… Uhhhh…” you give up, glaring at the spinning fan on the ceiling. “You’ve been like this for almost 4 months, aren’t’ you bored? You get bored easily… … … Anyway, I’m gonna read you something now. Morbid or love?”

After no reaction from his side, you decide.

“We’ll go with morbid, your favorite. Stephen King or Poe?… … … Poe you say? Your wish is my command,” and you start reading to him, being so tired you can barely see the words.

– “I think I’ll have to find me another boyfriend,” you huff, injecting his weekly shot in his arm. “I am not becoming a nun so I will have to sleep with somebody else. If you don’t agree, you just have to wake up and say so… … … No? I thought you cared. Oh, well, your loss,” and then the remorse takes over.

“I’m not going to find another boyfriend, ok? You’re lucky I like you…” and looking at his face makes you aware of how much you miss him. “If you want to let go…you can…” you bite your cheek, sniffling but you change your mind in an instant. “If you dare doing this to me and the girls, I’ll hate you forever! I’m not joking!!” 

– You are so worn out you fell asleep at the dinner table. Your people brought over food and you took a few bites, then just dozed off. The girls didn’t notice but Frost did since he was there. He had to carry you in the bedroom and tucked you in. That’s when he decided he should speak up. The next day you heard about it:

“Y/N, you need help.”

“With what?”

“You’re exhausted: you’ll have your baby soon, you’re taking care of the girls and Mister J. There are so many of us, we can help you.”

“This is my family, my responsibility, got it?” you raise your voice, irked.

“I wasn’t suggesting otherwise,” Jonny pacifies your outburst. “But if you get sick, Mister J will kill us all.”

You bite on your nails and he has a suggestion:

“Would you prefer…just me to help with Mister J?”

You softly sigh, indirectly answering his question:

“It’s…it’s hard for me to turn him.”
“I can do that,” he nods and you agree by not replying.

**************

“Here’s your new Princess,” you place the newborn on his chest, wrapping his arm around her and holding it in place since he can’t do it himself. “ She is absolutely adorable, don’t you want to see her?… … … Open your eyes and look at your daughter…No? Hm, that’s pretty heartless, even for you. Oh, wait, never mind, I have your heart, I forgot,” you look down the cleavage at your tattoo. “Still, this is no excuse…I decided on the name Amelia and we can go with Amy from there. If you don’t like the name, all you have to do is wake up and tell me so… … Going once, going twice….Amelia it is then,” you kiss the little head then his lips.

– The triplets are mesmerized by the new addition to the family. They all want to hold her and be her favorite. They get in such fights and it drives you nuts, but in a good way.

“This is my sister!” Evie struggles to get in front of the line formed around the crib. (The crib is in the master bedroom because you want The Joker to hear his little girl.)

“No, she’s mine!” Mia slaps Evie’s hand, trying to climb inside.

“No-oooo, Amelia’s mine!” Emma takes over and the newborn fusses from the ruckus.

“Ssssttt, don’t wake her up!” you admonish the triplets and they listen, disappointed they can’t play with their new favorite toy.

– When Amy cries at night, you gently kick J.

“It’s your turn, go!… … Don’t try to get out of it!… No?… You owe me big!” and you get out of bed, dragging your feet on the floor, wishing you could nap more than 2 hours at a time. “Your turn to be on diaper duty, Mister King of Gotham,” you point out, upset. “Don’t think I don’t know you are doing this on purpose to skip your turn! So rude…” you mutter, actually being upset because the new meds J is on don’t do too much so far and he’s still in a coma. Very frustrating. There is no cure for his disease, but at least you want him awake.

“You know what? I’m leaving you! I’m taking Amelia and the triplets and we’re out of here! See how you like to be alone!” you threaten, mad at everything, finishing up your task. You suddenly realize the heart monitor intensified its beeping and you freeze. You place her back in the crib and rush to his side. His chest is going up and down fast and you hold his hand, distressed.

“Did you hear me?… Baby, did you hear me?… We’re not leaving, I was just saying! Calm down, we’re not going anywhere…” you start kissing his face all over. It takes about 5 more minutes before the heartbeat goes back to normal.

The doctors couldn’t guarantee that his reaction was due to your ultimatum but they said it’s not impossible. That was the first feedback you ever got since the morning he didn’t wake up anymore.

– You slide the wedding band on his ring finger, taking advantage of the state he’s in and you’re not even sorry.

“There, if you don’t want it, have the courage to say it to my face. If you don’t protest, I am thinking that you want it…Yes?… Well, then, you can keep it. Looks sexy on you, I must state the obvious here. … … Did you add Amelia to that list of yours? You should…unless she won’t make the cut either…I wish you would open your eyes to see how cute she is. Don’t you miss all of us? I assume you do but you are too stubborn to do something about it…” and you continue, briefing The Joker about the plans you’ve been working on for a while. “Tonight we raid “Excell” laboratories, they are experimenting on a medication I want for you… But the catalyst that it needs to be combined with it’s made in Japan; we’ll definitely get that one too as soon as possible. Don’t worry about a thing, I told you: you will live forever. Babysit the girls, ok? You’ll have help from our men, just in case…“

– Your henchmen are scattered all over the building, scavenging everything they can get their hands on. You can’t be in there for too long; even if you took care of the alarm, you can’t risk lingering in the medical facility.

You broke into the lab alone and found what you needed; just stashed the vials in a suitcase when you realize you are being watched from the far corner of the room.

“Of course you would show up, you always know, don’t you?” you back out, pointing your gun at The Batman. He doesn’t say a word, but takes a few steps towards you.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you,” and that crazy grin on your face makes him halt. “We are getting out of here and I am taking this with me ! Don’t even dream about being a hero tonight!”

Suddenly, explosions are heard in the distance, and they are coming closer and closer until a big detonation shakes the building, making the windows crack.

“That was close,” you chuckle. “Across the street to be precise.”

Alarms start blaring in the background, turmoil and chaos fastly increasing on the streets.

“All the places were empty, consider it… a professional courtesy,” you growl, backing out more. “The next ones won’t be, I made sure of that. Do you want your precious Gotham citizens to die? If we don’t leave safe and unharmed, it all goes to shit!!!”

That mask hides any trace of emotion he might have but the distorted voice echoes in the lab.

“What you have it’s useless without the catalyst. Why bother?”

“I’ll get it somehow! Now stay there and don’t move or we blow up more!”

You exit the room, not turning your back on The Batman until he is out of sight.

**************

A week passed by and the medication from Japan that needs to be combined with what you stole from “Excell” laboratories is still not in your possession. You are running out of patience.

“Y/N, our courier from East Gotham dropped this box about an hour ago. It has your name on it; were you waiting for a shipment?”

“No,” you signal him to come on the porch. Amelia is in a small crib outside, sleeping, and the girls are having fun digging a big hole in the sand. “What is this?”

“Not sure, but he said he was given to him by our West Gotham courier.”

“Weird, I wonder what…” and your heart stops when you open the sealed box and see the small typed note on top of a metal container. “Consider it a professional courtesy.”

***************

J blinks a few times, wincing in pain, his mind cloudy and confused. He has no idea what’s going on and after being in a coma for months, he’s incapable of speaking or moving too much. He feels the weight on his chest and barely manages to look down, noticing his three month old daughter sleeping on him, sucking on her thumb. The Joker struggles to turn his head to his right to see you are sleeping also, still holding the book you read to him tonight, completely passed out with the triplets snuggled to your body.

His eyelids are so heavy that he gives in, having one single thought in mind before dozing off with the rest of his family:

I think I’m gonna live forever…


Also read: MASTERLIST

http://diyunho.tumblr.com/post/153664676321/joker-x-reader-masterlist