Day 13 – Favourite Chester Bennington moment This was so difficult, just to watch some of the funny moments and the performances made me cry. I really, really miss him terribly and wish I could turn back time. It is impossible for me to choose a favourite moment but I found out this video with some good memories. Just a few out of many.
How I remember Chester goes beyond being a wonderful performer, singer, and frontman. I think most of us fans remember him as a very caring and funny man. Despite his rockstar image which he adored to play, he had a very sensitive, emotional soul that really connected with the fans. He’s one of those idols guys that could never be replaced.
i was sitting at monterey airport, complaining about TSA picking me for random selection when my brother told me that and my first reaction was to laugh. so i did. my brother was showing me a wiki page showing that chester bennington died today, july 20th, and then i saw some articles and some headlines and then my heart sped up and all i could say was-
“what? what? what?!” until my mom had to tell me to stop yelling. 11:30 in the morning, west coast time, only a few hours after he had hung himself.
then it was just chaos. short flight connecting to short flight and trying not to cry while pacing terminals, scrolling through twitter while wasting cellular data and it all came crashing down when CNN posted something.
this wasn’t a hoax.
and all i could think of was how this couldn’t be real because i had just been watching really old linkin park funny moment videos.
i first found linkin park through bionicle videos, yes bionicle, the old lego toys. i discovered the songs numb and in the end through them. and i remember as maybe a 7 or 8 year old trying to learn the rap to in the end and as a 7th or 8th grader trying to learn the rap to bleed it out because i finally found out about what it meant. to me, at least.
i began self harming in 7th grade when i lost my head and started wearing the same two linkin park shirts over and over again with pajama pants to school because i couldn’t bother getting dressed because everything was wrong.
and listening to linkin park, as cliche as it sounds, made everything a little
listening to mike rap with so much frustration and chester sing and scream with that fucking passion made me feel so heard and understood.
as a younger kid, linkin park had been my comfort because moving from country to country every few years is scary but its less scary when you can take the same music everywhere with you.
i can clearly remember sitting with my brother and his friend dylan on dylan’s couch while eating mac n cheese and blasting dylan’s new minutes to midnight CD while kind of playing lego star wars on the wii. anytime there was a bad word or loud screaming, dylan would run over to the CD player and turn down the volume so his mom wouldn’t get mad.
as an older kid with more problems and a high angst factor, linkin park had been my comfort because they captured my anger and sadness in a way that taylor swift or bruno mars just couldn’t.
older still, linkin park had brought on my baby emo phase and introduced me to bands like sleeping with sirens, pierce the veil, mayday parade, and bring me the horizon. while i might not have been listening to linkin park as much, they were still influencing me through their reach of music.
up to today, i still love them. i still listen to them. and they still mean everything to me, but their impact on me has changed because their singer who inspired me and helped me stop self harming killed himself.
i broke down tonight driving through the middle of a lightning storm in colorado (so far from home) while listening to oasis whine through the radio.
“chester bennington is dead.”
it all finally hit me.
everyone is tweeting lyrics from powerless or mainly leave out all the rest- but the ones that hit me the hardest have always been from
their song the messenger.
“when you’ve suffered enough and your spirit is breaking, you’re growing desperate from the fight- remember you’re loved and you always will be. this melody will bring you right back home.”
those are the words i’ll remember.
chester’s raw voice singing to me that i’m loved and i always will be. thank you, chester bennington. and thank you linkin park. goodnight.
My heart felt heavy this morning as I pulled up to Chester Bennington’s house where fans started a memorial for him. I left sunflowers to brighten the moment. Linkin Park was a huge part of my up bringing. I was an angst teenager searching for light through the music. It breaks my heart to not be able to see you on tour. I could hear sobbing from within those gates of your house.. My heart goes out to you and yours. You’ve helped guide alot of people out of the darkness even though you were still there yourself. I hope you finally found peace with your demons.