So like, what's up with the little sprout of limes head? Will it slowly grow into a mini lime tree?
Who’s to say what it’ll look when they get older! I like to think that when they die, they’ll become a lime tree of their own, and thereby produce more lime fruits to grow up and be little fruit slimes.
I realize now that I mentioned their body components, but never really the fact that they’ve got a real lime heart in there.
“Does your masochism extend to an enjoyment of being put in your place like the little bitch you are?”
“I’m going to furiously shit lava onto your phone if you text me another three hundred Japanese emoji.”
“What the fuck is swiping left and swiping right? I don’t fucking swipe anything, fuck that subtle shit. If I see it I take it and I don’t give a FUCK who’s looking, it’s mine.“
“I was using my Grandma’s computer and the last three searches on google were for the price of rat poison, some quotes on cheep funerals, and what the best dating sites are. Should I be worried about Grandpa?”
“Once I get paid that Hello Kitty Assault Rifle is MINE.”
“Godzilla must have a dick the size of a Winnebago, but we never get to see it? COME-ON TOHO COMPANY, GIVE US THE BUS SIZED LIZARD DICK”
“I am a gift from god himself, a treasure amongst you heathens, and I deserve to be fed as such.”
“Some people just, eat onions? Like they’re apples? Like they take a fucking bite out of an onion like it’s nothing? How do you fuck up as a person like that?”
“How do you super glue a four generation family tree back to its stump? Asking for a friend. His name is Redwood.”
“Nobody invited me out, which is too bad for them because my presence is a grace upon your otherwise lifeless existences.”
“You commit so much property damage when you’re drunk we should just call you Hurricane Fuckface.”
“You ever see a cake so beautiful you wanna fuck it? That’s how I felt when I ate my first phallic cake.”
“Having the flu isn’t an excuse to lay around all day sniffling. You know what would make you feel better? Infecting complete strangers, that’s what. Let’s go bowling!!”
“I!! Am not!! A person!! NO!!!”
“My friend tried to pull the ‘dick in the box’ joke on me, and then I kicked it. Now he’s in the hospital.”
“I tried to fuck an apple pie like in that one movie. It was pretty nice, until the next day when I found out I had a yeast infection.”
“Good morning. The cat took a shit in your shoes. Both of them. What do you want for breakfast?”
“Eat my food again and I’ll fling you into the sun by your ankles.”
“Girl, are you a plasma screen TV? Cause you be MAKING UP MOST OF THE ELECTRICITY BILL. FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS? WHAT’S EVEN PLUGGED IN IN YOUR ROOM?”
“You know someone who’s like, sort of ugly, sort of okay looking, but then their personality just pushes it over the edge and they’re just ugly? That’s you.”
“Here lies your reputation, in the trash next to the empty bear bottles and a dead raccoon.”
“Yeah asshole, reading my diary was EXACTLY the key to mending our relationship.”
“Ever since I let you borrow my laptop, Google won’t stop giving me ads for ammonia in bulk and empty storage lots nearby. What exactly were you doing last weekend?”
Sam and Dean sit in baby staring at their once 25 year old sister who was now 4 years old in a ballerina outfit because that’s what she picked out at the store when they needed to buy her clothes. The previous hunt they were on Y/N got hit by some weird powder by a witch and Dean woke up the following morning to a tiny hand on his face.
“Why do you guys keeping wooking at me weird?” She ask looking between them. “You’re just so tiny.” Sam smiles. “She’s so cute!” Sam adds looking at Dean. “Yeah, I remember.” He mumbles as they get out the car to go food shopping for the bunker.
“Come on Y/N.” Sam chimes as he opens the back door for her. He holds her hand as they cross the street to the store. She lets go and runs to the shopping carts to grab one. They stand there watching her struggle to get one cart out because they were stuck together. (Don’t you just hate that) “I got it.” Sam chuckles getting it. As they walk in store Y/N skips ahead next to Dean to hold his hand but he keeps moving his hand so she can’t grab it.
“I don’t wanna hold your hand, thanks. I don’t wanna hold your hand.” He argues. She frowns and grabs a hold of his hand and grips it tight. “Ow, ow, let go of my hand.” He growls. “That hurts.” He glares down at her. She whimpers and peeks over to Sam who looks down at her. “What’s wrong bug?”
“Dean won’t hold my hand.” Y/N pouts. Sam gives Dean his signature bitch face and Dean grunts and grabs her hand. “She always did this before.” He mumbles but Sam just chuckles shaking his head. “Why did you choose a costume?” Dean ask looking at her ballerina outfit. “It’s not a costume it’s my protective gear.”
“How’s a ballerina costume suppose to protect you?”
“Are you crazy who wants to hurt a ballewina?” She protest. “Other ballerinas.” Dean shrugs. Once Dean had enough he throws Y/N in the seat of the cart and she rambles to Sam who too eventually has enough of her talk of Princes and fairies and he gives her his iPod. She bops her head and swings her hanging legs accidentally kicking Sam once in awhile listening to music as they get to the register. “Can I has some lime jerky?” She ask pointing down below to the candy and jerky. Sam is about to protest remembering her eating habit but Dean holds his hand up to stop him. “Your remember how she was when she didn’t get things. She whined and whined.” Sam grabs the jerky and puts it down with the of stuff and Y/N smiles. The ride to the bunker is an half hour away and Y/N becomes very impatient.
“Are we there yet?” She grunts tugging on her seatbelt. “We get there when we get there Y/N.” Dean answers annoyed. “Why do you have to be such a meany?” She yells. Sam stops Dean before he can even talk back. “Hey princess let’s play a game.” Sam says turning around in his seat. “Okay!”
“Let’s play the license plate game.”
“Yay okay!” Y/N props herself on the seat and looks out the window. There isn’t much cars on the road and she eventually falls asleep from boredom. When they arrive Sam carries Y/N down the stairs seeing Cas sitting in the war room. “Who’s the child?” He questions noticing a sleeping Y/N in Sam’s arms.
“Cas it’s Y/N.” He chuckles. “Y/N isn’t two feet tall.”
“She got hit by some mumbo jumbo powder and now she’s four years old so we need to find a way to reverse it.” Dean explains as they walk to the kitchen. “Cas would you mind taking her to her room?” Sam ask. Cas hesitates at first and nods. Sam passes her gently so she doesn’t wake up. She stirs in Cas’s arms for a moment and becomes still again. He takes her to her room settling her down on the bed. He admires her small body seeing fully that it clearly was Y/N. He remembers Y/N showing him some pictures of her and boys when they were younger.
An hour goes passed and the boys sit in the library reading some books. “Do children usually nap for this long?” Cas questions. “You have a point totally forgot. She’s too quiet now that I realize.” Sam intervenes. “Oh no.” Dean mumbles getting up. “What? What is it?” Cas questions following them to the kitchen.
“Whenever Y/N was quiet it meant that she’s was either hiding something or she’s going through the pantry for cand—”
Sure enough when they reach the kitchen they see a stash of candy wrappers opened along with other snacks, but that wasn’t the problem. This was Dean’s secret stash. “Son of bitch.” He stomps his boot. “If she throws up, I’m blaming you!” Dean scolds at Sam with a pointed finger. They go into the hallways to look for her. “Y/N!” Dean screams. He goes to her room not seeing her there and is about to leave till he hears shuffling from the closet. He slowly walks up to the closet grabbing the door knobs and swings them open spotting the little ballerina with a chocolate stained mouth.
“THERE YOU ARE!” She screams crawling through Deans legs and makes a run for it in the hallway.
“Sammy get her!” He screams. Sam sees a small body dart across the hallway. He runs after her but loses her once he turns the corner. Five minutes go by and Dean doesn’t find her. “I’m tried of playing games Y/N come out now or it’s time out for you!” After three minutes of searching he meets in the war room with Sam. “She’s in so much trouble!” Dean grunts. “Dean, why are you so mad at her?”
“She ate my stuff!”
“No, not that. I mean ever since she turned you’ve been a meany like she said what’s up with that?” Dean doesn’t answer and looks away. Sam stands there waiting for the answer. Dean mumbles something inaudible he can’t hear. “What?”
“I said she likes you better then me.” He confesses. “Dean, what are you talking about?” He sighs before he answers.
“Every since Y/N was little she always liked you best. She was stuck to you like glue.” Sam stands there in shock. “Dean, she loves you a lot you know?” He raises an eyebrow hearing this. “Anytime you and dad were gone Y/N never shut about you. Asking me all these questions about cars and bugging me when you were gonna be back and how excited she was to learn how to gank monsters from her big brother. Besides you too spend a bunch of time together now. Why is this affecting you?”
“Is that true?”
“Yes, I was kinda jealous because I thought she liked you more. And to be honest I’m a little jealous. You guys have a closer bond than I have with her now.” Sam admits. Suddenly Cas emerges into the war room carrying a crying Y/N. “What happened?” Sam ask. “Well when I was chasing her down she fell and hurt her knee.” He lifts her leg up showing the ripped pink unitard with a cut that is now bleeding just a little and the torn tutu. He goes to hand her to Sam’s out stretched arms but she whimpers rejecting him.
“I want Dean.” She whimpers crying. Dean lifts his head up hearing this and gets a good look at his baby sister. Her arms reached out for him leaning away from Cas. Her eyes puffy and red from crying. Dean realizes that he’s been so stupid that he didn’t need to be jealous, because him and Y/N get along perfect now when she’s not a toddler. She whimpers putting her arms down thinking her big brother yet again is rejecting her today until he reaches out for her and she quickly wraps her arms around his neck. “You okay?” He ask softly wiping her tear stained face. “No.” Y/N croaks shaking her head and he takes her to his room. He sets her down on his bed and helps her in one of his t-shirts after cleaning her face.
“I’m sorry I ate your candy.” She apologies in her small voice. “No, I’m sorry for being a meany today, I was just jealous.”
“Why?” She ask with a tilt of her head.
“It’s a long story. But let’s get a bandaid on this shall we?” He gets the first aid kit and cleans her scratch up. “Tank you.” She says once he’s finished. “Dean.” She calls out to him when he puts the stuff away. “Yeah?”
“Can we watch some cowboy movies?” He smiles at this and nods his head. “Sure thing sweetheart.” He sets the movie in his room while Cas helps her pop the popcorn. Half way through the movie Y/N starts falling asleep. He looks down under his arm seeing Y/N falling asleep with a piece of popcorn hanging of her bottom lip. “Getting sleepy there?” He lays down with her pulling the blanket up. “Frectles.” She mumbles. “What?” She puts one tiny finger in his face and says it again. “Frectles.” He frowns then gasp realizing what she meant. “You mean freckles.” He chuckles. “Yeah you has those.”
Strangely enough, it was Starfire who noticed it first.
During an epic showdown with Doctor Light, Raven and Starfire had teamed up to take him down. The empath kept him at bay as the alien princess fired starbolt after starbolt at their enemy while their other teammates were currently out of commission.
Only once they had him in custody, and the Titans decided to go for some celebratory pizza, did she finally bring attention to it.
”Friend Raven, have your injuries not yet healed?” The flame haired princess voiced her concerns, her brows furrowed in worry.
“What injuries, Star?” Raven looked down at her own body, scanning for any dried blood or bruises she might have missed.
Starfire then pointed at the empath’s long, bare, shapely legs. “There are many discolorations on your skin, as well as…bite marks?”
Every other Titan at the table paused in what they were doing, looking up to survey Raven with curious expressions. Meanwhile, the demoness knew exactly what her friend had implicated and, as a result, felt her face go aflame from the neck up, all the way to the tips of her ears. She immediately used her cloak to cover her legs.
“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Raven stammered, narrowing her eyes at the table while trying to ignore the heat from the stares she received.
“They are there, on your thighs, all along the inside and around to the back. I saw them during our battle today,” Starfire pushed, gazing pointedly at the empath’s pale legs.
“Did you say bite marks, Star?” Cyborg raised an eyebrow.
She nodded in response. “Yes. They appear to be in small, red crescent moons, as if done by teeth. The bruises are not unlike the ones Robin enjoys leaving on my neck when we are doing the making out.”
The Boy Wonder’s cheeks reddened. “S-Starfire!” He exclaimed, eliciting a look of confusion from his girlfriend.
“You sayin’ Rae’s got hickeys on her thighs?” Cyborg leaned forward, using his cybernetic eye to zoom in on a very uncomfortable Raven.
“Are they not battle wounds?”
Starfire gasped suddenly as realization dawned on her, and then her eyes flitted towards the changeling who was currently stuffing his face with so much pizza that his cheeks had puffed out.
Beast Boy pretended his teammates didn’t exist, and ravenously attacked more food so that he couldn’t make more than a muffled sound when he spoke. All but Raven were gawking at him in shock.
“You know you’re gonna run out of slices eventually, right?” Cyborg informed his friend in a deadpan manner.
The changeling shrugged, still munching on the food in his mouth.
Robin sighed and brought his fingers to his throbbing temple. “Of all the things I didn’t want to know about over dinner…”
“Is he being the rough with you, Raven?” Starfire shot Beast Boy a glare while comforting her friend.
Raven rolled her eyes, disgruntled, and muttered under her breath, “More like, not rough enough…”
Beast Boy gulped his food down and scratched the back of his head, choosing to stare out the window rather than at any of his other teammates. He refused to comment.
Cyborg just chuckled and shook his head. “You sure you’re still a vegetarian, B?” He quipped, nudging the shapeshifter suggestively while wiggling his brows.
If Beast Boy were capable of turning other colors, he’d have been cherry red instead of green.
Always with a weakness to Cyborg’s taunts, Garfield wasn’t able to take it anymore, and he had remained silent for as long as possible. However, he couldn’t let this stand, even if it did go against Raven’s wishes.“I can’t help it, okay?! She’s got these great legs, and where her legs meet her back…”
He trailed off reluctantly as Raven fixed him with a flabbergasted glare, her pale face flushed red from heat. Was the pizza parlor always this hot?
“You’d do the same and you know it!” He barked at Victor helplessly, his eyes darting from the empath to the smug, cybernetic man.
Raven stood up abruptly. slamming her hands against the table. “That’s it,” she said through gritted teeth, opening up a portal. “I’m leaving.” She then vanished within it, and the portal closed.
“We have upset her…,” Starfire pouted, guilt ridden.
“I’ll go check on her,” Robin surmised, standing up.
Beast Boy slammed his forehead repeatedly against the table, groaning miserably. “No. I think you guys did enough damage. I have to handle this,” he informed them coldly.
He then morphed into a green hawk and took off.
“You think he’s gonna cheer her up?” Robin asked skeptically.
Cyborg patted his leader on the shoulder. “Did you see those teeth marks? My guess is he’s gonna plant his face between her legs, and that cheers up plenty of people,” he explained, taking Robin by surprise with his sudden vulgarity.
Starfire sighed, slumping forward as she cradled her chin with the palms of her hands. “I must admit that, for the first time in a long time, I am quite jealous. May we go home now, Robin, so that I too can be cheered up?”
Cyborg threw his head back in an uproar of laughter, all the while Robin sputtered on the spot, his tongue seemingly tied in knots.
It’s the first day of 2017 and warm enough already for a little splash in the pool! The beginning of the year is also fraught with the traditional onslaught of diet and weightloss ads in every corner you look, so I thought it would be timely to post some positive inspiration to help counter the toxicity that us fatties are routinely assaulted by around this time. The moment the year turns around, you see it screaming it you from billboards, newspapers and even browser ads. ‘New year, new you!’ ‘Resolve to be a skinny minnie this year!’ ‘Time for a liquid diet “cleanse” after that gluttonous Christmas!’ Well, here I am in my daisy print bathers, with stars on my face and unflattering curves everywhere else and I haven’t made a new year resolution to lose weight since the year 2007.
It hasn’t been easy all the way, fending off well meaning advice from acquaintances and relatives, and having to tune out friends unloading their weightloss plans onto me. Thankfully, and mostly because I’ve been doing it for so long, this sort of selective vision and hearing comes as second nature to me. But when the lovely folks at Lime Ricki swimwear asked me if I’d like to try out one of their swimsuits and talk a bit about feeling body confident as a fat woman, I realised that it would actually be helpful to share my tips for keeping sane and preserving your mental health (and confidence) in this month of weight based penance (ugh!)
1. Take out the trash
By which I mean the glossy magazines promising miracle ‘cures’ on the cover, the tabloids and their websites, the Instagrammers selling diarrhea tea, basically any media that’s not fat positive. Back in 2007, I was more than a bit addicted to celebrity gossip - it was entertaining and a welcome distraction from my undergrad texts. However, once I realised how badly the tales of celebrity weight loss and gain affected my own body image, I started weaning myself off it. And the more time I spent on the fat positive internet, the more I started abhorring popular media and the diet culture it sells. After a point, I didn’t even want to browse through ONTD anymore. Especially because I could find all the fashion inspiration I wanted from the fat internet, and that too on bodies that looked like mine.
2. Surround yourself with fat positive media
Admittedly, the fatshion community has a very different face now than it did a decade ago, and there’s no onus on plus size bloggers to be fat positive as well. You’ll find countless plus fashion bloggers who advocate weightloss and think nothing of documenting their diets, but there are just as many anti-weightloss bloggers you can follow if you’re looking for some positive reinforcement to go with your daily fashion fix. If you’re looking for somewhere to start with, my blogroll on this page has quite a few awesome internet peeps who are just as fat positive as they’re fashionable. And if anyone you’ve been following for a while, and whose style you love descends down the slippery road to diets, don’t hesitate to unfollow them if that’s what you need for your sanity. Just putting that out there because I feel kind of bad whenever I have to do that!
3. You don’t have to listen to your friends’ diet talk
I have friends who get down on their bodies, who can’t stop talking about how badly they need to lose weight. Most of us have friends like that. It’s especially distressing when they’re people you’re close to and genuinely care about, people whose concerns you can’t just shut down without an explanation. I’ve found that a gentler approach works best in these situations. All my friends are extremely aware of my stance on diets and weightloss - I mean, I’ve only been banging on about it for the last decade or so! Yet they still try to talk to me sometimes about how they’re planning to lose weight. In situations like this, this is pretty much what I tell them: Listen dude, it’s your body, you do whatever you want with it. But you know how I feel about weightloss, so there’s no point telling me about this because I’m just going to space out. You’re an adult, making your adult choices, so go ahead and make them *shoulder pats* I have literally zero inputs to give here. *firm shoulder pats*
Back when I was first learning about fat positivity, I made it my mission to bring all my closest friends into the fold. How could I let them suffer in the purgatory of dieting and self hate when I’d found such freedom in the alternative? Unfortunately, that’s not how people work. And ultimately, everyone has to make their own decisions about the path they want to follow, whether it comes to weightloss or the rest of life itself. You can help them along the way, but the decision of whether to be diet free or not is theirs to make.
4. Spend some time with yourself
One of the things I realised when I was getting to grips with body positivity was this: I didn’t actually know my own body. I used to avoid looking at mirrors, especially when I was naked, I only ever saw myself from one single angle, looking down at my boobs, belly, a bit of leg and feet. Whenever I came across a candid photo, I would be aghast because is this really how everyone sees me? To accept my body, I had to know it first. From every possible angle so that I couldn’t take myself unawares. Back then, I had my ex to photograph me naked, but if you don’t have anyone like that, use the mirror, use your webcam! Take photos of yourself with the self timer, standing, sitting, in silly poses and unflattering ones. Examine those photos, find the parts of your body that you love, and write down what it is that you love about them. Then find the parts of yourself that you don’t love as much and figure out something positive to say about them as well. Write that down too. Keep going back to those photos and notes whenever you can, and keep adding to them. If I’d taken these swimsuit photos 5 years ago, I’m sure I’d have been cringing at my flat butt and lumpy thighs entirely because I wasn’t familiar with them. But now I know exactly what I look like from the back, or sitting down. The body I have is the body I expect to see in photos because I’ve seen it so many times now. I know exactly how my belly folds, where my things dimple when I’m walking. These are regular, everyday features to me now, not some kind of a bogeyman waiting to jump out at me from photos I didn’t expect.
5. Set a positive example by eating
This one’s for those of you who have already taken the first steps towards body positivity, those of you who are feeling secure enough to give a very public middle finger to diet culture. I didn’t find public eating easy at the beginning, especially since I had a history of eating disorders. As my BFF recalls, one of her first memories of me was at the University canteen, with an apple in one hand and a cigarette in the other, steadfastly refusing any other food because ‘that’s all I needed for lunch.’ It took a while to get to the point where I could go out with her and triumphantly demolish platters of food in public. What I noticed, though, was that whenever I was out with a group of people and a couple of them were heading towards the ‘I think I’ll just have a salad’ territory, they ended up ordering what they actually wanted and enjoying it once I’d set the lead by unabashedly eating what I wanted. And even if you’re still a way away from being able to eat freely in public, I think that just eating the food you want with relish and joy and savouring every bite without guilt is the biggest FUUUUU you can hurl at the diet industry this time of the year. So treat yourself to the food you love and actually want to eat, listen to your body instead of the ad pointing out your supposed failings. And remember, food has no morals attached to it, it’s we who burden our plates with them.
Warning: None. Fluff, romance and
fruit puns with Captain Dorito.
Word Count: 1500 (give of take a
A/n: Here’s a little bit of Steve
that I dusted off from my archives… x
The party was a little uncalled
for but Steve enjoyed the company. All his fellow Avengers were having a lively
time and relaxing. There was no gun fire and no danger save from the few
dangerous conversations with people who idolised Captain America.
Steve was talking to Sam when a
shoulder bumped into his own. A shoulder that was accompanied with fiery red
“Hey,” Natasha said
softly as she cut across Steve’s words.
“Nat.” Steve smiled and
the woman leaned in slightly so that only he and Sam could hear her.
“Listen, I forgot that (Y/n)’s
got a sensitive stomach to tequila and I think her drink got mixed up.”
She said apologetically.
“What?” Steve frowned,
his pleasant expression turning into one of worry.
“Where is she?” Sam
asked, hoping to help out. Natasha turned to him and shook her head.
“I don’t know. I lost her in
the crowd when Tony brought out the salsa dancers.” She confessed. “I’ve
been on the lookout but I can’t do it alone.”
Sam gestured behind his friend
with his head. “Why not get the Hawk-guy?”
Natasha sighed and sipped the
drink in her hand as she rolled her eyes. “He’s too invested in his air guitar –
oh crap,” she had turned to look over her shoulder just in time to Clint
sculling his drink, “He’s going to pass out before the night is over. Excuse
She headed off in the direction
of Clint which left Sam and Steve to take on this new mission.