lisblogging

man i can physically feel max developing a full-homo crush on chloe this hurts me

and 

the pool scene

the pool scene jesus h christ the pool scene end me now

esp if u read it the way i am which is in the context of bi max who’s only now realizing that she’s into girls, and she’s pretty okay with it, she’s rolling with it, it’s not exactly a life-shattering infobomb for her she’s just like okay that’s cool this is me

and then there’s chloe who’s gay as fuck and she’s kinda lowkey aware that she’s gay as fuck but she’s repressing the hell out of this information bc as much as she tries to compensate by being rebellious and flaunting her i-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, she’s probably internalized a lot of not so fun stuff, especially living in a small town like Arcadia Bay, and while her mom is awesome and would be supportive as hell her stepfather is a whole different beast, and then knowing that about her stepfather while (probably) simultaneously knowing that her birth father would (probably) also be supportive as hell dredges up a lot of unprocessed grief coupled with issues with money and everything that’s going on re: rachel amber and nathan prescott and the oncoming tornadopocalypse 

and i think chloe kinda knows that max is starting to crush on her and she isn’t quite sure how to process that or how to react to it because i personally think that chloe and rachel were well on the road towards ROMANTIC INCLINATIONS before rachel vanished which is fucking chloe up double time bc it’s someone she loves and it’s also someone she may be in love with, and starting down the path of that level of realization and introspection is huge, and right when chloe’s getting ready to dive into that rachel disappears leaving chloe alone and lonely and angry again, and then six months later boom her old best friend max shows up out of the blue and saves her life two times over and quickly slides back into being her best friend and they’re getting into all sorts of crazy shit together and chloe can feel max crushing on her like a ten ton weight and she’s conflicted and confused because she prematurely aborted that introspective process and she still loves rachel as a friend and she still hasn’t figured out if she’s in love with rachel and she thinks on some level that maybe she loves and is in love with max too and i think straight up she’s just scared

but at the same time she can’t help but push a little into the risky danger zone, she really can’t help herself, like when you’re standing on the edge of a cliff and you can feel that stupid compelling urge to jump but you settle instead for just sitting and letting your feet dangle so you’re safe actually there’s no way you’ll fall off but you still have that feeling of weightlessness and the rush of almost-danger 

that’s what chloe’s doing when she dares max to kiss her and makes these quiet, earnest confessions like you make me feel like there’s a reason to stay, and it’s what she’s doing when she teases max for standing awkwardly at the edge of the pool just staring at chloe in her bra, and when she cracks a joke after they have one of their few open, honest, emotional conversations, and after max kisses her and she pulls back into herself and calls max hardcore and flashes her neon no-homo sign

she’s deflecting and repressing while still trying to get a taste of what she wants and it’s actually just kinda heartbreaking

so outside at lunch today with some friends from work, one of them points out there’s a little yellow jacket buzzing around the front of my jacket, probably interested in my food

I ask it to please go away and without hesitation it flies off. very gracious little yellow jacket.

naturally my excitable coworker yells HOLY CRAP ARE YOU THE BEE WHISPERER? and startles me near to damn death