like why a semen

Tw; bodily fluids and public restrooms.

Michigan Willgoods employee back again with another thrift shop tale for you. Tonight I was cleaning the bathrooms and Sunday is the day we change the urinal cake and filter. For those of you who might not know, it’s a blue cake kinda similar in appearance to a flat bath bomb, and most smell minty. Well, when I went to change one of them tonight I noticed something slimy sliding down it and into the urinal. At first I thought it was normal because I’ve never changed one before. Then I got a closer look. I am 100% sure it was semen, which means a male went into our bathroom and ejaculated into the urinal, then didn’t even bother to flush. I was torn between throwing up, crying, or both. Why are people like this? Why do I have to clean up semen at work?! Why me?

anonymous asked:

Please explain more about the scientific side of kissing

CAN I JUST EXPLAIN THE SCIENTIFIC SIDE OF SEX AND ROMANCE AND EVERYTHING BECAUSE I LITERALLY READ A BOOK ON THIS OKAY FRIEND, YOU READY?

So in this book, Sex at Dawn, by Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jethá (fucking hardest name to pronounce, lemme tell ya), a married couple explores what makes up the components of human sexuality. Here are some of the basics:

Based on the actions of the Bonobo Chimps, who are genetically our closest relation, we are meant to be polyamorous. Polyamory explains many things, such as:

1. Why females have multiple orgasms: a woman was often meant to be penetrated by more than one male before her role in the sexual endeavor was finished. This was because it a. gave her a higher likelihood of being impregnated and b. led every man involved to believe the child she bore was their offspring, therefore giving them incentive to take care of it. Children born out of these orgy-esque sex acts had a much higher survival rate because they had multiple “fathers.” Somewhere in the book, it discusses a tribe who literally thought children were a conglomeration of multiple men’s semen.

2. Why the penis is shaped like that: because there were multiple men involved in sex acts, the penis has an almost plunger-like shape to “suck out” other men’s semen, therefore giving a higher likelihood for the child to actually be the one with the most plunger-like penis.

3. How often people cheat: CHEATING IS RIDICULOUSLY COMMON. THIS IS BECAUSE WE WEREN’T EVOLVED TO BE MONOGAMOUS.

Other things are explained in this book too, such as:

1. Why monogamy and marriage now exists: as soon as agriculture was introduced, people suddenly had a concept of ownership. And the only way to ensure your property was properly passed down to your offspring was to make sure your woman was no longer participating in those multiple-man orgies.

2. Love: the existence of strong romantic bonds between people meant that there was now more than one person invested in your survival. Remember, this is all about living long enough to pass on the genetic code!

3. KISSING!: kissing is an inherent action of humans. It’s believed to have originated from mothers passing their chewed-up food to babies via mouth, but turned into a gesture of affection and important conveyor of information. When two people kiss, they sub-consciously are checking in on each other’s immune system and hygiene (things which can be tasted – if someone isn’t a good candidate with which you can make healthy offspring, they taste bad), as well as chemical attraction (it don’t mean a thing if it ain’t got that swing).

BASICALLY, HUMAN SEXUALITY IS COOL AS FUCK AND I’D HIGHLY SUGGEST READING SEX AT DAWN TO LEARN MORE. IT’S A VERY FUN READ AND I LEARNED A LOT.

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d.a.s

Gerard: I want to know if you guys-

German crowd: *chanting* Du hast die haare schön, du hast die haare schön!

Gerard: What is that?

Crowd: *chants louder*

Gerard: Is that about semen? What is that?! Is that a soccer thing or a semen thing?

Crowd: *cheers and shouts random stuff about hair*

Gerard: You like my… You like my hair? Why, do I have semen in it? …So, what does it mean? Somebody translate! *gives mic to fan on front row*

Fan: You have beautiful hair!

Gerard: Awwwww! You guys have a seriously aggressive chant just for THAT? That shit is aggro! It sounded like we were at a fucking soccer game, and you guys were yelling about hair! That’s fucking awesome. This is my new favourite place! Holy shit. Right, well, after the show somebody teach me how to do it so I can just constantly yell it at people.

According to “a study,” women who prefer sex without condoms tend to be psychologically healthier than women who prefer their dicks all wrapped-up like a slimy, pulsing Christmas present. Why? Because semen, it turns out, has antidepressant qualities when absorbed by the vagina. Or the mouth, since this study involved oral sex too.

It’s an anonymous goddamn survey of how 300 women think their sex-lives are going, and it completely ignored other factors, like how a woman who’s having unprotected sex might be doing so with one or more close, trusted partners. I would guess that healthy and regular sexual relations have a bigger impact on a woman’s happiness and satisfaction than the male gender’s apparently Xanax-filled cum.

The study also found that oral contraceptives made “no significant difference” on the women’s mood, so yeah, their measurements probably weren’t too precise. But look on the bright side: Someone is finally encouraging people to have unprotected sex. My motto is that it’s important that every voice be heard, even the stupid ones that are bad for the world. Wait. That seems like kind of a shitty motto now that I’ve said it out loud

7 Ways The Media Is Trying To Sabotage Your Sex Life