lime parfait

(PART 2) Food Network Quotes

(Here are some more. You can never have enough. All quotes are from Cutthroat Kitchen, Chopped, Worst cooks in America, etc. And i am food network trash, so.)


“This is a mushroom.”
“I THOUGHT THAT WAS CARDBOARD.”

*cooking an egg*
“So what you want is for this to not look like snot.”

“I have to laugh in order to keep myself from crying,”

“I’m pretty sure at some point along the way I’ve cross contaminated my dish…”

“THIS IS A VERY EXCITING TACO.”

“I can see the looming disaster coming, OH JESUS, HELP ME LORD!”

“I can’t get these damn potatoes to MUSH.”

“I’m making a maple-encrusted fried chicken lollipop!”
[This is the moment you’ve gone too far]

“Rodolfo is scaring me- where’s his dumpling?!”
“WHAT IS HE DOING?!”

“That dumpling looks like a tiny mountain…”

“I’M GOING TO MAKE YOU ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL CONFUSION.”
*Seconds later*
Judge: Rodolfo just put plastic in the oven….

“Stupid cauliflower.”

“I’m gonna say this with the most affection possible.. this dish looks like something my cat threw up.”

“JESUS TAKE THE WHEEL. I’m struggling.”

“Okay, your knife cuts are abominable.”

“You don’t know if it’s white onion or red onion? Do you know what colors are?”

“Is it a pureed octopus, or…”

“YOU READY TO LICK IT?”

“I’m terrified of the little baby corns that come in Asian foods…i don’t know why, its just that corn cobs shouldn’t be that small, I don’t want to be near it….”

“I’m taking all my aggression out on this chicken…”

“CAN I POUR THIS RIGHT ON?”
“Yeah, what is it?”
“HORSE RADISH!”
“NO.”

“C'MON GRITS.”

*Grabs broccoli*
“PAPA’S GOT SOME BILLS HE NEEDS TO PAY.”

“I don’t think your pickle is as pickled as you think it is.”

“Quail eggs will be the death of me…”

“I’m READY TO WIN, SON.”

“ANDRE, THOSE POTATOES WERE FLUFFY AND MAGICAL. I WANT TO FILL A BATHTUB WITH THEM.”


“I’m not making red sauce. RED SAUCE is BASIC.”

“DOES ANYBODY HAVE A CHEESE GRATER!”

“Everybody’s pizza better be brown and bubbly.”
*sticks head in the oven, yelling at pizza*
“DID YOU HEAR THAT?! You better be BROWN AND BUBBLY.”

“Anger and sweat. ANGER AND SWEAT.”

“DANIEL, IMMA NEED YOU TO GET OVER YOURSELF.”


“Filleting a fish is a lot like dating. FRUSTRATING TO THE BITTER END.”

“This started out as deviled eggs, but now its just a salmonella surprise…”

[Looks dramatically off into the distance]
“BALSAMIC!!”


“This is like a grown-up cupcake. It’s sexy…”

“WHOA THERE. OKAY.”


“i wanna dive into this mac and cheese.”


“Taste that cherry. BAM, huh?!”

“lavender CALMS the body. Every bite of this is gonna put you in the SPA.”


“you’re not having fun unless you make a mess!”


“she’s going to town on those limes …”


“SHE’S GOING PARFAIT.”


“C'mon chocolate, you gonna melt for me?”


“this dessert is really nostalgic…I’m almost having issues processing it…I need to call my therapist.”


“CHOCOLATE SURPRISE?! THE SURPRISE IS THAT I’M SCREWED! HAH.”


“I don’t understand scallops…its like a marshmallow of the sea!”


“ducks are cute. The baby ones are like quack quack. I like animals. People not so much.


“I’m feeling…strangely confident….which is probably a bad sign.”


“MY LAMB CHOP SEXY AS HELL.”


“SHOW ME THE MONEY ON THIS MILK stout!”


“you good?”

“I don’t know, maybe you should ask your mom. ZING!”


“MIXING UP SOME LOOOOVE.”


“the texture is not pleasurable…”


“this is an INTENSE COOKIE EXPERIENCE,”


“His souffle is making me nervous.”


“C'MON SOUFFLE.”


“I’m smooth sailing right now guys. So if anybody needs help…i mean…I’m probably not going to help you, but…you can ask me, so…”


“the judges are shooting me down, telling me there’s too much rosemary in my souffle, ITS OVER, I’M DONE.”

(He actually wins)

“WHAT?!”


“WHERE I’M FROM, CHOWDER IS RELIGION.”


“I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT MAKING COBBLER!”


“i adore all cheeses.”


“WHAT ARE YOU CREEPING FOR? CREEPER!”


“I am here to send other people home. I’m not playing.”


“I am a thirsty girl.”


(Using mixer and yelling)

“TURN IT UUUUUPPPPPP”


“YOU ARE BOILING VERY NICELY, KEEP IT UP, THANK YOU.”


“get on my train, baby.”


“his gooseberries were unattractive…”


“COMPETITION IS IN MY BLOOD.”


“Um, i don’t get how an egg is sexy…but if a fried egg wins me 50,000 dollars, then yes, its sexy.”

“OKAY DANIEL, YOU’RE NOT GOING TO HAVE TIME TO SCREW AROUND WITH THIS DOUGH.”

“CHEESECAKE. NOW.”
“okay! Okay!”

A Gay Dessert Anime Birthday Scenario Game!

Just put together your birth month, birth day, and shirt color and see what you get. 

And I’d like to say thank you to the owners of each character for letting me use them.