Not in the sense that I was suicidal, but in the sense that they saved me from losing myself. I know that sounds like the same thing, but I mean in terms of identity.
You see, Moana—and by close association, Auli'i—have come to mean a great deal to me. I knew I was going to like the movie, sure; but I didn’t expect how I would react to it. As with Frozen, I found myself blindsided with emotions and revelations I couldn’t have ever expected to occur. While Frozen opened my eyes to what my heart already knew—that I was in fact not straight, but rather very gay—Moana did something arguably greater.
Moana made me realize that I was lost.
I know next to nothing about my heritage; all I know is that I’m a quarter-Portuguese, my mom and her brothers being half and her dad the full-blooded. But that’s it, that’s all I know—I don’t know about anything else, but it only gets worse. I know nothing regarding Portugal. I barely know three words of the language, I only know about one dish, and the only history I’m aware of is the general stuff everyone learns. That’s not where the worsening stops…my maternal great-PORTUGUESE-grandparents actually refused to teach my mother and her brothers anything. Forget my father’s side, they don’t even have any idea what they are.
None of the language, none of the history or the culture—nothing.
Beyond that I know nothing about my heritage, about me. All I have is a quarter of a claim, a shit ton of ignorance…and…
…the first time I saw the ocean.
Ironically enough it was the Pacific, and by the Lord…I couldn’t think, couldn’t speak, I couldn’t even bring myself to blink, let alone take my eyes off of that horizon. In my short 21 years, it was easily the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen, and one of the best moments of my life. I didn’t want to leave, but I couldn’t stay, and I still think of it every now and again.
Then, fast forward years later, I go to the last World’s Fair ever hosted at Silver Dollar City, where I got to watch the Island Fire dancers. They were spectacular, and I swear I felt so drawn to them, I remember wishing I didn’t have to blink during their show. They even played my favorite track from Lilo & Stitch during one portion, and honestly it made me tear up. I later got to speak with a couple of the Fire knife dancers, and asked for the price of one of their practice ones for sale. They only took cash though, and I only had card…
…so I ran like the devil was after me to the nearest ATM, got what I needed, and booked it back and bought it.
I’ve always loved the Polynesian cultures, just so much I can’t begin to describe. To the point I often try to hide away in whatever bits of it I’d managed to learn, which I’m sad to say is not much at all. For the longest time, all I had was Lilo & Stitch and its soundtrack, what words in Maori I knew thanks to BIONICLE, and eventually my own (practice) fire knife. But for so long, that and the moment I first saw the ocean was it.
Till I saw Moana.
It was like going home, like seeing a world I loved and wanting more than anything to be a part of. Everything about it felt right, looked right, sounded right. The instrumental at the beginning of “Where You Are” was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard, as it reminded me of the score of another fictional island that means the world to me. I’ve always wanted a tattoo, but I could never decide what I wanted till I was reminded of Polynesian style ones. I just…everything was so right, I felt like that was all something I should be. But I’m not…and that’s why Moana is so important to me. My Portuguese heritage abandoned me, left me stranded in the middle of the ocean with no paddle, no knowledge, nothing but the knowing that what I should’ve been a part of left me behind.
But on the day I first saw Moana…that was the day she found me, and pulled me out of the water and took me away. I was drowning in my ignorance, in my loneliness; but she found me, a kindred spirit lost at sea, and she rescued me. Better yet, her father is voiced by Temuera Morrison, the man that is Jango Fett, the progenitor of the Clones who I always felt a kinship towards and now even more so. I already knew and loved her father…so how fitting that Moana would be the one to rescue me… Not only that, but I have a very similar relationship with my grandmother hat Moana had with hers.
Lastly…imagine my sheer joy to read on the trivia of Auli'i’s page of IMDb that she has some Portuguese in her. So much joy…that I can’t even begin to tell you the importance of the tear shed.
I am white, I am not Polynesian of any kind, not by blood…but I feel I am by spirit. It’s the only explanation for the powerful affinity and kinship I feel for its people. I want to go to Hawaii so badly…I want to know everything I can, their foods and cultures and history, I want to know everything about their myths and dragons, I want to actually be a part of something. I see Auli'i and I see someone I feel like I would know, someone I could have the honor of calling friend…
I’m tired of feeling so alone—America should be the melting pot, but I just feel alone here. I want to be some where I don’t feel abandoned and discarded. I want forests and mountains and oceans all at once, I always have.
I wish I could be a part of their world…where all the elements are together in peace…
AU where Lilo and Stitch is Junior’s favourite movie and Grif teaches him how to sing (or sign) the Hawaiian words in the songs and explains the little bits of colloquial Hawaiian and/or slang throughout the movie.
omg i swear i saved this in my draft for a few days bc i forgot oops? but thanks @aesterea for tagging me!!
Rules: Put your music library on shuffle. List the first ten songs that come up, then tag ten people.
everyday / ariana grande
drive / halsey
you belong with me / taylor swift
back to december / taylor swift
belle / beauty and the beast soundtrack
irresistible / fall out boy
fifteen / taylor swift
how does a moment last forever / beauty and the beast soundtrack
allegro appassionato in b minor / yuri on ice
he mele no lilo / lilo&stitch soundtrack
Rules: You can tell a lot about a person by the music they listen to. Put your mp3 player, itunes, Spotify, etc. on shuffle, list the first 10 songs and tag some people.
Disclaimer: I haven’t transferred my iTunes library over to my new laptop, my phone only has one workout playlist on it and my iPod hasn’t been recently updated. I’m going to borrow a page from @greaseonmymouth‘s book and just throw up my 10 most recent Youtube songs instead.
I was tagged by @whitewaheela Rules: tag 20 blogs you’d like to get to know better
Nicknames: Harry, Gracie Zodiac Sign: Libra Height: 5'8 Last thing you googled: “Yuzuru Hanyu swearing" (I didn’t find the video unfortunately) Favorite music artist: Taylor Swift Song Stuck in your head: Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride from the Lilo and Stitch soundtrack Last movie you watched: Hot Fuzz What are you wearing right now: Leggings and a t shirt Why did you choose your url: It’s a mashup between a flute piece I was learning at the time and an Alice in Wonderland reference Do you have any other blogs: Too many really but here are the established ones: @theroyalwave@daughterofelrond@teena-goldsteen@mila-the-hag What did your last relationship teach you: How to be happy for someone else’s happiness Religious or spiritual: Neither Favorite color: Teal Average hours of sleep: Between 6 - 13 lol depends if I’m depressed or anxious lolll Favorite Characters: Sooo many but: Harry, Ron, Hermione, Elrond, Arwen, Viktor Nikiforov, Yuri Katsuki, Donna Noble… How many blankets do you sleep with: Duvet and one blanket if cold Dream job: Writer, Academic, working in some capacity on a tv adaptation of the silmarillion
I’m going to tag 20 random followers and people in my activity!
go-to writing music // mostly instrumentals from soundtracks or instrumental versions of pop songs, but a couple of songs with words that give me a good vibe.
1. Anna Sun - Walk The Moon // 2. River Flows In You - Yiruma // 3. Flightless Bird, American Mouth - Iron & Wine // 4. Demons (Piano Cover) - Brenden Belluardo // 5. Neville’s Waltz - Harry Potter 4 Soundtrack // 6. Your Song (Rehearsal Montage version) - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack // 7. Skinny Love (Piano Cover) - Unknown // 8. Strong (Piano Ballad) - Unknown // 9. Safe & Sound (Taylor Swift Instrumental) - Vitamin String Quartet // 10. Keep Breathing - Ingrid Michaelson // 11. Let Her Go (Passenger) - Vitamin String Quartet // 12. Love Story meets Viva La Vida - The Piano Guys // 13. Secrets (One Republic) - The Piano Guys // 14. Rose’s Theme - Titanic //15. Bella’s Lullaby - Twilight Soundtrack // 16. He Mele No Lilo - Lilo & Stitch Soundtrack // 17. Moonlight Sonata - Beethoven // 18. Bolero - Moulin Rouge Soundtrack
“After seeing lilo and stitch, I wanted to take hula lessons so bad. I remember dressing in a grass skirt and a top to match and I danced to the lilo and stitch soundtrack. When I had entered high school, we had a poly club and I wanted to join so badly. Unfortunately, because of my clashing schedule, I didn’t have the chance to join for the next 3 years.”
Smile For Me~ A happy mix to ease your heart and keep you grinning [30 tracks, 117’]
Hawaiian Roller Coaster Ride~ Mark Keali'i Ho'omalu (Lilo & Stitch soundtrack) || Fireflies ~ Owl City || Titli ~ Chinmayi Sripaada, Gopi Sunder (Chennai Express soundtrack) || Happily ~ One Direction || Finding Something To Do~ Hellogoodbye || 22 ~ Taylor Swift || Welcome Back ~ Mase || Masquerade ~ Nicki Minaj || Jaane Kyun ~ Vishal Dadlani (Dostana soundtrack) || If I Ruled The World~ Big Time Rush ft. Iyaz || Whoa Oh! (Me vs. Everyone) ~ Forever The Sickest Kids || Billionaire ~ Travie McCoy ft. Bruno Mars || Toes ~ Lights || Wild At Heart~ Gloriana || Bole Chudiyan ~ Various Artists (Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham soundtrack) || Jump To The Rhythm ~ Jordan Pruitt || I Like It Like That ~ Hot Chelle Rae ft. New Boyz || Who Says ~ Selena Gomez & The Scene || Gold~ Owl City || Weightless ~ All Time Low || Jai Ho! (You Are My Destiny) ~ A.R. Rahman & The Pussycat Dolls || Party In The U.S.A. ~ Miley Cyrus || Love Like This ~ Natasha Bedingfield ft. Sean Kingston || Just Friends ~ Kill Paradise || Wake Up ~ Hilary Duff || I Must Be Dreaming ~ The Maine || Mitwa ~ Various Artists (Lagaan soundtrack) || You Belong With Me ~ Taylor Swift || Wings~ Little Mix || You Can’t Stop The Beat~ Various Artists (Hairspray soundtrack)