like woman

I was talking with my brother’s gf last night about how much I disliked cheerful people and how annoying I thought my siblings were when I was little. I hated everytime my younger sister smiled and posed for the camera and how easy my older sister would laugh. It annoyed me so much that I pretended I felt nothing when being tickled, and started to look angrier every time I was taken a picture.
My niece, who’s 4, resembles a lot like how my 23 yo sister was in looks and personality when she was her age ,only that I like my niece. So, I was thinking that maybe I’m not that bitter anymore; I actually like seeing my siblings happy and I enjoy making them laugh, but then I remembered how seeing other’s bonding and laughing and doing fun things ruin my mood. Literally. I go from feeling nothing or from laughing at cat videos to something I can’t even describe. It makes me want to punch someone in the face or hit my head against a wall.

I just went to see Ant Man with my sister and my father because my father, who happens to be a Legit Ant Scientist, decided he had a professional obligation to see it.

According to my dad, the ant science was pretty good, though the ants lacked some detailing (they have hair, and patterns and stuff), and tbh his main comment was:

Movie: “These bullet ants are number one on the Schmidt pain index”

Dad: “Schmidt? Eh, we just call him Justin”

Us: “WELL OKAY THEN”

(Apparently this dude just….. let a bunch of different insects bite him, then rated the different amounts of pain. THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN SCIENCE AND MESSING AROUND IS WRITING THINGS DOWN LOLOLOL)

aaaay I’m a 15 year old mentally ill trans girl and my birthday is coming up in a few days sooooo it would be really neat if someone could buy me a gift card for makeup or some clothes or something?? I can draw/do tarot readings in return if you want!! Message me if you’re up for it. Thanks!

The great beauty of my life is that I live out what others only dream about, talk about, analyze. I want to go on living the uncensored dream, the free unconscious. Perhaps my illusion is not illusion, but intuition. Intuition of potentials, of the future, of the not-yet-born.