I was talking with my brother’s gf last night about how much I disliked cheerful people and how annoying I thought my siblings were when I was little. I hated everytime my younger sister smiled and posed for the camera and how easy my older sister would laugh. It annoyed me so much that I pretended I felt nothing when being tickled, and started to look angrier every time I was taken a picture. My niece, who’s 4, resembles a lot like how my 23 yo sister was in looks and personality when she was her age ,only that I like my niece. So, I was thinking that maybe I’m not that bitter anymore; I actually like seeing my siblings happy and I enjoy making them laugh, but then I remembered how seeing other’s bonding and laughing and doing fun things ruin my mood. Literally. I go from feeling nothing or from laughing at cat videos to something I can’t even describe. It makes me want to punch someone in the face or hit my head against a wall.
aaaay I’m a 15 year old mentally ill trans girl and my birthday is coming up in a few days sooooo it would be really neat if someone could buy me a gift card for makeup or some clothes or something?? I can draw/do tarot readings in return if you want!! Message me if you’re up for it. Thanks!
The great beauty of my life is that I live out what others only dream about, talk about, analyze. I want to go on living the uncensored dream, the free unconscious. Perhaps my illusion is not illusion, but intuition. Intuition of potentials, of the future, of the not-yet-born.