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I’ve seen a lot of misinformation getting spread about quoisexuality and quoiromanticism lately, so I decided to make this post to educate about what exactly the term means. You’ll also probably see a little bit of info on quoigender in here as well, because the same person gave all three of them an official name.

Quoi- comes from the French word for what. @epochryphal coined quoisexual, quoiromantic, and quoigender. I ripped several of co’s posts for this very large post intended to correct misconceptions.

The Definition

There are actually two main definitions of quoi-, in general. The term was built to be adapted to more personal use, however, so these are not the only definitions.

The first is slightly older than the second: basically, it is when one disidentifies with {sexual/romantic} attraction/orientation as sensemaking, accessible, or applicable to oneself. (This post is helpful for elaborating on this.)

The latter is simpler: can’t tell the difference between two attractions.

The latter definition is often used as the sole definition of quoi. It is not. Do not use it as such.

Individual Terms:


  • sexual orientation and/or attraction does not make sense as a concept or an experience
  • can also mean someone for whom the experience of sexual attraction is confusing, someone who cannot tell if they experience sexual attraction or if what they experience is indeed sexual attraction 
  • can also mean someone who disidentifies with the concept of sexual attraction altogether, as a social construct or as not applicable to themself or otherwise
  • Is not the same as quoiromantic. If you mean quoiromantic, say quoiromantic.


  • applying romantic orientation doesn’t make sense here 
  • cannot tell the difference between romantic/platonic attraction
  • disidentifies with the concept of a romantic orientation 
  • is confused or unsure if they experience (minor edit:) romantic attraction
  • Is not synonymous with quoisexual. Do not use quoisexual to mean quoiromantic.


  • someone who finds the concept of gender identity, or of existing gender words, to themself to be inaccessible, inapplicable, non-sensical, &c
  • can mean someone for whom the experience of gender is confusing, someone who cannot tell if they experience gender or if what they experience is indeed gender (except, perhaps, through extensive abstract analysis)
  • can be used instead of “questioning,” which indicates an ongoing search for a better term; quoigender instead indicates a troubled history with gender words/identities, and perhaps a frustration with searching, or finding such a search unhelpful; instead using quoigender as a more permanent, stable, unchanging, fixed point
  • also: throwing up one’s hands and saying “ugh, what gender even. forget this.”
  • this is not exclusive of having non-binary pronouns, of having social dysphoria or other kinds of dysphoria, of some gendery words being better or more accurate than others – just as being quoisexual is not exclusive of having sexual preferences, limits, boundaries, trends, &c

(Directly copied from a post by coiner to avoid getting out of my lane.)


  • People use this term with and without the SAM.
  • As I’ve already stated multiple times, quoisexual =/= quoiromantic. Please do not use one to mean the other.
  • As far as attractions being confused goes, I’ve seen sexual/sensual and romantic/platonic be the most common, however, these are not the only possible combinations.
  • Depending on which definition you are using, quoi may be used in combination with other a-spec or non a-spec terms. Most commonly used with the “can’t differentiate with two attractions” definition.
  • It was not created solely to force people into the SAM or any other bullshit. That is nonsense.

{The quoisexual/romantic flag. Black stripe, white stripe, lime green stripe and sky blue stripe.}

That’s all I’ve got folks - thanks for listening!