lil-sad

i can’t really think of myself in the future like.. having a steady career, getting married, having kids… it sounds so painfully boring to me. i sometimes see other people who have those things and i think it’s lovely but i can’t picture a life like that for me, but at the same time i also think it’d be a lil sad to not have that…? like it’s contradictory and i can’t tell if i want those things or if i was just conditioned to think i should..

friend: are you ok? you’ve never been an anti-hug person before lol

what she says: i’m fine

what she means: since realizing my sexuality i feel almost predatory showing any physical affection even towards my closest friends, and though i know that my gaze is not a man’s gaze, years and years of internalized homophobia and misogyny has led me to believe that i can’t love a girl, platonically or otherwise, without being somehow harmful

2

He was supposed to be an angel but they took him
from that light and turned him into something hungry,
something that forgets what his hands are for when they
aren’t shaking.”
(x)