Coming out safely

All the stories of when people realized they were bi naturally led to questions from people who now know they are bi, but have not come out yet. So here is a summary answer.

It depends on how old you are and where you live, and how biphobic your parents are. You may have good reason to be scared, if you live in a very prejudiced part of the country, are still a teen, and your parents are biphobic, as this young man found out. Although people stepped in to help that young man, imagine if no one had. Forty% of homeless youth are LGBT. If you are under 18 and your parents are very prejudiced, I would wait until you are living on your own and supporting yourself to come out to them. This is especially true if you are also likely to be bullied in school because of it - no one has to be a hero. Just try to go to a queer-friendly college, or make sure you get some solid vocational training. When you grow up with people who don’t accept something so basic to who you are, it’s understandable that you might want to act out in self-destructive ways, but try to channel that anger into getting free instead. And being able to support yourself is TRUE freedom.

If your parents won’t assault you/throw you out, and you won’t be bullied at school, but people will just say the usual Bi 101 annoying stuff (over and over and over) when you come out, prepare yourself. Read up on the truth on bisexuality on BiNET USA, BRC, and here. Many people are just ignorant. When they say something like, “Oh, but I thought bisexuality was just a phase!” swallow your anger, and politely say “Why no, actually, a researcher by the name of Lisa Diamond studied bisexuals and showed that it is a stable sexual orientation.” IRL, most of the time, people say, “Oh, I didn’t know that,” and then they are fine, and you are friends. In the more progressive parts of the country, most people are not that hateful. About half of gays and Lesbians won’t DATE a bisexual, so a gay bar can be difficult, but that’s another blog.
Autostraddle — Lisa Diamond Calls Out Boehner’s DOMA Team For F*cking With Her Shit

Yesterday, Lisa Diamond filed an affadavit to complain that her work was being distorted. Diamond, an associate professor of developmental psychology at the University of Utah, says her areas of specialty “include the nature and development of affectional bonds and the nature and development of same-sex sexuality.”

Lisa Diamond is one of my psychology heros, and it is my goal to meet her before I leave Utah.  

Girls learn from an early age that only ‘slutty’ women want a lot of sex, whereas 'good’ girls are supposed to serve as gatekeepers for men’s uncontrollable desires. Such messages inevitably shape girls’ understanding of their sexuality and lead them to discount their own experiences of sexual arousal. This might be why adult women are often totally unaware of changes in their own physiological states of sexual arousal, and why low sexual desire is the single most common form of sexual dysfunction in American women. Girls internalize cultural and social factors, which then shape their experiences of sexuality at a deep level.Lisa Diamond

Oh slut-shaming. Will you ever go away?
Sexual Fluidity: The Lisa Diamond Interview

Troy Williams: My first same-sex experience was with a guy from Spain.  I had no doubt he was straight, but we always made the comment, “well, he’s European…”

Lisa Diamond: Historically, cases like that have always emerged in the empirical and popular literature.  The strategy researchers have taken is to say there are one of two things going on: either he is gay and just in denial or he’s really straight and just completely confused.  But either way, no one was interested in studying that person as an example of the phenomenon of sexuality and sexual orientation.  When these folks showed up in research samples, they’d be deleted. No one was interested in explaining them.  It was noise in the data.

The incredible cast of #OnceinDublin on the last day of the run together with Cate, who played one of our Ivankas. A very special thanks to each and every one of the cast for lifting the roof of the Olympia Theatre for the past 8 weeks with their incredible musicianship, acting, singing and dancing. And of course for making us laugh and for making us cry! Not forgetting all the crew who make it all happen backstage. Hope you all have a truly memorable final show x