lilypad and marshmellow

Yeah, yeah, yeah…“Barney, what are you doing here…I can’t believe it’s really you…Come in, have a seat…You want some tea…I know the apartment’s small but I don’t need much space… let me show you some of my paintings…I think it’s some of my best work ever”…JUST STOP IT! Lily, you have to come home.You and Marshall belong together. The two of you have something most people search their whole lives for and never find. I know you love him and if you knew what he was going through right now you wouldn’t be here for one more second. I bought you a ticket home. Marshall is one of the best people I know and it won’t be long until someone else realizes that and you will lose him forever. I can’t stand the thought of that happening and I cannot keep stealing chicks from him forever. Never ever tell anyone I was here, I will deny it tooth and nail; this trip never happened. *slams the door behind him, but opens it again* Hey, if you had three hours to kill before your flight, what would you do…Alcatraz or Fisherman’s Wharf?

-Barney Stinson, HIMYM, 2x19

BEST. INSULT/COMEBACK. EVER.
  • Lily: I gave you one thing to do Marshall! One thing!
  • Marshall: One thing...really? So I guess that Gouda just walked itself right through the door, sliced itself up, and arranged itself in a perfect semi circle around not three, not four, but five different kinds of sturdy, cheese-bearing crackers?
  • Lily: You're a sturdy cheese-bearing cracker...

Marshall: Lily, our wedding vows, maybe they were just too perfect for real life. Real life is messier than that, and we’re different people than we were in 2007. But that’s ok. Maybe we just need some updated vows. So I thought maybe before the place gets too busy, we could borrow this alter for a minute.

I vow to keep at least 80% of these vows.

Lily: That seems high.

Marshall: Then I vow to keep updating them as we go. Because one set of vows, it can’t cover a lifetime of growing and changing with you… of raising children with you… falling more and more in love with you everyday, Lily Aldrin… which is what I vow to do for the rest of my life.

Lily: Crap! I already broke my crying vow.

Marshall: I’ll forgive you.